To try, Cory wanted me to try, that's all I think I need to do. It sucks and it's not easy, but It's what I need to do. need to start with myself, I need to get through the rest of this, on my own.

I don't want Shawn to leave, but it's for the best. It's what needs to happen, h has a life to get back too. He has been here for about 2 months, and he has to update his fans, get back in the studio to finish his album, he has that mysterious song to release.

He has a lot.

It's been over a month since Cory died, I have been counting the days, thinking about everything that happened so I can tell him. I know he already knows.

I smile to myself as I help Shawn pack, I am excited to do this on my own. If I don't stay excited then I will feel the sadness. It happens every time Shawn leaves.

This time will be the hardest goodbye, this will be the worst time. So I pretend, to be excited about the future, even though I am terrified, even though I don't want him to leave. But he has to.

"You are sure it's okay for me to leave, I can stay if you need me." He said holding one of his t-shirts in his hand.

"It's okay, you can go."

"Reminder, I am Shawn."

"What." I laugh

"I see through you."

I pause, I can't lie, I can't even tell half the truth, he knows there is more.

"Of course I want you to stay, but you need to go. I will be okay, that's the truth, am I not by myself. I have Dylan we have been doing really well, and I have my parents they have been doing better. Better enough to where I could talk to them at least. I will be okay."

"Okay." He said putting the t-shirt into the bag.

He just starred at his suitcase, not looking up at me. I just stared at him, waiting for him to say something, for him to do something.

"You know its hard for me too right, to leave."

"Shawn, I know you feel like you need to be here."

"No, Sammy. Not just this time, all the times, every time I have to say goodbye, it's hard. I don't have anyone in my life like you. My parents have to tell me things are good, my friends tell mom what I want to hear, but you tell me what I need to hear. You never lie to me, and when you do it's stupid things, or it's no the whole truth not really a lie. You were the first person to believe in me, and even If I wasn't famous, our relationship would be the exact same, I can't say that for my other friends. So it's never just you, It's me too. It sucks for me too."

He zipped up his bad then place it by my bedroom door. He looked at me and all I could do was look away.

Was Dylan right, is all I could think of, was the song about me?

The drive to the airport was quiet, but it always was, it was when we were little, it was last time, and the time before, it was always a silent drive.

We waited for his plane, we said nothing, which was also normal. We usually said nothing until it was time for our goodbyes, then he would quickly leave so neither of us would cry.

But I need to know.

"Shawn."

"Yeah, he said staring at the board looking for his flight."

"The song, the one I wasn't allowed to hear, is it about me?" I regret it, instant regret. Yet, I still want to know his answer.

I caught him off guard.

He takes a deep breath then looks at me, he has never looked at me like this before.

"I know you saw us, your dad and I. When we were at the hospital, he was talking to me, outside the room, I know you saw us, I saw you looking."

"I did, I saw you two talking."

"You want to know what he said?"

"I don't know."

"Well, he told me he was sorry for teasing us as kids, but he was serious. That there was no one else out there for you, except for me. That I had to be there for you during this, and I told him I wasn't going anyway. He then said that Cory looked up to me and that he appreciated me for being a role model, and for taking care of you. He said that I was a son to him, brother to Cory, part of the family. And no water what happened with you and me, I would always be apart of the family." He never broke eye contact.

For a moment, I forgot that we were at the airport, that we were about to say goodbye to each other, I forgot that we were in a room filled with people, that we weren't alone.

Until I was alone. He hugged me, kissed my forehead and then left. Shawn was gone.

I stood there, while my parents waited from afar, I starred until I saw him disappear with his bodyguards and walk out the door to get on his plane.

Disappearing without giving me a real answer, disappearing without telling me what the conversation between him and my dad really meant.

It's a day late, but I wanted to make sure I updated this week 😊
     Shawn has left, what are your thoughts?
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