I don't feel anything.

The whole time, there's something happening. People are talking, moving around, crying. But it feels like I'm inside a snow globe, a hazy sphere, far away from it all.

Christina's inside with me.

I stare at her; she stares back at me. I feel something uncomfortable churning inside my stomach, like I'm fit into something that's too small for me.

And then I see her.

Her beautiful blonde hair, the sweet smile I always saw her with, gazing straight into my eyes like I'm the only one worth looking at.

I don't know why I'm bringing all this back, but it hurts. We moved on; we didn't see each other for months on end. Her love hurts now. It always did.

And then I can't take it anymore.

A thick cloud covers my eyes, and I'm thrown into a vortex. My knees might sink.

I am going to collapse.

Head. Spinning.

I can only think of one thing.

I run.

That's all I've ever done.

I turn on my heels and hit the grass running. To the one place I can think of.

I slide into my car and slam the door shut, head falling against the wheel. I am shaking so hard it hurts. Nothing is explainable. I can't be crying, but I am. I am.

Why?

I don't know. I don't know.

They fall.

They stain the wheel, the leather seat under me, my face. I grip the wheel so hard my knuckles turn white. I thought I'd moved on. I thought it didn't matter anymore. The beast in me screaming says otherwise. It wants to get out.

It wasn't always a beast; it was the person I became with her. It became a beast when she left.

Every breath hurts as I break down. I remember every smile of hers, wishing I could hold it there longer. Just a little longer. I am the reason we didn't last. She tried to stay in touch.

I didn't.

I tighten my hold on the wheel, the torrents coming in harder. It's the only thing possible to hold. I cry till I'm gasping, my chest contracting painfully. I want to squeeze something, hit something, break something, scream.

But all I do is fall across the steering wheel, trembling. My lips are cold and white. My eyes sting.

But I still cry.

Why am I crying?

Why do I care?

***