EGO POV Yibo

Today I can no longer identify myself with the person I was back then. I think that's probably normal, because over time you get older, gain more experience and become more mature through age and through the accumulated experience. Today I see things quite differently than I did back then.

For example, I could never imagine getting married someday and spending the rest of my life with just this one person. But today I can't imagine anything more beautiful. Having Zhan by my side is just wonderful. And knowing that he will be by my side for the rest of my life makes me incredibly happy.

Likewise, I could never imagine ever working in an office in a company. Especially not in my own. At that time I rather dreamed of doing something in the field of my hobbies. Motorsports, dancing, just anything I had super fun and joy in back then. But in the end it was never more than a hobby.

It would never have occurred to me to start a business with my life partner, my wonderful husband, to invest all my energy and time in it, to let it grow and to earn my, no, our living with it. And I never thought that I would enjoy it. That I would have such a good reason for all this, that I would enjoy doing my work. Even if from home at the moment.

In the past, I couldn't imagine staying in one place all the time either. I always wanted to travel a lot and live in different countries. I always wanted to be far away from my family and their problems. At that time, they didn't have any obvious marital problems, but there were always fights between them, because of the company and what felt like a million other things. So I just wanted to be with friends and do only what I felt like doing.

What was also unthinkable for me at the time was making plans for the future. So no real plans for the future. I thought I would just live into the day and see what the future would bring. I wasn't thinking about earning money and starting my own family at that time.

It is also a fact that I could never imagine being a dad. Not only because I realized at a young age that I am gay and homosexuals have it hard in this country anyway, but also because being a dad never fit for me and my ideas of my future.

But then I met Zhan and fell in love with him. And my Zhan has this special but also wonderful body that allows him to be able to get pregnant. And he got pregnant after just one careless night after a party. And when I found out that I was going to be a dad, I was incredibly happy.

I didn't spend a second thinking about the Yibo I was back then and what I was thinking and planning back then. I was just so incredibly grateful and happy that my Zhan and I were going to have a baby. I watched as Zhan's belly grew bigger and bigger. With all the ultrasounds, I watched my baby grow in Zhan's belly and get bigger and bigger.

With each passing day, I couldn't wait to finally hold my son in my arms. And when the day finally came, I had this indescribable feeling inside me that surpassed anything I ever thought I knew. I was suddenly a dad and my heart was bubbling over with happiness and joy.

I'm a happy husband and a proud father who started a business with his partner and I haven't done any of the things I thought I would do back then. Because I have changed a lot since then. I am no longer the carefree and clueless teenager I was back then. I have grown and matured with time and experience.

So no, I can no longer identify with the person I once was. Because the way my life is now, I love it. I don't want to change anything about it and all my wishes, dreams and hopes are completely focused on my little family, our future, our health and our love.

I came up with these thoughts now that our little A-Yuan is slowly starting to sleep through the nights and I am no longer too tired to be thinking. We really had many, many sleepless nights in the last three months. Because A-Yuan slept during the day and turned night into day. Almost every hour he woke up, cried, was hungry, had a diaper full or just wanted to be with us.

I have no idea how many bottles we've done so far or how many diapers we've changed. I just know it's been a lot. We are constantly buying diapers. A-Yuan is such a sweet little darling at three months old and just 47 centimeters. But he poops like a champ! How can such a small person poop so much? Where does it all come from?

But my son can do more than just sleep, eat and poop. He can also pee purposefully. About a month ago, my parents came to visit us, well they just wanted to see their grandson, and for some reason the two of them suddenly started a little discussion with each other while I was changing A-Yuan's diaper on the sofa.

My dad was sitting in the chair and my mom was sitting behind me on the sofa. And just as I was about to put the new diaper on A-Yuan, he peed on. He peed in a high arc and hit my dad on the head! I had to laugh so hard that I couldn't manage to put the diaper on my son. So my mom took over.

My mom put the clean diaper under his butt and suddenly A-Yuan pooped. I mean, it just shot out of his tiny butt and hit my mom on the leg. If she had been laughing at my dad before, suddenly she was sitting there in shock and my dad was laughing hilariously. In the end, Zhan took care of the matter and diapered our son. But he had also laughed tears before.

Since Zhan and I had agreed right at the beginning of his pregnancy that I would stay home and take care of our son after he was born, I work from home and Zhan goes to the office every day. We've been doing it this way for a month now and it's going quite well.

Zhan is being supported in the business by my best friend, as my mom is back working in my dad's business and helping him rebuild it. They still have a lot of work to do. But I think they can do it. They just need to stick together and always be open about everything.

Two weeks ago, my parents, invited Zhan, my brother and me to a dinner at a restaurant and explained to us that my dad proposed to my mom she said yes. So they are going to get married again. This time with everything though, since their first wedding had been kept very small.

Zhan and I were happy for my parents. Only my brother was not so pleased. Because he doubts that they are really ready to take this step. Well, I can understand my brother a little bit. Because during the family therapy, where the whole family and also Zhan come together, our parents explained to us how it should go on with them and their relationship.

They said that they love each other very much, that they can imagine a future together again, but that they will continue to stick to the concept of an open relationship and then yes soon marriage. My brother was completely horrified by this. Because for him, an open relationship has nothing to do with love. He insists on monogamy.

So do Zhan and I, because neither he nor I can imagine sleeping with others. But I don't take the right to judge my parents just because they are open to it. They have to know it themselves. And they can always say if they don't want to do it anymore. But my brother was really angry and scolded them.

My mom said, "Just because we say we want an open relationship doesn't mean we have sex with other people all the time or love each other any less because of it. We just want to keep that option open. Because that's who we are. We don't want to pretend or force ourselves into not being able to live us out. A-Kuan, we're old enough to know what we want." But that didn't reassure my brother.

Finally, the therapist said that our parents did not decide to have this kind of relationship carelessly. They put a lot of thought into it, and they don't plan to sleep with anyone else, they just want the option to be available. And that's only as long as neither of them is emotionally hurt by it.

Neither Zhan nor I nor my brother can imagine such a relationship. But at least Zhan and I know and accept that there are people, like my parents, who are fine with such a relationship. True, things went wrong for them once before when my mom fell in love with one of the men she slept with. 

But I have to say that when this happened, my parents' marriage was already broken. Because if everything had been fine with the two of them, it would never have come to this. And that's what the therapist explained. In the end, I think it's none of our business, they have to decide for themselves how they want to run their relationship and marriage. As long as they respect each other and are honest with each other and leave us out of it, I have no problem with it.

My priorities are with my own little family anyway. My husband and my son. Those two are my whole life and I care little to nothing about anything else right now.

And let's face it, I love being a husband and a father. I love being able to stay home with my son and take care of him. I walk around in comfy clothes all day, I can cuddle and kiss my son whenever he is awake. I'm excited about being able to watch him grow up. And I'm looking forward to all the things I can and will teach him.

Every day I go for a walk with my son for an hour and I'm mega proud when passersby look in the stroller and say, "Oh my gosh, that little guy is really really cute." Sure he is! He is Zhan's and mine after all! My beautiful husband and I made this adorable little human!

Currently, though, in addition to being a dad and working from home, I'm learning to cook. I always want to be able to greet Zhan with dinner in the evening when he comes home. And he is happy every time!

Whenever Zhan comes home, he first takes off his shoes and jacket, puts his bag aside, and then comes running into my arms. We kiss each other, tell each other that we missed each other and love each other, and then he wonders what smells so delicious. But before he goes with me to the kitchen to eat, he first checks on A-Yuan. Then we eat dinner together and once A-Yuan is awake, we cuddle with him together until he is tired enough again and we put him to bed together. After that, Zhan and I cuddle together, have wonderful sex, and fall asleep together.

And already we are planning for another baby. Since we know that Zhan can get pregnant again at any time, we use condoms for contraception. But as soon as A-Yuan is two years old and goes to daycare, we want to have another baby. Maybe it will be a little girl? Actually, it doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl. The main thing is that it is healthy and from both of us!

To conclude, before I go into the kitchen to prepare dinner, I want to say that maybe I didn't imagine my life back then as it is today. But as it is today, it is just perfect! I can hardly imagine it better. The only thing I wish for now is that Zhan and I could have a little more time together again. But I think we'll get that sorted out as soon as it's less stressful at work and he can come home earlier.