I watched myself being born. I was 2 when my sister Myrillis came. Oh, she was pretty. We got along well.

In middle school, I climbed a tree in someone's yard. I watched this memory in awe, because I didn't remember it, for years!

"C'mon, Becky! These branches are sturdy. You can do it, can't you?"

My friend John was always doing stupid stuff, but I didn't want to be teased. I reached for the next branch. He was a lot taller than me, at 14. I was 12. At least I had the sense to make Myrillis stay in the treehouse. It had a trap door that led to higher branches.

"You are so slow! Come up here where I am! You can see your house, if you get to this branch!"

I didn't see which branch he used to get there. I reached for the nearest one, and spotted a wasp nest! Jerked my hand away. Wasps came at me and I lost my grip on the one I was holding in my right hand! I fell through the roof of the treehouse!

Myrillis cried. I looked up. "What's wrong?" If I let her get hurt, Dad'll kill me!

John sat me up, and I cried. There's blood on my hand. "Oh, no! Myrillis, where'd this come from?"

"You touched your head! Ew, there's blood in your hair! Let's go home!"

"Okay. Guess that's why my head hurts!"

"Aw, you'll be all right. People get up after being knocked out all the time! C'mon. You're tough like me, aren't ya, Becky? Coach says you just gotta be tough."

Yeah. John's had 6 surgeries. I looked down, and the treehouse went sideways. That's not normal. But he went down first.

"If ya fall, I'll catch you! I'm strong."

I worried about him looking at my bottom, but I got on the ladder. Myrillis held onto my arms. Came down backwards. I wanted to say something, but it took all of my effort to move a foot from one rung of the wooden ladder to the next. Took forever to get down.

John's mom was there. "I heard a scream! What did you do, John?"

"She fell off, Mama, I didn't do anything!"

A gasp. I kind of fell into her arms. "Take her feet! Why didn't you call me? She's hurt, and you made her climb down?"

Myrillis cried.

They carried me in to their sofa. Myrillis put a kitchen towel under my head.

John's Mom called 911. I knew it was that because it was short.

My parents came to see me often in the hospital. Each time was like the first. Finally, I went to a rehab facility and they taught me how to walk again. I progressed faster than they expected. Came home, and it was a shock to see a Christmas tree!

Mama held me on the sofa. "It's all right, Becky. It's been 2 months."

Trips to specialists, to therapists, Dad took us all camping to a place where my wheelchair would fit, 'cause I got tired easily.

Kathy, who was my best friend, talked about that camping trip and I didn't remember it. She said I begged my dad, who was terrified of taking anyone but family on a trip, to let her come and that once, he did. Going to Six Flags and crying because Daddy wouldn't even let me ride on the carousel. Watching Myrillis on the rides made me sick. I didn't remember a thing about the next year! Spent 7th grade in Special Ed?

But she told me, "Trust yourself, Becky. You were a good person before you got hurt, and you're still my bestie, and still a good person. Just because you don't remember it, don't be scared you did something embarrassing, 'cause you didn't, even in the hospital." I missed Kathy when they moved away. She didn't like email or texts, and we lost touch. School got very busy. In 8th grade, I did 7th, but later that year I did a special program to catch up to where my peers were, night classes. Thank goodness I could still learn, but my grades weren't A's any more. They thought that might improve.

When I was in high school, struggling with algebra and college classes, she was suffering through middle school. Algebra gave her so many upsets. I couldn't help her. She couldn't help me! One day, she didn't come home. Oh, we all cried! Police opened a missing persons case. They looked for her. Years passed. We still have hope, but not much. They never found a body. She was only 13.

Somehow, we got through, but we stopped talking about it. Stopped really talking to each other much. Daddy got more insistent that I get a good job. Work harder. If Myrillis worked harder, would she still be here with us? No!

I tried to do computer science but couldn't pass calculus to save my life. Changed my major to art. That just happened.

I had an art class with the final grade dependent on my project that took all semester to build. And, it blew up in the kiln. Sometimes, that happens, with no sign that it'll happen. It's rare, my prof said. But there was no way to make it up. I failed the class. So did three others with pots in the kiln.

Daddy pitched a hissy fit. He went to work that day and came home happy. "I chewed out one of my employees, and I fired him! Now we can enjoy some peace and quiet at work. Stupid Elshars. They just don't get working on Earth."

Weeks passed. Then I didn't hear from my parents. It wasn't unusual for them not to return a call for a week, Their business took a lot of time. I lived with Bedelia and Elsie.

But, the second week I went to their house and smelled that smell that you never forget. Police investigated. Daddy's aviation business that became a delivery business by plane, car and portals. All of their things went to pay the bills. I let their bodies go to science. Nothing left to pay for cremation or anything else. I wanted to stay with my roommates, but the police said I endangered them. I went to Merit Colony.

Oh, I wanted to stop! But, my room was on the 3rd floor. Perverts waited in the stairwell. I got raped. But they'd port one, and another would drug me and--

I got cancer. Ovarian cancer. I waited for hours in the clinic. It didn't respond to Zheien healing. That didn't make sense.

Bedelia brought me Tom. He hid while they did treatments. Then, I wanted to go outside, one last time. He took me to a healer on Molly's Ship, and they gave me an aandat. But another healer gave me treatments on a gray ship. Someone else was furious about that. But, finally, he said Tom could have that healer and go to Rainbow. We ported to Molly's ship and Tom collapsed.

We traveled for days, and they couldn't find his people. Wulai couldn't talk about home.

But, they cured me.

Finally, in Rainbow, they found out who he was. And, he couldn't bear being around Zheien much. Nobody from Esta Faho except Wulai.

Wulai cried about having to give him terminals, and another healer removed 'em, but Tom nearly died if he tried to talk about home! It didn't make sense, that he wanted Wulai near, but no one else Zheien. Wulai was in the same shape. We lived like Earthans. Neither of us were all there. I had brain damage from all the Elshars who shoved herbs into me!

In Rainbow, I overheard people's stories, and it always got my attention if they mentioned cancer. They cured cancer. With Zheien healing. So why couldn't the doctor in the clinic in Merit Colony heal it? Did he even have telepathy? My memories weren't that clear.

The man lifted the cylinder and hummed. My forehead quit hurting. "I'm sorry. Pirad will—"

I cried. I never let anyone see me cry, but I sobbed, and it was loud in my own ears, and I felt stupid! I wasn't the same person, in Rainbow! He's not!

"Ejis nae, Becky!" Tom put both hands on my head. "My love, what is—"

"Don't let me think! Oh, I don't want you to see! Can you block it?" I held his hands over my ears! I shouldn't do that so hard, I'll bruise his poor fingers—

Tom cried with me.

Pirad, he's Bisillip, they're green and bony and click and he's cold as ice! He put his hand on me and I felt unnatural calm. "I can take the intensity out of these memories—"

"Erase 'em all! I don't want to remember any of it, none of my time in Merit Colony! Why would anybody think it's a good idea to throw poor people in a place like that?" I panted for breath. It terrified me, how much I changed! I changed a lot after my head injury in 7th grade, too!

He did do that, and it didn't take long. One traumatic memory and another! But I wanted to remember my time being married to Tom. When I woke up with nightmares, drenched in cold sweat, he held me and cried with me! He had 'em, too. We're so different! Are we too different now?

"Becky, we knew of Merit Colonies when we wrote each of the treaties with Earth. We wrote a provision that poor shall nae be separated from the rest of Earth in facilities, that housing shall be where they choose and services provided to all equally. Be calm, my love."

"How-how did you know?"

"Many Earthans shared memories to biomes, dear wife! We saw. Before we came to Earth, Adia showed us memories from Earthans. There were many protections we added against violence, against preventable unwells, and all will have progs to help them. Be calm."

Finally, I calmed down. Tom saw all of my memories, and he assured me, he loves me as I am now. If I can just believe it!

Poor Yelena was maybe, more upset. But she let Pirad work with her memories, too. I tried to remember things, to make sure the memories I wanted were still there! Tom helped me remember the things I wanted to remember, and assured me, it's there. I heard his fear that maybe all his memories weren't there, after all the times he had umar seg! I hugged him tighter.

"What about my sister, Myrillis? Can we find her?" I sobbed. I felt like I'd die if they found her body!

But, Tom smiled. "Eae! My friend, Pertis Mai, he is Elshar, and he found her!" We watched him wave up a map. "She is in an apartment, and too fearful to speak with your parents. She wishes to see you! He is finished with his work and went trading, but he goes to her now!"

We stood in an apartment with a royal blue sofa and a few pieces of furniture, and Myrillis stood there in a brown dress. "Becky! Oh, I missed you! You probably all hate me! What I put you through!" She didn't look 16, but 30!

She hugged me. I hugged her, and noticed how thin she is! Her brown hair had bald patches. Lots of split ends. Very short brown hair with streaks of silver. Brown eyes with bags.

"Are you sick? Did you see a healer?"

"Yeah. And, my kids. Vera. Christine. C'mere, Babies!"

Two skinny girls staggered out of a room. "Mama!" One looked maybe, 3 and the other, a toddler. The older girl held onto the younger one's arm. She kind of groped. Both of 'em, brown hair and brown eyes. With bald patches. Who could do that to a kid?

Myrillis gently pulled 'em close so I could hug. The younger one had a very uneven arm. I grimaced. "You have to bring 'em here! Healers here can do a lot more for 'em!"

"Where's here? What's that place? A hospital?" I grimaced. This green room with hard tables!

Tom waved up a holo of Elshar Zheiea for her. "We live here, in the city Esta Faho. Our people accustom to our new world, and some are unwell. But soon, we go to our homes. Sa, you are welcome here, and your children. Our people love children." She stared at the flowers. Smiled. Missing teeth. Myrillis had perfect teeth, like Daddy's.

"I—he was online, and I thought he was my age. I met him at his house, and he—his—he kept me in handcuffs. Told me you'd forget about me. Until I—I believed it.

"I had babies. He did things until I cooperated. Kept poor Christine in the closet. She'll never b-be normal. Vera has to be near me or her. We d-don't go out. Police found us. Social worker. I can't leave, she's coming!"

"You can leave, and take your girls with you. See this place? It's nice. Nobody can hurt you." The diplomat talked softly to her, but she stared at me.

"They won't want us. We wake up screaming! The n-neighbors'll complain. They have rules here. I-I'm tired."

The diplomat waved, and a healer stepped out of a green swirl. "We'll be there, in two hours. I'm using a white portal! Don't worry. My friends found some people who need to come, too. I'll bring them all to you, until they decide to go someplace else."

He tried to say something else and the kids started screaming! We stood beside the bed in Pirad's green room again.

"Are they okay? It's like something out of a horror movie!" I felt punched in the stomach!