It is a video of our first outing together after Christina and I were official. A trekking trip.

It is the kind of video in which everyone is laughing so much that every statement needs to be said twice to be heard.

Things were different then.

The camera shakes a lot, but I can see it all playing in my head anyway. How much have I lingered onto the memories just after Christina and I broke up.

Harley was way ahead of us all with his camera sometimes lingering between the ground and sometimes pointed behind at all of us. Taylor was right after him, Christina was behind me, dead last.

"Look where we are!" he shouted into the camera, turning it to us. I whooped loudly as he laughed. Christina passed me, tugging my shirt sleeve in the process, a wide smile on her face.

My chest aches as I remember that smile. I gulp.

We always had a way of touching each other to know we were close, but they were never casual touches. They all meant something.

Or am I just thinking that way because she is gone?

The scene on the camera changes. My memory automatically jumps forward with it in response. Everyone is sitting on rocks for a break.

Taylor was pouring water into her mouth from a bottle. Christina sat down on a rock before me, craning her neck. And just then I shot forward and tipped the bottle, spilling the contents all over Taylor. A gasp and loud laughter started up all at the same time.

But her laugh resonates like a sweet bell in my ears. The kind that makes daisies bloom on a cold winter night.

I loved her. I loved her so much.

A smile tugs at my lips. But it's not a happy one.

Sometimes it's the happiest memories that hurt the most.

***