"Is it just me, or are people ass holes?" I asked

"Ass holes"

"Ugh" I screamed and threw myself into my bed

"I thought the drama would go away once you hit grade 12 like maybe people were less stupid. You suck."

"To be fair, the drama stopped for me, but we both know why. That's what sucks, but I love you too."

"I wish things were different," I whispered into the phone.

"How so?"

"I wish you were closer than a phone call away."

"Me too. Don't get me wrong, I love the friends I still have, but there is always a moment. They say something that they wouldn't have said before. When I got the call to go on tour with Swift, Ian changed."

"Really?"

"Yea, every time he made a joke or roasted me, he would say sorry. He acted differently like he didn't know how to talk to me, it just changed. Me and you haven't changed, so I just wanted to thank you for that."

"Your welcome" I laughed

We could talk about anything and no matter what I would always get and give a truthful answer. You need that in life, you need one person who will always be straight with you and nothing less.

We would face time and Shawn would sing his new lyrics, I was the only person who would tell him It sucked or didn't make sense.

To be honest, Nothing Shawn did sucked. He was amazing, I would never tell him that though, it was kinda our thing I would dance to his song when he wasn't looking, but make faces at the radio when he was looking. He would laugh at me and playfully push me and I would laugh back.

I missed him.

But yet again, I always do, it's a constant game of missing and waiting. We wait until we can see each other again, and we miss each other when we aren't together, it's how it works.

It's sad to know that this will never change, no one can change that. We will never be able to see each other every day or walk to each other's houses. Even after I graduate, in a year from now he's only going to be more famous.

I will never ask him to give anything up for me, even though I knew he would. I can't stop thinking about last night, the way things happened and what was said. I can't stop thinking about what Shawn said.

"Hey, bro."

"Sup."

"Nothing, just sitting here crying about the fact that I have school tomorrow."

"Well, that's fun. I remember being young and going to school, it was such a lo-"

"Bitch ass, your 7 months older than me, and you were at school like three months ago."

"Those three months have been the best three months of my life."

"I hate you." I laughed

"Thanks for sharing your feelings, now lets talk about what matters."

"Bitch."

"I don't like this name calling Sammy."

"Maybe if you weren't such a dick Mendes."

"Yes, I have a dick."

"But do you?"

"Fuck you."

"I'm sorry." I laughed

"Anyway, I was going to tell you that I am glad you're in my life and I wanted to thank you for everything you have done for me. You mean the world to me, and I honestly don't know what I would do without you, but because your an ass hole I think I shouldn't say that."

"Well if you were saying that I would ask why."

"I just have been thinking, like I don't really realize things and then all of a sudden it just hits me. I was sitting outside with Aaliyah and I was like holy shit, and I guess that's why I didn't tell you. I was waiting for someone with a video camera to jump out, and be like just kidding."

"Shawn what are you talking about."

"I made it."

"What?"

"I'm going to be performing at Madison Square Garden." He whispered

"What?"

"Yea."

"I feel like I'm going to cry."

"Me too."

"Holy shit."

"Yea. That's also why I needed to tell you this, no matter what happens where the hell I go, how far I go, I will always be there for you. I would drop everything if you needed me. I promise, I just needed you to know that."

I sat there still in shock. I think I estimated about 4 hours of sleep. After our phone call, I went on google and researched plane tickets and hotels. I know I needed to go, I just didn't think I could, I knew there was no way I could.

He had so much more to loose, and he would give it all to me, give it all up for me. I had nothing to loose and I couldn't give it up to be there for him. I hurt, it sucked and I wish I could do half the thing he did for me, but I couldn't, I can't.

I would never ask for him to do that for me, I knew he would really give it all up, and that's what scared me. I knew we were keeping his promise, a promise I didn't want him to make in the first place. A promise I could never repay.

He didn't owe me anything, He tells me all the time that I am the reason he is famous because I told him he could do it. I recorded the vine and told him to post it, I told him to never give up. So he owes me, but he doesn't.

He doesn't owe me anything, nothing at all. Why would he give everything to me, though? Why would Shawn give up his hopes and dreams for me, when he owes me nothing.

ILLUMINATE KILLED ME I STILL CRY WHEN I HEAR HOLD ON AND UNDERSTAND!!

Please message me if you want to talk about it omg!! Also please like this chapter ❤️ love you babes.❤️❤️❤️❤️