『Chapter Forty-Two』
『honourable hating』

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Bodie was ready to set the world on fire, he wanted to find both Stefan and Damon and kill them for doing what they did to Klaus. As much as he knew that he had no right to be angry because of everything that he's done, but even still, there was a small part of Bodie that still felt as if he needed to protect Klaus from everything even if he failed. He knew that there was nothing that he could do that could change anything, but if he got Klaus' body in his hands then at least he would be safe.

   With Alaric after all of them, Bodie knew that he could use the witches he has at his disposal to hide Klaus' body from Alaric, he knew that he had until Elena died a human way until Alaric died. Though, it was tempting to just kill Elena just to kill Alaric, he didn't care that Elena had protection, he didn't care that it might ruin his relationship with Henry, but he needed to do this in order to protect himself and uphold a promise he made—and broke a couple times—even if there were so many things that he had to think about.

   He knew that he should stop and think, that he needed to slow down and rethink everything, but given that Alaric was a threat to them—to him, he needed to do something. He couldn't let Alaric live while he continued to threaten Bodie's entire sire-line, he knew that the only way for him to do such a thing was to get to Elena. And by getting to Elena, he would have to get through anyone that was more than willing to defend her.

   Bodie wanted nothing more than to kill Elena without consequence, but all that Bodie wanted to do was make sure that he was safe, that both Henry and Will were safe. He wanted to make sure that the ones that he loved were safe even if it meant killing the one person that Henry cared about. At this point, Bodie was convinced that Henry would eventually forgive him for everything that he decides to do with time, given that Henry couldn't be angry with him forever.

   He wondered whether or not anything that he would plan would be good, but there was just a small part of him that knew that there was a chance that he would be hated for ever deciding that this would be best. All Bodie wanted to do was protect himself and he didn't care what he did in order to get it.

   Henry and Will left Bodie alone a while ago given that Henry received a text from Caroline saying that Henry is needed to watch Elena given that she apparently fainted. Will wanted to stay behind, but Henry dragged him with him as if a way to make sure that she was protected. Though, there was a small part of Bodie that felt as if Henry knew that there was a chance that Bodie might try and do something that would need both of them.

   He shook his head slightly, all that seemed to fill him was a need to try and protect himself. He knew that no matter what he did, there was a chance that he would be hated, but that was something that he didn't want to care about. He wanted to protect himself from what Alaric could do to him, he didn't want the people that he loves to die just because he did. He promised to protect both Will and Henry, even if it included protecting them from death.

   Bodie found himself leaving his house after almost depleting the kitchen of its food, as much as he knew that he should stay put, there was still a large part of Bodie that was growing more and more agitated by sitting around and not doing anything. There was a small part of Bodie that was worried just in case Alaric decided to knock on his door and kill him while he didn't have wither Will or Henry here.

   When Bodie got in his car, there was a part of Bodie that wondered whether or not he should do his plan of turning Leo, knowing that there was always that chance that Leo would be strong. That and the fact that he could do with someone else that was on his side. Despite knowing the fact that Leo wouldn't want to become a vampire, all that was going through Bodie's brain was the fact that he wanted to be protected, that he need more people to put a barrier between himself and those that decided to come after him.

   As much as he knew that all of this was selfish of him but at the same time he felt as if now was the right time for him to be selfish without much thought about what would happen to those that were affected by it. He needed to do right, even if it meant killing Elena in order to kill Alaric, he was doing this in order to protect not only himself but the Mikaelson's as well.

   By the time that Bodie made his way to Elena's home, there was a brief moment where he wondered whether or not what he was going to do was good. He knew that killing Elena would mean that he would have people hate him more, not only that but he had the threat over whether or not some might come after him with the stake, which would also mean putting more people down just to protect himself.

   Bodie sighed and got out of his car, he found himself looking around as if to make sure that Alaric didn't appear out of nowhere and kill him. God, he was becoming another version of Klaus, he could feel it. He shook his head as he came towards the front door of the Gilbert household, though the one thing that seemed to catch him off guard was the fact that he heard Elijah's voice, that was something that he didn't expect to hear, he thought that Elijah had gone.

   "All we need is to take that stake away from him." Elijah was saying. "Once he's been disarmed, the weapon is in my possession, my family will scatter to the ends of the earth and Alaric will follow us."

   "And you'll just run?" Stefan asked.

   "Bodie won't run. He's got a stake for himself, he'll kill Alaric if he could." Henry stated. "He's snapped, Elijah, he won't admit it, and I know that you don't care for him no more given what he did to Henrik, but I'm sure that he'll kill Elena just to be at peace."

   Bodie found himself tensing, he hadn't thought that there was a chance that either Will or Henry would have figured anything out, but at the same time, he should have known better. Bodie found himself clenching his jaw slightly, as much as he knew that he had no right to be angry, but there was still this kind of hatred that seemed to form inside of him.

   "We've done it before." Elijah stated. "Klaus and Rebekah spent the better part of a thousand years evading my father. What's another half-century while Elena's able to live out her natural life?" There was a small pause then and Bodie imagined that Elijah clenched his jaw. "Bodie will run, he has no other option if he wants to live."

   "We finally stopped him, Elijah. After everything that he's done to us, I can't let you bring him back." Elena said.

   "Not only that, but you've all triggered something in Bodie. He's not the same. He hasn't been the same since he admitted that he killed Henrik." Will stated. "Henry and I believe that sooner or later, he'll come for all of you because it's getting too much for him."

   There was a small part of Bodie that broke, he knew better than anyone that both Henry and Will knew him a lot more than anyone—if he chose to exclude the Mikaelson's—so of course they'd know what's going on with him. However, the one thing that Bodie didn't like was the fact that they knew and told others, and no matter how much Bodie knew that they were only sharing what they know just to protect their friends, it still somewhat hurt.

   There was a small part of Bodie that wanted to just kick the door in and be gone with it all. His worry for whether or not Alaric would come for him was rather high, not only that but if he knew that the only way to get rid of Alaric is to kill Elena, then what's the issue? Why protect Elena when countless lives are on stake while she existed? Yes, Elena was human but having to wait before coming back to the place he once called home was something that he didn't want to do.

   "I give you my word, Elena." Elijah assured. "I will not revive Klaus within yours, nor even within your children's lifetimes. Perhaps it'll teach him some manners."

   "Why should she trust you?" Matt asked. "All you've done is screw her over."

   "And for that, I'm deeply ashamed." Elijah responded. "But know this, she could've been dead the instant I walked through that door tonight. So, Elena, I leave it to you to make the decision whether to trust me or not."

   Bodie could hear that there was someone on the phone, but Bodie didn't have the energy to listen into whoever it was. There was a small part of Bodie that wondered whether or not what he wanted to do was the best thing that he could do, he wanted to stay in town, but he knew that if he did, he was constantly under threat by Alaric and that was something that he couldn't do. And given that he knew that Henry would want to stay here with his friends, and that Will would stay with Henry to make up for the time that they were apart, Bodie knew that he'd be alone. There was no way in hell that the Mikaelson's would run with him.

   He'd be completely and utterly alone if he ran. No matter how much Will and Henry would say that they would run with him, Bodie knew better, they had a life here, they had friends here, and that was something that Bodie didn't want to ruin because of the fact that it's all that Bodie wanted for them. The Mikaelson's hated him and probably would try and kill him for what he did. He had no one, and that was the one thing that he didn't want to happen.

   No matter what he decided to do, it would mean that there were people that he loved would hate him and despise everything that he's ever done, he knew that it was something that wouldn't change. The Mikaelson's hated him, and he knew that it was something that wouldn't change any time soon. If he went through and killed Elena, then Henry would hate him, and of course, Will would side with his brother.

   Bodie knew that it would be best if he just gave up on everything that he'd ever wanted to decide, knowing that he'd lose the remaining two people that he loved and that was something that he didn't want to do. What was he meant to do? He wanted to protect himself, and ultimately, protect the family that wanted nothing to do with him.

   Though, now that he thought about it, if Bodie turned Elena into a vampire, she'd technically die and come back, meaning that Alaric would die too. That was something that he could do, it would mean that Elena would technically live just not the life that she wanted, plus it isn't like that Elena would have children given her weird relationship with both Damon and Stefan. It would be a win-win situation, Elena wouldn't be six-feet under, Alaric would be dead, and they wouldn't have to run across the planet for so many years, hoping that Elena would die.

   "—If you return Klaus' body to us," Elijah was saying, "Elena will come to no harm. Do we have a deal?"

   Bodie presumed that Damon was on the phone, though Bodie didn't want to use his hearing to listen into whatever Damon had to say. There was a small moment, where Bodie wondered whether or not he should try and find Damon, considering that Bodie thought that there was a chance that Damon had Klaus' body.

   "Elena, it's your choice." Stefan said.

   "Why do you want Klaus' body?" Elena asked.

   "He's my brother." Elijah responded. "We remain together."

   For a moment, there was nothing, and then Elena spoke. "We have a deal."

   Bodie was about to open the door and sneak in, but he didn't want to. He found himself just staring at the door without knowing what to do with himself anymore. As much as he considered either killing Elena or turning her, he knew that whatever he decides to do would lead the ones that he loves to hate him and that was the one thing that he doesn't want to happen. Though, at the same time, he knew that he could just create another family that actually loves him, that doesn't know what he's done, and it would be fine.

   It was moments like this that he wished that he had his parents with him. As much as he knew that there was a chance that they would tell him to not do anything that he planned, there was still a part of Bodie that believed that his family would be on his side and that they'd support him if it meant that he didn't have to live in fear. He knew that all of this was just pure and utter bullshit, that he should just do what he thought was right, but the thought that there was a chance that his family would be disappointed in him was all that seemed to fill him.

   "Bodie, you can come in now." Bodie heard Elijah say. For a moment, Bodie hadn't really processed anything that was going on, though it wasn't until he felt a sharp punch across his face that he finally snapped out of his thoughts.

   Bodie stumbled back slightly with a little bit of shock. He knew that there was a chance that Elijah would try and fight him, but at the same time it was something that he hadn't fully expected right away. Bodie found himself glaring at Eliah. "You know, I don't like it when others speak about what I should and shouldn't do."

   "Elena, invite him in." Stefan muttered.

   "You killed my brother, Bodie, it should've been you." Eliah stated. He glared at Bodie with such hatred that Bodie just wanted to rip Elijah's eyes out.

   "I wish it was." Bodie said. "Believe me, I've wanted it to be me! But hating me and wishing that it was me doesn't bring Henrik back!"

   Elijah hit him once more and Bodie wished that he'd been invited in just so that he could go against Elijah, but at the same time, he knew that there was a chance that either Will or Henry would get involved which was something that he didn't want to happen. Bodie found that he was just allowing Elijah to strike him, finding it hard within him to fight back.

   "You know, Elijah," Bodie began.

   "—I don't want to hear it!" Elijah cut him off. "You lied to us, my family, for a thousand years, I don't want to hear another word out of you. Leave us."

   Bodie found himself shoving everything that he's ever felt down. "It would be a lot easier if you turned Elena into a vampire, you know? Just a suggestion." He then looked past Elijah towards Will and Henry. "I'd advise buddying up with your friends, Woodford's."

   With that, Bodie turned and left. As much as he wanted to do what he wanted and kill Elena, he knew that it would be rather difficult if he tried such a thing. He knew that the Woodford's and Elijah would be the two that put him on his ass if he ever dared to do such a thing. And given the Woodford's warning, Bodie knew that none of them would trust Bodie alone with Elena as long as Alaric lived.

   Bodie ditched his car, as much as he knew that he should get home, there was a part of him that didn't want to do anything. The very small voice inside his head was telling him that he should just let Alaric kill him, he didn't want to live in a world where the people that he loves hates him, he wanted to rejoin his family, knowing that it would bring him some form of comfort. He wanted his family more than anything, and it was hurting his heart like there was something sharp pressing against it.

   Bodie found himself rushing back home with his vamp speed, he'd slammed the door shut behind him. A large part of Bodie wanted to stab something or someone, but the last thing that he wanted to do was to kill anyone. However, all that Bodie wanted to do was kill someone, he knew that he didn't want to kill other people, but the other side of his brain told him that he needed to kill Elena and be done with it all.

   He hated the fact that there were so many people in his way, he felt as if there was no other option in anything that he wanted to do. He wondered whether or not if he had an army of Hybrids, it would make everything a lot more easier as a whole. Though he knew that Elijah might be able to kill many Hybrids without much thought and would put a stop to anything that Bodie would try and do.

   Bodie shook his head slightly, he knew that he needed to sort his thoughts out but all that was going through his head was the fact that his very existence was at threat, and as much as he understood that Henry and Will were protecting the people that Henry cares for, there was a sense of betrayal in his heart that he knew wasn't deserved. Bodie couldn't help but wonder what they would do even if Alaric managed to kill him, he knew that the pair of them would die along with him, and he wondered whether or not they'd be pleased with themselves for protecting the one person that could have allowed them to live.

   He knew that it was selfish, that he shouldn't think like this, but knowing that his life was more threatened than anything else—including the Mikaelson's being a threat to him—he felt like he was drawing at thoughts that he knew that he shouldn't have. He was afraid for himself, knowing that he didn't want to die, not like this. He wanted protection and as much as he knew that the Woodford's were doing everything in their strength to make sure that he was protected, there was still a part of him that didn't want to run.

   This was his home as much as it was Elena's and everyone else in this town and he didn't want to leave. This was his home and as much as he knew that it was a bad thought, he knew that both Stefan and Damon would continue to pine over Elena, not allowing her to live a life without them, meaning that her life was as good as gone the longer they remained in her life. The Salvatore's were going to be the reason for her downfall, and everyone seemed almost blind by that, Bodie wasn't going to live this town and allowing Elena to remain human.

   Bodie shook his head. He knew that being murderous wasn't going to get him anywhere, but at the same time, he didn't want to leave. He'd managed to settle here rather nicely, managed to finally have a life between everything chaotic, and now he was apparently meant to leave just because everyone wants Elena to live, which—in itself—is utter bullshit. He wanted to protect himself and his sire line and Elena's very existence puts a stop to that.

   He found himself knowing that he needed someone, needed someone that he knew would listen to him no matter what, needed someone that would be in his control and do things for him. As much as this was something that he didn't want to do, knowing that they wouldn't want this, this was something that he felt like he needed for multiple reasons. He wanted protection, an added layer of protection when the Mikaelson's shift their focus on him, an added layer of protection when it came to those that chose to go against him. It was selfish, but it was something that he didn't care for.

   Bodie made his way towards the Snow's. He didn't care what anyone thought about any of this anymore, as much as he wanted to respect Henry and his friends, and as much as he wanted to respect Leo's choices, he didn't want to be bound by anyone else anymore. All he wanted was loyalty and he felt as if it was something that he didn't have, that he might not have had.

   As much as he knew that Henry and Will were like brothers to him, there was a part of him that wondered whether or not they just put up with Bodie because it meant protection, that Bodie was a permanent person in their life that couldn't die. He wondered if there was a chance that he meant anything to them, and as much as he knew that they cared for him, there was something in his mind that told him that they felt more loyal to Henry's friends than what they did to him.

   Bodie arrived at the Snow's house not that long afterwards and instead of knocking like a normal person would, he opened the front door, walking inside. He heard the way that the Snow's jumped and then asked what was going on. Of course, Bodie didn't respond, he scanned the front room, noting that Leo wasn't there before moving upstairs.

   The voices of the grandparents and parents filled his ears, but he didn't respond or mention anything. He continued to try and find Leo, he knew that Leo wasn't with Elena, but he knew that Elliot was which made all of this easier for him. Bodie managed to find Leo when he walked out of his room, hearing the commotion that was following Bodie.

   "Bodie?" Leo asked, confused. "What's going on? Why are you here?"

   Bodie grabbed Leo's arms. "Come with me. It's important."

   Leo gave him a confused look, not understanding anything, though there was hidden pain that Bodie didn't focus on. "What? Why?"

   "I just need you to come with me." Bodie responded. He then found himself dragging Leo out of the Snow's household. In the process, Bodie had noticed that they—Leo's father and grandparents—lifted their hands and Bodie just glared at them which got them to stop whatever they did.

   Bodie ignored Leo's protests, not caring what Leo was saying. He'd dragged Leo back to his house and after a while, Leo shut up, though his grip on Leo's arm wasn't something that hadn't changed. He clenched his jaw as he made his way back to his home, he knew that he shouldn't do this, but he felt as if he had no other choice at all, he felt as if this was his last option, his only other option.

   By the time that they got back to Bodie's home, Leo seemed unimpressed and almost miserable with everything that's ever happened. Though, it was something that Bodie didn't care much about as a whole, what he wanted to do was something that he knew that he wouldn't be able to come back from and he found that he lacked the ability to fully care.

   He'd dragged Leo up into his room, knowing that if Leo were to run, there was a chance that he could at least catch up before Leo left his house. When Bodie finally let go, Leo gave him an odd look, as if he was wondering as to why he'd dragged Leo here.

   "Bodie?" Leo asked once more. "Why drag me out of my home only to bring me here?"

   Bodie straightened his back. "I needed you here so your family wouldn't interrupt."

   For a brief moment there was fear in Leo's eyes. "Interrupt what? I thought that there was a chance that you were out of town because of Alaric?"

   Bodie clenched his jaw. "I'm sorry."

   Before Leo had a chance to process anything, Bodie bit the inside if his wrist, and forced the blood into Leo's mouth. It took Leo a second or two before he started to fight back against Bodie, though Bodie kept his grip of Leo's body. It wasn't until Leo, gripped Bodie's arm and burned Bodie's skin with some form of spell that Bodie let go.

   Leo swallowed and headed towards the stairs. Bodie quickly recovered and used his vamp speed to stop Leo before he had the chance to leave. Leo looked at Bodie with a look that would have pained him, but it didn't stop Bodie from snapping Leo's neck. Leo fell limp against Bodie's arms and without hesitation, Bodie picked him up and took his body back into Bodie's room.

   Bodie placed Leo under his covers and for a brief moment stood there, wondering whether or not this was something that was good, wondering whether or not this was the right choice. But he realised that it didn't matter all that much, that at the end of the day, he was going to have someone loyal to him and that was something that he wanted more than anything.

   He turned and left Leo there, waiting until the time where Leo would wake, he didn't care how long he had to wait, but he would get his hybrid, no matter if he had to force human blood down his throat or not. He knew that there was a chance that once Leo woke up, he'd be pissed, but Bodie found that it was something that he didn't really care much about.

   All that he knew that he wanted was some form of loyalty and if Klaus and his hybrids have shown Bodie, is that he can guarantee that once Leo completes his transition, Leo would be undyingly loyal to Bodie. And that was something that Bodie wanted more than anything. All that he wanted was for someone to be by his side that done whatever he said.

   For a moment, there was nothing, and then he heard both Will and Henry call for him with a sense of urgency. Bodie wondered whether or not he should just ignore them, but the sounds of them yelling his name was something that made a small part of Bodie wonder what the hell was going on. He found himself using his vamp speed to go downstairs, the last thing that Bodie wanted was to have either of them know what he done to Leo.

   "What's going on?" Bodie asked.

   There was a worried look on both Will and Henry as if what they wanted to tell him, but they wanted to keep it all a secret. For a moment, there was a part of Bodie that was worried about what happened, but he didn't want to think too much into it as a whole, knowing that there's a chance that he might be a little dramatic.

   Will swallowed. "It's about Klaus."

   Bodie felt something within him drop, for a moment, there was a part of him that wondered whether or not he could assume that anything bad could have happened to Klaus. But the look on both of their faces was enough to tell him that there was something wrong. "No." He shook his head.

   "Bodie." Henry said. His voice cracked slightly. "Klaus is dead."

   Bodie felt the way that his heart shattered slightly. He failed. He failed. Bodie failed at protecting Klaus, the one thing that he always wanted to do and that was something that he couldn't do. He allowed Klaus to die, and he didn't even try and stop it, he didn't try, and it's his fault. He should've killed Elena when he had the chance, and he didn't, and now the one person that he promised to keep an eye on was gone.

   He shook his head. "No. No. Tell me it's not true."

   There was a moment of silence between all of them and Bodie found that the numbness inside of him was something that grew and took over his entire body. It felt as if nothing mattered anymore, that no matter what he tried to do, that there was always going to be something that gets in the way or ruin anything that he plans to do.

   "Bodie—" Will went to say before stopping himself, knowing that there was nothing that he could say to comfort Bodie at all.

   As much as he knew that Klaus hated him for what he did, Bodie wished that there was a chance that they still could've talked beforehand. Everything within him felt numb and shattered, and as much as he knew that there was nothing that he could do, he couldn't help but wish that he killed Elena when he had the chance or turned her to have prevented this. There was a few things that he knew he could've done, but instead he allowed himself to do nothing.

   Bodie clenched his jaw, and he was going to say something to both Will and Henry but found that there was nothing for him to say to them. Instead, Bodie found himself using his vamp speed and rushing out of the house and deep within the woods. He could feel the way that the tears rolled down his cheeks, the way that nothing came out of his mouth as if he needed to stay silent.

   This wasn't meant to happen, this wasn't how Klaus was meant to go. Bodie should've done more, and he didn't. He let this happen even if he didn't mean for it to. How could he let such a thing happen to someone that he loved? As much as he knew that Klaus hated him for what he did to Henrik, it was something that Bodie didn't really care too much about, Bodie still loved him, and he should've done something to prevent this.

   He leaned against a tree and covered his mouth. He screwed his eyes shut and for a moment, there was a small part of him that wanted nothing more than to find some form of peace. In this life he didn't want to live in a world without Klaus, though he knew that Klaus was more than willing to live in a world without him.

   He wasn't sure how long he was in the woods for, but he thought that he heard the sound of Rebekah talking to someone—probably Elijah—and as much as he knew that he shouldn't, he found himself walking toward the sound, knowing that he'd rather share his grief with people that hate him rather with people who don't understand.

   It didn't take him long to find where Rebekah was—and he was right, she was with Elijah—and he'd noticed that the pair were talking about something that he didn't care for. As much as he knew that he shouldn't invade on this, all that he wanted to do was share his grief with them, Klaus was still someone that he loved more than anything. It hurt to know that there was something that he could've done but didn't commit to.

   As if they felt someone come towards them, they both shifted. Rebekah turned away from her brother and faced Bodie, clear that she'd been crying or had been crying, though now that she looked at him, there was clear anger. Elijah looked as if he didn't want Bodie here, that they'd rather not have to deal with Bodie.

   "I heard," was all that Bodie could find himself to say.

   The look on Rebekah's face was enough to tell him that he shouldn't have disturbed them. "Don't! You don't get a say in any of this!"

   Bodie felt some type of hurt from that. "Bex, I loved him too—"

   It was like something clicked inside of Rebekah then. "You loved Henrik too!" She came towards him and started to shove him as if that would bring her any satisfaction. "I trusted you! I told you how much his death hurt me while you knew who killed him!" She punched him and he didn't react. "You backstabbing bastard!" Her voice broke slightly. "I trusted you more than anything and you refused to tell me who killed my baby brother! And you have the audacity to come here after two more of my brothers died!"

   Bodie felt everything inside of him shatter in some way. "Rebekah, please, I didn't mean to, I—I," he shook his head slightly, "I was going to tell you but with how you reacted to his death. . .I couldn't."

   She shoved him with as much force as she could muster and Bodie found himself almost tripping over the branches on the floor. "I hate you!" Rebekah yelled. "I hate you more than anything, more than this. I will kill you, Bodie Erikson. I will avenge Henrik because of what you did to him—to us."

   Bodie wanted to say something then, but the thought that Rebekah also wanted to kill him was something that hurt. He wanted comfort and yet he thought it smart to come to the two people that would rather him dead more than anything. For a moment, Bodie looked towards Elijah, as if there was a chance that Elijah might help him at all, but the stone-cold glare that he got was more than enough.

   "I didn't want any of this to happen." Bodie managed to get out. "I wish I could take all of it back."

   "Leave us, Bodie." Elijah said with such hatred that it felt wrong. "Before my sister and I make you regret everything."

   Bodie looked down and left.

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   In a room, in the house of an Original Hybrid and two Heretic brothers, someone new was reborn. From the bed of the Hybrid, Leo Snow opened his eyes and found himself panicking as if he knew that something was wrong. Leo shifted and leaned up, holding onto his neck as if he was making sure that his neck was still intact.

   It took him a moment before realising exactly what happened, he remembered Bodie coming into his home and dragging him out and back to his home. He remembered Bodie dragging Leo upstairs and feeding him blood. He remembered that he went to run away before everything went dark. He realised that he couldn't remember anything after that, only that he just woke up.

   Leo found himself wanting to cry. This wasn't what he wanted at all, he didn't want any of this, he didn't want to become a vampire. Bodie knew that, he was sure that it was something that Bodie knew, and yet Bodie decided to do such a thing anyway.

   "No. . ." Leo muttered to himself, tears flowing down his cheek. He was in transition, and this wasn't anything that he wanted at all, and he hated it more than anything. He hated that he didn't have a choice in the matter.