A/N: songs to set the scene:

- Citizen/Soldier by 3 Doors Down

________________________________________________________________________________

August 15, 2021 (cont.)

Jamie's POV

We pull up to our small house on-base. I will never complain about being in this house, but I know EJ isn't fond of it anymore. He never brings friends over because of how small the house is compared to his friends. I don't blame him. I never brought friends over to our family home because it was smaller, but I knew how hard our mom worked for us to live in a house and not an apartment. I walk to the trunk to grab my bag and follow behind my siblings as Kim unlocks the front door.

As I walk into the cozy home, I see the 'Welcome Home, Jamie!' banner hanging above the kitchen doorway. I drop my bag near the couch and walk towards the kitchen. I smile at the cake sitting on the kitchen counter. "It's homemade. Found mom's old recipe for her double-chocolate cake," Kim wraps her arm around my shoulders. "Thank you. I'm looking forward to having a slice tonight," I pull her into a hug and take a deep breath. "I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier. I just don't want mom to die in that house alone. She's been alone enough recently," I lean against the kitchen counter and fold my arms. "It's okay. I'll call her doctor tomorrow and find out when we can go see her. Are you going to call your doctor to see if you can get in tomorrow to get your first vaccine?" Kim moves around the kitchen putting back dishes from the dishwasher.

"Yeah, I'm going to unpack and then make my rounds of calls. Did you tell anyone about me coming home today?" I push off the counter and turn towards her. "I told the usuals: mom and Emily," I hum and rub the back of my neck. If you're wondering, Emily has been my best friend since we were in middle school. She's practically family, and her parents were like our second parents. Emily's mom, Claudia, has been helpful since mom got diagnosed, and has filled in the gaps where Kimberly couldn't. It's a lot for a twenty-nine year-old to figure out, but since Kim finished school last year she's been helping a lot more.

"Well, I'm going to unpack. Am I good to take over the laundry room?" I point towards the small room next to the kitchen. "Your house, but yeah. We did laundry yesterday since we knew you'd have a lot to wash," Kim smiles and I nod. "Thanks. Let me know if you need me for anything. You know where I'll be," I yell over my shoulder heading towards my bedroom. I grab my bag from next to the couch, and walk past EJ's room.

I knock on the door and hear a faint 'come in.' "Hey bud, you good for school tomorrow?" I ask leaning on the door frame. He nods and points to his bags near the door, "Yep, got my backpack ready and my duffle for practice. Are you taking me tomorrow?" I step into his room and look around at the few new posters he has hanging up. "Yeah, I'll take you. I'll pick you up from practice too, if you don't have plans," I look at him and he spins in his desk chair. "I'd love that actually," he stops his chair and smiles at me. "Love the new posters. I have some movies and shows to catch up on, don't I?" I point at the new Falcon and the Winter Soldier poster above his bed. "You're going to love that show! We also have to watch WandaVision! I'll add the movies and shows you need to watch," he says excitedly and I smile.

We talk a bit more about what else has been going on that he didn't tell me earlier. I learned that he's got a girlfriend and told me all about her. Well, he told me that her name is Michelle and that she's also going to be a junior this year. "How'd you two meet?" I poke for further answers. "We had Spanish together last year, and on the last day of school I got her number. We talked all summer, and I asked her to hang out with me, Jordan, and Ashley, a few times when we went to the beach. Her dad's a police officer here in San Diego," I smile as his voice cracks talking about her dad. "You meet the 'rents?" I ask, smiling. "I actually did. Her dad was very scary," we both laugh. "I don't know how I feel with you growing up, but I guess it was going to happen sooner or later," I sigh and pull him up from his desk chair into a hug. I squeeze him and feel him squeezing back. "I missed you, Jay," he mumbles and I rub his back. "I missed you too, bud," I pat his back and start backing my way out of his room. "Door open or closed?" I ask and he ponders for a second. "Closed, thanks," I nod and close his door.

I walk down the narrow hallway to my bedroom. I push the door open and see it exactly how I left it eight months ago. I see some unopened mail on my desk in the corner and head to that first. I drop my bag near the end of my bed and sit in my desk chair. I flip through everything. Some were the post-cards I send myself when I'm away on tour. I usually write down what was going on during that time so I can reference them when I have to write the mission reports for Gunnery Sergeant Collins. I see the envelope that I had been hoping would be here when I arrived. It was an envelope from ticketmaster. Even though I had missed Kim's birthday earlier this month, I still bought her a gift to make up for missing another birthday. I open the envelope and see the four tickets for the Nissan Concert Series. A few good performers were going to be there, but Kim just enjoys music festivals and this one is right in our backyard.

I hop out of my chair and head to the kitchen to surprise her with her gift. I hadn't told her happy birthday yet, but I did get to call her and tell her when I was still overseas. "Hey sis, I got something for you," I hide the envelope behind my back. "Okay?" She looks at me confused. "Close your eyes and put your hands out," I instruct and she follows along. I wave my hand to make sure she can't see, and place the envelope in her hands. "Alright, open!" I exclaim and have a big grin on my face. She opens the envelope and squeals, seeing the tickets. "Are these weekend passes for the concert series during the surfing competition?" I nod and she throws her arms around my neck. "I have no clue what the full line-up of performers is, but I'm sure it's decent. There are four tickets, but I get one of those so take whoever you want," I gesture towards the envelope. "The Friday date is an away game for EJ's football team, so we won't have to go. I'm sure EJ will understand," I fold my arms over my chest. "Thank you. You didn't have to get me these, you know. You didn't have to get me anything. You coming home was the best gift I could've asked for," I shrug and she kisses my cheek. "You're my baby sister, I gotta spoil you sometimes," she smacks my shoulder and pins the tickets to the fridge with a magnet.

~~

After Kim and I talked a bit about who was going to be performing at the concert series and looked up the schedule, we saw that Sofia Carson was performing. It said something about possibly being in her upcoming movie. We shrugged it off and went back to what we were doing. I headed back to my room and she continued to clean up the kitchen from her baking fiasco earlier today.

I look at the bag near my bed and take a deep breath. "Alright let's get you to the washer, shall we?" I talk to the inanimate object and take it to the small laundry room. I undo the bag and start pulling everything out. I separate everything to allow for a better wash and leave the bag to wash it too. I make sure to grab my headphones and wallet from the small compartment in my bag. Once that's started, I head back to my room and grab a fresh pair of boxers to shower. I feel like I have so much dust caked on my skin from the past eight months, and I just want to scrub my body clean of the memories that will haunt me for the coming months.

I walk into the bathroom attached to my bedroom, and shut the door. I look in the mirror and see the face of someone who's been through hell. I have some longer stubble from not having properly shaved while being gone. Honestly, after ten years of being on testosterone, being able to grow a beard still excites me. Growing up, our mom constantly taught us to enjoy the little things and I try to remind myself to do just that especially being in the military. You never know when your last day will be, so every second needs to be treated like your last.

I turn the shower on and set it to the hottest setting. I strip my shirt off and glance at my back in the mirror. I received some mild burns while we were escorting a convoy through the Arabian Desert. None of us were seriously injured, but I was out of commission for a few days to help the burns heal. I run my fingers over the mildly disfigured skin. I sigh and continue undressing. I step into the hot, steamy shower and just let the water run down my aching body. I see the murky water trailing down the white tub. I lean my head against the cool tile and let my mind wander to a place where I'm not a Sergeant in the Marine Corps, I didn't have to practically raise my sister and brother, and where my mother isn't dying from cancer. That all sounds like a wonderful place I'd love to run off to.

I open my eyes and see the clear water at my feet. I grab my body wash and body body to scrub every inch of my body. I rinse my body free of the suds and finish my shower washing my hair and face. I shut the water off and grab the towel hanging near the curtain. I quickly dry off and pull on a pair of boxers. I finish up moisturizing and head back into my bedroom to throw on a pair of sweatpants. I flop onto my bed and pull-up Emily's number. It rings a few times before I hear her voice ring through the speaker.

"Hey! Kim told me you were getting home today," she says excitedly.

"Hey! Yep, I'm home; safe and sound. You want to hang out this week?" I ask turning over to stare up at the ceiling.

"Sure! I'm off tomorrow. We can grab coffee or lunch. You okay, Jay?" Emily asks and I sigh. I can't hide anything from her. I take too long to answer, and hear the FaceTime tone. I pick up my phone and see Emily trying to FaceTime me. I sit my back against my headboard and answer.

"Hey!" I smile at her trying to hide everything running through my head.

"Jamie Taylor Hamilton, if you don't tell me what's going on, I will not give you the birthday gift I've been saving to give you for five months," my jaw drops open at her words and she evilly grins at me.

"You wouldn't?" I gasp out and she nods, "I would!"

I roll my eyes and rub the back of my neck, a nervous tick I developed in high school. "Mom's not doing too well, Em. They're saying she'll be gone within the month and I don't know what to do," I lean my head back against the wall and fight the tears.

"My mom told me last week. We'll be here for you, Jamie. We'll be here for all three of you. Mom's helped her with her will already, and dad said he'd help cover whatever costs the funeral service will cost. They both were waiting for you to settle at home before talking to you about it all," I hear the sadness lacing Emily's voice and look at the screen to see a few tears falling down her cheeks.

"We appreciate it, Em. I have a week to really focus on everything here until I have to be back in for work," I see Emily's eyes shoot up and I quickly have to dismiss the thoughts. "No, not that work. We don't have any idea on when we'll be shipped out again. I have to be on-base for training. My men can't be trusted to do PT on their own," I chuckle and Emily lets out a deep breath.

"Good, I thought we were going to lose you again. You have any idea how long you possibly could be here for?" Emily asks and I shrug.

"I have no clue. Hopefully through the year, but we know those who hope usually end up crushed," I bitterly say and Emily looks at me with sad eyes.

"I missed you, Jay," Emily matches my tone and I give her a sad smile.

"I missed you too, Em. Thank you again for everything your family has been doing for our mom. I know it's a lot-" Emily cuts me off. "Jamie, it is never too much. The Hamilton family is a part of the Jones family, and family looks out for family," I sigh and nod my head. She's right, and I shouldn't feel bad about her folks being so open to helping us.

"Thank you, Em. I appreciate you guys, so," I hold the word out, "coffee tomorrow?" I shoot a smile and she rolls her eyes.

"Yes, Sergeant Hamilton. I will go to coffee with you," I'm the one rolling my eyes now at her calling me Sergeant. "So when are you going to try dating someone? You can't give me that 'I'm busy' bullshit. You need to be selfish sometimes, sir," I chuckle and shrug at her question.

"Honestly, I don't know. You know that my past relationships weren't great. They learn that I'm transgender and run for the hills. Have yet to find anyone who will love me for me," I close my eyes and lean my head back against my wall again.

"Someone's out there for you, Jamie. Just give it time, alright?" Emily softly says and I look back at my phone to give her a smile.

"I have a few more phone calls to make, so let your folks know we'd like to do dinner with them some time this week. Thanks for being there for AJ and Kimberly these past few months," I smile wider and she returns it.

"You're very welcome. Let me know the details for tomorrow for our coffee date tomorrow," I roll my eyes at her saying it's a date.

"It will never be a date, Ms. Jones," I laugh and she scoffs.

"You wish you could get a date with me. I'm way out of your league, Hamilton," now I'm the one scoffing.

"Bye," I chuckle and hang up the FaceTime. I drop my phone onto the bed and close my eyes. My mind quickly goes back to the convoy in the desert. I hear faint screams and I feel sweat forming on my forehead. A knock on my door pulls me from my forming nightmare. Kim opens my door and leans on the doorframe, "Hey, you want to order pizza yet?" I take a deep breath and nod, "Yeah. Get the works. I'm going to call Jonathan and see if he's in town."

I reach to grab my phone and Kim quickly answers my lingering question, "He is." I cock my eyebrow and look at her, "And how do you know that?" I sit back up and hold my phone waiting for her to answer. "He called yesterday to see if you had returned yet. He got back Friday, and I told him you weren't due to land until this afternoon," I nod and give a silent 'ah' to her explanation. "Okay, I'm still going to call and see if he wants to come over. You cool with that?" I ask unlocking my phone and going straight to his name. "Yeah, I haven't gotten to see him since you both deployed so it'll be nice to catch up," she answers and comes into my room sitting on my bed.

JT

Hey Johnny!

Just got home today, and

was wondering if you

wanted to come over for

dinner? We're having pizza.

If you can't come tonight,

I'm meeting Emily for

coffee tomorrow if you'd

like to join.

Missed you, man

I finish sending my text to Jonathan and look up at Kim. She's studying me, "You have sweat on your forehead. You okay, Jay?" I wipe my forehead with the back of my hand and shrug it off. This always happens when I come back. I have a month or two of recurring nightmares and my body goes into fight or flight mode the entire time. "Yeah, I'll be okay. You know how it is when I first get back," I give her a reassuring smile and she nods. She gets off the bed and turns back to me, "I'll order an extra-large pizza just in case John comes." She leaves the room and my phone vibrates in my hand.

Johnny

Hey brother!

I will happily come over

for dinner! Can't say no

to free pizza.I have a bunch

of paperwork to get done

tomorrow so I'll do a raincheck

on the coffee with you and

Emily. See you in 20!

I smile at his message and get instantly excited to see my best friend tonight. Our schedules have finally aligned and we're home at the same time. These moments are rare and I'm not going to take it for granted. I know this time being home will be rough, especially with the looming possibility that my mom will be gone in the next month. I'll need all the support I can get to make sure that I don't fall into a downward spiral. I put my phone on the charger and leave it in my room to spend much needed time with my sister.

~~

Kim and I caught up while I dealt with my laundry. Washing my cammies is a tedious process, and us talking has definitely helped speed up the process. The doorbell ringing pulls us from our conversation. Kim goes to answer it while I grab my folded clothes to put in my bedroom. I put everything away and see a few empty hangers in my closet. I'm sure they were sweatshirts that Kim stole to stay warm. I only see the green ones I wear for PT. "Shocked she didn't take either of you," I mumble to myself and head back out into the living room.

As I make my way towards the living room, I hear a familiar voice coming from the kitchen. I come into the clearing and see a face I haven't seen in a long time. "Jamie!" John exclaims and comes barreling towards me. "God I missed you!" I throw my arms around him and we hold the hug. This man has been a brother to me since we were kids. Without him, I wouldn't have survived. He's been through it all with me, and I don't think I'll ever be able to repay him. We pat each other's backs and step out of each other's embrace.

We check each other for any new injuries from deployment, and he looks perfectly fine. I look fine, but in reality my back is covered with scarred tissue. We head to the kitchen table and I see EJ already sitting there. "So, how have you been?" I ask John as we take our seats. "You know, same old same old. Being out at sea for six months was hell, but I get to be on land for the next six so life isn't looking too terrible. What about you?" He takes a sip of his water. Kim comes over with two more glasses of water for me and her, and I fiddle with the ring on my right hand.

"As good as someone who spent eight months in a desert can be. Obviously a bit tanner than when I left, but I'm good," I take a sip of my water and see the matching ring on John's hand. "You kept your ring," I gesture to his hand and he holds up his right hand. "Of course! I'm with you 'til the end of the line," he winks and I laugh. "The Bucky to my Steve," I chuckle and John quickly holds a hand up. "Whoa! I think You're my Bucky and I'm Steve," we all laugh.

(A/N: these are the rings Jonathan and Jamie have)

The doorbell stops our laughter and Kim gets up to answer the door. She comes back carrying two pizza boxes and sits them next to the cake on the kitchen counter. "One meat pizza and one supreme. Enough pizza to feed an army, so dig in guys," Kim grabs four plates and we all start grabbing slices. "So, how's y'all's mom?" Jonathan asks, putting more pizza in his mouth. Kim and I exchange a look and I wipe my hands on a paper towel. "John," I pause and he puts his pizza slice down. "She's not doing so well. Doctors are saying she's only got about a month left to live. Cancer has spread and treatments can't help her anymore," I fight back a tear and get through my explanation without skipping a beat. Jonathan's face morphs into one of shock. He puts his hand on my and EJ's shoulders and looks at Kim, "Whatever you guys need, just let me know." We silently thank him and go back to eating our dinner.

"On a lighter note, I have my first football game this Friday. It's a pre-season game, but still the first game of the season!" EJ tries changing the mood and we all exchange a smile. "What position they have you at, Eddie?" John asks, and I glance at EJ to see how he takes the nickname. He's never liked being called Edward, especially since he shares our dad's name. The best way for us to get around the constant reminder of the man who never showed an ounce of love towards us was to just call our brother EJ. "They have me at tail back," he shrugs and takes a bite of his pizza. "Remember when I played?" Jonathan asks me and I nod. "They had me between wide receiver and tail back, so if you want any pointers I'll be happy to help," John adds and smiles at EJ. "Thanks, Johnny. I'd love all the help I can get. If baseball doesn't work out, a football scholarship would be a nice alternative," EJ returns the smile and I smile at their exchange.

Jonathan has always treated EJ as his own little brother. He's an only child, so when we became friends I wasn't opposed to him joining in on being the big brother towards EJ. "Any upcoming plans I can take part in?" John asks and I raise my eyebrows at Kim. "Actually, I got tickets to that concert series that happens during the surf competition down at the pier. Would you want to come? We have two available tickets," Kim kicks my shin and I grab the sore spot. I look at her and she smiles at me. "Oh that sounds fun! Sure, I'll join. Any good acts listed?" He asks and I look to Kim to answer.

"Um, Plain White T's and Hot Chelle Rae are slated to perform," Kim takes a bite of her pizza and I throw my napkin on my plate not able to eat anymore. "Oh, and your favorite, Sofia Carson," I smack John's arm and chuckle. "Who?" He looks between me and Kim, and I just shrug. "No clue, dude. Kim care to enlighten us?" I ask and she pulls out her phone, I assume to Google her for us to see. "She was in the Descendants movies on Disney Channel. She was also in a Pretty Little Liars spin-off series. Both things neither of you would have seen," Kim hands me her phone, and Jonathan and I both look at what Google pulled up. "She's hot," John says with a mouthful of pizza. I smack his arm for describing her like that. "Bruh, can we describe women a bit better in front of the young man?" I gesture towards EJ, and he snickers. "I'm sorry, she's very beautiful," John corrects himself and I nod in thanks.

I hand Kim her phone back, and finish my glass of water. "She's a singer?" I look at Kim, and she nods. "I guess I'll have to pull her music up on Spotify," I make a mental note, and feel Jonathan's eyes looking at me. I shrug and sit my glass on the table, "What? I gotta be prepared for the concert. She's performing twice." We all laugh and start cleaning up the leftover pizza. I put the plates in the dishwasher while Kim puts the leftover slices in aluminum foil to put in the fridge. I look over my shoulder and see Jonathan helping her.

"I'm going to head to bed. Got a big first day of junior year tomorrow," EJ says from the kitchen doorway. "Wait, we gotta cut the cake," Kim states, grabbing a knife for me. "I stand in front of the cake and Kim takes her phone out to record a video. "It's not my birthday, Kimberly. You have a 'return home' song in your back pocket?" I say sarcastically and Kim throws me the bird. They all yell 'Welcome Home!' as I cut the cake. "Johnny, you want a piece for the road?" Kim asks, grabbing a tupperware container for him. "Sure, and I'll take some pizza too. If that's okay?" He throws the question in my direction and I nod my head.

"Alright, let me know when you wanna go out on the town. You, me, and Emily, need to go out. We haven't done it properly since I graduated from the Academy," I nod and pull Jonathan into a hug. We pat each other's backs before he pulls Kim into a hug. "I'll talk to her tomorrow about it, and see when she's available," he nods and waves as he walks out the door. I shut the door behind him and lock everything up.

"I'm going to head to bed. You taking EJ to school in the morning?" Kim asks, walking towards her room. "Yes, ma'am. Then I'm meeting Emily for coffee. I got an appointment to get my first dose around noon, so I may or may not see you at the hospital when I get it," I follow behind her and lean against her door frame. "Oh, and I'm picking EJ up after practice tomorrow. Might go watch a bit too," she nods and pulls me into a hug. "I missed you, Jamie. I'm so glad you're home," she mumbles into my chest. I rub her back and kiss the top of her head, "I missed you too, Kim." She steps back and wipes her eyes, "Goodnight, Jay." "Goodnight, lil sis," I close her door and head to my bedroom. I step inside and look at the bed before me. I walk over and grab my pillow and blanket. I lay them on the floor and get settled for the night. The first night is always the worst one.