Yeonjun's POV:

Two days had passed since the accident. Haneul was released from the hospital and went with Rocky's mom to get ready for the funeral. She was completely gone, she wouldn't talk or make any kind of expressions and that made everything more difficult for me. I wasn't sure if she would react soon, or if she was going to be numb for an uncertain period of time.

My parents were devastated with the news of Rocky's passing, but they were incredibly supportive not only with me, but with his family as well. When I finally got home, reality hit me like a truck, I still couldn't believe what happened and how fast things can actually change. I struggled with sleeping, eating, or even concentrating, but the worst and most difficult part was that I had to pretend that I was strong, so the ones around me could probably find some kind of hope.

I took a long shower before I prepared myself for the next two days we'd spend at the funeral. I never thought I would have to wear a black suit like this for his last goodbye, I always thought it would be for his wedding.

My mom peeked her head in my room, knocking on the door.

"Are you ready, honey?" She asked. I sighed, coming back to my senses and I nodded. She entered the room and fixed my tie, brushing my bangs with her fingers. "You're doing well, you're so strong. I'm really proud of you" She smiled bitterly, wrapping me in a tight and warm hug that I instantly responded.

"Thank you, mom" I said when we pulled back. She placed her arm around my waist and we walked together to our car.

As soon as I arrived at Ricky's home, I could hear muffled sobs. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I was ready to keep my head up for him.

All of his friends and family were there. The place was quiet and you only got to hear a few people whispering. A picture of him was placed in the middle of the living room, surrounded by flowers and light candles. My heart ached when I stared at his face in that photo, and I could feel a knot forming in my throat. I bowed two times to him, trying my best to hold back my tears.

When I turned my head, there she was. On her knees, with her head down and crying silently. She was holding one of his sweaters, practically hugging it tightly against her chest. I kneeled down beside her, and she looked up, locking eyes with me. Her eyes were puffy and her cheeks were drenched with tears. I didn't even know what to say or do, all I knew was that her broken expression made my heart hurt. I never thought I would see someone as bright as her being so weak, vulnerable, so helplessly hurt. The worst part of it, is that I couldn't do anything to ease her pain.

I thought about ten different ways to start a conversation, but I was struggling. All I wanted to do is make her speak, so maybe she could drain her pain with me.

"That is..." I muttered, she gave me a quick glance, and then squeezed the hoodie she was holding.

"His favorite hoodie" She said. "It smells like him".

I sighed, nodding. I looked down at my fingers.

"I can't believe he is gone" I whispered. I heard her taking a deep, shaky breath before she exhaled.

I finally looked to my right, staring at her. She wasn't looking at me anymore.

"I don't know how I'm going to live without him". She confessed, sniffling. "The moment he died, he took my soul with him".

I took a shaky breath, and hesitantly placed my hand on hers. I felt her tensing at my sudden touch, but she didn't look at me.

"It's not going to be easy... It's going to hurt for a long while, but you will heal eventually, we all will" I assured her, gently squeezing her hand.

She closed her hand tightly in a fist, and then pulled it away from mine.

"You don't understand" She firmly said, glaring at me. I looked at her confused, surprised by her sudden coldness. A single tear ran down her face, and her lips and chin were quievering. "He died. It should've been me!" She spat, standing up and storming out of the house, gaining everyone's attention.

My heart sank, but I stood up and ran after her.

Haneul's POV:

When I got out of his house, I ran through the garden. I needed to breathe, I needed the cold breeze to hit my face, I needed to cry my eyes out. I was frustrated, I was in such an unbearable pain that all I wanted to do was disappear.

I didn't even put my shoes on, I just ran and felt the grass under my feet. It was a cold night, it was quiet and the only sound that I could hear were my own sobs.

I finally stopped running, and tangled my fingers in my hair, slightly pulling on my roots, then running my hands down my dampened cheeks. I dig my fingers on my skin, I didn't care, I needed to feel something. That was reality, as painful as it was.

I knew Yeonjun was only trying to help, I knew he only wanted me to feel at least a bit better, but in that moment there was no use. No word, not a hug, nothing would make me feel better. The feeling of guilt was suffocating me, and I couldn't stop remembering that night, over, and over again.

I can't handle the pain inside my heart. Why didn't I try to make you change your mind? Why didn't I insist for us to take that taxi? It's all my fault, I could've done better. It should've been me, I would've rather died than live without you. I should've told you how much you mean to me a million times more. How can I survive with this emptiness you left inside my chest? What about your dreams? What about all our plans? They can't be over, not like this...

I was crying uncontrollably. I was so upset, I hated the fact that I had survived and he didn't. It wasn't supposed to be like that.

"Haneul..."

I turned my head and I saw Yeonjun panting, noticing he ran after me. He looked at me with sympathy.

"Please, go away!" I yelled, covering my face with my hands. I just wanted to be alone, but he had other plans.

"Haneul, it isn't your fault" He whispered, stepping closer to me. I stepped back and glared at him.

"You don't know anything! I let him go in that seat without a seatbelt. I should've stopped him!"

"Haneul... It was an accident. I know nothing someone could say is going to ease the pain, but life happens for a reason"

He kept stepping closer to me, until he reached my arm and grabbed it gently, but I pushed him away.

"Life happens for a reason? What reason? What reason do I have now? What's left without him?"

"Sometimes life works in ways we don't understand..."

"He was the most amazing human being I had met! He had so many dreams, so many things to do! If someone had to die there it should've been me! The world needed him more than it could ever need me!" I cried. Yeonjun's eyes were glossy, and I didn't want to treat him bad, but I was so angry, so desperate.

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly and letting me cry on his chest.

"I know he was the best person in the world, and I know you miss him, trust me, so do I" He whispered, caressing the back of my head. "But please don't say such a thing. You don't deserve to die, no one did. It was an unfortunate accident and he wouldn't want you to feel like this."

"I just want him back, Yeonjun, I need him to come back" I sobbed, gripping on his suit.

He held me even tighter, rocking me slowly.

"I know, I know" He whispered "It's okay... You will be okay... I'll stay with you all the way."

He managed to calm me down after a while that night... He hummed a song in my ear and soothed me until we could go back inside.

The hours kept passing. It was already midnight and we were the only ones left apart from Rocky's family. Yeonjun's mother asked him to go and rest, but he refused to leave my side.

It was like a painful and terrific roller coaster. There were times I would break down and cry, and there were others where he helped me to calm down. I felt crazy, like I was out of my mind... But I really wished I was. If I was out of my mind, that'd mean that I wouldn't suffer from reality.

We were sitting on the floor, resting our backs against the wall. My head was resting on Yeonjun's shoulder, and none of us was saying a word. However, it was hard to stop my memories from running through my head and make me shed a tear.

"I had so many videos of him on my phone..." I said, breaking the painful silence.

"Right, you lost your phone in the crash" He responded, I nod.

"I wish there was a way to have these videos back"

My voice cracked. Yeonjun moved and placed his arm around my shoulders, caressing my head.

"I think I can find a way to get them"

His words made me sit up straight.

"Really?" I asked, sniffling and wiping my tears with my hand.

He nodded, with a soft smile.

"I have a friend who can do that. I can call him if you want"

"Yes, please, please" I pleaded "But... I don't have a phone"

"It's okay, we'll find a way"

I smiled.

"Thank you"

He nodded.

"You need some rest, don't you think?"

I shook my head.

"I don't. I don't want to sleep, I wouldn't be able to. You should go"

"No, I'm okay. I won't leave you alone"

"Yeonjun... I don't want you to feel pity for me"

Yeonjun frowned at my comment. He looked offended.

"I don't feel pity for you. I just don't want to leave you alone, and I don't want to be alone either" He explained.

I couldn't understand. I wanted him to go away. He was being good to me, but I was in pain, I didn't want to be bad with him. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. It wasn't personal... I just hated my life in that moment.

"Why do you keep trying to be near me? I may be calmed right now... But I really don't want to have anyone around me. I'm grateful for everything you're doing, but I think you should just leave me alone".

Yeonjun smiled bitterly.

"You can drain all your anger in me. Push me away, kick me out, be harsh or cold to me if you need to. If that's going to make you feel at least a bit better, then I'd be glad to be of help. Even if it's like a punchball. But leaving you all alone with your pain? That is not an option."

I knew he would regret his words at some point. I was a total chaos and a bomb that would explode anytime. But I also knew he would stay even though I don't deserve him to.

Rocky chose him as a best friend for a reason, and that night I started to know why.