Songs for this chapter are:

I'm A Mess- Ed Sheeran 

Fools Gold- One Direction

Colors- Halsey

Hardin's POV.

I stay inside my head during the drive back, focusing my attention on using my fingers drawing small shapes on Tessa's leg.  "Did you have a nice time?" Tessa asks when we get to campus.  Her question is full of expectation.

A nice time was certainly had. I would like to have a nice time with her, making her moan my name as I finger fuck her over and over. "Yeah, I did, actually . . . listen, I would walk you to your room, but I don't want to play twenty questions with Steph . . ." I shift in my seat to look at her. She's disappointed even though she's trying really hard to keep that fake smile on her face.

"It's fine. I'll just see you tomorrow," she says regrettably. I can tell she doesn't want to go and the thought pleases me. She stares at me, waiting for me to say something.

I don't say anything, but I reach up an grab a loose strand of her hair and tuck it behind her ear. I don't have much to say, but I want to feel her again. I want to feel this overwhelming calm she brings with her when she touches me.

She turns her cheek so it's resting in my palm and she looks like a younger version of herself, open and waiting for me. I tug at her arms, asking her to come closer. I need her closer. She obliges and climbs over the center console and straddles my lap. My body is warm from the afternoon sun and Tessa's hands are greedily tracing the ink marked on my stomach. Each touch of her fingertip sends another steady flicker through me.

I tease her tongue with mine, taking everything she'll give me. I wrap my arms around her back, pulling her as close to me as possible. It's still not enough. I need more of her. I can't get enough of this girl. My hands travel up her warm stomach and we're interrupted by the most obnoxious ringtone.

"Another alarm?" I ask her as she digs into her purse to find her phone. The screen on her ancient phone is small, but big enough for me to see name flashing across the screen. Noah.

Her precious little high school boyfriend is calling her while she's in my car with her tongue down my throat. She presses ignore and smiles up at me. Really? Guess she's not as innocent as I thought. A good orgasm seemed to pull her morals out with each moan.

It dawns on me that she will never tell him any of this. Not a word. She's going to kiss me, get out of my car and go call her preppy little boyfriend the moment she gets into her room. She's going to tell him she loves him. He will say it back and she will smile the way she did when I kissed her.

She licks her lips and leans across the center console to kiss me again. No, no.

"I think I better go." I sigh and stare out the windshield.

"Hardin, I ignored it," she defends. "I am going to talk to him about all this. I just don't know how or when—but it will be soon, though, I promise."

Well, I was wrong about her morals disappearing but this is worse than I thought. She spent one afternoon with me and now she's going to break up with her childhood lover-boy in hopes that I'll be his replacement?

No, no.

No.

The air in the car is thickening, clogging my throat, as Tessa waits for my response.

"Talk to him about what?" I ask, knowing I shouldn't feed this puppy more than I already have.

"All of this." Her hand waves around the car, swirling the thick air and I'm convinced I'm going to fucking choke on it. What was I thinking doing this shit with her? I should just fucked her, no cute little lunch debate over ketchup, no talks about our future plans. As women always do, she now wants to be a part of mine. She's her own brand of crazy if she thinks this could actually happen.

She's using words like "Us" and it's fucking terrifying. "Us."
"Us? You're not trying to tell me you're going to break up with him . . . for me, are you?"
She feels heavier on my lap now, a solid reminder of why virgins aren't my thing. Even Natalie wasn't a first timer, she had given her virginity to a boy from her church while "experimenting".

"You don't . . . want me to?" Tessa frowns in confusion. Christ, this is going down hill fast.

"No, why would you? I mean, yeah, if you want to dump him, go for it, but don't do it on my behalf."

"I just . . . I thought . . ." she struggles with the rest of her sentence,
"I already told you that I don't date, Theresa."

She flinches, hurt by my words. This is messier than I thought it would be. Part of me wants to tell her I don't mean to be a dick, that it's engrained into every fiber of me to be this way, it's not my fault. Or hers. Except it is my fault, it's my fault that I just don't have the slightest bit of whatever it is that makes people want to pair off with each other and live happily whilst frolicking through wildflower patches. I'm simply not capable.

"You're disgusting," she climbs off of my lap and quickly gathers her phone and bag. Her absence on my lap nags at me. So does the deep gray storm have brewed into. "Stay away from me from now on—I mean it!" Tessa shouts.

Natalie's voice saying the exact same words to me, eyes full of tears, blasts through the speakers in my mind.

Tessa's eyes are glossy but she's holding it together for her pride. We're alike in this way, the enormous, irrational amount of pride we both have could be dangerous.

Tessa opens the car door and climbs out without even looking back at me. She does her best to slam the door and hurries across the parking lot. I immediately pull out of the parking lot. I turn the dial on my stereo, I need the noise to silence the hurricane gathering in my mind. My hands are itching, my mind is racing. Natalie, Theresa, Natalie, Theresa.

Natalie standing on the porch at my mum's house in Hampstead, a book bag covered in floral print clutched to her chest and her bloodshot eyes were full of thick tears.

"Please, Hardin," she cried. "I have no where to go." She begged. A puff of smoke clouded in the cold air in front of her as she spoke. I couldn't bring myself to let her in. I just couldn't. I had heard that her family and church exiled her, kicking her out of both of her lifelong sanctuaries. She looked so young in that moment, her blue eyes were shining through the darkness as she waited, hoping I would change my mind.

I wouldn't though, I fucking couldn't. I couldn't let her stay at my house. My mum was barely home and that would leave her with me all the time. What could I do for her? I would hurt her worse than her family could.

I'm toxic in that way.

I didn't want to have anything to do with her and even if I had, there was not shit I could do. My dad was a drunk who would wake her as he stumbled into the musty house, cigarette smoke had stained the walls and permanently tied into the fabric of the furniture.

Where would she sleep if he came back? He had been gone for a few years, but my childish mind believed that he could return. I was a damn fool.

Now he's back and he has a nice little family in a big house and I hate how often this thought crosses my mind. I've already moved to another country to live close to him and now he's embedded into my thoughts what feels like all fucking day.

A honking noises pulls me back to the present and I quickly jerk the steering wheel, causing a minivan to honk at me. My eyes aren't focused, outside of the windshield is a blur. Blinking a few times, I reach for the volume dial on my stereo. I need to pull off the side of the road. My chest is aching, a steady, thick pounding of muscle inside of me. My bones are rattling from the force. I can feel beads of sweat, tears maybe, soaking my skin. Embarassed, I wipe at them.

"Fuck!" I shout into the thick air. I need air. My throat feels like it's closing as I throw open the door. The cool fall air tunnels through, calming my chest.

Natalie's face is fresh in my mind, Tessa joins her and the girls are laughing at me, snorting and teasing me. They're mocking the way they have this power over me. Tessa's knowing smile brightens and Natalie fades out. What the fuck is happening to me? I need to stay away from Tessa, no matter what stupid bet I made or how stupid I'll look when Zed wins.

Zed. He's always a factor in this mess. I can't stand the thought of him having her. His body, beads of sweat on his skin as presses his body against hers.

I close my eyes and rest my burning cheek against the cool steering wheel. What a goddamn mess I got myself into.

(An: I can't believe this book will be published in one week?!!!? I'm updating again Wed! Love you all!!)