"even if i'm no longer really me, there's still a part that lives inside my heart that hopes to be"

-his theme, undertale (vocal cover by lizz)

"Roses are red, violets are blue, Felicity Williams loves giving head, and she loves abusing people too."

I clenched my fists, schooling my expression into one of indifference despite my rapidly increasing heart rate. I could recognise that handwriting anywhere, and even if I couldn't, there was only one person who dared to openly insult me.

But, unfortunately for her, I wouldn't cry. I had long since cried myself out, and the want to weep was replaced by numbness. I would feel my heart pounding in anticipation of how I had to react, I would feel my head become slightly heavy, but I wouldn't cry. I couldn't cry.

If Georgia wanted to break me, she would have to try harder than that.

Contrary to what people thought, I wasn't a slut. I was a virgin, partly because I hadn't had a proper lover in ages, but mostly because I wasn't particularly inclined towards the idea of sex. To me, sex was like a mediocre snack - I would partake in it if I felt like I should, but I didn't much care for it. It was just a method of procreation after all.

But as always, the stigma of 'slut' was associated with being popular. The fact that I was a tyrant only added to that. Apparently, as long as someone was hated, every single unfavourable description was assigned to them regardless of its truth.

"Looks like everyone has regressed ten years," I remarked coldly, although my gaze was trained on the back of the classroom. "Insults on the whiteboard - what's next? A whoopee cushion? Maybe I'll have to start dumbing down my speech, considering that everyone's suddenly reverted to toddlers overnight."

"Well, you're dumb as a rock anyway, so it wouldn't make much of a difference."

I stiffened slightly as laughter erupted through the classroom. Georgia's stunt had given them courage, but it wouldn't do to have my authority questioned. It was another reminder of how miserable I had been at the bottom, and another reminder that I had to use all means to stay at the top.

"Oh yeah?" I replied, voice saccharine sweet. "Would you like to repeat that to me in person, when you're not hiding behind others like a wuss?"

The class fell silent.

"That's what I thought," I smiled, satisfied. "Stupidity doesn't make you look better by the way, your face is too much of a terror." I sat down, pretending to be absorbed in my notes.

I could hear murmurs and hushed insults, barely disguised contempt of me. I wanted to cover my ears, but I couldn't for fear of being labelled as 'insane' or 'weak'. My morning was already bad enough, even without the insults, and it was pointless making it worse for myself.

"Right, class, we'll be working on a new topic today," Mrs. Bennett strode in, setting a stack of papers on the desk with an unceremonious thump. She raised an eyebrow at the words on the board, but didn't spare them a second glance before erasing them. "I have a few worksheets here that we'll do together as a class, in addition to the activities in your workbook."

There were a few groans, but no one said anything.

"Think of it this way - if we finish these together, you won't have homework to struggle over alone and you won't give me an aneurysm when I struggle to mark." Everyone laughed at that, although I was mentally screaming. I hated Math, and I hated the fact that I couldn't understand it no matter how hard I tried. Work in class was worse than homework, because I simply couldn't catch up that quickly and I didn't have Google to help. "Also, if you want to write on the board, please make sure to use a better marker. Orange makes my eyes want to bleed."

I flushed at that, forcing myself to maintain a blank expression as a few people turned to look at my reaction. The teachers were aware of what I did, but they had never interfered.

For Mrs. Bennett to make such a remark, it was as good as saying that she agreed.

I spent most of Math after that in a numb haze.

===

I slammed my book shut, fighting back a scream of fury.

I didn't understand the new topic at all, and the Math lesson had only served to make me more confused. Mrs. Bennett had said that there would be a quiz the next day, as a recap of all the things we had gone through, but no matter how I stared at the textbook I couldn't understand what we had been taught.

My grades were Cs and Ds usually, with the occasional B if by some miracle something clicked in my head and I scraped through. But my Math was hovering dangerously close to an F, and I knew that I would be in for one hell of a time if I ever failed. Daniella didn't accept failure, even though I knew that I was already a failure in her eyes.

"She's so stupid, she can't even understand something as simple as Math. Who doesn't understand Math? It's just numbers, as long as you get the concept it's a breeze. God, she's such a dunce."

"I heard that she does, you know, favours for the teachers so that they let her pass. I mean, it would make sense, wouldn't it? She does so badly for everything. Ha, she's got such a sharp tongue but there's nothing in her brain!"

"I can't wait for the day when I become some rich CEO or something, then I see her on the streets sweeping or even better begging. Then, it'll be my turn to laugh at her and crush her for all the times she's crushed me. Her tyranny might get her to the top, but her empty head will throw her back down to the bottom!"

"Well, you're dumb as a rock anyway, so it wouldn't make much of a difference."

I felt my shoulders shaking, even though there were no tears. I couldn't tell if I was laughing from the injustice of it all, or if I wanted to cry.

But as usual, there was no one there except myself, just as it always had been.

And as it always had been, I had no choice but to pick myself up, force a grin and return back to being an actress.

===

"Felicity! It's been so long, I didn't expect to see you today!"

I dropped my bag onto a nearby chair, allowing a small smile to creep onto my face.

"Sorry about that, I've just been busy with things. You know high school," I laughed, even though I wanted to curl up at the thought of the terrible day I'd had. I had long since mastered the art of pulling of several different personalities, even if they were fake. "Can I head upstairs and see the kids?"

"Of course, dear! You're more than welcome here," Mrs. Green flashed me a warm smile, so unlike the ones I received from my parents. "Now go on, the kids will be thrilled to see you."

Slightly hesitant, I climbed the stairs and walked to the games room where I knew they would be. I hadn't been to the orphanage in three weeks, which was the longest I had ever been gone. What if the children were angry at me for my absence? The orphanage was the only solace I had from my home and my school, and if I lost even that, I knew that I would break down.

"Felicity!"

I stumbled slightly as someone barrelled straight into me.

"Hey Abby," I smiled affectionately, kneeling down to ruffle her hair. "Have you been good while I've been away?"

"Of course, I'm like an angel," Abigail said cheekily, brown eyes sparkling with humour. "Why didn't you come back earlier?" She pouted childishly, and I felt my heart warm. It wasn't so much her cuteness, although she was undeniably adorable, but more because I felt wanted.

"I'm sorry," I sighed. "School's been a big meanie," I winked at her, and she giggled. "You'll understand when you're older."

"Everyone always says that I'll understand when I'm older, but the older I get the more confusing everything gets," Abigail whined.

Amen to that, I thought silently, stifling a laugh.

"And I don't even know if I'll get to go to school," she continued, eyes clouding over with sudden sadness. I felt my heart break at the sight - Abigail had always been insecure about herself because she was the oldest in the orphanage. "No one wants to adopt me."

"Oh sweetheart," I murmured, sweeping her into a hug. I could feel her trembling, and I knew that she was crying. "You're perfect the way you are, okay? I wish I could do more for you, but I can't, so all I can do is tell you to have hope. Love even if the world is worthy of love, and I promise you that you will find your happiness."

Abigail pulled away, looking at me with teary eyes.

"Pinkie-promise?" She whispered, holding out her pinkie.

"Yeah," I smiled, feeling my eyes burn slightly, and hooked my pinkie with hers. "Promise."

It was pathetic that I didn't know how to love myself, and I didn't know how to let others love me. I didn't deserve the pure, sincere adoration of children who didn't know the monster I truly was. I didn't deserve everything they gave to me.

But for the sake of granting hope to someone else, I would continue to smile and make promises that I couldn't keep.

Even if I had lost hope in the world a long time ago.