—3rd December, 2017

      A raging wave crashed against my torso and I didn't do anything to withdraw. Instead I buried my body under the cold water, its chilling sense numbs my spine. That's how I like it, momentarily I forget to breathe. Actually how am I supposed to breathe?

      But bliss was short when the sun suddenly basked its rays, radiantly glowing over the ocean breeze. And my lungs gave up, it suddenly squeezed so hard-I ended up gasping for air. I got up finally, under the water.

      The water dampening my whole body, slow drops are drifting in the embrace. I jerk my head forward, it sprinkles some more around my atmosphere. I heard a giggle suddenly, a towel thrust into my arm to get rid of wetness. Although those hands slightly squinted forward-

      Before they could- I caught the wrist. What are you doing here, Haven?

     Another giggles, I snicker instantly. How much can a woman giggle so much?

     "Helping you out, Evan!"

     I give her a courteous nod and say, the sun is about to go down-you should get back to the cottage.

    "I thought, we can do something here," she says while twirling her hair.

    Gosh- why can't she understand I have no less interest in her! So much for having privacy. I wanted to be with myself for a while. It's hard with all people-especially Basser. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have been here. The hot sands, heated from the earlier gleaming red started to tickle beneath my feet.

      "Thanks for this!" I motion the towel towards her and started to stride from there. Evening sun's glow is enchanting when the crimson trace slowly fades, with waves lapping so vigorously, I can hear the faint noises of my heart. It's thumping aloud, it's been two years, Elan.

       Later in the evening, they arranged a bonfire. It's tempting to see the stargazing outside but I didn't want to be another scandal. Although Basser did notice my sombre expression, prompted to ask-"Everything is fine?"

     "Yes, what's supposed to happen except Haven's constant luring?" I shrugged my shoulders.

     In the response, he just burst out with a fit of laughter. "You will not understand, since you're having your girlfriend over here," I sardonically replied while throwing the pillows at him.

     He just winked back and left. "No one remembers you," I murmured.

      My feelings are unsettled, though I think to finish my lab reports, my mind seems not to occupy well. So I left my jarring pen on the table. I rummage through my drawer, the diary should be there.

     Ah! There it is, it has the same bleakly colour. Even though I refuse to attend the bonfire, the slow breezing is chiding me to go. A hush feeling embraces my whole notion, I close my eyes to feel deep tranquillity.

      Elan used to love stargazing. I know, if she were here today-she would be under the scrutiny of observation where the blanket of star bucket is stretching to twinkle and she would be lying on the sand.

     My eyes almost teared up with the vague memory, I hurried on my way to go outside. Cool, they're off surfing in the ocean now. Haven is giggling with Derek there while he's balancing himself on the shore. Mind you, it's not as easy it looks. A few tides are needed to float effortlessly. Beginners luck!

      At least they're enjoying it. I chewed my bottom lip. Basser and his girlfriend-Henna, are enjoying the shore sound while being totally lost each other's embrace. I shake my head and go in the opposite direction.

     After finding a place, I sit down on the sand. The area is rusty but I don't care as long as no one hinders my writing. Well, I wouldn't typically describe myself as a written type guy but moments like this, best-when my mouth curds up to talk, I feel better with slipping the ink into paper. My mind automatically gets erased.

     Life has been really life. . . .I don't know how much to comprehend with proper utterances. A sigh escapes from my lips.

     I scramble a paper in the diary, it's basically used for theories.

    Dear Elan,

     I hope you're doing well. I know, you're watching me from above as I am writing it down beneath the stars, I know that's what you would have said.

     You said life doesn't have to be perfect to be defined as perfect. Guess what? Maybe it couldn't digest so much smoothness at once. I was beaming over the moon when I found out you got a chance in medical school. Mayhaps, one of the best days of my life.

     You were busy with your studies, I was with mine. Finally when I settled down with applied chemistry for higher studies-I thought my boat was sailing in the shore, for the first time.

     Of course, happiness couldn't last forever. I dreaded the day, when I got that phone call-

     "You're. . . . . no more."

       I was numb at that moment, I swear if it were a joke, I would have killed that deliverer but life has thrown the petty joke at me. For once, I couldn't do it for your sake.

       Because you taught me to appreciate little moments, find reasons to live. It's shocking how much you have given to me in that short span of time. Yet, I couldn't do much for you.

      I wish I would have forced you to eat that day, maybe held you when you've fainted out of nowhere. I don't believe in the doctor's alluding- "A freaking stroke!"

     Today is that awful day, I can't imprudently pinpoint what's changed till now.

     You're not here, maybe you're gazing back at me. I don't believe in such mystique things but comforting enough in this vast constellation-you're one of those fossils. I know, I may sound as a mere tiny species, looming in this dark abyss. But, darn-Elan Stoner! You still have my heart.

     One day!

     Someday, I will name one star belonging to you: among the billions of shining diamonds!

      Yours, grey-orbs!

      Done! I can't stop my rapid heartbeat but I know Elan, we're poles apart & you will hear my words just like eyes. My weary limbs are giving up now. Soon the grogilly sky started to burst out its violent thunder and vibrating the whole ground. The sands are damped now, little cold bursts are falling as water now, soaking my shirt gradually.

      The crumbled paper is absorbing the rain too, but I don't care. Who says nature can't be therapeutic? As long as music gives you resonance, little walks give you further chances to enjoy, I will be laying in the wet muds and let the rain soak my inner flaming.

      I thank my stars for sending Elan in my life, even if it's a brief period.

「 T H E    E N D 」