Dearest ex-friends,

The summer after that horrible year of high school, I called my grandma in Canada and asked to live with her. She's always been a rock for me. She agreed without hesitation and flew me out immediately after hearing about my parents.

I had been cutting my thighs off and on and always wore long pants. I trembled at the thought of talking to anyone lest I hurt them or they hurt me. I hated everyone. I sat in my room and cried for hours every day. I read books and watched Netflix a lot. I stayed in the shower for hours, and I liked to watch myself bleed.

Worthless bitch my inner voice called me.

When I got to Canada, my grandma knew something was wrong. My whole family did. I hid from them for weeks, made excuses to not hang out with them.

What changed my life was going to a therapist. At first, I hated talking about it, but the more I spoke, the more a pressure came off my chest. It would take two years to get as strong as I am today. No more cutting, no more hiding. No more letting people hurt me.

I wanted you to know what your actions caused. You didn't cause me depression yourself, no, but you helped me to hate myself. I don't know what I did to deserve any of this, but this is the outcome of it. I don't want you to feel bad for me because I'm happy now. I have a boyfriend who is taking it slow with all my needs and a great best friend that always checks on my mental health. College is great, so much better than high school, and I'm glad I got to enroll here in Canada.

I hope you both are doing okay, believe it or not. I wouldn't wish death upon you even though you both broke me. Maybe you learned from mistakes. Maybe not. But overall, don't do this to anyone else

Because bullying isn't okay. And depression is serious. Because no one deserves to feel like they are better off dead.

I should not have signed my last letter off like I did, but I just feel so much right now because I'm still not healed and I never will be fully healed.

Have a good life,
Laila

P.S. This is officially my last letter. I've been writing too much. I need to stop digging up the past. But it felt so good to get it all out finally and to let you guys know what you made me feel.