"you can run but you can't hide. time won't help you, because karma has no deadline"

-true friends, bring me the horizon

"You know, Felicity, you're like my older sister!"

I froze, fingers tightening around my ice-cream cone.

"I'm honoured," I smiled, though it was tight. "Why do you think so, though?"

"Well," Abigail paused to grin at me, eyes alight with glee. "You care for me, and for all of us! Even though you get really tired sometimes, you always come over at least three times a week! That's why you're like my older sister, because you're always there for us!"

"So, going by your logic, if someone else were there instead of me, you'd think of them as your older sister too, right?"

"No," Abigail replied immediately, taking me aback. "You're special to me, and to all of us! No one could ever replace you."

I felt a shudder pass through my body, and I longed desperately to curl into myself. I didn't deserve the title, the prestige, the responsibility of being an older sister. It didn't matter if it was by blood, or by name. I couldn't do it, not when it brought back so many memories of my inadequacy and my failure.

I didn't want to remember. I didn't want to remember her, I didn't want to remember what had happened, I didn't want to remember anything.

But you still do, don't you? You force yourself to remember every single excruciating second.

"Thank you," I said. It was empty, hollow - I didn't mean it, just as I didn't mean most things I said nowadays. After all, the things I didn't mean were picked on and picked apart by people while the things I did mean were ignored.

Funny how the world worked, wasn't it?

"We should probably get back soon," I stared at the ice-cream dripping down the side of the cone. "Mrs. Green did say that we only had an hour."

"Aw," Abigail pouted. "I want to stay! You'll bring me out again, right?"

"Yeah, of course I will," I cracked a small smile. "You can count on it."

There was an odd tightness in my chest as I watched Abigail cheer, a feeling that I couldn't describe. I wanted to reach out, to promise Abigail that yes, I would be her older sister and that yes, I would always be there for her.

But I couldn't. I couldn't make promises, because I always ended up breaking them.

===

"Hey, Felicity, do you see the stars?"

"What are you talking about?" I laughed, turning my head slightly to face her. We were lying on the grass, gazes trained skyward and fingers interlocked. "It's a clear night today, there's no stars. Maybe you need to sleep."

"If I need to sleep, you need to sleep too," she shot back, grinning as I pouted. "Look closer, there's a star right there."

Squinting, I followed the direction her finger was pointing, and was surprised to find a tiny speck glimmering defiantly.

"Are you sure that's not just glitter?" I teased, letting out an exaggerated 'ow!' when she whacked my arm.

"Shut up," she snickered. "Anyway, why do you think I showed you that?"

"Mm, I don't know, to prove me wrong? That's your favourite past-time, after all."

"No," she rolled her eyes. "I didn't drag you out here just to watch the stars, jeez, who do you think I am? I'll let you stargaze with your future boyfriend. I wanted to tell you something."

"Aw, I thought we were going to die together with fifty cats and a boatload of tea," I widened my eyes comically, eliciting a snigger from her. "Just us two, against the world - you can be the tall hottie who gets both the dudes and the chicks while I can be your short, grumpy bodyguard. I can be the Antonio to your Bassanio, hell yes."

"They're good friends, dammit," she groaned. It was a long-standing argument between us, with me believing strongly in Antonio loving Bassanio and her believing strongly in them just being friends. "Anyway, that's beside the point."

"There-"

"If you say 'there is no point' I will slap you," she interrupted. "Shut up and let me pretend I'm being deep and philosophical even though it's probably overused."

"I really wish you'd have your nerdy Erudite moments in the day instead of at night," I sighed, but fell silent anyway.

"Right, so, you know how you thought that there were no stars?" She paused dramatically. "Well, that's a lot of life, isn't it? You think that there's no hope, that you'll never find your way out of despair because everything just seems to be dark. But, if you look a little closer, there's always that tiny star in the distance. It's small, it's difficult to see, but it's there. So I guess the moral of this is - don't ever give up. There's always hope, even if you can't see it at first. You've just got to look a little harder, and believe."

There was a brief moment of silence.

"You're right, that is ridiculously overused," I pre-emptively shied away from her hit. "But thanks. Much as it pains me to admit it, your philosophical stuff does help."

"Aw, that's so sweet! I want to hug you now."

"Don't you dare!"

She hugged me anyway, and it was more of a tackle than anything. Still, as we lay there laughing until our sides ached, I had never felt luckier to have her. If anything, she was the star in my life.

"Remember our promise?"

"Mm," I mumbled absently. "How could I forget?"

"Always keep that in mind, okay?" She flashed me a smile, although it was slightly wistful. "Even if the world were to end, I will be by your side. Always. It doesn't matter if I'm there in person or not, I will always be there. So, for me, keep holding on."

"Even if the world were to end, I will be by your side," I repeated, before throwing my arms around her and hugging her. "It's a two-way thing."

I bolted upright, gasping.

It wasn't unusual for me to get a memory instead of a dream, but it had never been that memory. Maybe it was because I had been subconsciously aware that that memory was too precious for me to relive.

And maybe, this was my subconscious' way of telling me to move on.

I let out a choked noise, doubling over as the suffocating feeling in my chest grew. It felt like someone had wrapped their hands around my throat and was squeezing, determined to wring all life from me.

Don't leave me.

I don't know what to do without you.

I need you.

"No, stop," I gasped out. "Please."

If there was one thing that could remind me of how good I was at breaking promises, it was her.

If there was one thing that could remind me of how much of a mistake I was, it was her.

If there was one thing that could remind me of how terrible a monster I was, it was her.

I miss you so much, please come back.

My mouth opened in a scream, but nothing came out.

===

Georgia: be careful. it's bad.

[1 Attachment]

I backed up against a tree, curiosity finally overtaking my will to ignore the message. Really, that was saying a lot, since I usually had a will of steel when it came to ignoring messages.

I tapped on the attachment, waiting impatiently for it to load. It was a voice attachment, though luckily, I had my earphones plugged in. If there was one thing I hated, it was the embarrassment of having something private blasting out from my phone in a fanfare of kill me now. It was one of the reasons why my earphones were almost perpetually plugged in.

At first, there didn't seem to be anything out-of-the-ordinary. It was just typical gossip about me.

That was, until I heard it.

"No, did you hear? Felicity Williams killed her sister."