"Arthur..." I combed my fingers through his thick, dark hair. He was on his bed, laying on his stomach with head buried into his pillow. 

"Leave me alone." He said in a muffled sob. 

I took in a deep breath in an attempt to hold my tears but it did nothing. I could already feel hot streams of tears running down my cheeks. It had been so many years... akala ko nakalimot na siya. God, how I wanted him to forget all those. I had tried so hard to erase those memories and replace it with happy ones. Kung may kakayahan lang akong ibalik ang oras at ibigay sa kanya ang pagmamahal na dapat naramdaman niya noon pa lang, gagawin ko.

"Baby, I'm so sorry," hindi ko na napigilan ang hikbing kumawala sa bibig ko. "Mahal na mahal kita, Art. Even back then when we weren't together, I kept you in my heart. Marami akong gustong ipaliwanag sa'yo pero hindi ko alam kung paano sisimulan."

I felt a gripping pain in my chest. There were just sobs- dry choking sounds coming from me as my whole body heaved. He paused and slowly turned his face to my direction. He wiped his tears off his cheeks with his arm and then sat next to me.

"M-mom..." there was gentle quietness in his tone.

"I-I'm sorry..." humihikbing sabi ko.

"Why did you not like me back then?" his tone now calmer. He did not sound angry, there was just sadness. Lalong piniga ang puso ko sa tono ng boses niya. I would've understood kung magalit siya sa akin, I deserved it. But Arthur was not like that.

Hinawakan ko siya sa magkabilang pisngi. I looked him straight in the eyes as my vision became blurry with a surge of tears. They say a person's eyes are the only thing that don't change as they age. My son's were the most mesmerizing eyes I had seen in my life.

"You know, the first time I saw you... you were just a tiny little baby back, I was in awe. Your eyes stood out the most out of all the babies in the nursery. You were beautiful." I had to smile despite the tears. The nurse was wheeling me around the hospital when we passed by the nursery. I asked her to stop for awhile and my eyes searched him even if I didn't want to, it was like they had minds of their own. There he was, wrapped in a blue blanket, in his little bassinet. Arthur Cordova, it says on the little card. He opened his eyes and I couldn't help but take a sharp breath in. They were dark as dark. It stood out in contrast with his peach skin. They were the first thing you would notice, he was the first one you would notice in the nursery. 

And it scared me how I felt at that time. I was not supposed to feel that way for my abuser's baby. I was disgusted with myself. From then on, hindi ko na siya ginustong makita. I had trained myself to stay as far away from him as possible. I could never love him, I thought to myself at that time. I should never love him...

"Things were complicated at that time. But I did love you, I have always loved you even when things were hard for me. I know things were hard for you too and I'm sorry. Madami akong gustong ipaliwanag sa'yo, Arthur, marami akong gustong malaman mo pero hindi pa ngayon. I just want you to know that I loved you even back then and I love you even more now." I gently stroked his hair. "I love you so much, son. So much it hurts."

"I love you too, Mom." he wrapped his arms around me. And I took him into my arms. 

Kahit wala siya sa tabi ko noon, palagi siyang sumasagi sa isip. Tuwing mapapadaan ako sa kids' section o kaya'y may makikita akong laruan na panglalaki, siya ang una kong naiisip. Kung anu-anong tanong ang pumapasok noon sa isip ko, kung ano'ng klaseng mga laruan ang gusto niya, kung anu-anong damit ang sinusuot niya, kung ano ang size ng sapatos niya. The things I give to Cookie were the things I wanted to give to him. Like that life size car for Cookie's graduation, I pictured him riding the car too. I knew Cookie would share it with him kaya iyon ang binili ko. 

"Will you forgive Mommy?" I asked him.

He slowly nodded his head and looked up to me, "I will always forgive you, Mom."

Lalong humigpit ang yakap ko sa kanya at napaluha lalo ako. He was such a good boy, my son. Nothing like him.

"Now, don't you ever run away from me like that, young man. Hindi ko makakaya kapag nawala ka o may masamang nangyari sa'yo." sabi ko sa kanya. It was not in a scolding tone but it was full of affection instead.

"Never again, Mom. I'll always be here to protect you and my brothers. I promise, yun ang pinromise ko kay Doctor daddy." sabi nito.

"Oh, Art..." iyon na lang ang nabigkas ko. My heart was full with love and content. 

Mama cooked a special dinner for all of us, sort of like a small celebration for Arthur. Dahil nauwi siya nang maayos sa amin at walang masamang nangyari sa kanya. Everyone just felt relieved to have him back and I never wasted a time to make him feel loved. He would never feel again what I had made him feel before. 

"Art, I have something I want to give you..." I said, taking out an envelope from my pocket after we'd had our meal and then I handed it over to him.

He took it from my hand and with brows furrowed with curiosity, he opened the envelope to see what was inside it. Agad nanlaki ang mga mata niya nang makita ang laman nun at napaawang ang bibig.

"No way!" he blurted out and then with an excited smile, he looked at me. "Mom, do you really mean this?"

"Of course. Bibigay ko ba sa'yo yan kung hindi?" I chuckled.

"You're going to let me go to the music festival?" parang hindi makapaniwalang tanong nito.

"Yes, you're allowed to go to the music festival." I answered and started stroking his hair, "Just promise me one thing..."

"ANYTHING, Mom!" 

I playfully tapped his nose. "Never run away from me again."

"I promise!" he even held up his right hand.

"And also be a good boy, okay?" I twirled a strand of his dark hair around my finger. 

"I promise." he raised his hand.

"Can we go with Kuya?" Monty asked. 

"I want to go to the music festival!" sumabay din si Sid.

"I want to go to so I can watch Chuck E. Cheese's band sing!" Brad excitedly said.

"Chuck E. Cheese isn't going to be there, that's just for kids! It's just going to be real musicians!" Arthur rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Then that music festival will suck. Chuck E. Cheese is like the best band ever!" Brad growled at the end of his sentence and lifted both of his fist up.

"You're taste in music suck." Arthur puffed a breath.

"Oh, we got a music snob here already." Mama couldn't help a giggle as she looked at my son fondly. "Our little Art is growing up too fast."

"Oh, can you all promise that there will be no bodyguard?" he looked at Mama, Dad, and finally his eyes went to me.

Arthur was at that age when he would get embarrassed whenever there's a bodyguard standing near us. He didn't like it at all and he would stay as far from us as possible whenever we had to bring one along with us. He thought it was 'weird' and 'not normal'. To him, it was akin to having a very buff babysitter and he complained that his friends would often tease him about it.

"But-" I opened my mouth but before I could continue to my second word he let out a groan.

"Mom, they're going to make fun of me again!" ibinagsak niya ang ulo sa edge ng mesa. "It's worse than not being at the music festival!" 

"Who's going to look out for you?" I asked.

"My friend's older brother is going to be there, he's a guitarist in one of the band and he's really cool! I don't want to be an embarrassment!"

"Art, honey, you know it won't be safe to let you go on your own."

He looked at me, desperation in his eyes, "It'll be safe, I promise. We're going to have our own space. Just for us. Kind of like a VIP area."

I just stared at him for a few seconds, undecided. Until I let my body droop against the back of my seat and closed my eyes tightly. I calmed myself down, let out a deep breath in and a deep breath out before I opened my eyes again, "Fine. No bodyguards but promise you won't do anything I won't like."

"Yes, I promise!" he jumped out of his seat and hugged me, "Thanks, Mom! You're the best!"

I looked at Mama and Dad for approval. Mama smiled at me as if telling me that I was handling my parenting just right and Dad just shook his head with a scowl on his face as if judging me. I shrugged my shoulders at Dad as my way of telling him that I had no choice. 

After a long battle with myself of whether to go to him or not, I finally decided that I should. He accompanied my son when he tried to run away from home and took him back. I thought I needed to check up on him after he'd been hurt by Franco. Franco did apologize to me over the phone for how he'd acted, na dala lang daw siya sa sitwasyon. And I had some apologizing to do too. I had cook sopas because my kids like it and thought I should bring him some, too.

"Ate Melba," I smiled at the lady after she had opened the door for me. 

"Ay, Ma'am Audrey," she looked at me surprised and opened the door to the servant's quarters a little wider. All our helps reside in a bungalow house where they had their own rooms, a living space, a kitchen, basically like a small house of their own.

"Hello, magandang umaga po. Nandyan ba si Tarzan?" I asked.

"Po?" tumaas ang dalawang kilay niya na tila di naiintindihan ang sinabi ko. 

I shook my head, embarrassed. I had compeletely forgotten na ang mga anak ko pala ang nagbigay sa kanya ng pangalan na iyon. "I mean si Soren pala."

"Ah, si Soren po ba?" her face contorted with awkwardness, "Ma'am Audrey pasensya na kayo sa batang iyon, ah. Hindi naman niya sinasadya kadalasan ang mga ginagawa niya pero talagang gano'n lang siya. Hayaan niyo, aalis na naman siya ngayon araw. Sobrang nahihiya ak-"

"Aalis siya?" 

"Opo, di ba aalis naman na talaga siya dapat. Na delay lang dahil sa nangyari kahapon, mahilo-hilo pa kasi sa suntok," kwento ni Melba. 

I felt a wave of concern. He could've had a head concussion, he was hit real bad. I had seen in Franco's social media accounts that he practices Martial Arts. We'd be responsible if anything bad happens to him. He'd saved my son and this was how we'd repay him.

"Okay lang ba siya?" I asked, worried.

"Okay naman na po siya, Ma'am Audrey. Naka-ready na ang mga gamit niya, mamaya ihahatid na lang namin sa terminal."

"Pwede bang makausap ko siya?" 

"Ay, teka sandali. Pasok kayo, Ma'am, tatawagin ko lang ang batang iyon," she invited me in and I obliged. I walked into their living room and she'd turn on the TV for me, "Nood po muna kayo, Ma'am."

"Salamat," I gave her a faint smile as I sat on the couch in front of the TV, with the food container still in my hand.

"Soren," I heard Ate Melba calling out his name as she knocked on one of the doors in the far left corner. 

Bumukas ang pinto at dumungaw si Soren, he had a dark, swollen mark on his jaw and I immediately felt bad for him. 

"Bakit, tiya?" he asked, scratching the back of his headin annoyance as he stepped out of the room. He was topless and had on a pair of red jersey shorts. My eyes caught a glimpse of his toned, tanned body. He was muscular but not the kind that looked like he'd been working out in the gym for hours, the natural kind. "Nag-aayos ako ng gamit. Iiwan ko na din lahat ng binigay ni Ma'am Cassie baka magalit pa yung mataray niyang an-"

"Shh!" siniko siya ni Ate Melba bago tumingin ang babae sa akin. Sinundan niya ang tiningin nito at na gawi sa akin. His spine straightened in surprise when he saw me. "Ma'am Drey."

I stood up from the couch and arched a brow at him, my lips pursing. Then I cleared my throat and asked in a monotone, "How are you?" 

"Okay naman, Ma'am." sagot niyang nang makabawi sa pagkagulat. 

"I spoke with Franco, he wants to send his apologies to you. Nabigla lang daw siya." I told him as I walked to where he was standing, "And also, I brought you food."

"Salamat, Ma'am." Napangiti ito nang magbaba ng tingin sa container na inaabot ko sa kanya at kinuha ito, "Ayos, sopas. Luto niyo po ba 'to? Mukhang masarap."

"No." Mabilis na sagot ko. I didn't know why I had to be defensive about having to cook for him but it just felt weird to me kung sasabihin ko na ako ang nagluto, "Natira lang kanina kaya naisipan kong dalhan ka."

"Ah, ganon po ba. Salamat na din. Kainin ko na lang 'to sa bus mamaya. Okay lang ba na dalhin ko itong tupperware baka magalit ka." he chuckled.

Agad umarko ang kilay ko, "You can keep it."

"Huy, Soren! Mag t-shirt ka nga, nakakahiya kay Ma'am Drey!" binato siya nang t-shirt ni Ate Melba na hindi ko namalayan na pumasok na pala ito sa kwarto ng lalaki.

"Ay, pasensya na, Ma'am." he unrolled the shirt and put it on. 

"Labas na muna ako, Ma'am Drey. Baka kailangan na ako." Paalam ni Melba sa akin at tumango naman ako sa kanya. Pagkatapos ay tumingin ito kay Soren at pinandilatan siya nang ginang bago umalis.

"Ma'am, kumusta na si sir Arthur?" he asked.

"Nakapag-usap na kami. He's fine now." I answered.

"Buti naman kung ganon. Alam niyo iyak ng iyak nga yung bata nang maabutan ko siya. Pinipilit ko nga siyang umuwi pero ayaw niya nung una. Yun, kumain na lang kami sa Mcdo, nilibre niya nga ako Ma'am tapos doon niya napagtanto na wala na nagastos niya na yung pera niya at napilitan siya umuwi." natatawang napailing ang binata. 

I couldn't help a chuckle myself and then I looked him straight in the eye, "Thank you."

"Welcome, Ma'am." nakangiting sagot niya, "Alam niyo mabait na bata yan si sir Arthur. Paramdam niyo lang po siguro na mahal niyo siya. Mahal na mahal din po kasi kayo ng anak niyo."

"I do love him." 

"Sana all." agad na sabi niya.

My brow arched again, "Excuse me?"

Nahihiyang napangiti ito, "Sana all may magulang na nagmamahal sa kanila."

I nodded my head. Muling dumapo ang tingin ko sa pasa sa mukha niya at wala sa sariling napahawak ako doon. He flinched away from my touch.

"Aray!"

"Sorry." I bit my lower lip as I pulled my hand back. 

"Ay, okay lang, Ma'am," he pulled my hand back and gently put it to his face. He felt so warm and  solid. It was so overwhelming and engulfing.

"You're crazy," I uttered as I pulled my hands away from him, "I just went here to check on you at gusto din sana kita ipa-check sa doktor. Maybe have a few tests done to to make sure walang serious problem,"

"Ma'am, okay na po ako," he said with an assuring smile, "Mas malala pa nga yung mga natatamo ko kapag napapaaway ako du'n sa barrio namin. Galos lang ito, wala 'to."

"No, I insist. Franco and I insist. We want to make sure you're okay," ani ko.

"Okay na okay na po ako, Ma'am, wala kayong dapat ipag-alala. Makapal po ang bungo ko," he chuckled. "Isa pa, uuwi na din ako sa amin mamaya."

"I want you to stay," I said. "Nagpunta din ako dito para sabihin sa'yo huwag ka nang umalis. I want you to keep your job."

He just stared at me and blinked. Then he crossed his arms over his chest and looked away, as if thinking.

"If... if that's okay with you," I started playing with my hands, feeling slightly humiliated that I was asking him to keep his job when in the first place I was the one who fired him, "Kung hindi naman, okay lang din. Willing naman ako mag-compensate na lang-"

"Mag-iistay ako, Ma'am, pero..." he trailed off.

Muling umarko ang kilay ko. Bakit may pero? 

Who does he think he is?

I bit my tongue before I could run my mouth off again which could possibly lead to another fight with him. I had to remind myself that this man right in front of me saved my son. Did he actually think he'd be doing me a favor if he stays?

I looked at him with a frown, trying to keep my mouth shut.

"Pero bawasan niyo na po ang pagsimangot. Mag-smile naman kayo," he put his fingers to the corner of my mouth and tried to lift them up into a smile,"

"Don't touch me!" I swatted his hand away from me.

"Yan na naman kayo, Ma'am, nagmamaldita ka na naman," he shook his head, "Ang akin lang kung gusto mo kong mag-stay sana wag mo na ko simangutan at malditahan. Sayang naman ang ganda niyo kung palagi kayong nakasimangot,"

I didn't know why but what he'd said sent heat to my cheeks, "Don't tell me what to do. Bakit hindi ka rin kaya tumigil sa pangbubuwisit para di ka minamalditahan?"

"Wala naman akong ginagawa, Ma'am," napakamot siya sa ulo.

"Ewan ko sa'yo. I have to go now!" Inis na sabi ko at tumalikod na ako sa kanya at naglakad palabas. I was at the door when I stopped and turned to face him, staring at him dead in the eyes. "And no, you can't keep my container! Kung dadalhin mo yan sa probinsya mo, ipa-courier mo pabalik dito!"

I knew it was petty but I just had to get back at him.