I sat on the floor and cried, just running my hands across the smooth and cold tiles of the floor where she had died. It was almost as if I could still feel her head in my lap and the feel of my fingertips on her chilly, lifeless skin. I closed my eyes and could picture the way her eyes looked and the void expression on her face. Kimmy believed that she had died without any regrets, but I knew differently. I knew her secrets, I knew that she died without that fragile piece of her heart which Killian had ripped out of her chest that cold night when she last saw him.

I felt my phone vibrate in my jacket pocket, my hands were trembling from the upset that they couldn't quite get a grip on its smooth surface. I felt it slip from my grasp and the sounds of it on the tiles echoed through the fog of my brain. I curled up on the cold tiles and felt my eyes slowly close, until all that was around me was the feeling of her. I imagined her arms wrapped around me as I laid there. I imagined her soft voice as she would hum, while her thin fingers stroked through my hair. I imagined that she was still here, with me, and that all of this had been a bad dream.

In the distance I heard what sounded like huffing, the sounds of struggled breaths as it got closer; however, I couldn't will my eyes to open. I didn't want to come back to the reality that I was stuck in, I didn't want to come back to a reality that didn't involve her. I felt the warm sensation on my face as a wave of musky and hot breath fanned over my cheek. I slowly opened my eyes and they set on the most beautiful, singular brown eye that glistened with pure, unfettered love and devotion. Where his other eye should have been was just the small slit that he had lived with most of his life. The little hairs around his muzzle were grayer than I remembered it, but his expression was still the joyful one it had been.

"Jax..." My hands made their way up to his face, as his tongue flapped around the side of his mouth. I pulled him closer to me and could smell his familiar scent of musk and the faint hint of the mango and coconut shampoo on his fur. His homemade bandana covered up a new black color with a row of riveted spikes on it and his little black name tag that upon inspection, was a newer one with a new address; it had Seth's address.

I found myself chuckling when my fingers ran over the front of the black bone shaped tag when I read the new name on it, Jax Carter-Grey. No longer was he simply a Grey, he was now much more than that. I had missed him terribly, and if he was here, then Mosh was close by. My hands wrapped around his neck and pulled him closer to me, as I buried my face into his chest, the familiar sounds of his heartbeat ran through my ear. It was a sound that comforted me and made me feel as if everything was back to normal, that none of the bad stuff that had happened several months ago was even a reality.

"Aye Picks, we've been looking for you," Mosh's cockney accent invaded the room and I found my face leaving the safety of Jax's short course hair and looking up. His platinum blonde hair shown through the darkness of the room, like the first hints of a blaring sunrise. His signature toothy grin was on display, yet, there was concern laced in it. 

"How did you find me?"

"It was obvious where you'd get off to. Seth said you were angry and ran off, boy you sure are gonna be in trouble for that one!"

"I'm in trouble, huh? I didn't want anyone to worry, I just didn't know what to do. I'm sure he told you everything that happened, why wouldn't he? You are his best friend," I commented, as he just smiled his understanding smile in my direction. There was something about Mosh that just made people feel at ease. It was funny, because underneath the guise of surly and gnarly, was a warm personality that truly cared for those around him. He always made me feel at peace, except when he would steal my dog for days on end!

"Aye, I am his best mate and I know it all. So, I hear you gonna be Seth's trouble and strife?" His laugh pierced the silence, as he used his cockney lingo for wife in his question. I simply nodded and he just sat crosslegged on the floor next to me and smiled. "You know you've gotta go back, I ain't goin' back without you."

He helped me up off the floor and I picked up my phone, noticing that I had several missed calls from Seth and a few from the other guys. Mosh snapped his fingers and Jax got up off the cold floor and followed us to the door. Rushing out into the snow, a distinct limp in his backend, he waited patiently for Mosh to open up the door of his grey Chevy pickup. Mosh gave Jax the needed boost to get up in the truck before Jax settled in the center of the bench seat.

The drive back to Seth's seemed long and I was fearful of what I would find when we arrived. Would Seth be angry at me for running out on him, or would be be his typical understanding self? I prepared myself for the barrage of fury that was sure to come from my running away. Parked in front of the house were several other cars that I recognized and instantly knew that the whole band was in that house, probably waiting to rip me a new one.

Each step up those stairs felt like dragging tied cinderblocks and I secretly wished that they would halt my movements and save me from my impending fate. I couldn't stand to see Seth disappointed once again in my actions and worried that sooner or later he would simply have enough of my childish ways and cut ties. We made our way into Seth's room and the sounds of guitar chords streamed from the staircase to the upper floor.

Jax ran on ahead of us and when I reached the open room with the large window, I saw that he had settled in his large plush bed to the corner of the band room. Immediately upon my arrival, Sims began to play a familiar Social Distortion song on his guitar and I knew that Seth had spilled the beans about the engagement.

"Really, Sims? "Ball and Chain," is the best you can do? Here I thought you'd be a little more you and play "White Wedding" by Billy Idol."

He just chuckled as Seth got up from his chair and walked over, the look on his face was unreadable. I winced at the thought that he would lay into me in front of the band, but was taken aback when he simply cupped my face and rested his forehead against mine, breathing out the worried sigh that he had apparently been clutching within his chest.

"I'm sorry, Seth..." my voice trailed off as I went to say something else, but he stopped me with a passionate kiss.

When he pulled away, he looked into my eyes and said, " I know. Talia, I love you, but you can't run off when things get hard. You've got to fight through this pain in order to start to heal."

"I know. I just don't understand how my life got so complicated. I feel like every single time I get to the point where I can move past the hurt, something wells up inside me that throws it right back to the surface. I've spent the last few months pushing her deep down into the pit of my heart, so I wouldn't hurt, but all it's done is cause me to hurt more." I pressed my face into his warm hoodie and felt the tears form in my eyes.

"Picks, you can't push the pain down in order to forget. It's always going to hurt, but if you keep pushing that hurt away, you'll forget her. Forgetting her will kill you, it will kill everything inside of you that makes you who you are. Alright, enough shit and pain, let's do this!" He pushed away from me and walked over to his bass guitar, picking it up.

"What are you doing, Seth?" I asked, as he just smiled and motioned for me to pick Ness up off of the guitar stand where he was set up.

"We are giving Mom another proper sendoff!"

Mosh cheered as he rushed over to his trans blue Ludwig kit and grabbed the pair of black drumsticks from his back pocket, twirling them around in his fingers. He pressed his feet down rapidly on the pedals in front of his bass drums, the sound echoing through the soundproofed third floor.

Sims got up off his beanbag chair, guitar in hand, as he made his way to his spot next to Mickey, who was running his fingers through his head of curls; which this week were a lighter shade of peacock. He changed hair colors more than a girl changed purses.

Jax was nestled in his warm bed, fast asleep, without a care for the noise that would eventually form and encase the room. It was like old times, being up here hour upon hour, practicing. For a moment, it felt as if nothing had changed.

"Alright babe, start us off. "When The Angels Sing," on 3.....2......1..." Seth instructed, and all I could do was smile when I thought about his choice of song for sending off my mom. It was not only one of my favorite Social Distortion songs, but we had played the acoustic version for her at the small funeral we had.

The roar of the sounds of my electric through the room, echoed in not only my eardrums, but vibrated through my heart, as my eyes filled up with warm tears. Tears for her.

D - F#m - Bm - A - G - A

D..............................G

...............A.................

D..............................G

...............A.................

D...............................

As Mickey began to sing the opening verse it really hit home when he uttered the line about funerals being nicer, especially when people knew you were present. Standing there. I thought about my mother's funeral and how there wasn't a single dry eye. She was surrounded even in death, by a large crowd of people who truly loved and cherished her, even to the bitter end. 

D.......F#m...Bm...... A..........G

.................A.....................

D.......F#m...Bm......A..........G

.................A.....................

When the chorus hit and I heard the lyrics instructing me to stand up tall and just simply feel the pain, everything came rushing to the surface. I imagined her looking down on me and weeping at how strong I had forced myself to be, all the while ignoring the pain that I kept pushing down into the abyss. I kept pushing down the pain, until there was no more room left to breathe and the only thing left, was for it to bubble up to the surface and overtake my life. 

At that moment, the room was overcome with a feeling of calm, like she was standing there next to me, brushing my hair with her delicate fingers. I could almost feel her presence in every movement of my hands over the strings of my guitar and for a second, I almost felt as if I could smell her perfume. I threw my head back and closed my eyes, becoming robotic in my motions as I said goodbye to her. I sent her off into the expanse of Heaven, to be with the angels.

I knew at that moment that I would never forget my mom, that she would always be right there with me, guiding me to be the best version of myself that I could ever be. I would no longer allow myself to be lost without her, because a new chapter of my life had begun. I found my eyes settling on Seth, whose wavy mohawk bobbed in the air, while his one leg was slightly bent and  the other was straight, in a spread out pose. Seth was a different person when he held that bass in his hands, he wasn't just a regular heart of gold guy anymore, he was a punk god.

As the song came to an end, I felt the breaths in my lungs finally return to normal. The calm that I had felt and her presence was gone, but something was different. I felt different. I set down my guitar and just walked over to the circular window, staring out on the blanket of snow that was forming on the ground. It was as if the simple act of the snow coming down, was cleansing away that pain that had spilled forth, creating a fresh slate for something new to come.

I felt his strong tattooed hands come to rest around my chest, as they enveloped me and pulled me back into his firm chest. I could feel his warm breaths on my neck, as he rested his chin down on my shoulder. One single gentle kiss to the exposed flesh of my neck told me everything I needed to know at that moment. It told me that we were going to be alright, that my running away from the pain was long forgiven. It also told me that Seth would always be there for me, no matter how bad I screwed up.

I turned around in his arms and rested my face in his chest, inhaling his scent of oranges and the faint hint of nicotine. I looked up at his emerald eyes and shook my head in disgust at the fact that he had lapsed and smoked; more than likely it was Sims' fault. I looked over at Sims and gave him a dirty look, to which he just shrugged innocently and went back to messing around with his guitar.

"You stink, Seth. Way to go with quitting."

"Yeah, I screwed up. Let's call it even for the whole running away in the snow and worrying me."

I looked around Seth's chest to see Mosh, curled up on Jax's bed with him. Jax had his grey laced face resting on Mosh's chest, as he thumbed over the playlists in his phone. I saw Mosh, put an earbud in as Jax shifted on the plush bed, allowing for Mosh to lean back and rest his head on Jax's stomach; closing his eyes. Mickey was thumbing through channels on the big screen television which sat on the furthest wall, near an old grey couch. 

This was my future. A future, with the biggest bunch of delinquent looking dudes, who clearly had no concept of personal space. Without wanting them to be there for me, they had been front and center, prepared to help usher away any pain. When I wanted to be alone in my misery, they trudged through the snow in search of me, fanning out and looking different places. When I wanted to just shed tears of pain, they stepped onto the front lines of my internal battlefield, weapons of music in hand, ready to give me peace. When I wanted to run, they cupped my heart in their hands and stroked the feelings of reassurance across its veiny skin.

This moment, these guys, were my salvation. For a while I really believed that it was Damian who would mend my broken heart. That his understanding of internal pain and conflict were the key to moving forward; but the truth was, that this ragtag bunch of dudes were the guys who held the glue, screws, and tools necessary to piece back together the shattered fragments of who Talia was. They had always been the guys who I could count on the most; they were my guys.

I was lost in thought, my face buried in Seth's chest, when I heard the strums of Sims' electric. The chords of Sonic Youth's version of The Carpenter's "Superstar," resonated through the room. All of a sudden, the void disappeared and she was back again, but this time it didn't pain me. I didn't feel the tears forming in my eyes and I didn't feel my heart cracking, threatening to split within itself. 

I found myself singing along, my voice muffled against the warmness of Seth. The words about loneliness being such a sad affair and how the singer could hardly wait for the chance to be with the other person again; lost for words in order to bring them back to them again. Just the sad guitar as their faithful companion.

Just the sounds of Sims strumming the chords lingered in the room, then the faint sounds of a car parking in the drive and shortly after, the front door opening, broke the mood. Soon after, Kimmy barreled up the stairs and into the music room, plopping down near Jax and Mosh, kicking Mosh in the stomach, with one of her long legs in the process.

"Oi, you ain't sent me those wooden planks!" Mosh almost squealed at Kimmy, as she just chuckled and grabbed his phone and pulled up his FarmVille game.

"You're right, because you told me I wouldn't survive the zombie apocalypse!" Kimmy pouted at Mosh, while he just blew her off, by shrugging.

"You wouldn't! You'd insist we go rescue that prat, Nancy Callahan, and I've seen her run the mile. Zero stamina, no ability to double tap! You'd get me killed!" Mosh whined, then Kimmy kneed him again in the stomach.

"You would get yourself killed, Henry!" Kimmy's use of Mosh's real name had him wincing for a second, but then she continued, "You'd find the nearest pub and pull a Shawn of the Dead!"

"Of course. The nuclear is where we wait for everything to blow over. So, piss off and send me those planks, woman!" Kimmy just laughed and pulled out her phone, tapping a few times and then smiled at Mosh.

All I could muster to do, was to look over at Seth and smile. He leaned in and asked me what was so amusing. I just shook my head and told him that our family was highly entertaining. It never ceased to amaze me how well we all interacted with each other. We were a tried and true family unit, even if we were all separated by blood.

For a moment, I thought that Seth was quiet because he was observing the interaction, but then he leaned in and whispered in my ear, the one phrase that both scared the living daylights out of me and made my smile radiate.

He said, that it was preparing us for our own little family someday.

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A/N: Hey Guys!

I hope you liked the chapter. Please don't forget to vote and comment!

So, I just wanted to write a special chapter showing the friendship between Talia and Mosh (aka Henry). I also wanted people to see the interactions with the band, because these guys will be somewhat heavy in the second book.

P.S. According to the real life Mosh, the nuclear is cockney slang for a pub. It also has some other slang terms, but I chose this one. If for some reason my cockney slang is wrong or lacking, please let me know so I can change it and knee "Henry" in the stomach like Kimmy did!

Below is the song When The Angels Sing, by Social Distortion. If anyone is interested. They are of my favorite American punk bands, fronted by Mike Ness *my ultimate babe* (who Talia's guitar is named after) 

https://youtu.be/GOt6EFqUubk