Ruth didn't know how long she'd been sitting on the bathroom floor.

She just knew it was long enough for her legs to grow numb, for her body to stop shaking, and for her cousins to come home. The sound of the front door opening and closing had caused her to look up from her buzzing phone, blinking away the dry stinging of her eyes that had refused to close in the hours she'd been sitting there. She watched her phone buzz fifty times, making no move to answer her girlfriend's name flashing on the screen. There wasn't a reason she didn't answer; not really. She just . . . her thoughts . . .

Fuck. She couldn't do that to Emily. Not again when they'd come so far.

Ruth rolled her bottom lip between her teeth, taking only a second to figure out what she wanted to do. The phone lit up for the fifty-first time, and she had no choice but to answer the call while she hid herself away from Jana and Terry's obnoxious laughter. She pressed the green answer button on her iPhone and pulled the speaker to her ear.

"RUTH, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?" Emily breathed loudly, her tone flooding with angry relief. Ruth winced, guilt making itself comfortable in the pit of her stomach. "Where the hell have you been?"

"I'm sorry," Ruth mumbled. Her lips, just like the rest of her body, were numb. "I um, I just woke up. I completely forgot to call you back when I got home earlier."

"A nap? For four hours?" she scoffed. "And you couldn't have answered at least one of those phone calls? I called you like fifty times, Ruth!"

Ruth closed her eyes. "I don't want to fight tonight, Em. You're right, I should have answered the phone or called you like I said I would."

"I'm not trying to fight with you! I've been trying to figure out what the hell happened to my girlfriend for the past four hours after I heard some guy yelling at you. A guy whose name you couldn't even mention," Emily accused.

That sparked a familiar warmth of rage in the pit of her stomach. "I told you it was an old friend, Em. And even if it wasn't, I can handle myself without you talking to me like I'm your damn child."

"Oh? So you can put yourself in harm's way and I can't be mad about it?"

That enraged Ruth even more, and she found her blood boiling more than it had before.

"Put myself in—you know what? I'm not dealing with this tonight, Emily. Goodbye," Ruth snapped, hanging up her phone. She didn't have time for Emily's jealousy game. Not when she was still trying to get over what happened downtown with her ex. Her ex that she had never wanted to see again.

Ruth didn't know how long she could go without telling her cousins or Emily that she had seen Raffo—fuck, even thinking his name hurt—but she knew she wasn't ready to tell them yet. Not when her mind was still whirling. It was like she was on a rollercoaster that had no intention of stopping to let her off. Instead, she was left in the unstoppable loop of replaying what happened over and over again. It was torture.

Seeing him had made Ruth's stomach hurt. It made her head pound with every breath she fought to push past her stiffened lips and exile along the length of her scorched lungs. Her entire body was in pain and there was nothing she could do about that.

Nothing but pretend like it never happened.

And that was what she did when she finally left the bathroom to join Jana and Terry in the kitchen.

Jana was the first to turn her head and acknowledge Ruth, an exciting glint in her eye. "Hey!"

"Hey," Ruth said, offering a small smile. She sat in the kitchen stool beside her and spared the scribbled notebook a passing glance. "What are you guys doing?"

"Jana's looking over the plans for the bridal party for the fifth time," Terry said, rolling her eyes.

Jana narrowed her eyes accusingly. "I have two families I have to keep track of now, asshole. Do you know how many people are coming to the dinner on Saturday?"

"Wait, are guys coming to this too? I told Johnny not to come!"

"You think I'm gonna exclude the possibility of getting more presents?" Jana snorted. "We're moving into a house together, T. I need as much support as I can get!"

Ruth pursed her lips. "Doesn't the support stuff come on the wedding day and after? You know, traditionally?"

Terry shot Ruth a triumph smile, while Jana told them both to shut up and show up with their dates. Emily, despite the argument they had, was still flying in that Friday night, the day before the dinner. Ruth was hoping to put their argument to bed before Em flies out, but she wanted to be mad at her for a little while longer.

"What do you have left to plan?" Ruth asked, brushing back her curls.

"Bachelorette party, which will be easy since we'll be right next door to the boys' bachelor party to monitor those fuckers, the rehearsal dinner, the rehearsal, and the farewell brunch."

"Some of each event is already planned. It's just the smaller details that have to be finalized," Terry added.

Ruth nodded. "Well, whatever you need, I'm here to help. I could use the distraction."

That may have been the best news Jana had heard all day, by the way her face completely lit up and her arms fell around Ruth's shoulders. The smile that graced her lips was beautiful and well worth the shitty day Ruth had, warming her from the inside out.

"I'm so glad you're here, Ruthie. None of this would be the same without you, even if you can't stay for all the events. Thank you for being here now," Jana said, emotion coloring her voice.

Ruth smiled genuinely, despite thinking about what being there "now" meant for her mental health. It would be fine. Emily will come, they'll make up, and Ruth will continue to ignore Raffo's presence. She'll avoid downtown and stay closer to family. Spending time with Uncle Rickey was her top priority, and then Saturday will be spent with Emily at her side for the party celebrating Jana and Eddie.

It was about Jana and Eddie, and Ruth refused to allow her petty fights and glimpses of the past to ruin it.

*****

Author's Note: Hi y'all! Just wanted to make a quick note that I recently posted a new story as well and would love for y'all to check it out. It's brand new and was made for the Creators Program I'm in and will be updated just as frequently as Begin Again. Okay, that's all! Have a great weekend and happy reading as always!❤️