Winter Formal

Matt

"Mattie, are you seriously wearing that to the dance?" Kayla scowled at me while gesturing at my usual attire of black jeans, boots, and of course my leather jacket.

She had taken to calling me Mattie all the time now and it annoyed me to no end. It made me sound like I was about twelve and still ate my cereal with a color changing spoon. It didn't matter how many times I told her not to, she kept right on doing it.

"It's Matt," I corrected her. "And yea, I am wearing this. I'm not dressing up for some silly dance." I thought back to when I had to wear a tux to Junior Prom and shuddered. No thank you. I grabbed a leather cuff with silver detailing and slid it on, just to really piss her off.

She rolled her eyes but turned to admire herself for the seventeenth time in the full-length mirror. It was the night of Winter Formal and she had on a short, satin white dress with glittery silver stars emblazoned all over it. "Honestly, Matthew, you would be movie star hot if only you dressed a little better."

"Yea," I scoffed. "Because that's my priority, looking like Brad Pitt. You really understand what matters, Kayla." I knew I was being short with her, but now that the newness of our relationship had worn off and all the making out that went with it, I realized that there wasn't much substance to her.

She leaned in closer to her reflection to wipe at a smudge of lipstick that had made its way onto her chin. "I don't know why you never care about your appearance."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I replied pointing at my head. "It takes me fifteen minutes to get my hair just right. You see this? Not a strand out of place." Alright, now I'm offended.

She eyed my hair in the mirror. She had better choose her next words very carefully if she didn't want to end up sobbing into the punch bowl because her date had ditched her. She chose to instead just shake her head. Good choice.

She brushed her fingers through her long waves, combing them out. The soft bounce and gleam to her golden hair gave her a sort of angelic appearance and if it weren't for that ridiculously gaudy dress, I would have dared to say she even looked sexy.

I briefly wondered what Vanessa would be wearing to the dance. Most likely something black, I thought smirking to myself. That is, if she even bothered to show up. Now that our trio had disbanded, I wasn't sure if she still had any interest in going, especially if Addison brought along a date. It never occurred to me that Vanessa could choose to bring one of her own. That was out of the question. Other than her short tryst with Chris, I had never known her to take a real interest in anybody.

Well, perhaps that wasn't entirely true. If Addison were to be believed, which ninety-nine percent of the time she was not, then supposedly Vanessa had taken a considerable fascination in me. Yea, because that was realistic. She was sooo into you that the very idea of being together was just too much for her to bear which is why she sprinted for the hills the minute you confessed how you felt. If only. I had to face the facts. She hadn't loved me and only believed me to be a loser this whole time just like everyone else had.

And now, the only one that actually cares, I'm not sure I even want. I eyed Kayla as she gave a nod of approval at her reflection. Coming second best to herself, of course.

"Alright," she announced finally turning away from the mirror and grabbing her matching sequin clutch off the bed. "I'm ready to go."

I looked upward uttering a silent thank you to the heavens.

***

Vanessa

"WOW! You look fantastic!!"

I made my way down the stairs feeling like I was a character out of She's All That.

Devin was at the bottom sporting a pair of black slacks and a white button-up. He even went so far as to put a tie on. The dance didn't call for formal attire so it impressed me that he was willing to put in that extra effort. Although, I knew I shouldn't have been surprised. Devin's appearance, from the car he drove to the clothes he wore, screamed wealth and nothing short of being put together.

I supposed I had just gotten used to Matt's lack of enthusiasm any time the dress code called for more than jeans. Sometimes, I wondered how I could have been attracted to two guys that were so vastly different.

Matt was just as handsome as Devin; if not more so, but in his own way. He had a sexy, brooding, and mysterious air about him that made you wonder what he was thinking. His steely grey eyes, dark hair, and chiseled features made him seem dangerous. If I hadn't been such good friends with him and knew he had a sweet, sensitive, and goofy side to him, I would have pegged him as intimidating and nothing more than a heartbreaker.

Devin on the other hand, was the type of attractive that people flocked to. His sun kissed, shaggy blonde hair, clear blue eyes, and kilowatt smile made for some boy band worthy good looks. He was popular, charismatic, and could dazzle anyone with just a hello. Everything seemed to come easy for him when it came to grades, sports, and money. It was hard to find a single flaw in him.

And he was always the perfect gentleman, making sure to open every door for me and offering me his jacket when the weather was chilly. After hurting Matt the way I did, I wasn't sure how my karma had been so lucky for me to land a charmer as wonderful as Devin.

Which is why I was beyond ecstatic that he was the one waiting for me at the foot of the steps with a dozen red roses in his hands. "You really think I look okay," I asked shyly as I turned to study my reflection in the mirror hanging in the foyer.

Devin came up behind me, resting a palm on my shoulder as he placed a kiss on my temple. "You look stunning. And I can't believe I get to take you as my date."

I gave him a small smile as our eyes met in the reflection. I suppose I did look nice. I was wearing a short, sparkly dress in a powder blue color that would earn even Cinderella's nod of approval. However, unlike her, I decided to forgo the glass slippers in favor of a pair of white satin pumps. The final touch of magic, was piling my hair atop my head into a bun with a few strands of curled pieces pulled out to frame my face.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Devin said reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a plastic container. "I brought you this to wear."

I gasped at the creamy corsage that he held out to me. Small silver jewels were delicately adhered to the silky petals and a mix of lace and baby's breath surrounded the flower. "Devin," I breathed. "This is beautiful."

He gave me a soft peck on the lips. "Only the best for my girl."

***

Matt

I shifted in my seat for probably the tenth time since arriving at the dance twenty minutes ago. I reached for the plastic cup in front of me, chugging down the water before fanning my face with an empty paper plate. The gymnasium was stifling hot and I was bored out of my mind.

At least when Vanessa and Addison had dragged me to dances, V had stayed behind to keep me company when Addie inevitably ditched us for the dance floor. I knew that she had longed to join her friend out there, but she had never left my side. Not even once.

She had even managed to make those events almost fun by cracking jokes at the girls that tried too hard to outdo each other with how they had dressed.

Vanessa had rolled her eyes at a ninth grader that pranced by us in a mountain of gauzy red fabric, leaving behind a trail of sparkles in her wake. "If I see one more person wearing glitter, I think I'm going to puke," she retorted.

I laughed as I leaned in close to whisper into her ear. "Did you catch a glimpse of the corsage that Melanie Moses had on?"

"Yes," she exclaimed. "Jewels on a flower? Talk about tacky. What's wrong with simple?"

I smiled at her as I lowered my gaze to admire the understated but still classic, black dress she wore. "Nothing at all."

Sighing, I took another swig of my drink. It was true. She was the only reason why I had kept going to these dances despite hating them. She always knew exactly what to say or do to make my life just a little less painful.

Kayla on the other hand, didn't gave a damn about whether or not I was enjoying myself. As soon as we had arrived, she flapped her hands and let out some bird screeches upon seeing Sarah and Abby. "Let's dance," she called.

And now, she was out on the floor shaking her butt to Dua Lipa and swaying her hips back and forth. She looked my way once to wave me over, but I vehemently shook my head. No way. I refused to look like a total idiot shuffling and bumbling around to some overplayed pop song.

I rested my head in my hands trying to rub away the ache that throbbed in my skull. This is hell. I wish Addie and V were here. I looked up as a thought popped into my mind. Were they?

I scanned the room spotting a girl wearing a bright pink, tutu dress and had to do a double take to confirm it wasn't Addison. I shook my head wondering what Vanessa would have to say about that one. I did another survey of the gymnasium when a flash of shimmering blue at the entrance caught my attention. Vanessa.

She looked radiant as she beamed from ear to ear. I started to smile reminiscing about old times when I noticed she wasn't alone.

There was a tall, blonde guy standing next to her with his arm linked through hers. I recognized him as the new kid, Devin. Giggling, she turned to him and whispered something in his ear that caused him to let out a loud laugh. He leaned in, giving her a kiss on the lips before they made their way through the crowd.

What did we have here? I sat up straight in my chair, my eyes never leaving them as they maneuvered towards the dance floor. It was quite clear that they were together, and I wondered how long that had been going on for.

I could feel my blood start to boil as the anger I had repressed for the past several months came swelling to the surface. It was now painfully obvious all the reasons she had rejected me. I wasn't popular. I wasn't athletic. I wasn't smart. I was a nobody. And who wants to be with someone that's going nowhere in life?

She certainly didn't turn me down because her feelings were too much to bear. She rejected me because of me.

***

Matt

"What the fuck, Addison" I boomed.

Addison, glistening from sweat, shook and dribbled red liquid down the front of her lavender-colored dress from the cup she had been drinking from. "Damnit," she cussed.

She turned to face me as I approached, rolling her eyes as soon as she saw me standing there before her. "Geesus, Matt. Am I not allowed to have the punch?" She blotted at the stain spreading across the bodice of her garment. She gestured at the mess. "Thanks for this by the way. You've ruined it."

"How long has that been going on for?" I nodded my head in the direction of Vanessa and Devin, who had begun to slow dance.

Addison followed my gaze and winced at the sight of her friend nuzzling her head into the blonde's shoulder. "I don't know...maybe a month. Two tops."

I tried to clamp down on my rage but could feel it exploding from inside me. "Fuck, Addison!" I pounded my fist on the table and pointed a finger at her. "You said she loved me. Does that look like love to you?"

We both glanced back to where they were dancing. Devin captured Vanessa's chin with his fingers and brought her face towards him for a searing kiss. Addison paled slightly. The sight of them squeezed at my heart. "Why the fuck did you lie to me? Is this your idea of some kind of a twisted, sick prank?"

Addison whirled her head around to face me. "You want to tone it down a bit, Matt," she growled through gritted teeth. "She's the one you're mad at, not me."

"So what is it then?" I could feel myself starting to get hysterical but continued to press on. "If you were telling the truth then what's the reason she bailed on me? Am I not good enough for her? Not smart enough? Rich enough? Popular enough?" I couldn't keep the fury out of my quaking voice as I spat out the words.

"Is that what it is? Too embarrassed to be seen with the loser who's not going anywhere?" There was no stopping my mouth. It was all coming out now. "Well, sorry I'm not Mr. Jock Golden Boy!" Several students turned and snickered at me as I shouted the last sentence.

Addison's mouth fell open as she stared at me. Now that my tirade was over and I had flown off the handle in front of the entire high school, I could feel the heat begin to rise in my cheeks.

Slowly, she began to speak when the shock of my outburst had worn off. "Wow. You done?"

I shrugged. "What else could it be, Addie?" My voice broke as I uttered the lines. I couldn't think of a single other reason as to why Vanessa didn't want to be with me.

"It's none of that," she said softly.

I furrowed my brows as I studied her. "I don't understand."

She sighed. She nodded towards the gymnasium doors with her head. "Not here. Hallway." She pulled on my arm to signal me to follow her and when we were in the quiet sanctuary of the stairwell, she sat down on the cement steps.

I plopped down next to her nudging her with my shoulder. "Spill it, Miss-Know-It-All."

She gave me a warning look. "Watch your tone, Reaper. I'm the one with the answers, remember? Or would you rather I leave you here to simmer all night?"

I held up my hands. "Sorry."

She sighed, kicking off her lilac heels and rubbing the ball of her foot. "Matt, I'm not sure where you concocted the notion that you aren't deserving of her affections. You're more than worthy." She paused to give me a wistful smile. "In fact, you were so special to her that she felt the need to come up with this crazy analogy to describe why she can't take that plunge with you."

"What are you talking about?" I raised an eyebrow as I tried to make sense of everything that she was telling me.

"I don't know," she mumbled. "Something about being too scared to ride you or whatever."

My jaw flew open. "What?!"

She laughed. "I'm just messing with you. Okay, so it's kind of bizarre but basically what she told me is that pretty much being with you is like waiting a super long time to get on a rollercoaster that looks fun but also kind of scary. By the time it was her turn to ride, she was so nervous that she bolted for the exit. With Devin, she didn't have to wait and could just hop right in. There was no time to even question her decision. She just did it before she could talk herself out of it."

Addison shrugged. "And now that she's done it, she's just going to keep going, I guess."

I ran my hands through my hair. "I don't get it. So, what you're saying is that I didn't act quick enough?"

She raised a shoulder. "If you want to look at it that way..."

"This is unbelievable," I muttered to myself. "So, because I took the time to get to know her as a friend and didn't fall in love with her until later, I missed my chance?"

She blew out a breath as she raised her gaze towards mine. "It seems that way, yea. I'm sorry."

"Fuck." My chest constricted and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I scrambled up off the steps. "Fuck," I repeated. "I need some air."

Addison rose to join me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Are you going to be alright? Do you want me to stay with you?"

A ringing echoed in my ears and her words sounded muffled. Shaking free from her grasp, I shook my head. "No. Just leave me alone. Please."

"I'll let Kayla know you're going for a walk." She moved to stand in front of me and the last thing I needed to see was the look of pity in her eyes."

"How could I have fucked this one up so badly, Addie? Can't I for just once in my life not be a failure?" A lump formed in my throat as I choked up on the last word. The last thing I needed Addie to see was me crying.

I began sprinting down the hall, the hot tears already starting to blur my vision.

"For what's it worth," Addison called after me. "She really did love you, Matt. I was honestly surprised when she didn't go for it after you told her how you felt."

I ignored her; my sights set only on making it out the doors and into the courtyard. It was critical for me to feel the cool air on my face right this instant, or else I didn't know what I would do. Addison's words replayed in my head. She really did love you.

In a world where I had believed that love was everything and all I had ever truly needed, I just couldn't fathom a reality where it simply wasn't enough.

***