I like to give more than I receive, it's who I am. But whenever I DO want something, I feel like it's only right for my friends to TRY and do the same I do for them.

I just found out my BFF hasn't read the ONE story I shared with them over a year ago, when she's the only one that is at least a little familiar with my OCs. I've read three or four of her drafts and helped give advice and edit them, almost to the point I could say I suggested like half of her plot line. And she can't read the first three chapters of my story, that I haven't touched in that time and has had a year to refind buried in her documents? I know you can forget but I think if she had really cared she would probably have read it in the first few weeks I had shared it with her.

We roleplayed with these characters for over TWO years, and in that time I got very familiar with her OCs. Heck, I wrote multiple oneshots of her OCs before she's even started her story. But she never once wondered why my characters are the way they are? Why they have such odd designs? There's reasons. I rarely talk about my stories, not because I don't want to, but because I've always gotten the vibes from my friend that they don't care. The few times I did talk about their actual stories, they just nodded and said "that's cool" and moved on. Maybe it's that they didn't have anything to say or didn't know what to say, or maybe it's that they were just waiting for me to be done so they could go back to talking about their own stuff.

I'm using plural pronouns because this happened with most of my friend group, but my one friend that I'm really salty with is the only one I've every shared my stories with irl. ONLY. PERSON. That I've been able to really share my works with without becoming incredibly uncomfortable and awkward and clamming up.

Tbh idk why I'm so hurt but this, I know she's like this. I love her, but she's not like me. Where I put myself out there, she's shy, and where I give what I can to help, she's always the one needing help. While I'm complex underneath the surface, I think she's honestly pretty simple.

And my other friends just don't give a damn tbh. And I was okay with that when we had other things to talk about irl, but now with a 6-hour time difference and that they don't make their lives interesting with the little things that happen, OCs and stories are sort of the only topic we can find common ground on anymore.

I guess I'm glad none of them are on Wattpad, so they at least have an excuse for not knowing the first thing about me, really. It's funny how much easier it is to express yourself on the Internet, where you can trash talk your old friends from behind a mask of anonymity and obliviousness

...lowkey the entire premise of The Masked Singer and kinda Moon too?? Huh.

I'd like to move on, but it's hard when I don't have my friends here irl either. So like the only friends to really trust rn are online friends and not there's anything wrong with you guys (I love you all platonically), but it's just... not the same as irl. And what friends I DO have irl are going to move at the end of the year, so this is kind of harsh but it's easier to not make super close attachments and confess your life story to them when they're only around for 4 more months