Unlike many teenagers I did not struggle with self- identity. I had already grown to know myself. I knew what I wanted to accomplish, I had a clear vision of what I wanted my future to look like and I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I believe in resolutions. I was that child who always wrote down resolutions in the beginning of the New Year and I had such a great drive and determined to fulfil my resolutions. In no way was I conflicted about myself, my dreams and my aspirations. I had all of that in order. Everything went as expected and seemingly in order. However, soon after graduating from high school, life took a different turn. I took a different turn. Either I was becoming who I was meant to be or I was becoming someone else. There was a bizarre and sudden change in my personality. I was definitely who I knew myself to be.  I do not know if this change improved me, increased the capacity of my weirdness or if it actually just served to make me bitter. I dreamed of studying fashion at some elite private fashion school in Sandton. I had applied and been accepted there. My mind was made up that I was going to study fashion. That was my passion, the only thing that seemed appropriate for me to do was be a student in that prestige university. Soon I learned that my parents could no longer afford for me to study there. As you can imagine I was disappointed. These news did not make any sense whatsoever. I thought there goes my dream, there goes my life. At that point, I thought life was unfair and did not make sense. So unexpectedly my life took a curve. I had to consider my second study option which was psychology. I always had an interest in psychology. Human behaviour and the mind was always an intriguing subject for me. I knew I always wanted to understand all the dynamics of why people do the things they do and why they react the way they do.  I then made the decision to enrol for psychology at the North West University. My academic journey was somewhat bitter sweet. At some point I did not want to study what I was studying I had lost interest as I was fixated with fashion. Often times I was very interested and stunned by what I was learning. Sometimes I envisioned myself as a prevalent psychologist owning my own practice other times I saw myself being the bests fashion stylist in the world and owning my own boutique. Most times I just felt like throwing in the towel and giving up on school because my grades were fluctuating. I finally came to an agreement with myself that I will finish what I started and I will finish the degree on record time. I felt a lot of pressure to do well and succeed because in my family, I was the first child to finish school and make it to Varsity. I was the first grandchild and the first cousin to reach this milestone. As the first born, automatically I am the example child. I involuntarily set the pace for my younger siblings and the cousins after me to follow. So, I had to be steadfast and thrive. Eventually I did. I graduated varsity on record time. Soon after graduation I was offered an internship at a large corporate company. Everything in life seemed to be working out. One of the best lessons you learn in adulthood is that, things do not always work out the way we want them too or the way we planned them out. When your life takes unexpected turns trust the reroute. Trust the direction that God is leading you on. Be cognisant of the fact that nothing happens without a reason. For nothing was created without a purpose. For everything there is a reason. When your life takes turns allow it. Do not force your own way. Your plans are not greater than God’s plan. God is an intentional God, He is God of truth and of purpose. Always mercifully towards those who love him.

Jeremiah 29:11 reads as follows:
For I know the plans I have for you, “says the Lord”. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

The road to transformation.

God will let you go through some things just because he is busy making your life a story. We go through trial and tribulations because God is busy preparing us for the greater to come. Relationships will fail, friends will be remove themselves from your life, and business will hit losses and you may face rejection. Do not dismayed, like any other season this too shall pass. Life will get really uncomfortable. Nothing may seem to be working and nothing will make sense. That’s when you know God is working. God uses the worst experiences in life to make you the best. What we do not realise is that God uses our everyday experiences to build capacity in us. Everything that we go through is for a purpose. Light was born out of darkness. Before glory is revealed there must be adversity. During transformation phase, declare the word of God over your circumstances.

Change your environment, attend various seminars and change your company. Do not hang around people who are going through the same situations they will encourage you into depression. You need to surround yourself with greater people, people whom you can draw inspiration from. Don’t stop praying until God blesses you. There is a blessing on the other side of the battle. Keep the faith. Be encouraged because it is in this process where you will know God. This is the stage where you will be woke to the need of God. During transformation, you will be stripped off your own strength and fully rely on God. You will realise that God is busy shaping and perfecting your life the way he destined it to be.
We all go through the transformation stage in our lives at different times and in different ways. When I was going through transformation. I completely isolated myself from my peers, my friends and society. I felt down and out like I have nothing to contribute to this society. So, I closed myself in. I was broke most of the time and could not afford the lifestyle that I was accustomed too. Hence, I became socially withdrawn. I denied meet-up invitations or any other social invitations. I even refrained from dating. This went on for years until I started getting social anxiety every time I have to leave the house. I just preferred being indoors and being to myself. My body would literally cringe at the thought of being around people and I’d get stabbing stomach pains. I soon realised that solitude is addictive. I was comfortable being in my own space. I constantly wanted to be alone. This was healing to me. There came a time when I realised that isolation was not really helping because to get through this trying time I need to involve people. I needed help. That was the first step to recovery. To let go of pride and allow myself to be vulnerable and admit the need of assistance. It sure was not a simple thing to do but I had to transform my mind and adopt a new paradigm shift of my mind-set.
The process of transformation is however a beautiful one that will reintroduce you to yourself. After going through transformation you will be happier as an individual, you will learn things you did not know about yourself and you will strive to find meaning in things and in life.