My head is fuzzing and I'm moving when I wake up, but I'm not actually moving. I'm in a car, my head resting against someone's lap. I can hear voices, the gunshot no longer blocking out the world. I'm comfortable. It's nice.

"She's awake," someone says. Maeve.

A shadow is cast across my face, and I see a familiar, warm face peering down at me. Jayden.

"I fainted?" I ask.

Jayden nods. "You did."

I close my eyes, wishing the static would leave my head. "Nice."

No one says anything else for the journey. Either that or I fall back asleep, because the next thing I know, Jayden is gently shaking my shoulder and telling me to sit up. He helps me out of the car and leads me to the front of the mansion. I've never been so relieved to see this house sitting there in all it's glory.

We've only made it a few steps into the house when I'm harshly shoved and Zavier places his arms out to steady me. I spin around, the blood sloshing in my ears, and see Blake, who is pissed.

"What the fuck, Aurora?" he spits.

"Blake," Zavier warns, a hand on my arm. "Not now."

"No, I'm sorry, but I want to know what the hell this bitch was thinking!" Blake argues. His eyes burn into mine, and I'm reminded of that hostile gleam in the host's eyes before they turned dim. He bends down to reach my level and I stumble slightly, all these fast movements causing the world to tilt. "Colby was right there on the floor with a fucking knife to his neck. All you had to do was shoot the fucking gun and make sure that knife wasn't going to slash his throat. But instead, you didn't shoot the gun once. Not even when the bouncers came in to kill all of us." I don't tear my eyes from his.

"Leave her alone, asshole," Maeve says as she appears by my side. "She just fainted, she doesn't need this."

"We've all fucking fainted, Maeve. She doesn't deserve any special treatment," he snaps.

"Blake," Zavier's voice is low, but it even intimidates me.

Blake barely glances at him before his eyes are on mine. His eyes are usually a very, very dark brown. Now they're just black. "You fucked up. If you can't even handle killing an evil bloke to save one of your own, you don't deserve to be a part of this. I'm not sure what Danielle was on when she wanted to recruit you, but I think it's about time you packed up your shit and left."

"Blake, if you don't shut the fuck up right this second, I think it's time you packed up your shit and left."

Danielle's stood on the staircase, watching the scene unfold. Blake's black eyes still glare into mine. It's like staring into the centre of the universe. Or a black hole. But my brain is still fuzzing like I'm drunk and high at the same time, so I figure I'm feeling too numb to be frightened of the intensity of it all.

"No, it's okay," I say, earning confused glances from everyone who continue to watch silently. "I know, I should've just shot him and let his brain spill out on the floor. But I didn't. Because I'm a coward and I was paralysed by fear and I couldn't kill him, even when he said that he'd sell me for sex and even when he had the knife to Colby's throat. I know you're pissed. I'm pissed too. But it's okay because I don't really care what you think right now." I sigh, leaning in closer to him. Zavier's hand is still on my arm, as if he's worried I might pounce. "Have you ever thought that we often want to do what we think is right, but never want to admit that it might be us in the wrong?"

He gives me a blank look, along with everyone else in this room.

I lean back. "Thought not."

I walk away at that, passing by Danielle on the steps who watches my every step. No one calls after me, no one says a word. Even though my body is screaming to go to bed and sleep forever, I know where I want to go, and no one could stop me.

I go up to the water spa purely because I can. I don't bother stopping by my room to get appropriate swimming attire, so instead strip off my jacket and dress and plunge into the water in only my expensive underwear, probably ruining them but not really caring. The water is soothing to my aching muscles, the calming music drowning out the fuzzing that continues to ring in my ear. It's not as prominent as before, but it's still there. I gently swim for a few minutes, sit against the water jets for ten more, and I dive into the water to see how long I can hold my breath.

It's nice down here. No fuzzing. Just quiet. But I need to emerge at some point. Unless... I don't need to?

Hands soon pull me out of the water. I gasp in oxygen, not releasing how much I had starved my lungs until now. I frantically wipe the water from my eyes and clear the vines of hair from my face to see Colby.

"Christ, woman," he chuckles nervously. "I know you're upset but I didn't think you'd want to off yourself."

I breathe out humourless laughter. "I don't want to off myself." I wade over to a seat under the water and sit with a water jet massaging the muscles in my back. "Not yet, anyway."

"That's good to hear." He makes his way over to sit beside me. I notice that he's in a pair of swimming trunks with bruises littering his face and body, along with a white gauze around his arm.

I grimace. "Is that bad?"

"Nah," he says, glancing at the hidden wound. "It's not too deep. I'll survive."

We sit in silence for some time, the static almost clearing from my head. I rest my head back and close my eyes for a few minutes, before the words I've been wanting to say finally spill out. "I'm sorry that I couldn't save you."

I open my eyes to gage his reaction. He doesn't say anything, he just stares at the water for a few seconds. "I don't blame you," he finally says, looking over at me. "The first raids are always difficult, and killing someone is even harder. Unfortunately it's just something we have to adapt to, to defend ourselves."

"It's terrifying," I mutter.

He nods. "It is. Which is why I don't blame you. You're not at fault here. Blake's just pissed because, well, it's Blake. I swear the guy has serious anger issues."

"He was right, though."

"No, he wasn't-"

"He was," I say. "And it's okay. I failed, I understand that. But it's okay."

Colby smirks, hovering his hands over the bubbles created by the water jets. "You were pretty badass with what you said to him down there. Honestly, I didn't really understand what you meant by any of it, but you held your ground and didn't even look fazed with what he was saying."

"I wouldn't normally be like that," I admit. "I feel drunk."

He chuckles, "You certainly seem like it."

I gasp and hit him in feign offence, before a few moments pass and I lean over to kiss him. Fuck knows why I do, but his lips are on mine and I like it. It's a nice kiss with a nice boy.

Until he pulls away, his face pained. "I guess I should tell you..." he coughs awkwardly. "I don't exactly... I don't think... I don't like boobs."

I know he regrets saying that as soon as he says it, as his head hangs in embarrassment. I stare at him, amused. "You don't... like boobs?"

"Well, it's not that I don't like boobs. Boobs are cool. Anyone with boobs is pretty awesome. But I don't... like them."

It's not too difficult to piece his rambling together. I smile fondly. "You're gay?"

His eyes shut tightly before he peeks one open. "I think so? I've never actually been with a guy but I often find myself drooling over them. Like Jayden."

I don't think he was meant to say that last bit. "Like Jayden?"

His eyes widen comically. "I didn't say that."

"Didn't say what?"

He gives me a grateful smile, knowing his secret is safe with me. And of course it is. Then he winces. "I'm sorry. Maybe I should've told you about that before..."

I rest my head back against the tiled wall of the pool. "You really don't need to apologise. I mostly kissed you because I don't really give any shits right now. It's cool that you're gay. Completely, entirely cool."

Colby nods, a small smile playing at his lips. "That's cool."

We stay in the spa for a long time. We chat and swim and relax, momentarily relieved of any memories of what happened today. I feel honoured that Colby let me into a part of his life that I know is difficult to share with people, and I'm glad he knows he can trust me with that information. I know for sure that I belong with these people, and nothing that Blake says from now on will change that.

Colby eventually decides to get out, wrapping a towel around his midriff. "Are you sure you're not getting out yet?" he asks. "You're not planning on drowning yourself, are you?"

I shake my head. "I promise I won't. I think I just need a few more minutes."

He presses his lips together and nods. "That's fair." He loiters for a minute, not sure what to do with himself. "Well, goodnight."

I smile. "Goodnight."

I don't really have any reason for staying any longer. I'm exhausted, my fingers and toes have turned to prunes and the heated water is starting to feel cold. But I don't want this blissful world to end just yet, and I figure that it doesn't have to if I don't want it to.

I shut my eyes, listening to the soundtrack of music playing in the middle of the forest. I imagine a world where I'm sat in that forest, my brothers and father with me and the Thieves sitting nearby. My two lives becoming one. My two homes. I'm not sure if I'm asleep and dreaming or awake and thinking too hard, but I don't even realise I have company until I open my eyes again.

I raise my head with a start, wondering why on earth Blake is here, sat on the other end of the pool. He's watching me, face entirely emotionless like a statue carved from ice. He doesn't look away when I notice him staring, and just like what happened after the raid, I'm trapped in his gaze like a fly caught in a web.

He eventually looks away, his eyes closing. I let out a sigh and a shiver runs through me at how cold the water feels now. I should get out.

Silently, I climb out of the pool. I feel his eyes on me the entire time I'm walking, but I don't bother to feel self-conscious wearing only my underwear. I didn't bring a towel, so grab one from a cupboard, secure it around my body, and go to leave the room.

With one last look over my shoulder, I see him staring into me with his deep, brown eyes.