Mommy

Let's just get this out of the way – working sucks. Especially working as a waitress.

I stood behind the counter of Devi's Heaven for Your Mouth restaurant wearing a seaweed dress that squeezed my chest uncomfortably and scratched my skin everywhere it touched. I had never hated my name so much as I eyed each letters carefully impressed on the tag fastened to my chest. Joseph just left just a few minutes ago after heartlessly stolen a picture of me in this ridiculous outfit.

That should be a fun story to tell the grandkids.

I wanted to behead him for making me take this job but I also wanted to hug him for staying with me and helping me when everyone else I knew had gone incognito. I didn't think it was possible but my feelings for him had burgeoned from a fleeting crush to the big love. I hadn't told him yet but it was there.

It was cruel for me to let him hang on thin air like that but with everything going on right now I wasn't ready to take on a bigger responsibility. I wasn't ready to love someone else when everyone else I had love had just left.

Everyday he said it to me and waited for me to say it back but courage had failed me. He had earn an Oscar in my books for his patience and tenacity. He was the best man I've ever known.

We spent the past weeks going job hunting unsuccessfully. It's such an enigma how everyone expected their staffs to have experience while no one was willing to hire someone to provide them with said experience.

This waitressing job was a like a gift straight from Heaven. That might had been the origin of the place's name.

"Hey girlie," my boss clamped a hand on my shoulders, "Ready to work?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," I answered him.

Mr. Lay was a heavy weighted old man of an impressive height with a large bald spot from his forehead to the center of his scalp. The silvery white hair at the side of his head ended short of his slightly hunched back shoulders. His body was made up of slouched muscles that were wearing out after years of intense workouts. There was a big hole right in the middle of his mouth where he lost a tooth during one of his stunts as a young man. At least that was he told me. It distracted me every times he spoke.

I was eternally indebted to him for taking this chance on me.

"Why don't you start with the table by the window?" he pointed me towards the booth in the corner, facing the window closest to the door, with two young men and a girl cracking jokes.

"Sure."

I took a deep breath then summoned a big friendly smile to my face before heading towards my first task as a worker. I made sure to put extra pressure on the balls of my feet as to keep them on the crimson tiled floor. They wobbled a bit but I pushed until I was standing in front of the booth.

"Hi," I exhaled a much needed breath and rearranged my facial expression. "What can I get you today?"

"I don't know," the guy sitting by himself as the third wheel said, "We'd have to know what the house offers first."

"I-I," my wide eyes flittered to him then to his friends, the window then came back full circle. I was missing something but my mind refused to recall all the information Mr. Lay had dumped on me during our whole hour of training yesterday.

I was on the edge of bursting into piles of frustrated nerves when a menu appeared in front of me. I thanked Mr. Lay for the help and handed the large folded plastics to the trio.

"First day on the job?" the black haired girl grinned at me. Her eyes held enough sympathy to make some of the tension ease out of me.

I nodded.

"Don't worry, I was worst." She leaned back on the booth, laid her head on the arm the boy next to her had draped over her shoulders. "Being a waitress is only good when someone gives a good tip."

"I think she's talking to you, Robert, since you're the one paying for everything." The first boy said, nudging the other's boy arm that was holding the menu up to his line of vision.

A freshly dose of confidence moved from deep inside me and took over me. I pulled out the notepad Joseph bought me as a congratulation present.

"What would you like today?" I asked with my voice stronger than it had been since the sun had risen this morning.

My body hummed with excitement and newfound determination. Every times someone would say "keep the change" pride rushed from the exterior to deep inside undiscovered crooks and curves in my soul like a young child seeing rain for the first time after a lifetime in the desert. The feeling of earning a living by myself was such a foreign concept that the first drop made me want to go hide under my mother's arms. It was scarier than an aerophobia discovering he had to work as a flight attendant for the rest of his life but I opened my arms to receive it gladly.

Regardless of what would happen after this, I knew I was never going back to my old life. I had tasted the rain and will have to die first before returning to the drought being under my parents' fortune brought.

My mind, body, and soul was swimming in a pool of self-contentment when I unlocked my room's door until my fifth call to Joseph went straight to voicemail.

I checked my messages on my new brought phone. Nothing. The last received text was last night. I went downstairs to check my mailbox since sometimes he would revert to cheesy gestures and leave cute notes or letters there for me to read.

Today, however, all I withdraw from the metal box was commercial junks. I gave him another try on my way back to the room. No answer.

Perhaps he's busy, I told myself. It doesn't mean he abandoned me too.

I'd been really needy and overbearing for the past few weeks. I wanted to always be with him. When I wasn't, I called him frequently to know where he was. I was aware of my behavior but I couldn't help it. Everyone had left so I was holding tight to the one person I had left.

I knew Joseph loved me – he said at least once a day – but I couldn't shake the nagging feel on the back of my mind that he too will leave if I wasn't careful.

He had been more than understanding with my new attitude. He had even picked up the habit of calling me every times he left his room for more than five minutes.

I had no idea how I had gotten so lucky. He was literally the best man on Earth – not debatable.

I left the phone on the bed, dragging myself to the bathroom that Carmen and I was supposed to share. Every so often I threw a glance over my shoulder to check whether there was a call coming in. None arrived.

I heaved a sad sigh and went inside the bathroom. I took off my sandals and let the sole of my feet cool down on the marble floor. I glanced at myself in the mirror searching for any signs that gave my new self away.

Contrary to what I expected to see, I was actually fuller. Strength tugged my back straighter and my shoulders stood a little taller. My skin was smoother than before since it was wrapped up in a cocoon of my joyful essence. My eyes dilated with delight of uncovering all the little stuff I was missing out on. My stomach growled a little and my heart had just had a giant pieced drilled out of it but I was holding on. I had what my spirit needed to take the reins – independence.

I had just taken off my shirt when the much anticipated call came. I ran back out, hitting my toes in the foot of the bed but continued to speed walk through the pain.

"Hello," I gritted my teeth to trap the pain in.

"Irene." Joseph's voice came our roughed and dry like someone who was dehydrated from crying.

The hair on my body erected and I braced myself for the bad news. "What happened? I've been calling you all day but you never answered."

"Yeah, I-I'm...," he swallowed the rest of the sentence.

My feet ticked on the floor. I hurried back on the bathroom to grab my discarded shirt and pulled it over my head. I was ready to go to him to... I had no idea why I was rushing. I didn't know what the matter was but I knew he needed me. I knew I needed to prove to him that I was going to be with him through everything.

I heard him sniffle his tears through the phone. There was a faint voice coming from next to him but it seems more like a machine operator than an actual person's voice.

"My brother's been shot. I'm actually back in my hometown, Homestead, now. We're at Baptist Hospital."

I knew it was wrong but I couldn't help the grateful thanks that slipped out of my mouth. My heart rejoiced knowing that it wasn't Joseph at the wrong end of that gun. My worries lessen even though I knew he wasn't alright at all. His only brother was hurt. He was hurt. Regardless, my heart only needed the first part to feel better. The pain for his brother only came afterwards and in less painful waves.

"I'm coming."

"No, Irene. It's more than a two hours' drive. You have work tomorrow."

"I'll take a sick day," I proposed.

"You can't take a sick day on your second day of work. Beside, he's still in surgery so you don't have to be here."

"Yes, I do. You need me so I'm coming."

"I can't let you do that," he continued.

I heard the reasoning in his words but I stubbornly refused to listen to them. To hell with work, my man needed me.

"There's nothing either of us can do right now so how about you wait till the weekend?"

"Joseph, I can't..."

"Please," he begged. "I can't let you see us like this. You can't see me like this. Wait for the weekend."

I wanted to push the discussion further but I knew I had to let it go. He had always been understanding and patient with me so now it was my turn to reciprocate. What could I possibly do anyways? I wasn't a doctor yet.

"Alright," I let my shoulders slump back defeated. "I'll get in my car as soon as I get off work on Friday afternoon."

"Thanks."

He hang up without saying anything more, not even a small promise to see each other soon. No reminder of his undying love for me.

I went back to the bathroom and proceeded with a warm shower. I relished under the cozy fog that wrapped around me like Joseph's hands pulling me towards his snug body. I let the water roll over my body, peel away the stress, and sneak away with it down the drain. The candy apple scented shampoo embalmed me, covering my new self in a thin layer of my old self.

I finished the shower and waited. I waited and waited impatiently for Friday to come so I could get out of here. Work had lost its magical appeal. Everything had lost their lure. I lived the rest of the week like I was in a silent black and white movie. Nothing mattered when my other half was away and suffering.

Friday afternoon couldn't have come fast enough. As soon as my shift ended, I said goodbye to Mr. Lay who granted me two extra days off when I told him where I was headed and why. I jogged down the streets to the large parking lot where I parked my car since the first day of school.

Everywhere I went was walking distance, even my classes were close by so it didn't get much air. The motive behind my parents' decision to leave me this one gift eluded me but I was glad they made it.

I threw in the back a small suitcase with clothes and essentials to last me at least a week. I entered Baptist hospital's address in my phone's GPS then speeded down the streets in the direction of the turnpike.

It was a long and lonely ride. Eminem's rough rhymes and Adele's melancholic ones were my only companions. My car swallowed roads on roads before finding exit number two. In less than twenty more minutes, I was pulling up the entrance, passing the swaying palm trees. The street lights brightened my path as I went in search of a parking space.

I walked inside the majestic cream building with orange rooftops. The cold instantly froze every hair on my body, weighted them down, making them pull at my skin painfully. I cuddled my light jacket tighter to my body until my temperature rose at least one degree.

People were rushing in every direction in the urgent care unit. Doctors strode by in their white coats. Nurses stood with patients and family members, retrieving valuable information, and offering support and comforting words. Receptionists answered the non-stop ringing phones and smiled forced smiles at the people coming up to them.

I moved around a little bit, trying to figure out where I needed to go. A man with a bloody patch on the side of his head walked past me with a nurse at his heels then disappeared behind two large doors. I made a right turn, opposite to where he went. I wanted to get away from all the disease this place seemed to contain.

What more did I expect from a hospital?

My spirit was usually calmer in a hospital, the place where I knew people were being taking care of. Hospitals called the part of my soul that craved for the gratification that came with knowing that you made a difference in someone's life, you allowed them so see better days.

Today was different. Today the hospital put a wall between me and the only person who was still there for me.

I came up in a quieter part of the hospital. There was another receptionist tending to papers laying on the counter. It was the main entrance, the one I totally missed and ended up in the emergency care.

"May I help you?" She said when she looked up to find me standing in the middle of the lobby alone.

"Yes," I neared her. "My friend was admitted here. A gun shot incident."

"What's the name?" she asked, already logging in the computer.

My eyes flickered to a man who just walked past the automatic glass doors. He stood in front of the door and surveyed the interior. For a brief instant my mind stayed frozen on him. The face reminded me of someone but I couldn't quite recall who it was. The only thing I knew was that he had Joseph's nose and when he started to move again, his walk.

I shook my head and turned back to the lady waiting for my answer.

"Henry Pierre," I told her.

I stole another glance at the stranger. He was now behind me, listening in discreetly.

How could a stranger have the same nose and walk as Joseph? I was missing him that was why. My life had been deprived of him for far too long so now I substituted him for everyone. I incorporated his attribute to everything and everyone I laid eyes on.

"We received one Mr. Pierre for gunshot incident on Tuesday. He's still in the ICU so only immediate family members are allowed."

"Actually I'm here more for the family," I told her.

"Well, I only have files on the patient not his family. I'm sorry," she was already reaching for her pen to go back to her papers. "You're welcome to wait for them in the waiting room but I don't know whether or not they're with him."

"That's fine."

I thanked her then went on my way, not before stealing another sly look at the stranger that sported Joseph's nose. To my surprise he didn't even approach the receptionist but followed me down the lobby to the elevator.

His dress shoes barely made a sound on the marble floor, his brown shirt was tucked tight inside his black pants. His eyebrows furrowed as we waited for the elevator to come down from the third floor, sharpening the bones in his jaws. His coffee skin appeared darker with the contrast of his grey beard and hair.

We rode the elevator together in silence. He stayed at the back, leaned on the rail. I stayed close to the door, my right foot an inch of the floor to increase my élan as I prepare to rush over to Joseph's arms.

A nurse gave me the direction to the ICU's waiting room. Two men sat on the chairs nearest to the door. They flinched when the door opened but their eyes saddened at my entrance. There I found him sitting in one of the white cushioned chairs at the back of the room. His head was hanging back while his arms stayed cross over his chest.

"Hey," I gently touched to make sure he wasn't startled.

"It's you," his eyes fluttered opened.

He pulled my head to him and kept it there with his lips sealed to mine. The kiss was gentle but desperate as if he was trying to capture me with honey. I felt some of the tension slipped out of him. I kissed him harder. I tried to conjure all my love in it to make sure he knew how I felt even though I didn't say it. I wanted him to know I was there and I will never let go.

Someone behind me cleared their throat then a few words followed in a foreign language. Joseph's hold tightened on my face before we both turned towards the person. It was the strange man who kept following me. He was looking right at Joseph. His stare made me wonder whether he was no stranger at all. Perhaps he was a family member. At least that would indicate that I wasn't crazy for seeing bits of Joseph in him.

"Dad?" I heard Joseph growled next to me.

"Hello, Joe." He smiled.