Songs for this chapter are:

Blank Space- Taylor Swift

Heart Strings- Leighton Meester 

Style- Taylor Swift

Run Away- Leighton Meester

(These albums just came out and I'm OBSESSED lol. If you have either of them, what are your favorite songs from them?)

He knew from early on, from their first encounter to the first time she used that smart mouth against him, that he felt something different when it came to her. He wasn't sure, no, he had no fucking idea that the fire inside of her would dull, then be put out by his habit of making mistake after mistake, but often he finds himself sitting alone, reliving the days when she was on fire. When her voice and her actions were filled with so much passion that the air between them would fill with smoke. He should have known that that much passion would lead to destruction, to the burning of her soul, and disintegrate every ounce of her spriit, taking the girl he loved, the girl that he couldn't and still can't breathe without, and he would have to watch her drift away, with the last few clouds of gray smoke.  

...

I walk through the crowded party, pushing my way through a group of wasted assholes playing some sort of drinking game to occupy their time while trying desperately to fit in. Their bloodshot eyes and stupid grins make me nauseous as I pass them. One by one they give me the same "he's an asshole" look, while tossing balls into beer filled cups and cheering as if they have won some sort of medal for being completely brainwashed by their peers into drinking the cheapest beer from shared cups. 

When I get to the crowded hallway, I spot Steph and her tag-along. The blonde girl looks clueless, completely out of place in the swarm of moving bodies. A drink is pushed into her hand and she smiles politely, despite the fact that she doesn’t want it. I can tell by the look in her eyes. She takes it though, bringing the red cup to her mouth. Another follower. Surprise, surprise. 

“Helllooo, earth to Harry!” Molly’s voice cuts through the noise. I glance down at her, noting the annoyed expression on her face while she rests her hand on her hip. Her eyes are on Tessa and Steph.

“What were you staring at?” She questions, her voice tight.

“Nothing. Mind your damn business.” I continue to walk down the hall, up the stairs and toward my room. Molly is behind me, I can hear the tacky and excessive jewelry hanging from her wrists and neck clanging in the most annoying way. 

 “Are you following me for a reason?” I turn back to her. She flips her pink hair from her shoulder.

 “I’m bored.” She complains.

“And?” I pull my phone from my back pocket and pretend to be doing anything but listening to her. 

“Entertain me, asshole.” Molly runs her hand down my arm. I look her up and down, enjoying the way her tiny dress shows off all the things I’ve already seen. Her nails push into my skin and her smile grows.

“Come on Harry, when was the last time you’ve gotten off?” She has no shame. I like it.

“Well considering you blew me two days ago,” I remind her.

Her lips are on mine before I can get another word out. I pull back, she pushes forward. Ah, may as well. She’s not half bad and there are worse things I could be doing with my time. Like Steph, hanging out with Theresa all night. That would put anyone to sleep. 

 Molly leads me to the furthest bedroom on the right, she already knows better than to try to come into my room. No one comes into my room. The door closes behind her and she’s on me within seconds. Her mouth is hot, her lips painted with sticky gloss. 

The act of physcial touch, whether it be with Molly, or not, gives me an escape. Doesn't make much sense to me, but when my mind is turned off for a while, it's easier to think. It's a rush, the only time I really feel much of anything. 

“Well considering you blew me two days ago,” I remind her.

Her lips are on mine before I can get another word out. I pull back, she pushes forward. Ah, may as well. She’s not half bad and there are worse things I could be doing with my time. Like Steph, hanging out with Theresa all night. That would put anyone to sleep. 

Molly leads me to the bed, an empty one without so much as a sheet on the damned thing. These small things don't make a difference, I don't feel any of it. Molly's small body lays on mine, grinding herself against me. I wrap her pink hair around my fist, pulling her mouth off of mine 

"No," I warn her. She groans, whining like she usually does when I remind her not to kiss me. 

"You're such an asshole," she complains but continues to straddle my waist. The door clicks open and she stops moving her hips. Turning around, she sits up. "Can I help you?" Her tone is harsh with impatience. I join her, lifting myself up on my elbows. 

Standing in the doorway is Tessa, Steph's roommate, with a look on her face that tells me she's more embarrassed than Molly and I put together. 

Oh, Uhm." She stammers. No, sorry I was looking for a bathroom. Someone spilled a drink on me." SHe looks down at her soiled dress in disapproval. 

"Okay?" Molly mocks the girl, lifting a hand in the air. "Go find a bathroom." 

The blonde girl leaves the room immediately and closes the door on her way out. I can see the shadow of her feet under the doorway. Is she listening to us? How fucking weird. A few seconds later she disappears and Molly reaches her hand down between my legs. 

"God, that girl irritates me." She complains. For someone who isn't very well liked, Molly sure has a lot of people who "Irritate" her. 

"Should have asked her to join us." I shrug my shoulders and Molly grimaces. 

"Ew. No way. Bianca or Steph, maybe, but that Tessa girl, no way. She's not even hot and she's twice my size nearly."

"You're a bitch, you know that?" I shake my head at her. Tessa, plain and all, has a nice body The kind of body that men love, the kind of body that I would devour in a heartbeat if she could learn to tame that attitude of hers. 

"Whatever. It's just her tits that you like." Molly mouth latches on to my neck. 

"I don't like her." I feel the need to defend myself. 

  "Well obviously you don't like her. That doesn't mean you wouldn't fuck her." Molly's mouth catches my jaw, nipping at the skin there. Her hands grip me, one over my cock and she continues to mover her small body over mine. 

"No more talking." I reach down between her parted thighs and run my fingers over her.  She groans against my neck and I focus on the pleasure she's providing me. Molly is more like me than she would ever admit, she too finds her days bleak and unexciting. She uses sensation in the same way that I do to escape her own head. I don't know much about where she came from, she will never share, but I know it was rough. 

Molly's body shakes as I pump my fingers into her, knowing by now how to get her off quickly. Just as she moans, I catch the sound of "Lou.." but she quickly recovers and says my name. Lou? What the fuck? I try not to laugh at the thought of her talking about Louis. She knows better than to think he would give her the time of day. He's nice enough to her, just because he's a nice guy, but he has standards. 

If I cared, I would call her out on it but I simply don't give a fuck. I use her and she uses me, we both know this. My mind wanders to the party downstairs. I wonder how many times Steph's roommate has cried so far. She's quite the emotional one, with her ranting and sassy attitude. 

Molly's hands tug at my jeans, unfastening the button and I close my eyes as her warm lips wrap around my cock. 

She doesn't say a word, neither do I, when she wipes her fingers across her swollen lips. Molly stands, pulling her dress down to cover her body as much as the scrap will, and she leaves the room. 

I lay there, on a bed that isn't mine and stare at the ceiling for a few minutes before I wander out into the hallway. The party is still going, the floors are getting messier and messier by the minute. A group of three drunk girls holding hands walks by. 

"You guys are my best friends," the shorter of the three says to her friends. 

One of them is wearing a blue sweater, her eyes are bloodshot as she stumbles down the hall, nearly tripping over her feet. "I love you both," she says. Her eyes filling with tears. Drunk girls are their crying and being "best friends" with everyone...

Louis appears at the end of the hall, a crooked his smile on his face and a drink in each hand. He offers me one but I shake my head. 

"Yours is water." He says, holding the red cup between us. I grab it, bringing it to my nose to smell the liquid. 

"Erm, thanks."  I take a drink of the cold water and ignore the way Louis isn't judging me for drinking water. 

"The house is packed man." He says to me, clearing his throat. "This cheap vodka burns like a bitch," he grimaces. 

I don't say anything, I just let my eyes roam around the hall as we walk toward the stairs. 

"I saw that Tessa chick go into your room." He says from behind me. I turn to face him. 

"What?"

"She went in there, with Steph. Steph's sick, she was puking in the bathroom."

"Why would they go into my room?" I raise my voice. No one goes into my room. Sick or not. 

He shrugs, "Don't know. Don't care, just warning you." 

Louis disappears into the crowd as I head toward my room. Steph knows better than to go into my room, why didn't she warn her little tag-along? 

I pull the handle on my door, opening it easily. I could have sworn I locked it. 

 Standing next to my bookshelf is Tessa and in her hand is one of my favorite books. The warn pages show its use to me. 

"I asked you what the hell you are doing in my room?" I repeat, just as harsh as the first time. I cross the room toward her and take the book from her hand and toss it back onto the shelf where it belongs. She still hasn't answered me, she's standing there, near my bed, with wide eyes and a closed mouth. 

"Niall told me to bring Steph in here," the blonde girl whispers.  She waves her hand in the direction of "She drank too much and Niall said-" I've heard enough. 

"I heard you the first time," I calmly interrupt her. Steph is passed out in my bed and I'm not happy about that one bit. 

"You are a part of this fraternity?" She asks me, her voice curious and a tad bit judgmental. Not that I'm in anyway surprised by this. I'm used to being judged, especially around rich kids with highly attitudes. I don't think this girl is rich though. Her dress looks like it came from a consignment store instead of a department store, that surprises me for some reason.

"Yea.. so?" I step toward the nosy girl and she backs away, hitting the bookcase in the process.  "Does that surprise you, Theresa?" 

"Stop calling me Theresa," she snaps at me. Feisty. 

"That's your name isn't it?" 

Sighing, she turns away from me. I glance over at my bed as she attempts to leave the room. 

"She can't stay in here," I call to her. No way is Steph sleeping in my bed all night. 

"Why not? I thought you guys were friends?" How sweet... how naive. 

"We are, but no one stays in my room" I cross my arms over my chest and get a good look at her. Her eyes are following my tattoos inked onto my arms. 

She seems to snap out of her staring fit.  "Ohh.. I see. So only girls who make out with you can come into your room?" She snorts. I can't help but smile at the little feisty Freshman with long blonde hair and killer curves hidden underneath that hideous outfit. Something about this girl irritates me, on a deeper level than Steph, even Molly. I can't put my finger on it, but she is getting under my skin pretty quickly and I need to put a stop to that. 

"That wasn't my room. Are you trying to say you want to make out with me?" I watch as her cheeks flush. "You're not my type, sorry." I smile and watch her face twist into embarrassment and anger. 

"You are.. you are.." I feel uncomfortable as she fights to find the insulting words. "Well.. then you take her to another room, and I will find a way back to the dorms." She says, sure of herself and pissing me off more by the second.

She wouldn't actually leave Steph in here. Would she? She opens the door and walks through it.

Damn, she has more balls than I thought. I'm slightly impressed. Annoyed even more so, but impressed. 

"Goodnight Theresa," I yell to her as she slams by bedroom door. 

The mirror on my wall catches my attention, the man standing in it is barely recognizable. I don't know who I've become in the last few years, and I don't understand where this stupid smile on my face came from.

I am used to bickering with obnoxious people during these parties. Why did I enjoy this much more than usual? Probably because this Tessa is new, she's not my usual prey but she's fun to toy with.

The noise from downstairs fills my room and with Steph in my bed, I have nothing to do. I will have to get NIall to carry her out of here, drop her in the hallway if i have to. Surely, she's slept worse places. I find myself thinking about Tessa and her attitude. The way she stubbornly placed her hand on her hip and she didn't back down from me. 

I decide to walk out into the hallway instead of standing around my room until I think of  an easy way to dispose of Steph without having to actually do anything. I convince some newbie to move Steph's body to an empty room down the hall and make my way back to my room. 

On my way, I walk past the bathroom door I hear a frantic voice through the door. It's that Tessa girl, I know it. I can barely remember names, but I know her voice somehow. 

"Yeah.. no.. I went to a stupid party with my roommate and now I am stuck at a frat house with no where to sleep and no way to get back to my room," she's full on crying now. I should just walk away from the door. I don't have the energy or remote interest in dealing with a crying, overly sensitive girl. 

 "But she.." I can't make out her words between her sobs. I press my ear to the door.

"That isn't the point Noah.." I hear her say. I try to open the door, I'm not even sure why, but it's locked.  

"Just a minute," her voice is loud, losing patience. 

I knock again. "I said just a minute!" She yanks the door open and her eyes grow wide when she sees me.  I look away as she walks past me. I reach for her arm, gently stopping her. 

"Do not touch me!" She yells and jerks away from me.

"Have you been crying?" I ask, even though I already know the answer.

"Just leave me alone Harry." She says, no conviction in her tone. She sounds so exhausted. Who was she talking to on the phone? Her boyfriend?

I open my mouth to tease her but she holds a finger up. "Harry, please. I am begging you, if you have one decent bone in your body you will leave me be. Just save whatever mean comment you are going to say for tomorrow. Please." Her blue gray eyes are shining with tears and the rude remark I had planned for her suddenly lost it's spark. 

"There is a room down the hall you can sleep in, Steph is already in there." I tell her. She stares at me like I've grown three heads.

"Okay." She simply says. 

"It's the third door on the left." I walk toward my room. I feel an overwhelming urge to get away from this girl, and fast.  "Goodnight Theresa." I say and step into my room. I close the door and lean against the back of my door. I feel dizzy. Louis better not have tricked me and slipped some shit in my water. 

I walk to the bookshelf and grab Wuthering Heights, opening to the middle of the novel. Catherine is the most infuriating female character I've ever read and I cannot for the life of me understand why Heathcliff puts up with her shit. He's an asshole too, but she's the worst. 

 It takes me a while to fall asleep but when I do I find myself thinking about Catherine, a young blonde version of her, but the sound of my mother's screams wakes me in the middle of the night. I sit up, sweat soaking through my shirt, and turn on the light. When will this shit end? It's been years and it won't go away.

The next morning I take a shower and walk down to the kitchen after my shower. Grabbing a trash bag, I decide to help clean up, for once. Maybe if I do some nice shit for people, I'll get a full night's sleep sometime. In the kitchen, I find Tessa, still here, laughing and leaning against the counter in the kitchen.

"What's so funny?" I ask while cleaning the empty cups off of the counter. 

"Nothing.. does Niall live here too?" She asks me. I ignore her the first time.  "Does he?" Her soft voice gains some volume.  "The sooner you tell me if Niall lives here, the sooner I can leave."

"Now you have my attention." I take a step toward her to clean the pile of soaking paper towels off of the counter. "But no he doesn't live here. Does he seem like a frat boy to you?" I smile at the annoyed girl. 

"No, but neither do you," she scoffs. I don't respond. Damn it this house is a fucking disaster. 

"Is there a bus that runs close to here?" She taps her foot against the floor like a child and I roll my eyes. 

"Yep, well its about a block away,"

"Could you tell me where it is?"

"It is not that hard to find," Something about her quick annoyance makes me smile. 

"No way we are not taking the bus, he will drive us back. He was probably just giving you a hard time," I hear Steph says as she enters the kitchen. Her dark makeup is smeared around her eyes. I glance at Tessa who is barely wearing any, and note the difference. "Harry, you ready to take us back now? My head is pounding," 

"Yeah, sure just give me a minute," I drop the bag of trash onto the floor and laugh to myself when I hear Tessa scoff. It's so easy to get under this girl's skin. 

Tessa and Steph meet me by my car and I can't help but choose one of the heaviest metal songs to play during the drive back to campus. I roll the windows down and enjoy the breeze. 

"Can you roll those up?" Tessa asks from the backseat. I glance in the rear-view mirror and pull my lip ring between my teeth to keep from laughing at the way her blonde hair is whipping around her face. I pretend not to hear her and turn the volume up on the stereo. 

"Ill come by later Steph," I say to her while she climbs out of the car. I can see her panties through her outfit but I'm sure that's the point of wearing fishnet stockings. 

"Bye Theresa," I smile and she rolls her eyes. I find myself laughing as I drive away. 

 (Authors note: Hey guys! It's been sooo long and I'm so sorry it took so long. I've been so busy with editing the books for print and traveling for press stuff. If you follow me on twitter, you know this hah. It felt so good to write again though and I've missed early Hessa so much so this feels good and brings me back to the days where we all just started! I've had two signings now and they were both so great so thank you to everyone who came to them! The first book is out of course and you guys are so great for making the stores run out so quickly! They have ordered more though so don't worry that you won't get one! I feel like I have so much to say lol! But I'll keep it short and I'll be updating Before again this week! Love you all! AnnaToddBooks.com has my signing dates and stuff! love you!