*adam*

look at this crib
in all of its glorious antiquary
every curve and surface speaks to me
saying pamper and spoil me
sand me and oil me
come on
i know to the untrained eye it's boring
but nothing's a chore when you're restoring
apart from frustration pain and financial drain
it's fun!
folks say adam
why do you polish your crib
when you don't have a kid?
and even if you did have a kid,
this crib is too precious for placing a baby inside it
so it simply exists to remind you
you're sense of perfection is just a reflection that
you are not mentally prepared to make room for a kid
adam, why don't you live?
adam, just make a start
are you willing to take the next step?
ready, set...
ready, set...

*Barbara*

look at these jugs!
amazingly glazed and terracotta-ery
i took some clay and made you pottery
the world will never wreck you
i'll protect you in a mother's embrace
folks say, Barbara
why can't you see that ceramics is
simply a manifestation of motherly panic
by making a baby that's breakable
aren't you creating a way of translating the
terror of making maternal mistakes into clay
hiding away so you don't have to face being a bad mom
Barbara
that's what you've done
Barbara
just make a start
are you willing to take the next step?
ready, set...

*both*

here we stand
at the end of a 10 year plan
a house, a yard, a minivan
a baby should be next
together let's leap off the cliff
fall forever, then smash to bits
trapped in a terrifying viper pit
of diapers and regret
are we willing to take the next step?

*adam*

ready, set

*Barbara*

ready, set

*adam*

not yet

*Barbara*

not yet

*adam*

why rush?

*Barbara*

why rush?

*both*

soon enough our hopes and our dreams will be crushed

*beetlejuice*

but not yet!

*adam*

but not yet!

*Barbara*

not now

*adam*

not now

(floorboard creaks)
ooohh
(floorboard creaks)
no!
(floorboard creaks)
see?
we can't start a family in a house with creaky floorboards

*Barbara*

you are absolutely right
let's add it to the list with the cracks in the plaster

*adam*

the wifi should be faster

*Barbara*

this sofa needs a castor

*adam*

the bathroom's a disaster!

*barbara*

what about global poverty?

*adam*

what about world peace?

*Barbara*

then there's the whole darn economy

*adam*

the whole middle east

*Barbara*

we should learn mandarin

*adam*

yeah! or Spanish at least.

*both*

no habla español
dos cervezas por favor
and thats all we got
and that's not a lot
do we want a bilingual household or not?
so let's go slow no breaking a sweat
what's the point of having children if we're drowning in dept?

*Barbara*

now we're totally

*adam*

completely

*Barbara*

maybe 80 percent

*adam*

i'd say 78

*both*

ready to take the next step

*beetlejuice*

yeah! yeah! yeah! yeah!

*both*

the next step

*beetlejuice*

zooby dooby dooby, dooby dop and bow!

*both*

the next step
ready set let's ...
(screams)

*beetlejuice*
see i wasn't kidding it's a show about death!