"however i struggle, however i pray, my claws and fangs won't go away"

-the wolf that fell in love with red riding hood, kagamine rin and len (cover by sirhamnet)

It wasn't a friendship, nor a commitment of any kind. It was just something that happened.

Warning, tension, build-up - those were added in movies to make things out to be more dramatic than they were. In real life, these didn't exist most of the time. When something happened, it just did. There was no ceremony about it, no dragging out of the event. It just happened, and then it was over.

And while Asher Miller was something of a hero in the eyes of my schoolmates, this rule didn't change for him.

===

Whenever I felt alone, before I had the comfort of the orphanage, I always hid out in an empty classroom after school. There was something soothing about how everything was quiet, devoid of any of the usual noise that accompanied a class. It let me think, even if I left feeling decidedly more lonely than usual.

It helped that I could escape the mess that was my house for just a while longer.

At least, in the stillness, I didn't have to worry about my image.

I could be myself, even if I wasn't sure who 'myself' was.

"Wow, I didn't expect to find anyone here."

I jumped, whipping around sharply to face the door. I must have looked ridiculous with my face contorted in a practised snarl, when it was evident that I was in no danger.

"Whoa, relax, I'm not going to do anything," Asher Miller laughed, running a hand through his hair as he closed the door. "I was just surprised to see you, that's all. I thought no one else would be here at this hour."

"Yeah, well, you thought wrong," I bit back, slightly taken aback when he looked amused rather than afraid. I was feared throughout the school, and a reaction other than terror was unusual. It wasn't as if my reputation wasn't well-known.

"I guess so," he shrugged, before settling into the seat beside me. I eyed him warily.

"Why are you still here?" Asher looked momentarily surprised, before his expression morphed into one of amusement again.

"Well, it's not illegal," he quipped. "Besides, it's interesting to see you without your usual gang."

"No, I mean, why are you not running away?" I ignored the pang in my chest as I spoke. It was the truth, after all. "Everyone wants to keep a ten-mile radius from me."

"I don't see any reason to run. You're not a monster or anything- you're just human. Like the rest of us."

===

Turning up to classroom 4B became something of an unconscious habit for us. If we needed the honesty of another's opinion, needed a listening ear, or even simple companionship, we went to the classroom after school. Sometimes, I didn't turn up, and sometimes, I waited in the classroom for an hour or two before leaving. It wasn't a commitment, and we both knew it even without actually saying it. It was just something we did, even if we barely acknowledged each other outside of the dusty classroom.

"My love for you is like pi, never-ending."

"And my love for you is like a chivalrous guy, non-existent." I replied without missing a beat. "Shut up, I'm not in the mood for your terrible math pick-up lines."

"You wound me, Felicity," Asher laughed. I could hear him shifting about from somewhere beside me, but I was too tired to lift my head. "Besides, you look like you've had a bad day."

"I've been through worse," I shrugged, before sitting up. I didn't want to admit my weakness. Perhaps it was pride, or resignation, but Asher didn't ask and I didn't tell. "Anyway, how's the blog? It's been, what, a week? I'm surprised it hasn't crashed and burned," I teased lightly.

"Shut your trap, at least I'm doing something more productive with my life than cursing at video game characters," he retorted.

"Oh yes, all hail Asher Miller the Tumblr queen," I stated monotonously, suppressing a grin as he gasped comically. "I am undeserving of being in your majestic presence, please, don't send your flower-crown-wearing soldiers after me."

"I swear to everything above, Felicity, I will sic my dog on you."

"What, your dachshund?" I smirked, before cooing in a sickening falsetto, "oh no, I'm so scared, where's my knight in shining armour when I need him?"

"Buttercup is perfectly capable of dangerous things," Asher said defensively. "Not that I'd want her to do anything," he muttered, looking slightly frightened at the thought of his precious dog coming to harm.

"Flower crowns and cute dogs aside," I stifled a snigger, "you still have your homework. Queens still have duties to fulfil, you know."

Asher swore loudly.

===

"What's your opinion on monsters?"

It was a rainy Thursday afternoon, the kind of afternoon that usually made you feel melancholic, and somehow made the minutes pass by slower.

While Asher, a romantic through-and-through, would definitely have been affected by the weather, all I felt was wet and irritated by the fact that I would have to slosh my way home.

"Monsters? You mean the kind in the games I play, the pew-pew-you're-dead kind, or psychological monsters?"

Asher looked contemplative for a while.

"Both," he shrugged. "After all, at the end of the day they're still monsters right? It doesn't matter what type. It's the same with humans."

"Well, I guess my opinion is that monsters are human too," I looked away, watching as rain dripped down the windowpane. "They bleed like humans, and for all intents and purposes, they act like humans would under the appropriate pressures. Except for psychological monsters. I mean, after all, there's no way to defeat a memory or a condition, is there?"

"Do you think you're a monster?" His question was quiet, almost hesitant, despite the fact that he knew I wouldn't hurt him. Despite that, it took me by surprise, and further drilled in the fact that to the eyes of everyone, I was someone who had no qualms about lashing out even in the face of honesty.

"It doesn't matter if I think I'm a monster or not," I said bitterly. "I am a monster. There's a difference between opinion and fact."

Asher didn't say anything, but I pressed on anyway. There was an odd ache in my chest, a want to relieve some of the tension that compressed my heart.

Apparently, the rain had affected me more than I originally believed.

"You see, in this world, no one cares if you're nice. It's a bonus, sure, but at the end of the day it's your looks and your brains and your status that gets you places, gets things done." The words were sour on my tongue, just as truth always was.

"I'm not conventionally pretty. I'm not smart either. I'm supposed to be smart because I'm Asian, but I'm not. I barely scrape through my classes, and most of what I learn goes in one ear and out the other no matter how hard I work. So, all I can do is claw my way to the top without looking back, and make a name for myself. Status. This world is cruel, and bitter. You'll be stepped all over if you don't step over others first. It's just how things work," I ended with a noncommittal shrug. In a typical, cliché movie, this would have been the point where the main character broke down and flung herself into the waiting arms of the handsome, brooding love interest.

But this wasn't a movie, and I wasn't meant for a fairy tale ending.

"If that's your justification for being a monster, then I think it's stupid," Asher stated flatly. "You made yourself this way. It sounds harsh, but it's true. No one forced you to become a tyrant, no one held a gun to your head and demanded that you hurt everyone." At that, his voice softened. "But I know you're remorseful. And that's why I don't believe that you're a monster."

"That's the thing about you, Asher," I didn't look away from the window as I spoke. I'll admit, part of it was for dramatic effect, but for the most part, I just didn't want to see his expression. "You look for the best in everyone. But the reality of the matter is that I'm not you. You're the perfect, all-American golden boy of the school. You have stellar grades, you're head of the Computer Club, everyone loves you, everyone looks up to you. Whereas for me, I'm just a foreigner, someone who doesn't belong. If that doesn't turn people off, then my complete lack of skills or looks will. Don't think I didn't try being nice, because I did. Guess what? I got labelled 'martyr' and used as a doormat. No, toilet paper would be more adequate a phrase," I bit my lip, forcing down the lump in my throat. "So I got sick of it. I made people listen, made people sit up, and forced them to their knees. Maybe it's just some sick power play, or revenge plot to you, but it's not for me."

I took a deep breath.

"The thing that makes me a monster is not my tyranny," I whispered. "It's the fact that I know it's wrong, and I want to stop myself, but I can't. That's why I'm a monster."

"It's funny, Felicity," Asher's voice was strange, almost detached. "You say that monsters are human, but you refuse to allow yourself to be human."

Asher went back to joking around a few seconds after, and I gladly welcomed the distraction. There was no mention of our conversation before, as had always been the unspoken agreement between us. After all, it was just truth, cold truth that neither of us begrudged the other for.

Despite that, as I pushed open the door to leave, I couldn't help glancing backwards.

Asher was typing something on his phone, a grin on his face

"Aw, you're looking back at me?" I jumped, eyes widening in horror when I realised that I had spaced out and he had caught me staring when in reality, I was just lost in thought. "Didn't realise I was that handsome to warrant Felicity Williams' loving gaze."

"You wish," I retorted.

"Hey now, I'm a blessing on this earth, okay?"

"And in a typical Tumblr post, this is where a picture would appear with the words 'did you mean: bane of this earth'."

"My name actually means 'blessing', so you can suck it," Asher looked triumphant.

"Oh, my life is fulfilled with that oh-so-important piece of information," I rolled my eyes. "Please, bless me with your powers, I beg of you."

But Asher was back to texting, with only a half-hearted glare in my direction.

With a shrug, I turned back around. It would be a longer walk back home in the pouring rain, and Daniella would probably yell at me for being late, right after screaming about how I had wet my shoes.

Then again, to Daniella, everything was my fault.

Must be nice, having people who actually want you.