『Chapter Thirty-Nine』
『regret』

⋅⋆✯✼⋆⋅

Bodie knew what to expect when he told both Rebekah and Klaus about what he did, though he expected to be murdered for what he done, but for both Rebekah and Klaus to instantly attack him and almost beat him senseless, the amount of blood that covered his body made it hard to see his skin, the wounds which both inflicted on him healed though were reopened once more from where they hit him or wounded him with knifes or whatever other sharp objects they could get their hands on.

   He'd tried to fight off against Rebekah which he was somewhat winning only for Klaus to come in with enough rage to challenge the gods and made Bodie almost fear for his entire existence. He fought back as much as he could, knowing that there was that fear of either of them using one of the stakes on him, even though there was this small voice inside of him that just wanted to give up and cave into their beatings.

   He knew that sooner or later one of them might decide to snap his neck and put him out just to kill him. In fact, he was surprised that it was something that they hadn't done yet, though he supposed that both wanted to get out their rage towards his truth. He knew that he deserved this, deserved anything and everything that the pair of them gave to him, but there was still this small part of him that overcame him, telling him that he needed to protect himself. This wasn't where he wanted to die, he still wanted to live.

   Bodie feared that there was a chance that Klaus might do to him as he did to Henrik, and though Bodie knew that it would kill him, it was still something that he somewhat feared in some way. Every hit, every piercing pain of a sharp object, every kick and body slam made Bodie almost exhausted if that was even possible. It was like being in a never-ending fight which he knew that he had no hope in winning. He was rather glad that he left his stake at home, knowing that it would've been the end of him in an instant.

   At one point, Bodie was sure that he felt the drag of werewolf claws against his chest, ripping his shirt. He was worried just in case Klaus actually decided to turn, though he knew that there was a chance that he was overthinking as a whole. He knew that simply by defending himself might be making the entire situation just that little worse, but the fear of his own life came over him in an instant.

   Klaus body slammed him against the floor and shoved his hand into Bodie's chest, Bodie could feel the grasp of Klaus' hand. Bodie found himself gasping as if it had grown rather difficult to breath. Klaus stared at him with wild and angry eyes, glaring as if he intended to put Bodie down for everything that he's ever done to hurt Klaus, as if finding out about Henrik was the final thing that pushed him over the edge.

   "We trusted you." Klaus hissed. Bodie could see the pain in his eyes under all that layer of pain. He wondered whether or not Klaus would rip his heart out, though he knew that it was something that he deserved as a whole. Though, to hear that Klaus and the others trusted him was something that hurt him more than he thought that it would.

   "I know." Bodie muttered. He didn't want to look at either of them, knowing that it was something that was going to hurt him more than any kind of pain that they could inflict on him. He knew that he ruined any and all trust that they had in him even after all that he'd done to them. He wanted to forget all of this, knowing that it was something that was going to haunt his dreams for the next couple of decades. "I'm sorry."

   "Sorry doesn't bring our brother back." Rebekah stated. There was something about the way that she said that which unexpectedly hurt him more than anything. The amount of times that he'd wanted to ask witches, ask either Will or Henry to make an attempt to bring Henrik back to make it up to the Mikaelson's.

   He knew that there was nothing that he could do in order to make them believe that he was sorry for all of it. He knew that by saying sorry that it doesn't change the fact that they were forced to become vampires, forever the age that they were, forever immortal. He knew that he'd fucked up all of their lives in more ways than ever, knowing that there might have been a chance that they could have lived some normal life if they stayed human. Bodie was the reason why they could never have a normal human life and that was something that Bodie can't fix.

   The small voice inside his head told him that maybe he should have let Esther make them all human, at least then they would have a chance to be normal. But nothing about any of them is normal. And it was all because of Bodie and his out-of-control nature before becoming this. Bodie ruined their lives and there was nothing that he could do which could change any of that, it was something that he hated more than anything. And he hated that he's now ruined the relationship that he had with the family that he loved like they were his own.

   For a moment, Bodie shut his eyes, waiting for the chance that Klaus or Rebekah might kill him and be done with everything. He knew that there was a chance that they won't kill him yet, just make sure that Bodie felt everything that they felt upon finding out about it, but there was just a small part of him that just wished that death was something that came. He knew that he wouldn't be able to survive as the Mikaelson's lived and hated him more than anything, he hoped that they kill him.

   "I was out of control." As much as he knew that he shouldn't try and justify anything that he'd done, there was still that small part of him that wanted to. Bodie groaned then, feeling the way that Klaus tugged at his heart.

   "That doesn't mean that you kill Henrik!" Klaus yelled. Bodie turned his head away from Klaus, scrunching up his face just a little. He knew that Klaus held tears in his eyes, Bodie remembered when it happened, when he saw the Mikaelson's once more after it happened, he remembered the way that Klaus blamed himself for what happened as if there was any way that Klaus could have stopped it—stopped Bodie.

   Bodie found something twist inside of him that wasn't his heart. "You would understand if you were a wolf before becoming this." He shouldn't snap at Klaus, but he found that his need to stay alive just a little longer seemed to overcome him more than anything. Bodie managed to snap Klaus' arm enough that his grip around Bodie's heart loosened. He managed to kick Klaus off him.

   Rebekah went to attack Bodie then, to continue to release his rage but to also protect her older brother. However, the one thing that Bodie didn't expect as a whole was when Rebekah was flung across the room. Bodie found himself distracted for a moment, and looked up to see the way that Henry was standing there, with his hand out. Will was behind Henry looking at his brother with this proud look. Bodie found himself rather proud of Henry as well.

   Klaus seemed to take Bodie's distraction as a way to grab something and plunge it into Bodie's heart. Bodie let out a yell of pain before everything went dark.

⋅⋆✯✼⋆⋅

   When Bodie woke up once more, he was out of the Mikaelson mansion, he was in his living room at his house with the Woodfords. There was a sense of relief that flooded Bodie when he realised where he was, but at the same time, there was still a sense of panic that overwhelmed him more than anything, wondering whether or not Will and Henry were safe when they saved his ass.

   He found himself sitting up, his wounds were healed though he was still in the clothes that were absolutely ruined. Not that it mattered. He found that whatever he'd been stabbed with had been removed, though it was something that he didn't care for all that much. He shook his head slightly and stood up.

   "Henry?" Bodie called. "Will?"

   For a moment, there was nothing but silence and then he heard the way that wind whooshed, and Henry was standing there looking overly pleased. "Bodie! You're awake!"

   Henry hugged him which took him by surprised as a whole. Bodie didn't mind the hug, though there was some part of Bodie that was still surprised. "Henry. You saved me. How did you know that I needed help?"

   "I didn't." Henry admitted. "Something didn't feel right. Will and I tracked you and saw that you were here. We heard what happened to Finn, how Stefan said that he pinned the blame on you, I panicked because of Henrik, that there was a chance that they would believe Stefan." He sighed as he pulled away from the hug. "And then when we came into Klaus' house and heard the way that both Rebekah and Klaus were beating your ass, I couldn't let that happen."

   "Are both of you okay?" Bodie asked. "Is Will alive?"

   "What?" Henry gave him an odd look. "Of course, Will's alive. We snapped both of their necks just to get you away. They won't be bothering you for a while."

   Will then came into the room and looked pleased. Bodie felt a sense of happiness fill him to know that both Henry and Will were alive. To see both Will and Henry here was something that allowed his worry to fade away just for a moment. "Oh, thank god, you're awake."

   Bodie smiled. "Thanks to the pair of you." He looked between both Henry and Will. "We need to speed up any plan that the pair of you had to protect me."

   Henry and Will gave each other a look of confusion. "And why is that?"

   "Because I told both Rebekah and Klaus that I killed Henrik." Bodie admitted. "I told the pair of them everything. They know and they're going to come after me to get their revenge on me. It's just a matter of time before they tell Elijah and Kol, and then that's when I'm fucked more than anything."

   Will sighed, his hands on his hips. "You told them? God."

   "We've barely got anything solid planned." Henry admitted. "Not anything good."

   Bodie shook his head. "Well, it's something and I need that now more than anything." He knew that it was added pressure onto both of them, but this was something that he felt like it needed to be done. As much as he knew that he could fight off the Mikaelson's separately, he knew that he needed more protection than his superior strength. Klaus was the only one that Bodie knew would be harder for him to fight as a whole.

   "Bodie—" Will began.

   "—Don't 'Bodie' me, Willaim." Bodie snapped. "Do you realise what I've done? The damage that I've caused already because I told them what I done to my relationship? I've just severed my only tie to my human life, the only people that knew me before becoming a vampire. They were my last connection to my human life and humanity."

   Bodie found himself pacing around the living room. "They're going to kill me. I know that they will. I can take on the Mikaelson's separately, but they're all smart, they're all vicious. No matter what, the fight against one of them would be like taking a bloody shower. Fighting all of them at the same time is like filling this entire town with enough blood its impossible to wash it away."

   He pulled at some strands of his hair as if it was the only way for him to comfort himself with his stress. "Even if I do fight them all one-on-one it would be pointless, of course. I would need to kill them with white oak if I intended to survive fighting them all. I know that even if I had white oak, Klaus still has basically all of the white oak. He has so many attempts to kill me with it just to get back at me for all of it."

   Bodie shook his hands as if they were sweaty. "They're all going to kill me. Oh god, I'm going to have four angry Originals coming for my ass. And if they tell Esther. . .god. What if they manage to find a witch crazy enough to go against the pair of you? Hell, what if they hurt one of you to get back at me?" He rubbed his hands against his shirt, not caring that he needed to change nor the blood that still covered him. "We need to do something about protecting all of us."

   "BODIE!" Henry yelled. Bodie stopped and stared at both Will and Henry who was looking at him as if he'd found multiple ways to offend the pair of them.

   "Yes?"

   "You'll be fine." Will assured. "You still have us protecting you, we're not going to let you lose your humanity. We're here to help you like how you helped us escape from our coven. You're our brother, Bodie, we don't intend to leave you behind, and we don't intend to allow any of the Mikaelson's to kill you nor kill us."

   "We're your backup." Henry added. "We made a promise to you when you turned us, that we will stand by your side and help you as much as we can. But you have to understand that us going against the Mikaelson's is going to be difficult, with the amount of power that we have, it might not be enough to beat any of them and all of them."

   Bodie nodded. As much as he loved to hear the fact that he had both Will and Henry by his side, there was still a part of Bodie that still felt the need to panic, like it was the only thing that controlled him within that moment. "We need to sort out the white oak, make sure that there's enough to kill at least all of them."

   Henry then looked at him as if there was something that he knew that he was hiding. "Bodie." There was pain in his voice when he spoke. "When Finn died. . .his—his sire line died with him. You'll not only kill one of the Mikaelson's, but you'll be also killing their sire lines."

   Bodie clenched his jaw then. That was something that he had to consider, though at the same time it was something that he didn't want to care much about. He already had to worry about the fact that all of the Mikaelson's would be coming after him, he didn't need to worry about the vampires that would die along with them. "You think that wont happen when Klaus or one of the Mikaelson's go to kill me? You'll die with me. It's either kill or be killed."

   For a moment, they were all silent. Bodie knew that he was going to regret everything that's ever happened, and he does. He hates the fact that he killed Henrik, he hates the fact that he covered up the murder and kept it for so long, he hates the fact that it took him a thousand years to tell them about it. He hates all of this, though his hatred over all of it is nothing in comparison to the amount of regret that flooded him.

   If regret was an ocean, he was drowning in it. And he had the audacity to drag Will and Henry into it. How could a monster like him be considered as if he had done nothing wrong? He'd been the cause of all of this. He was the reason why Esther created vampires in the beginning. He was the reason why Henrik was dead, he was the reason why vampires ended up being created. He was the monster, the reason for so much pain. He knew that there was no way in hell that he could have predicted any of this from being an uncontrolled werewolf that killed a small eleven-year-old boy, but it did happen, and he caused so much pain.

   Bodie knew that there was nothing that he could do in order to prevent any of this, that he didn't know that any of this could have happened, but even still, he hated that he was the cause. And what hurt the most was the fact that he'd lied to the Mikaelson's. He hated the fact that there were days where he had to comfort Klaus, Rebekah, Elijah, and even Kol over the death of Henrik.

   Elijah, who held himself together as if it didn't affect him, once yelled at him simply because he was a werewolf. Rebekah, who sobbed in his arms during nights where it was rough, who wanted comfort in him as if it was the one thing that could cure him. Klaus, who had watched Henrik be killed, who had nightmares because of it, who needed the most comfort and be told that it wasn't his fault, that there was nothing that he could have done. And Kol, who seemed lost after Henrik's death, who seemed to not know what to do with himself, who lost the little brother who helped him with small jokes with his siblings, still found some form of comfort within Bodie.

   All of them found some form of comfort in Bodie, whether it was yelling at him, wanting to be held, wanting to cry into him, or even to start a fight with him just to let out their anger. Of course, Bodie felt like he deserved to be yelled at, to be involved in a fight given that he couldn't tell any of the Mikaelson's about what he'd done. What made his regret more painful was having to comfort both Rebekah and Klaus. He lied to them all, he held the truth from them, he allowed them to believe that he was someone that they could come to despite knowing that he was the reason why Henrik was dead. He'd hurt them in more ways than what he intended to do.

   Bodie regretted everything, he knew that there was nothing that he could do that could change what's happened. He knew that he deserved anything and everything which came his way, but his heart hurt because of it. He knew that he ruined everything, he knew that he was the reason as to why they had no choice and become vampires. He ruined everything because he was out of control on a full moon.

   He knew that it would come to this, come to the fact that all of the Mikaelson's would turn on him like he was the villain in their story. And he was. He was the monster that killed their brother, the monster that lead them to become the monsters that keep others awake of a night. If it wasn't for him then they would have lived and then died as normal humans do. He made them become this all because he killed their brother.

   Bodie shook his head, he knew that he shouldn't overthink any of this that there was a chance that none of this was his fault, but the more that he thought about it, the more that he was convinced that it was his fault. All of it was. Maybe Esther had a point, maybe a thousand years was too long—at least for him.

   "Okay." Bodie whispered and then repeated a handful of times. "We need. . .we need to make sure that nothing happens, that neither of you get killed. I need to protect you, need to make sure that Klaus or Rebekah or any of them kills you just to get to me."

   There was an option that he could flee, that he could just find somewhere else to live, but this was his home just as much as the Mikaelson's home. Not only that but he was sure that the Mikaelson's would kill him just as much. Maybe he would die in this town just like his family did before him. As much as he would love to stay here, he knew that there was a chance that the Mikaelson's would kill him, and he knew that there was a chance that there was going to be much bloodshed.

   Will took a step towards Bodie then. "Bodie." His voice was almost soothing as if he intended to try and calm Bodie down in some way. "Breathe, okay. You freaking out because of what you've done isn't going to help at all. We'll be fine, you'll be fine. We'll get the Snow's here again, make them stay with us, we have enough room here. We'll protect you, Bodie, because our lives do depend on your survival."

   Bodie tried to focus on what Will said, but even in his panic and regret, he couldn't focus. He knew that he needed to stay calm and collected but knowing that his life was on the line and the fact that the people that he once loved now hated him. They hated him and he knew that the only one to blame was himself. He was filled with enough regret that he was sure that it was going to kill him.

   "Okay." Bodie muttered. "We'll figure more of it all out."

   Bodie wasn't sure what would ruin him first, his regret or the family that he still loved.