A/N: songs to set the scenes:

- Unsteady by X Ambassadors
- Watermelon Sugar by Harry Styles

________________________________________________________________________________

August 16, 2021

Jamie's POV

~Nightmare~

Screaming. Heat. All surrounding me. My vision is blurred from my watering eyes from the sun beating down on us. I look around and see bodies engulfed in flames. "Sergeant! Sergeant! Help! Over here!" Private Jacobs calls me over. I see one of the civilians we were escorting stuck under some debris. Their body is mangled and their legs have been taken off by the sharp metal of the humvee. "On three, I'll lift the debris and you slide him out, alright?" I ordered the young soldier next to me. "Yes, sir," he nods and puts his arms under the man's armpits. "One...two...three," I heave up the hot debris and Jacobs successfully pulls the man out.

    Jacobs gets started on wrapping the man's wounded legs to help stop the bleeding. I run over towards the screams and feel something stinging my leg. I look down and see blood coming from my calf. I keep running towards the screams and see piles of burning bodies surrounding me. I turn around and no longer see Private Jacobs assisting the man. He's on the sand. Dead. A hand grabs my calf and I see Corporal Adams looking up at me, "One day you won't be able to save us." I try running away but get engulfed in the flames of a nearby humvee.

~End of Nightmare~

    I gasp for air and sit up. I grab my chest and struggle for air. "Jamie?" I hear Kim's voice, but my vision is blurred from the tears streaming my face. "Jamie," Kim's voice comes closer and I feel her hands grip my arms. "Shh, you're alright," I start rocking myself and continue trying to catch my breath. "Jamie, can you hear me?" I nod and she continues rubbing my arms. "Alright, can you name five things you see?" I nod again and collect my bearings, "Your necklace." I look next to me, "My boots." I feel my breath calming down, but I continue, "My sweatshirt, a poster, and my desk." "Alright, good, Jamie. Can you name four things you feel?" I nod at Kim's question, "This blanket, my shirt, your hands, and the floor." I answer the questions quicker this time and can feel my breaths evening out. "Good, Jamie. Can you name three things you hear?" I nod again, "Your voice, EJ's tv, and the leaky faucet in the kitchen." My breathing is improving so much that I can describe more in-depth. "Good, can you name things you smell?" I nod, "Laundry detergent and you shampoo." I look at Kim's face and she smiles, "Last one, can you name one thing you taste?" I smile back and nod, "The saltiness of my sweat."

    Kim makes a disgusted face and I chuckle. I wipe my face off with my shirt and take a deep breath. "Want to talk about it?" Kim leans her back against my bed and sits cross legged. I shake my head and fiddle with my dog tags. "I know I don't understand what you face out there, but I'm always here for you, big brother," Kim continues to rub my arm. I scoot my body closer to her and rest my head on her shoulder. "I didn't save any of them," I whisper and feel a tear escape my eye. "I thought everyone from Echo Company came back?" Kim asks and I nod my head, "They did. My nightmare was me not saving anyone next time, like in the future. They were all engulfed by flames." Kim hums and continues to silently comfort me. "We were attacked during a convoy two months ago. Everyone suffered minor injuries, but it could've been a lot worse," Kim pushes my head up and scans my face.

"Where is it?" I know exactly what she means. She wants to see where I got hurt. I lift off my damp shirt and turn to show her my back. I hear her gasp and flinch when her cold fingers trace over the deformed skin. "Why didn't you say anything? Why wasn't I called?" Kim asks and I turn back to face her. "They weren't serious burns. I was in the infirmary for a week, and was cleared for action right away. I think I healed pretty well considering the flesh being covered with some scars," I shrug it off like it's nothing. "Jay, next time can you at least let me know when you get injured. Even if it doesn't seem that bad, I'm still your next of kin. I deserve to know these things," I nod my head at her words. "I know, Kim. I appreciate the worried little sister you are," I pull her into a hug and we sit there for a bit until I feel my eyes getting heavy with sleep.

~~

    I wake up with a weight on my chest. I look down and see Kimberly cuddled up on my chest. I remember when she was younger and she'd come into my room whenever she was scared. EJ used to do it to Kimberly, especially when I was deployed. I only know because of the few times Kim would mention it to me on our weekly video-calls. I grab my phone and see what time it is. It's 4:00am. I don't foresee myself going back to sleep so I slip out from under Kimberly's tighthold. Once I'm up, I put my arms under her body and pick her up to transfer her to my bed. I grab the blanket from the floor and drape it over her body. I walk over to my closet and grab some running shorts and a t-shirt.

    I head to the bathroom and throw the clothes on and brush my teeth. I grab my running shoes and slip out of my bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind me. I tie up my running shoes and plug my headphones into my phone. I scroll Spotify and remember I need to listen to Sofia Carson. I search her name and pick her 'This is Sofia' playlist. I shrug and tap 'shuffle.' I walk out to the small front porch and quickly stretch out my limbs. I breathe in the sweet, California air, and let out a deep breath. The music fills my ears, and I take off through the neighborhood.

    I run through the base and reach one of the barracks. I see young men and women preparing for morning PT. I pause and look at all of them, and remember my weeks of basic training. I didn't know what to expect, but felt immensely grateful for the opportunity to one-day serve my country as a Marine. I continue on the sidewalk through the base. I pass several others out running and we exchange a few tight, lip smiles. I reach the Camp Pendleton Main Gate and salute the officers manning the gates. I run past and notice my feet leading me to the beach.

    My feet hit the sand, and I look out to the dark water ahead of me. The beach, specifically the ocean, has always been the place I can clear my head. I sit on the cool sand and drape my arms over my legs. I close my eyes and take in the sounds around me. The waves crashing into the shore, and rolling back out to sea. After that, there's nothing. Silence. The silence surrounding me is what makes my mind wander to the nightmare. These are the moments in my life that remind me that no one would ever be able to fully love me. I'm almost thirty years-old, and I feel destined to be single forever. I have too complicated a life and mind for someone to ever love me. I shake my mind of the depressing thoughts and stand up. I shake off the sand and head back on the long trek home.

~~

I get home and immediately head to shower. When I open my bedroom door, Kimberly is still asleep on my bed. I grab some clean clothes and immediately head to the bathroom. I turn the water on and strip down. I let the water wash over me and feel my aching muscles relax under the hot water. I wash my body and stand under cold water to fully wake my body up. I get out and quickly dry off, wrapping the towel around my waist. I look into the mirror and see the dark circles under my eyes. "It's going to be a rough couple of weeks," I whisper to my reflection and sigh. I slip on my clean boxers along with a pair of jeans and plain gray t-shirt. I spray my cologne on my neck and leave the bathroom.

    I step into my bedroom and don't see my sister anymore. I walk out into the hallway and see her door ajar. I come up quietly and hear a bit of rustling, which means she's gathering her stuff for work. I glance at my phone and see that it's 6:30am. EJ will be waking up soon to get ready for school and Kim will be heading out soon too. I glance at the car keys and sigh. We only have one car, so taking EJ to work might be a bit of an issue. I walk into the kitchen and start the coffee maker. I throw some bread in the toaster and walk back towards Kim's bedroom.

    I knock on the door and hear a faint 'come in'. "Hey, do you want me to drive you to work?" I ask, stepping into the small room. "Sure, don't you need to take EJ to school though?" Kim responds and I start configuring a plan. As I'm thinking, Kim's phone pings and I glance at her phone. "Who's texting you at 6:30 in the morning?" I ask and see Kim's cheeks tint a pink color. "Uh, no one. I have a ride, so don't worry about me," she stammers a bit, but doesn't take her eyes off her phone. "Alright, well I have coffee brewing. You want breakfast?" I ask and Kim hums, "I'll just have a bowl of cereal. Thanks though." I leave the room noticing Kim is more interested in her phone than me.

    I walk back into the kitchen and grab the toast to butter it. If she won't eat it then I'm sure as hell am. I take a bite of the crunchy toast, and scroll through my phone. I rarely use my phone. I never have the time. I do enjoy scrolling Twitter and staying up-to-date on all Marvel-related content. I also use it to follow EJ's high school. They have an account for their football and baseball teams, and if I'm deployed during his seasons I can follow the games through here. I also follow all of my favorite sports' teams.

I come across an article from a local news source that parts of town will be closed due to this Netflix movie they're filming. I double check that none of the roads they're closing affects the route to EJ's school, otherwise we'd have to take the long way around. Everything seems to be clear, but I notice that the coffee shop Emily and I plan on meeting at will be close to the bar some scenes are being shot at today. I sigh and lock my phone. One of the things I don't miss is when we have movies or tv shows being filmed nearby. San Diego is a hot commodity since it is close to LA, but I don't enjoy having to configure my life around these types of days. Hopefully our day doesn't get ruined because of hopeful fans and paparazzi hoping to catch a glimpse of whatever celebrity is in town.

    I walk to the cabinet and grab a mug and a travel tumbler for Kim. I pour the steaming liquid into my mug and take a sip, "How you drink it black, I will never understand." Kim's voice startles me. "I like my coffee the same color as my soul...black," I smile and she shoves my shoulder. "Who's giving you a ride? Anyone I know?" I take another sip of the dark liquid and feel the warm flow throughout my body. "Oh, just someone from work. They live nearby, so they can pick me up," I hum and nod. I take another bite of my toast and check the time on the stove. "I'm going to wake up, EJ. You need anything?" I ask and she shakes her head eating her cereal.

~~

    I drive through the semi-busy streets as we listen to the radio. EJ has been quiet all morning, and I can't tell if it's because of first-day jitters or if he possibly heard me wake-up from my nightmare last night. "You alright, E?" I ask and glance over at him. "Yeah, just thinking," he says, staring out the window. 'Watermelon Sugar' comes on the radio and I turn it up. Now, I'm no Frank Sinatra but I'm a pretty decent singer if I do say so myself.

Tastes like strawberries

On a summer evenin'

And it sounds just like a song

I want more berries

And that summer feelin'

It's so wonderful and warm

    I see EJ smile a bit, and he joins in on our mini concert. We sing the song as loud as our lungs allow and are both laughing by the end of it. "When did you know you wanted to join the Marine Corps?" EJ asks and I mull over my answer. "Why do you ask?" I want to know if he's asking because he truly sees himself following my footsteps or if he thinks he needs to have life figured out now. "Our guidance counselors keep telling us about how junior year is all about college preparations and building your resume up for colleges to find you 'appealing'," he puts air quotes around appealing and it makes me laugh a bit.

    I watch the road and think over my words, "EJ, you don't need to know exactly what you want to do. I made the decision to enlist because it was the best option for all of us at the time. If I had options, I might've gone to college." I look over at him and see the gears turning in his head. "If joining the military is something you really want to do, but you still want to get that college degree then you can do like Johnny did and apply to the Naval Academy," I quickly add and see him nodding his head. "Okay," he sighs and looks at me. "I don't really know what I want to do yet, but I do want to make you and Kim proud." I smile and put my hand on his shoulder, "Kid, you already make us both very proud. As long as you don't turn to dealing drugs or anything illegal like that, we'll always be proud of you."

    I turn into the school and EJ looks at me one last time, "Practice starts at 3:30, if you want to come watch. If not, it ends at 5:30." I give him a thumbs up and he shuts the door. I watch him meet up with a few friends and I wave in their direction. I make my way towards the Naval Hospital for my vaccination appointment. I heard from a few men, whose family members received the vaccine earlier in the year, had flu-like symptoms afterwards. If that's the case, I'm not looking forward to tomorrow at all. I pull into a parking spot and force myself towards the hospital doors. I check-in with one of the nurses and wait for my name to be called. Luckily the process is quick and painless. They tell me that my arm will be a bit sore for a few days, and that I may have a few symptoms like a fever but not to worry. I thank them, and make my way back home. I'm not meeting Emily until 10:00, so I have plenty of time to try taking a nap.

~~

    My phone's alarm pulls me from my deep slumber. I reach for it, but forget I was laying on the couch. I land on my back with a small thud. I stare up at the ceiling and sigh, "At least I stayed on the couch during my nap." My words are met by the silence in the empty house. I successfully grab my phone from the coffee table and turn the alarm off. I groan as I get myself off the floor and hear the cracks my aching body releases. I head to the bathroom to make sure I don't have bed-head. My hair has grown a bit since we don't really have a barber shop readily available in the middle of the desert. I wet my hands and run them through my hair to give it a bit of life. "Gonna have to get you cut soon. We have to keep up with our tough, Marine exterior," I smile at my reflection and dry my hands on the nearby towel. I walk to the front door grabbing my wallet and keys from the small table near the door. I slip on my white sneakers and head to meet Emily at our favorite coffee shop near the base.

    I drive towards the south side of base, watching the various office buildings and barracks pass by me. The place never seems to change no matter how many times I leave, but reality outside Camp Pendleton is that everything continues changing. Nothing ever stays the same and that terrifies me. The radio pulls me from my wandering thoughts. I turn up the music playing through my old car's speakers. I tap my fingers along to the Ed Sheeran song and get lost in the lyrics.

Every time you come around, you know I can't say no

Every time the sun goes down, I let you take control

I can feel the paradise before my world implodes

And tonight had something wonderful

I continue singing along to the song and soon find myself parking a few streets over from the coffee shop. There were a few more people around here on account for the Netflix movie, so parking was a bitch but I'm not going to complain. There are worse things to be upset about and parking closer to a coffee shop is not one of them. I lock my car and shuffle through the crowd to get to the coffee shop. I see the sign 'Nautical Bean Coffee Co.' hanging over the sidewalk and quickly look around for Emily.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and see a message from Emily saying she's inside, so I walk into the less busy coffee shop. I spot the blonde sitting at a table towards the back of the shop. She meets my gaze and waves me over. "Jamie!" She exclaims and stands from her seat. I stride over to her and get pulled into her grasp. "Hey Em," I feel her arms tighten around my torso and I relax into her hug. "Hey Jay," she mumbles into my chest, and I rub my hand up and down her back. She pulls back and looks up at my face. She runs her finger over a small scar I have over my right eyebrow and I see a small tear fall down her cheek. "I missed you," she whispers into the space between us. I give her a soft smile, "I missed you too, Em."

She sniffles and wipes her eyes. We both chuckle and she takes a seat at the small table. "Before we get to the catching up part, what do you want? I need a coffee ASAP," I point over my shoulder towards the counter. "A mixed-berry smoothie, please," Em says and I nod. I walk over to the counter and order, "Large black coffee, a mixed-berry smoothie, and," I pause and look at the pastry case. "Can I get a blueberry muffin too?" I ask the barista and they nod. I hand them my cash and they hand me back my coffee and muffin. "We'll call your name when the smoothie is ready," they state and I thank them.

I take my seat at our table and open the bag with my muffin in it. "So, what's new Ms. Jones?" I ask, taking a bite of my muffin. "Nothing really. Work has been good. I was supposed to travel to Colorado with the team, but my boss went instead. I'm not too upset though cause I may have mentioned to him that my best friend was coming home from deployment," she smiles at me and I return it with an even bigger smile. "So I'm your excuse to get out of work now?" I chuckle and Em rolls her eyes. "I love my job. I get to watch baseball multiple times a week, and also create marketing plans for the team. I honestly still can't believe I work for a professional baseball team," she gushes about her job and I intently listen.

I hear my name get called and hurry to the counter for Emily's smoothie. I come back to our table and hand her the smoothie. "Your smoothie, m'lady," I say in a fake posh, British accent. She laughs and thanks me. "How are the Padres doing this year? Anything exciting to even write about?" I ask, taking a sip of the delicious coffee. "They're alright. They've had a few exciting games, but nothing in comparison to Atlanta or LA," I nod and smile at how passionate Emiliy talks about her job. "Think I could get two tickets for a game, specifically when the Padres play the Dodgers," I jet out my bottom lip and give puppy dog eyes. "Let me guess, you want to take EJ?" She asks and I nod giving her a big smile. "You know his favorite team is the Dodgers, so what kind of big brother would I be if I didn't take him to a game while I'm home?" I shrug and pull a piece of my muffin apart. "Would August 26 be okay? I know it's a school night," she scrolls through her phone and I think it over. "Yeah, why the hell not? If the game isn't too exciting we'll just leave early," she looks up from her phone and smiles at me.

~~

    We talk about the plans I have lined up while I'm here. I don't plan too far in advance since I never know when Echo Company will get called out again. "Have you planned on when you guys will go see your mom?" Emily asks as we make our way out of the coffee shop. "Kimberly is going to talk to the doctors to find out when the best time would be. I got my first round of the COVID vaccine this morning, so that makes me feel a bit more hopeful on actually getting to see her," I give her a sad smile and she takes my hand. She squeezes it and gives me a lopsided grin. "I'm sure you'll get to see her. My mom went a few weeks ago, and told me that she doesn't look as sick as the doctors keep making it out to be," I move my gaze towards the nearby pier and look at all of the docked boats.

    Emily and I's attention is quickly drawn to a growing crowd down the street screaming. We look at each other and walk towards the chaos. Emily pulls me behind her and weaves us through the crowd. We make it to a clearing and see two white trailers down an alleyway next to a sports bar. "This must be for that Netflix movie," Emily says and I watch the alleyway to see what all these people were screaming about. I catch a glimpse of someone walking towards the bar in a tank top and black jeans. When the person becomes more visible people start screaming her name. She gives the crowd a wave before disappearing into a side door.

    A woman with an earpiece comes towards the crowd and looks around at all of us. Her eyes land on the area Emily and I are standing. She walks towards us and looks down at the clipboard in her hands. She looks at me, Emily, and a handful of people standing near us, and smiles, "How would you all like to be in a movie today?" The people near us all get excited and I look at Emily shaking my head. She looks back at the woman and agrees for the both of us. We get ushered towards the bar's entrance and immediately get searched by two very large security men.

After we get the pat down, we walk inside and my eyes look around the space. This bar holds a lot of memories for me. It's where I came after I finished basic training, and it's where I come with Echo Company before each deployment. "Alright, you all are just normal bar patrons enjoying the atmosphere," the lady instructs us and we all nod. Emily and I head to a small table near a small stage. We got lost in conversation with two girls who came in with us before we're told that they would start filming shortly. I look around the space and see the same girl from earlier. I find myself staring at her and trying to figure out where I've seen her before. "That's Sofia Carson," one of the girls says from beside me and it suddenly hits me that she's the one Kim had Googled for me last night.

She walks over towards us and starts talking to each table while we wait for the film crew to start. Before I know it, she's standing in front of our table asking each of us if we're from around here. "What about you?" Her raspy voice breaks me from my trance. "I'm sorry, what?" I ask and get lost in her smirk. "Are you from around here?" She asks me again and I clear my throat. Why am I suddenly nervous? "Yes, ma'am. I actually live on base, but I grew up an hour from here in San Diego," I smile and she studies me a bit. "Wait, you said you live on base? You serve?" She gives me all of her attention completely forgetting Emily and the other two girls she was just talking to a bit ago. "Uh, yes. Just came home yesterday actually," I stammer a bit and she smiles. "Well, welcome home. I hope we didn't ruin any plans of yours by pulling you four in as extras," she glances around at the four of us and I shake my head. "Not at all," I answer for the table and smile back at her.

She gets called away to get ready for the scene and a few people get on the stage to prepare for a performance. I look over at Emily and she has a big grin on her face. "What?" I whisper yell, not to draw the attention of the two girls nearby. "Nothing, just funny watching you get flustered," I roll my eyes and playfully shove her shoulder. I glance at my watch to make sure I'm not late for EJ's football practice. My watch says '1400' and I start getting anxious that I'll be late. I know EJ really wants me to come and watch a practice, and I don't want to disappoint him more than I already feel like I do.

"Alright, all of you will get to enjoy this amazing band perform. Luckily, they will be performing a cover of 'Sweet Caroline' so we expect everyone to be singing along and really feed us good energy," a man, I assume is part of the film crew, gives us instructions. We all get handed drinks, but I don't touch mine. I stop the waitress before she walks away. "Could I have water instead, please?" I ask and she takes the glass away with her. I look up and see Sofia getting a few directions from a lady I hadn't seen yet, she must be the director. "Everyone, places!" someone yells and the waitress quickly hands me my glass of water.

~~

    An hour later, we're still sitting in the bar and I look down at my watch. "Hey Em, I gotta go," I lean towards her and she gives me her sad eyes. "I can't be late to watch EJ's practice," I add and she nods in understanding. I stand up and look for someone who looks important. I find the woman who grabbed us earlier, and I walk towards her. She gives me a smile when I step in front of her, "Hi, um, I need to leave. Is that okay?" I see her look at the clipboard and back up at me. "Yes, you're good. Thank you for your time," she dismisses me and walks away before I can even thank her.

I roll my eyes and turn blindly into someone. I wrap my arm around the person's waist and catch them before they can fall. I get a better look at who I bumped into and see Sofia fucking Carson. I quickly help her stand back up and remove my hands. "I'm so sorry. I wasn't paying attention," I quickly apologize and Sofia shakes her head. "It's fine, no worries. Thank you for not letting me fall," she smiles and I give her a tightlipped smile. I step past her and hurry to my car. I get into the driver seat and take a deep breath. I take out my phone and hit Emily's contact.

Jamie

Sorry for having to

leave so quickly. Thank

you for today.

John wants to go out

so let me know if you'd like

to join. It'll be me, him, and

Kim. We'll probably go out

Saturday night.

I hit send, but remember EJ having his first football game this Friday. I don't want to go alone since Kim will probably be working all day at the hospital and won't want to go to the game.

Also, EJ has his first game

this Friday, and I'd love if

you came with me. It's an

away game, so I can drive

us both there. Let me know

if you'd like to come.

Love you ❤️

    I send the second message and quickly get the car started. I see the time on the dash, and know I'll be a bit late for the start of the practice. I hope that EJ isn't too disappointed in me for being late. I haven't been there for him lately and I know this isn't the most ideal life for him to be growing up in. I'm going to make sure that he knows I'm here for him no matter what, even if I'm half way across the world a lot protecting our country.