Gwen's friends are leaving this afternoon to drive themselves back to the airport in Quebec City, and I'm half-tempted to climb the stairs, pack their bags, and suggest they should leave much earlier to avoid the traffic.

Izzy is talking about what we're doing this morning before they leave, and on the other side of the living room, Gwen is stealing all my attention by wearing the tiniest sundress she owns. The late September weather is warm, but it's hardly figure hugging, barely there clothing weather, which makes me wonder if she's worn that for me. 

It's not the first time on our trip that I've admired the dress on Gwen, but it is the first time I've allowed myself to contemplate dragging it up her body to reveal all the treasures beneath. When she catches me staring, she smirks, and I don't have to wonder why she wore it anymore. Fuck me.

The last two days have been torturous, and the first half of today seems to be more of the same. Izzy and Jeremy pretended to buy the uncomfortable couch argument for why Gwen and her things were in the bedroom with me. Their casual acceptance has only fueled the tension between me and Gwen, emboldened Gwen to see how far my willpower lasts when we're in the same room with an audience. 

Any moment I can snatch with her, unobserved, we're all over each other. My hands find her waist, her hair, her ass, and my lips seek the heat of hers. Makes me wonder how we went this long without ripping each other's clothes off. I'm lost from the minute I touch her, and I'm certain I've ever wanted anyone the way I want her.

Every moment between us is now coated with a haze of lust and anticipation. At night when we slide under the covers, it doesn't take long before we're sliding against each other. Slow explorations of each other's bodies that haven't led where both of us want to go. One of us puts a stop to it before we go too far, and it isn't always me. When Izzy and Jeremy leave this afternoon, our reason for holding back vanishes.

Despite how good things have been between us, when Gwen isn't within touching distance, I'm wary of what comes next. While it might be hard to pull back from this new closeness, I think I could recover our friendship, revert to the travel companion vibe. But once we're completely and totally together, our relationship can only go one of two ways.

One of us loses interest and we struggle to find equal footing again or neither of us is able to completely let go. I'm not sure which outcome worries me more. In both scenarios, I suspect I'll be fucked.

If we applied the brakes now, tonight, I could see us being close friends for years, checking in with each other, maybe going on more adventures. The line between us is blurry, but it's clear enough that I can see it. If we completely cross this threshold, obliterate the line, I'm not sure that I could see her with someone else and pretend indifference. 

I've never put myself to the test, but I can't imagine that level of compartmentalization. Doubly so if whoever she's with next isn't treating her well. It would pain me to see her with someone who didn't value her. 

She's been such a bright light, illuminating dark rooms in my life that I thought were shuttered forever. To think of anyone dimming her brilliance causes a rush of emotion powerful enough to make me reconsider rushing into anything with only weeks left.

Seeing or hearing about her with someone else down the road would be inevitable. A knife to the gut. She's told me countless times—in every way—that she's not a forever woman, which is fine because that's not what I'm seeking either. Just for now is exactly what both of us wants and needs. A short-term companion and a warm body for the next five weeks.

After Diana died, I vowed to be married to my job, and I've kept that promise to myself and her. Nothing can stop me from helping those who need it in places that don't have equal access. Caring for people who can't care for themselves is the founding principle that drove me into medicine, connected me and Diana, and it's what'll lead me back to the DRC.

This, what I'm about to have with Gwen, is a vacation from my life, and I can't forget that. None of this is built to last, and it'll be vital for me to keep that perspective once Jeremy and Izzy leave. Just like this trip, Gwen and I are temporary.

"I'll need a sweater," Gwen says when Izzy finishes talking.

I've been so deep in my own thoughts that I don't have a clue what we've agreed to do this morning.

From the bedroom, Gwen calls my name. Izzy and Jeremy are loading their bags in their rental, so whatever was decided, it must take up a substantial amount of time.

At the doorway to the bedroom, I brace my hands against the frame. The bedroom is cramped, and she points to a too-high shelf where I stuffed some of her things.

"Did you hear a word Izzy said?" she asks as I approach and reach over her to take down the sweater she loves.

"You don't think I was listening?"

"Were you?"

When I place it in her hands, our gaze locks, and suddenly none of my earlier musings matter. I want her. I want her so badly I can practically taste it. Mandarins and oranges are my kryptonite, and I'm powerless to fight the hold she's got on me. Temporary or not, I'm not sure anything can keep me away from her.

"Unless Izzy said their flight is leaving earlier, I don't need to know what she said."

Gwen laughs and fists my T-shirt with her free hand, tugging me closer. "What happened to anticipation is half the fun?"

"Those were my masochist days. I've evolved now. Gratification is the new buzz word."

"Now you sound like me."

"Must mean we've spent too much time together. As long as we don't start looking like each other..."

She throws her arms around my neck, the sweater sweeping over my shoulder while she drags me down for a kiss. "No such thing as too much time together," Gwen says.

"No?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Gwen stop making out with Blake. Let's go!" Izzy yells from the front room.

My eyes widen. "You told her?"

"No," Gwen says with a laugh. "But she's my best friend. She just knows." She winks before stepping around me and tugging the sweater over her head.

As she leaves the room, another stab of uncertainty strikes me, and I honestly have no idea which way I'll lean once Izzy and Jeremy are gone.

Throw caution to the wind and seize the moment or batten down the hatches to ride out the last five weeks, hoping we can salvage something meaningful at the end? She might be mad at me tonight, but I can hope she'll be grateful for my caution in the long run.

~ * ~

Turns out, I should have listened to the plan instead of mentally stripping Gwen. We're on another whale watching tour, but this one is happening in the Saguenay Fjord, which makes a big difference, according to Izzy. The last whale watching tour I went on was only eventful because Gwen literally fell into my arms. We saw exactly one whale, and it was from a considerable distance.

This time, almost from the minute the boat gets into the middle of the river, the driver is on the loudspeaker calling out the different whales and birds all around us. It truly is a feast for the senses, and Gwen and Izzy are in heaven. It doesn't take long for me and Jeremy to catch the wave as well. Minks, blues, and belugas are being spotted regularly. A few of the minks seem to be equally curious about our ship, and as they glide along the side of the boat, one eye peering at us.

"Kind of eerie, isn't it?" Izzy says from beside me.

"Makes me wonder what they're thinking about us," I say.

"I have a hard enough time figuring out what women are thinking," Jeremy says from the other side of Izzy. "I don't need to be wondering about whales too."

To be fair to him, if he's been dating women like Izzy his whole life, I can see where he'd be confused. According to Gwen, Izzy is adamant that she's breaking up with Jeremy after this trip, but they've been fucking like bunnies every night. Mixed signals galore. It's one of the things I appreciate about Gwen. Whether or not she played games in the past, I can't say, but she's been straightforward with me from the start.

It occurs to me that I might not have given her the same gift in return. The level of sharing Gwen seeks doesn't come naturally to me, but I want to make Gwen happy. I run my hand along her back, and she wiggles closer along the railing until she's almost under my arm. Without thinking, I press my lips to the top of her head. She meets my gaze, and the tenderness in her brown eyes causes warmth to streak across my chest.

Three words almost drop from my lips, but I manage to claw them back. The realization of what I almost said causes me to straighten. It stuns me to recognize I would have meant them. After teasing Gwen about her penchant for falling in love, it seems like I'm the first one to go down. But where Gwen might bounce back with no difficulties, I have a feeling my landing won't be quite so pleasant.

"You okay?" Gwen whispers, staring up at me.

"Yeah, fine." I run my thumb along her cheek and kiss her forehead. She leans into the contact, and I'm guessing we're done pretending around Izzy and Jeremy. We were likely terrible at it, anyway. My mind is fuzzy around the edges as I continue processing what I almost said, what I'm convinced I feel and should never say.

The rest of the whale watching tour happens in a blur of conversations I don't feel quite connected to. Gwen's proximity is a distraction and coupled with my crystal clear realization, my head is in the clouds.

At the end of the tour, we eat lunch at a local café, and Gwen has her hand on my leg during the whole meal, as though she can sense I'm on the verge of free falling—whether that's closer to her or in the opposite direction, I can't even say.

The smart response is to withdraw emotionally if not physically. Loving Gwen, no matter how good it feels right now, can't work out long term. She doesn't know what she wants to do with her life, and I know all too well what I'm doing with mine. There's no room for her in mine, not beyond this anyway.

"Penny for your thoughts," Gwen murmurs as we stroll along a riverside path after lunch. Izzy and Jeremy are behind us arguing over whether Jeremy should have a couple edibles before they head to the airport. In America, he's a prison sentence waiting to happen.

"They still have pennies in America?" I ask. "They must be close to costing more to produce than they're worth."

"Right," Gwen says, and I can hear the disappointment in that one word.

"I don't know what I'm thinking about," I mutter. "Things that matter. Things that don't."

"Maybe not thinking is the answer," she says. "Where has thinking gotten you so far?" She gazes up at me, and her eyes are sparkling. "I mean, other than becoming a successful doctor. You can keep those thoughts. Human anatomy is a perfectly acceptable thing to ponder."

We arrive back at the vehicles in the parking lot, and Izzy's voice is rising. Gwen glances at her, but she doesn't intervene.

"Should we...?" I throw my thumb in Izzy and Jeremy's direction.

"No," Gwen says with a laugh. "Izzy will just ask for a seat change when she gets there. Trust me. She can handle herself."

"Anatomy is fine, so what isn't fine?"

"Anything beyond the first of November. Off limits. We can do our kiss and cry at the airport then. We don't have to spend the next few weeks thinking about that moment."

She hasn't quite read me correctly, but before I can even attempt to explain my mood or thinking, Izzy rushes towards us and bear hugs Gwen.

"We gotta go," she says. "I can't believe you two have spent months together and not wanted to murder one another." She flicks her head in Jeremy's direction. "One long weekend and I'm close to asking my bestie to help me bury his body."

"Blake would be a better choice for that," Gwen says, and she hauls her into a proper hug. "Stronger. Knows stuff about bodies."

I pinch the bridge of my nose and shake my head as the two of them sway, clinging together.

From the door of their rental, Jeremy calls her name to tell her they'll be late. He waves to me and Gwen, but it's pretty clear he figures the writing is on the wall. No handshakes. No emphatic proclamations about how great it was to meet us. No plans to see us again soon.

Izzy lets go of Gwen and she hurtles herself toward me, giving me a tight, brief squeeze. "Take care of my girl," she says before running toward the car. "Wrap it before you tap it," she calls over her shoulder.

Instead of looking at Gwen, I run my hands down my face, and as Izzy and Jeremy pull out of the parking lot, they're laughing.

"You all right there, Doctor Robinson?" Gwen asks.

"Fine," I say. "That has to be one of the weirdest relationships I've ever witnessed."

"Really?" Gwen seems genuinely surprised. "That's what a relationship on life support looks like, I think," she says. "One minute it's still fun and sexy and the next it's a train wreck."

Since my mind is already muddled, I get stuck on the life support comment, circling around and around it.

"You ready to go back to the cottage?" Gwen asks. "Ditch these clothes?" She flaps her sweater and gives me a flirtatious glance that almost snaps my brain off repeat.

"Yeah," I say, and I run my hand through my hair. "I can take us back."

We slide into the front seat, and on autopilot, I head towards the cottage. Gwen is strangely quiet, but her hand strays to my thigh, and I cling to each of her fingers imprinted on my skin and try to keep myself from spinning out.

Here's the scoop -- if it's a bonus, it'll be titled something other than 27. Gwen or 28. Blake or something along those lines. The bonus chapters are often titled as alternate endings or don't even mention character names at all. So, if you see an update and it doesn't say chapter number and character name, it's a paid bonus. Otherwise, it's a free chapter. Hopefully, Wattpad has now ironed out the kinks. I apologize for the frustrations, believe me when I say I had them too!

If you didn't read Skydiving and Stargazing, I really enjoyed writing that bonus chapter. It released Thursday evening/Friday depending on where you live.

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