Taylor is standing across from me along with Harley. It is after the funeral, but we stayed back. We and her parents.

How it used to be before everything changed.

She feels so far away though.

Everyone does. I do too. My breakdown in the car is overwhelming me.

It's complete silence, without her there to fill it. I hate it. It's a bitter one, not a comfortable one; the kind that friends aren't naturally supposed to have.

But I don't know what we are now.

"Do you miss it?" she suddenly asks. It's the first time she really acknowledges me since I first saw her at the funeral.

The soft, broken voice tells me exactly what she's talking about.

"Sometimes," I reply. "Other times I remember all the things that followed and don't want any of it to happen again."

"They were happier than what followed. Was it not worth it?"

I look up at her. "It's not against you."

"It feels that way. Like it's got me and Harley both." She whispers, and Harley clenches his jaw.

"She was always with you." I say. "I wouldn't have been able to take it."

"Really, Brax? So much that you couldn't afford one private phone call a day? You shut everyone out. Have you really moved on like you claimed? Or were you busy being a coward?"

"Taylor—"

"Forget it, Brax. It was just Christina. Admit it." She looks away, and Harley lets out a long breath.

Have you really moved on like you claimed?

I'm sure I have. I made sure of it.

I went to clubs, got drunk, had one-night stands till the ache numbed. Over and over again, every week, every night; it was drink, sleep, drink, sleep. An endless sequence till I was sure I could wake up without her on my mind. I went out, explored, went to parties, did my best at work.

I had moved on.

And I have moved on.

But I couldn't face her. Or anything associated with her.

Harley and Taylor.

Carefree nights.

Pillow fights.

Long drives.

Endless lives.

Lies. Lies. Lies.

Sometimes I miss it. But I've moved on.

Remember, I tell myself. You have.

I have, but...

Is it possible to stop loving someone though you've moved on?

***