Mommy

Wet. Something wet has just landed on my bare arm. I don't have to ask what it is. With my eyes closed, I can tell tears are falling on me. It doesn't take much thinking for me to know whose tears they are.

My dear darling husband, how did we get here?

I feel like the dead laying here with my mouth shut. I can hear and feel everything but I can answer none. The doctors are right. For days now, I can feel myself slowly slipping away. My memories are becoming jam with each passing day. I feel like I'm fighting a lost battle with each breath I take.

Yesterday, they had come with the papers about my delivery for Joseph to sign. The hospital didn't want to be a liability when my life inevitably ends on the operating table. I heard it all – their rehearsed pity, Joseph's sorrow and anger, Esther and Henry's comforting words, and my silence. They made him sign the horrid papers that proclaimed that the moment my brain stopped working, all of their efforts will be dedicated to the baby. I will no longer be a patient but an obstacle keeping my baby from being part of this world. From now on they will closely monitor my brain activities so they could get the baby out on time.

It's not like I want to be saved while my baby dies. No, I don't want him to die. If what my baby needs to survive is for me to transfer to the other world, I would go without a fight. But that's not what they're doing. Instead they're just abandoning me so they could bring my baby here without ever being at the end of a mother's touch.

I want to cry, to scream. Anything. I want to stop being merely a machine-operated body waiting for the day its passenger is fine to be on its own. I don't want to leave my boys alone in this world. I can't imagine my baby going through life without a mother. That's not the life I want for you my sweet child. I'm not going to take it regardless of what the doctors said. It's not over until my last breath. You still have a mother until my heart stops beating.

How dare they treat you like an orphan when I'm still here? I'm not gone yet and I don't plan on being anytime soon.

Meanwhile, all I can do is continue to fill our time with divine memories. The memories of all the events that brought us together. I'll never regret any of them – no stupid mistakes, no hasty decisions. All of them matter and I if I have to do it all over again, I'd do everything the exact same way.

I think we have now arrived to the part of the story where we had our first date. The one following his sudden request. It had taken me aback but you didn't hear me complaining. It was what I was praying for – for us to belong to each other.

That night couldn't come fast enough. We were going to assist the first football game of the season. It wasn't a girl's ideal first date but with the right man any date was the best one. Joseph was the right man for me, I knew that from the start. That was the only reason why I would go against Carmen and refuse to hear her warnings about the dangers dating Joseph brought unto me.

Dating him was taking a leap of faith and I had jump in with my eyes closed. Now, I was swimming with the unexpected and enjoying afternoon picnics with unapproved freedom.

My closet was spattered on my bed and my lip was throbbing from incessant biting when the much anticipated knock came.

I grabbed my phone and purse before opening it. Outside, I found the most fanatic looking man in my entire life. He was wearing a green shirt with the school's logo and blue shorts with golden waistband – the school's colors. Large splash of green, blue, and gold covered his face. His ears were the only part that retained his natural brown color. Even his shoes had the school's logo.

Under the colors, his lips formed a sheepish smile. "I thought it would be best if you see me at my worst on day one. Like that you can decide whether you want to flee right now."

A series of uncontrollable laughter left me shaking. Here I was feeling self-conscious about the tiny letters on the back of my shirt forming the school's name and he had went on full raging fanatic on me.

"Is that a yes on the fleeing?" He asked cautiously. A hint of fear edging in his voice.

I shook my head. "I love it," I admitted.

He let out a brief laugh, the relief evident on his face. I felt like a monster for loving it. A warm blanket clanged to my body at the thought of my decision holding so much space in his life.

"We should get going if we want to have good seats," he held out his hand for me.

I took it and shouted my goodbyes to Carmen even though I knew she was probably inside fuming. She would tear Joseph open if she happened to see him right now. It wasn't so much because of her hatred for him as for her hurt feelings.

Shawn, Joseph's roommate, had not call back and was currently avoiding her. I thought she was over him especially after her little escapade with those boys back home but apparently she was still keeping a candle burning for him. Now, Shawn had stomped on it therefore Joseph was guilty by association.

"Doesn't the game start in like two hours?" I asked when I looked at the time in my phone.

"You've never been to a football game, have you?" His eyebrows lifted which made his level of adorableness augment by more than one hundred percent.

"No," I agreed. "My parents are more into baseball and my friends are only into partying. We watched football sometimes on TV at home but we never gave it that much importance for us to go watch it live."

He pressed the call button on the elevator. "Then prepare to have your mind blown because baseball is to football as to sleeping is to dancing. It keeps you calm while replenishing your energy but it's never as much fun."

"I think you're over selling it," I said as we walked inside the confined space.

"There's no such thing as over selling football. It's the pizza of the sport category. It's too great to ever be compared with all the rest."

"The only thing that said about you is that your taste in sport is as questionable as your taste in food," I smirked. "I would never have picked you as such a super fan. I remember you saying you were not that into sports."

"I actually said something completely different," he corrected. "I remember us talking about my financial aid and me informing you girls that I have an academic scholarship instead of the presumed sport one."

The easy-going atmosphere around us instantly dimmed as I recalled the day Carmen had drilled Joseph like a detective trying to corner a serial killer.

"You don't have to feel bad though," he continued, "many people around campus have that stereotype ingrained in them."

"She didn't..." I attempted to defend Carmen's motives. I wanted to say they were honorable like I thought they were but with each action I was beginning to see a whole new side of her.

The elevator dinged then opened to make way for us.

"You don't have to defend her," Joseph said. "I understand her perfectly. I don't want us to spend tonight thinking about the past."

He took my hands in his and pulled me towards the stadium. My insides were melting at the feel of his skin against mine. The night lights shined as we fell into a light, energetic cadence along with the other students going in the same direction. The campus was electrified with excitement and joy.

Despite it being so early, the stadium already had a good amount of people cheering the team on. I slipped into my seat as I watched bewildered by so many people in one place. Joseph went back out to get us food and drinks.

From where I sat I was able to have a great view of most of the stadium. The school's colors were distributed equally with the bleachers. The ones where I was were gold while the ones to my right flaunted its blue leaving the ones in my left to parade green.

The students held flags and T-shirt high in the air. The guy next to me had a foam finger attached to his hand. The band members in their uniforms were beating away their instruments while the cheerleaders executed gymnastic moves and synchronized dance routines that hyped me enough to make me want to join in.

"You're feeling it, yet?" Joseph shouted over the loud voices when he reappeared. His arms were overflowing with hot dogs, popcorn, cans of soda, and even a foam finger.

"I'm starting to," I smiled as he took his seat next to me. Despite all of the bodies around me, my body hummed when it felt his heat so close for touching.

More people were starting to arrive now. The amount of noise being emitted was near deafening. The seats felt like they were trembling under us and when I thought we had reached the peak, the players came out. I thought they were trying to break the stadium when their voices picked up a new high volume.

"You can't get that through the pixels on a screen nor at a baseball game," Joseph whispered in my ears before shouting at loud the school's mascot.

I was grateful for the distraction. At least while he was occupied, he couldn't see my face changing colors. He couldn't see me keep touching my ear as to hold on to the warmth he had just spread there.

I grabbed the popcorn and started to throw single pieces in my mouth as the two teams stood face-to-face, ready for kickoff. The timer started and the game began but my mind wasn't on it. I had no idea what was happening, not because I didn't understand football but because I was more interested in the phenomenon of a man cheering right next to me.

Before the first half hour he had already made two more trips to the food courts. It was as if there was a black hole in his stomach that keep disintegrating the food as soon as he swallowed them.

Touchdowns were being made, the players tackled, and the numbers on the score board were rising but still my interest stayed on Joseph. He was shouting, cheering, and even cursing at times when the opposite team scored. Every time a curse would leave his mouth, his fists would tighten as if he had just made a terrible mistake. Then, he would turn to me with his puppy brown eyes wider than a spread peacock's tail and murmur an apology.

I found myself wishing that the opposite team would score more just to see him lose control then turn to me with his guilt-ridden face. It made me want to hug the hell out of him. And to kiss him. Yes, that was what kept going through my mind while my eyes stayed on him, engraving every part of his profile in my memory. My mind traced those luscious curves of his lips that kept moving whether to shout at a player's wrong move or to make more junk food disappear.

I didn't just want to kiss him, I needed to know how his lips felt on mine. I craved it like everything on Earth craved gravity. I felt it was the only thing I needed so I could stay glued here. When it was time to leave, I was ready to combust on the ground as he held me close to protect me from the crowd hurrying out the door.

Thank God the team won because otherwise I would have to carry a depress man on my shoulders to his dorm. It would also mean I'd had to cross off my wishes to get a kiss from him. It will have been the end of a beautiful date but we did win and now each steps seem to take forever.

"Do you want to go grab something to eat?" He said once we reached the end of the tunnel and was able to finally catch a deep breath.

"More?" I muttered jokingly. He had just down more than a dozen hotdogs and sodas. He had even helped me with the popcorn when my stomach was done processing food.

He scratched his head, "I'm sorry about that. I tend to eat a lot when I'm excited."

"I'll keep that in mind for next time," I grinned.

"Next time? As in you're not running away? You want to do this again?" His eyes lit up in the night and he granted me that cute boyish smile that made me want to grab him instantly.

"Yes, as long as it's somewhere with less noise. I think I lost half of my hearing in the space of an hour."

"Deal," he quickly replied.

"Go Vipers!" a guy shouted as he passed by us. A group of guys followed him, shoving and tackling each other with their drinks in hand.

"I guess everybody's hyped for that victory," I observed.

That was putting it mildly. Throngs of people continue to pass us with their voices echoing in the night. Most of them are probably heading straight to a bar to celebrate the victory in a more appropriate atmosphere that had everything they needed – girls and alcohol.

"I guess I should probably bring you to your room instead," he laughed. "I don't want to push my luck by making you witness more of my eating so soon."

"That's about the wisest thing you've said all night."

I blushed when he pulled me to him as we walked on the pavement. My body heated up with his chest so close to me. I tripped more than twice on my own feet while I focused on slowing down my breathing and calming my heartbeat.

I nearly missed my door when we arrived to my dorm. I fumbled in my purse, looking for the keys that were staring straight at me. They were practically the only thing inside the purse but I was extremely aware of our first date coming to an end.

This was not the way I wanted it to end. I wanted more but I didn't know how to go about it. It was not like I could just kiss him out of nowhere, what if that was not what he wanted? I knew he liked me but that didn't mean he was already in the same wavelength as me. There were those guys who opted for taking things really slow; the ones who took a long time to get out of the get-to-know-you part of the relationship and move on to the dating part.

I finally took out the keys, "Thanks for tonight." I locked my eyes with his, trying to read what he was thinking. I wanted to know if he wanted the same thing I did.

"You're welcome," he replied without dropping his gaze.

I had almost accumulate enough courage to act on my desires when he moved his eyes to my door. I guessed that was the signal that he needed me to get in already. A low sigh left my throat as I turned towards the door to unlock it.

"Irene?" he said when I was twirling the keys inside the lock. His voice sounded like a plea. That alone sent a new wave of bravery across my body.

I abruptly spun around with sole goal to satisfy my burning desires. Turned out he was faster than me because I had barely enough time to completely turn when his lips crashed on mine.

"Finally," I sighed mentally as I wrapped my arms around his neck and got lost in him.