WARNING: This chapter has depictions of abuse.

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The day after New Years I fly back to Colorado with my own prescription of Xanax to use as needed. I hope I don't have to use it, but I'm glad that Jo's husband wrote me the script just in case. I take a taxi to a motel from the airport where I'll be staying for the next week until classes start up again, and by the time I make it to my suite I'm utterly exhausted from the flight and holiday activities.

I drop my suitcases at the door and flop down face-first onto the mattress. It doesn't take long for sleep to overtake me, calling my name so enticingly, but this time it isn't dreamless. This time, he's in my head again, haunting me.

✖️✖️✖️

"You worthless piece of shit! You're the reason I'll never see my Laura again!" My father howls from the living room. My hands fly over my ears as tears stream down my face. "Mabel I know you're here! Get your ass in here!"

A loud bang vibrates the bathroom door I sit curled up against as he pounds on the wood. He'd been drinking again and looking through old photo albums as he finished unpacking when I came home from my first day of school. The door shakes more violently and I hastily crawl between the toilet and the bathtub in fear of it breaking around me.

The door flies open as my father kicks it and I squeeze my eyes shut. "Why the hell are you hiding?" he growls, snatching my frail wrists in his hands. The scent of whiskey fans out over my face, burning my nose. "You should've answered me when I called out for you!"

"I-I'm sorry daddy," I choke out through a sob.

He yanks me roughly to my feet, moving both of my wrists into one of his hands as he whirled back the other and struck the side of my face with his palm.

"Why did you take her from me?" His ice blue eyes are frantic as he leers down at me, but I know nothing I could possibly say will ease his tension. "Not going to answer, huh? Fine. I'll get the belt." He shoves me backwards and I lose my footing, my head connecting with the side of the tub on the way down.

Heavy footsteps can be heard from above as he searches around upstairs to find a belt in one of the boxes. I gather myself up off the floor quickly and dart down the hall and out the back door, slamming it closed behind me as I head for the tree line.

The chilly fall air bites at my exposed skin as I run, but I keep going. I can hear my father yelling for me from the back porch, only growing more and more agitated by me fleeing. I steal a glance behind myself to see if he has followed, and although I can no longer see him, his voice is still close enough to make my skin crawl. Turning back around it's too late to slow my speed as I come up on a steep hill. I shuffle down awkwardly before crashing down on my stomach and rolling over sharp rocks and roots.

Red tints my vision as I open my eye. The blood from the gash on my head flows down my face so I try my best to wipe it away.

"You stupid fucking cunt!" Daddy is close again.
I scramble to find solid footing, the rocks biting into my bare feet, but I'm not quick enough. He's already made it down the hill, and looms over me.

"Daddy please," I beg. "Please stop."

For a moment, I swear a flash of regret shines in his eyes, but it disappears just as quickly. "Laura died because of you. She was the love of my life, and she died giving birth to a useless, ungrateful piece of shit." He grabs me by the back of the neck, his fingers digging into my skin. "I told her to abort the pregnancy, but did she listen? Absolutely not." He shoves me forward, in the direction of the house, but I slip in the grass and tumble down onto my hands and knees.

His boots enter my field of vision just as his foot kicks back and connects with my ribs.

✖️✖️✖️

"No!" I scream out, sitting up in bed. I pant heavily as adrenaline courses through my veins, my heart thumping erratically in my chest.

The motel room is dark and quiet other than the sounds of my breaths coming out in panicked huffs. I pat myself down, touching my head and ribs for injuries, before dropping back down against the mattress.

Just a dream. I tell myself, but the tears have already begun to fall.

I reach for my phone blindly on the mattress beside me, and once I find it I scroll to Alex's name. He picks up on the third ring.

"Hey," he says, sounding breathless as he answers the call.

I bite my lip, silently willing my voice to stay steady. "Are you in town yet?"

"Yeah, just landed about fifteen minutes ago. What's up?"

"Can you come over?" I ask weakly. "I'm sorry to bug you, I just—"

He cuts me off. "Of course. Text me the address."
I nod, forgetting he can't see me. "Y-yeah, okay."

Twenty minutes later there's a knock on the door. I roll over to turn on the bedside lamp and then cross the room to peek through the peephole. I can't explain why I feel the need to do it, I already know who's on the other side of the door, and yet I'm still relieved when I see that it's only him.

As soon as I pull back the door Alex storms inside and grabs me by my cheeks, his lips capturing mine hungrily. He doesn't waste any time before parting his lips to push his tongue into my mouth.

My eyes widen in surprise. I'm not used to this kind of aggression from him, usually his kisses are softer, almost as though he's scared that I'll break.

Alex breaks away only to move his mouth to my neck, his open mouthed kisses leaving goose bumps in their wake.

"I missed you so fucking much," he whispers, his teeth skimming the shell of my ear.

I shiver and clutch at his jacket. "I missed you too."

Alex's hands travel down to my backside as he presses me firmly against him. "You sounded upset on the phone." He shifts so his forehead is pressed against mine. "What happened?"

"I just missed you," I half lie.

He doesn't buy it. "Mabes..."

I let out a defeated sigh. "I had a nightmare, well, I guess it was more of a memory. It just really freaked me out and I didn't want to be alone."

Alex nods in understanding. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," I answer in a small voice.

He pulls away and tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. "You'll let me know if you change your mind?"

"Sure."

The truth is, I don't ever want to talk about my memories with my father. It was different with Nichole, she's paid not to judge me, but the pity that shines in other people's eyes when they hear details about my past makes my stomach turn.

"So how was your trip?"

Alex slips out of his jacket and hangs it by the door. "Pretty good. Lizzie was kinda bummed that you weren't with me this time. She likes you."

I can't help but smile. "I like her too."

"She had an idea that I'd like to run by you actually." He rubs at the back of his neck, rocking backwards on his heels.

"Oh?"

"I have to come clean about something first though."

I cock my head to the side. "Okay...?"

"I told Lizzie about your dad." Fear seizes me by the throat. "I know I should've asked first, but I didn't know what to do Mabes. I was so worried, I still am. I hate seeing you so torn up, and I needed advice."

"It's okay," I say gently. "It's a lot of baggage for anyone to take on."

"Fuck," he curses, running a hand through his hair. "That's not what I meant Mabes."

I'm not mad or hurt that he told his sister about my father, but rather I'm angry with myself. I should have never told Alex in the first place, not because I don't trust him because I honestly do, but it's a lot for someone to take on. My emotional pain has taken a toll on him mentally, and I can't forgive myself for that.

"So what do you think?"

My eyes widen and shoot to his face. "About what?"

Alex chuckles lightly. "You didn't hear me, did you?"

"No," I reply sheepishly, my teeth clamping down on my lower lip.

"That's alright." Alex brushes the pad of his thumb over my lip, pulling it free from my teeth. "I just asked if you'd be okay learning self-defense. We could take a class together if you want, or ask I can ask Tyler. His Dad runs some kind of studio that teaches women's self-defense so he grew up around that kind of shit."

"Self-defense?" I echo uncertainly.

"You know, in case..."

"In case my Dad finds me," I finish for him.

"Not that I think he will," Alex adds. "A little thing like you should learn how to defend yourself."

"I-I'm not a violent person, Alex." My voice trembles ever so slightly. "I'm not sure if I would be any good at it."

"Just try and think about it, okay?"

I nod, I can at the very least promise to do that. The idea of having to lay my hands on another person, even if it's to protect myself or someone else, makes me sick.

It's probably a good idea to try and learn about it, I remind myself.

"Sorry we didn't get to ring in the new year together," Alex murmurs, pressing a chaste kiss to the top of my head.

I shrug, rolling my eyes. "Holidays aren't all that imports in to me. I'm happy you're here now, that's what counts."

He grins lazily, his dimples appearing in his cheeks. "You're such an easy girlfriend."

"I am not easy," I tease, flicking him on the chin.
His smile widens even further as he wraps an arm around my shoulders and tugs me into his side. "I mean, you practically jump me every chance you get."

My cheeks burn. "Alex!"

He swats my butt playfully and raises an eyebrow at me. I try to wiggle free from beneath his arm, but his grip tightens, and suddenly my feet leave the floor as he tosses me easily onto his shoulder. I let out a squeal in surprise, earning myself another smack on the behind.

"Shhh, we have neighbors now," he hushes me.

I pound lightly on his back with my fists. "Then put me down!"

Alex drops me onto the mattress and crawls over me, bracing his weight on his hands with them on either side of my head. He ducks down, placing gentle kisses on my cheeks and neck until I'm a giggling mess, squirming beneath him to get away from the tickling sensations. He pulls back with a grin and plops down beside me.

When I finally fall asleep for the night, I'm wrapped up tightly in the warmth of Alex's arms. I feel the safest with him like this than I have in past two and a half weeks, but there's still a nagging feeling in my gut.

What could my father possibly want from me?

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It's been a hot second since BT has had an update, and I apologize for that. I'm currently working on another story due to having a case of writer's block with BT, and I let the time get away from me.

Anywho, thanks a million for getting this story to 3k+ reads! I'm absolutely ecstatic!

As always, remember to vote/comment/add this story to your reading list to keep up with the updates!