Mommy

I miss grading papers. Yes, I miss the most irritating part of being a teacher. I've missed my students everyday I've been in here but today what I miss the most is the aching in my wrists as I relentlessly scribble notes on papers all throughout the evening. Sometimes, I would wake up in the middle of the night and sit on my desk with pen in hands in the little office Joseph had made for me by our bedroom as a surprise birthday present.

Joseph never understood why this type of work helped me calm down but it did. He would find me in the middle of the night and drag me back to the bed. He didn't get that I needed to do it. Grading those papers, outlining those lessons plans are the only way for me to feel like I didn't reject the medical school acceptance for no reason. When I saw a student learn, when I saw one of their grades go up, I knew it was all worth it.

I've never been that nostalgic about wrists pain and underpaid employment until I was glued to this bed and Joseph returned to work. His boss called him last week. If he didn't return to work today, they would have to give his position out to someone else. I couldn't exactly blame them. He's been in here for almost as much time as me. The world needed to go on. Especially the entertainment industry.

I'm so proud of him for pursuing at least a fragment of his dream. He was employed as a physiotherapist for a film-making company. Even if he wasn't right at the scene, he was surrounding by what he loved while still managing to be the doctor his mother wanted. I wasn't too happy about him compromising but he said it didn't feel like a compromise. He was getting the best of both worlds.

I'm brooding over being left alone in this cold empty room but I don't hold it against him. He has done everything in his power. It's not his fault I can't entertain myself. The only thing that can keep myself from slipping deep in depression and longing is somebody else's presence. Just hearing another breathing mix with mine can keep me occupy. I spend my time trying to decipher how they're dress, what they ate, and how their face has changed since the last time I've seen it.

How many sympathy points do I get now? The smallest movement can spark my interest. Anything that moves can captivate my mind. I guess that's because a bored mind is easily swayed. Alas, nobody's available. I'm alone. I thought Carmen would have showed up sooner or later. We're not exactly on the besties side of our relationship but we keep in touch and I know she's aware of my predicament.

She had call Joseph just a few weeks ago. It was a short call like all the others, just enough to get the basic information on my case. Hearing Joseph and Carmen have a conversation is like the people watching two presidential candidate in a speech battle. They're both fighting for my attention and trust while subtlety hinting at the bad aspects of the other one. They're both constantly trying to convince me how much happier I would be with them instead of the other. They both just want to win all of me without having any crumbles left for the other one. Unfortunately for Carmen, Joseph is my president for life. He won this election years ago.

Her betrayal still sting after years. It has never completely healed because I cared that much for her but she pushed the knife too far. If she had a plausible reason for throwing me under the bus, I might have been able to forgive her. We might have been able to mend things between us a little but she didn't.

I never wanted our friendship to deem to a mere acquaintance but she worked for it. It wasn't even like she earned something in return. No, she just stayed with plain bitterness and regrets. I wish she had listened to me. I wish she had took my word for it.

The years I'd invested in our friendship went down the drain the night of her much advertised date with an infamous frat boy. As if Shawn didn't teach her anything about boys who liked partying too much. Even worse, he was Shawn's cousin. I don't know how many more signs she needed to figure out what was about to happen.

The entire Saturday was dedicated to fussing about Carmen's first real date in her adult life. This was supposed to be the start of her future, that's what she said. I suspected her parents had something to do with the nervousness that was boiling under her skin. Carmen was in college now so it was possible she was hired in the family business. Mission finding a rich naïve husband was underway.

No expenses were spared for Saturday night. Hair was done, manicure and pedicure was done, and the most expensive jewelry, dresses, and shoes we could find in this little city was bought. Currently, she was having her face pimped up by a make-up artist she booked for the day. If that didn't have the Delangelos' signature all over it, I didn't know what did.

I wished I could have been happy for her but I wasn't. She was turning into the puppet she said she never wanted to become. She was no longer a person but a merchandise for her parents to sell to the highest bidder. Praise the Lord that her date, Erin McBang, didn't want to buy.

Third sign that he was trouble, he showed up two hours late. Carmen sat on her bed, trying to be nonchalant but I knew better. Every two seconds, her eyes fluttered to her phone then the lights in them will die a little more. She laid her head on the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. Her red bottom Louboutin shoes were thrown carelessly on the floor after the first hour. She had unzipped the tight red dress that fit like a second skin to her.

"Maybe he has a good explanation," I offered as comfort. I felt guilty to be texting Joseph while my friend was going through a rough time but it wasn't my fault and nothing I did will make it better.

"Hmmm," she said while letting her hair free of the fancy chignon it was in.

"Do you want me to order pizza?" I proposed.

It was comfort food. I'd grown quite accustomed to it for the past month since it was pretty much Joseph's entire menu. I made a record by eat half of a box by myself a few days ago when we were celebrating Joseph moving into a new dorm room. Now, he was alone. No more Shawn's shenanigans or dirty looks. However, he had refused to tell me why he had suddenly moved out. The only explanation he offered was that he had to.

"Are you trying to make me not get inside my clothes?" she snarled at me, her mouth was tight but her eyes were ready to pour a fountain on the bed. "You know I don't do carbs."

"I was just try..."

"Stop," she spat. "Just stop. You've gone crazy ever since that boy entered your life. You can't even hear reason anymore so don't tell me what to do."

The smart move here might have been to sew my lips together but before I knew it my lips were moving again. My heart was aching for her so it went against my brain and continued to push through her walls. "He might have been held up or..."

"Shut up," she hissed and turned her head to discreetly wipe a tear that was dripping down her cheeks. "I think I'm going to retouch my make-up," she cleared her throat to take away the rasp of her unshed tears stuck inside.

She left the bed and moved to the table where boxes of make-up still laid opened. She had barely began to apply blush to her cheeks when a loud, confident knock came at the door. We exchanged a look before we both scrambled up to our feet.

"I'll keep him busy for you," I said when I passed her to open the door. She nodded her answer to me.

"Yep, absolute trouble," I thought when I first got my real glimpse at Erin McBang.

He shared the same too blonde hair as Shawn. His wolf grin was so charming, it threw me back a bit. His sideburns ran down to his jaw, and his black, wild eyebrows only had about two centimeters about. His nose was offline a bit, mixed with the cut on his upper lip, it was enough to drag in a girl who was wild about bad boys. He was clothed as if he was expecting to go to a rock concert or a fighting club. Everything was black leather with metal spikes, from his jacket to his shoes. He was just missing the dark eyeliner and the piercings to complete the look.

"I was expecting something more exciting," he clicked his tongue after his gaze went down the length of my body. His voice was a lazy drawl retaining an almost nonexistent Australian accent.

"Hi, I'm Irene. Carmen's friend," I extended my hand to him even though I knew his touch was going to leave a sour taste in my mouth.

"Oh, I thought you were Carmen," he took my hand and clamped it in his. I tried to retract it but he was stronger than me. "You girls look so much alike."

No, we didn't. We only shared similar body type – petite brunette with enough curves to make up for the lack of height. People were only fooled by somewhat of a resemblance when we wear the same outfit.

He kissed my hand before finally letting it go. "She's a bit busy right now." I wiped my hand on the back of my shirt discreetly. "Would you mind waiting with me?"

"Nothing else will give me greater pleasure, beautiful." He offered me the crook of his arm but I turned my gaze to the hallway and walked away as if I didn't see it.

In the elevator, he stood too close to me for comfort. His nose kept twitching as if he was smelling me. "You smell wonderful," he grabbed a strand of my hair between his index and thumb. "What kind of shampoo do you use?"

"Candy apple," I said while taking another step away from him which he followed.

Candy apple scented shampoo was my guilty pleasure. My mother hated it – not like she liked anything I did without her approval first. I found it a few years in a little impromptus promenade with Carmen while my parents went on a business trip and her parents went to assist her sister's graduation. It was for five dollars at some odd looking shop right by where we climbed off the bus. I've been buying it there ever since.

The common room that was placed in the building for all the students when they wanted to catch a break, hand out together, attend mandatory meetings, or for those who didn't own a TV in their room to watch some. It was rarely empty but today of all days, it was. I sat on the couch facing the door. Erin followed.

I reached for the remote on the wooden table in front of me and turned on the TV to eliminate any risk of conversations.

He slid his body down until his butt was almost off the couch. He popped his boots on the table then extended his arm behind me. His fingertips brushed my exposed shoulder. I texted Carmen to ask her to hurry up then called Joseph when his body closed up on me. He had trap me between him and the couch's armrest.

"Hi, babe," I said with extra emphasis on the last word.

"Hi," Joseph's deep voice instantly made me calm despite the danger looming over me. "Are you free now?"

"No, but I will be in a few minutes. I'm with Carmen's date in the common room waiting for her to finish up."

"Wasn't that date supposed to start like two hours ago?" I heard papers shuffle near him.

"Yep, there was some held ups," I smiled at Erin who was watching me with the trouble starting look lingering on his face.

"Can you meet us here? It's boring here and I think Carmen might be absent for a couple more minutes." I tried to sound calm but the desperation in me slipped past by.

"I wish but I have two essays to finish up for tomorrow morning. You can still come up to keep me company, though."

"No," I resigned to my faith. "I'll leave you to it." I hang up.

"You have a boyfriend," Erin stated matter-of-factly. As if this small detail didn't change anything.

"Yes, he's really great."

"Hmm," he moved his head closer till his breath fanned my ears. "Have you ever fantasized about cheating on him?"

"No," I said, happy with the opportunity to jump away from the couch. "What's wrong with you?"

He shrugged. "It's a reasonable question. A lot of people do. It's not bad to fantasize."

"Yes, it is. I love my boyfriend, ok, I don't dream about cheating on him."

"You're blowing this out of proportion," he got up the couch to slowly stalk me.

I retreated in myself and kept backing up with small steps. It was like we were playing a cat and mouse game and he was the hungry cat ready to pounce on the little mouse. He was going to swallow me whole.

"You know this is a public space, right?"

"So?" His smirk grew wider and his grey eyes darkened. "Never fantasized about doing it in public?"

"You're sick," I pointed a finger at him with my hand on my hips. As if that was enough to stop him.

"I'm just telling you I'm available if you have any fantasies you would like to act out. I don't like seeing pretty girls frustrated when they aren't satisfied."

"You little devil," I grunted with frustration.

"That's all you can do baby?" He lifted his brows. "I like it rough too."

He help my hips and pulled me to him. "I'll give you what you want, baby."

His hands were at the nape of my neck when someone opened the door. He moved away from me when Carmen appeared in front of us. Every little details were back in place – her make-up, her hair, and her shoes.

"Simply beautiful," he dropped a kiss on the back of her hand.

"Thank you," she answered.

"Shall we?" he offered her the crook of his arm which she happily took.

"Don't wait up," she told me with her eyes fixed on him.

That meant she was expecting something to happen. She was expecting to have a nice catch. If only she had higher standard than just a nice impression for the first fifteen minutes. That's how long it took to bed Carmen if you were not too poor. If you were, then you needed to lift a mountain and find the fountain of youth. That was because she didn't think true love was possible without money.

I jumped again when Erin passed me and pinched my butt. He opened the door for Carmen, shamelessly watching her butt. He winked when he saw that I'd caught him.

I wish he had stopped there. I wished he would have left the both of us alone and went to find someone else to play with. I wished that by some miracle he would have been honorable with her but his troubles that night managed to cost me a friend. Around three in the morning, Carmen threw our door open with a violent burst. Her chignon was replaced by a bad case of bed hair, her dress was backward, and her shoes were in her hands. Her mascara was drooling past her cheeks.

"Carmen," I lifted my head off the pillow. I rubbed my eyes which were burning under the sudden bright light. "Are you...?"

"Shut up," she shouted. "It's all your fault. You did this, you did this to me. I don't want to hear your stupid voice again."

"What happened?"

"What do you think happened?" she threw the shoes over her desk and dropped on the bed face first. "He didn't want me because you took him. It's not my fault you're stuck with a wannabe like Joseph. Just leave my love interests alone."

"I didn't..."

"Just shut the hell up already," she shouted before hiding her face and the pillow to muffle her tears.

I should have said something more. I should have tried harder to reach out to her. If I did, there might have been a chance for us. It would have been better. As it turned out, that was the last straw. That was the night our friendship lost any chance at salvation.

_____

Yay, we're approaching the climax. What do you think Carmen did that absolutely broke their friendship? What was the last straw? 

Next, we're finally going to see a whole lot of the Clarks, Irene's parents. I know they've been absent for most of the book but there's a reason for their absence from either the present and the past. What do you think is going to happen with them?