Chapter Twenty

I lie awake in my bed, staring in the darkness. Still feeling the same way I did hours ago ever since Hadrian forced himself on me. I thought Hayes would've came to check on me but he didn't. If he didn't come, there has to be a reason why.

Maybe Abe was right about me. I wouldn't be able to handle being queen or anything for that matter. I wasn't strong enough to stop Hadrian and if Hayes hadn't came at the very moment, who knows what would've happened.

I wasn't like Allison. If she was in my place, she would've put Hadrian in his. She wouldn't had done nothing. She wouldn't had been helpless. I allowed it happened and now I'm facing the consequences.

My darkness is closing in on me and I'm slowly sinking in my dark waters. I sit up and wrap my arms around my legs, resting my chin on my knees.

I will never be the queen my people needed and Abe knew that. That's why he brought Marceau, William and Hadrian here. He already knew I couldn't do it by myself. He didn't trust me and didn't have faith in me either. To him, I'm his pitiful, sad, tragic, weak daughter.

No you're not. The voice disagrees. Don't ever think that. Your father thinks highly of you. He loves you and wants the best for you.

I scoff. "If he thinks that then why is he forcing me to get married?" I ask.

There's more to the story than you know. Ask about it and you will know.

"I did that already and I made it worse."

I asked about the arranged marriage and it turned out to be the wrong thing to question. Abe's words still hurts me.

"He said I could never be like Allison. I would never be like my mother."

Like I said a week ago, I'm going crazy. I'm having a conversation with the voice inside of my mind. I'm literally talking to myself. I'm in need of help.

You're not Allison. You're Millian and that's better. The voice tells me. Allison is your mother and half of her makes you who you are. You are your mother's daughter. You just have to open you eyes to see it.

"What do I have that she had?" I question, curious.

I wait for a response but it never comes. My question is left in the air without an answer.

I sigh. "Exactly. You don't even have the answer to that."

I glance at the clock beside my bedside and I know at the point there's no hope I'm ever finding sleep. It's four in the morning and my mind is relentless.

I throw the covers off me and if it's cold I don't feel it. I walk over to my door and open it. There's no one in the hallway. They're all still asleep for at least another three hours or so.

I head for the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. As I wait for it to be finish, my mind goes to Hayes. I think about the way he looked at me in the ballroom. He looked disgusted by me and I don't know why.

Did he think I wanted Hadrian to kiss me? I hope not. I hope he doesn't think I'm that easily persuaded.

I look in the direction of his room and debated if I should go over there or not. I chew on the bottom of lip, thinking about my options. I can go over there and risk the chance of getting caught or wait until a better opportunity comes.

I go with the latter option. I don't want to wake him. He has to be up soon anyway. Maybe I can catch him beforehand if I'm still awake.

I grab a mug and pour my coffee into it. I added sugar and cream before walking out the kitchen. Instead of going back to my room, I walk to the music room.

I close the door behind me as I walk over to the couch. I tug my feet under me as I take a sip of my hot drink. I look around the room still in total awe that Hayes did all this for me.

He loves me so much that he gave up his music room for me. He trusts me enough to show me the side of him he wouldn't let anyone else see. He's thoughtful and creative to compose a song just for me and what do I give him in return?

A miserable, numbing, wreaking me. I forgot about his birthday and the only thing I can give him was stupid song that doesn't give him enough justice. He deserve much more than I gave him and he doesn't complain about it or rushes me to be myself again. He's so patient with me and I want Abe to know that.

I don't want to marry anyone else beside Hayes. I want everyone to know that regardless of the law that forbids us from being together. I want him beside me.

I stand up and walk over to the piano. Setting the mug on top, I play our song but stop a few seconds later. It doesn't sound right without him. I loved it better when he played it for me.

Why didn't he come to me? Why did he look away from me? What did or didn't do that made him do that? What did I say? I want to make it right but I don't know where to start.

Tears falls down onto the white keys and I don't bother to wipe them away. I let them fall and fall until I hear the door opening.

Lily. I think.

I must've woke her up from my overwhelming emotions. I wipe my tears away before turning my head.

"Lily, I'm fi-"

I stop when I see who actually is the one to walk in. He looks at me, noticing my tears.

"Hayes?"

Before either of us know it, I run to him and crash into him, wrapping my arm around him.

"I'm so sorry." I apologize, burying my face in his shirt.

"For what?" He asks, confused.

I look at him. "For whatever I did or say to make you stay away from me."

He shake his head. "You didn't do anything. I'm the one who needs to apologize."

It's my turn to be confused. "Why do you need to apologize?"

"For believing even for a second you were interested in Marceau and Hadrian." He says.

I frown. "Why would you think I would ever be interested in them?"

"Because I saw you and Marceau singing and the way you were looking at each other made me realize I'll never be the one for you."

I knew it would be a mistake to invite Marceau into the music room. Hayes saw us working on the song and that's why he left. That's why he wasn't with me. He thought I was falling for Marceau but really I was just amazed by his voice and the song we wrote.

I could understand why he thought I was interested in Marceau but Hadrian? That wasn't possible. I felt it when I first met him. He had that vibe to him that I didn't like. He felt like he was better than everyone else and he wasn't.

"Marceau is a nice guy." I say. "But he isn't the one for me. You're the one I want next to me everyday." He smiles at my word and I arch an eyebrow. "And Hadrian? Are you kidding me?" I shake my head. "No way in hell will I ever be interested in him. He kissed me and I froze up because I thought about that night."

He looks at me with sad eyes. "And I'm sorry for that. If I was there, none of that would've happened. At first glance I thought you were ashamed for getting caught with him but I realized how stupid I was being after you walked away."

I think about the way he looked away from me. He thought I wanted Hadrian to kiss me. As if. Never in a million years. We aren't and will never be meant for each other. He told me what he was after. What they all are after but he craves it the most.

He had this absurd idea we would be a perfect couple to rule over Arsyn. But he would do all the ruling. I would just be the queen who supports him in everything he said or did. I would literally had to sit still and look pretty. That's pretty much what he told me in the ballroom.

"Why didn't you come after me?" I ask a moment later.

"I had a few..." He thinks of a way to put it. "words to say to Hadrian." He settles for.

The way he says it makes me believe he did more than exchange friendly words with Hadrian.

"Do you know how much trouble you're going to be in?"

That was the main reason I kept from looking at him but I should've known Hayes wouldn't care about the consequences.

"I don't care." He proves my statement. "He deserved it and if he knows what's best for him, he would catch the first flight out and head back home. He isn't worthy of you. None of us are."

"They aren't." I agree."But you are. When are you going to believe me?"

"When it's true."

I step on my tip toes to kiss his cheek. "It's true."

He smiles, softly, as he looks at me then his smiles goes away as he frown, slightly.

"Have you been up this whole entire time?" He ask, worriedly.

I shrug. "I couldn't sleep but don't worry I'm fine." I point over to the piano. "I made coffee."

I haven't drank much of it. I just had a few sips but I know it's keep me awake if I keep drinking it.

"You need to sleep." He tells me, leading me to the doors. "This isn't good for you."

I don't tell him I haven't been sleeping much lately. I feel like that won't help my case very much. I stay silent as he takes me to my room. It's barely five in morning. Two hours before the maids and servants start waking up and the guardians on duty are released from duty.

We enter my room and I go to my bed. Hayes lies on the other side.

"I'll stay until you fall asleep." He says, bringing my closer to him.

I rest my head on his chest, hearing his heartbeat for the first time in some days. I immediately start to feel better and I close my eyes, feeling safe and secure. The last thing I remember is Hayes kissing my forehead before I join the sleep world.

If I knew what was in store for me when I woke up, I would've stayed asleep. I'm not ready for the next thing that comes out of Abe's mouth when I went to meet in his office.

He wanted to know how the one on one sessions went yesterday and I told him they went well. I even told him about how Hadrian treated me and he said he already knew and he took care of it. I didn't question him about it and left it at that.

I stare at him, not sure I heard him correctly. I really hope I heard him wrong.

"I have to do what now?" I ask, lifting an eyebrow.

"You have to choose who you want to marry today." He repeats.

So, I didn't hear him wrong and I'm not dreaming.

"I can't do that." I say, shaking my head. "I just met them!"

He nods. "I know it's very soon but your time is running out."

I cross my arms. "You mean their time is running out." I correct him. "They're the ones who so badly want to be king because they're second born. Me, on the other hand, I have plenty of time left." I shrug. "A few years actually."

He looks surprise I know all this. As if he wanted to keep it a secret, hidden away.

"How much do you know?"

"Everything I need to know." I reply. "You made it seem like we were all being forced into this but really I'm the only one."

He sighs, heavily. "I wish you could understand where I'm coming from. I don't like this either but our bloodlines runs in pure royalty."

"That's what this is all about?" I lift an eyebrow. "Royalty? You still don't believe someone below us isn't worthy enough to stand beside me?"

"I'm sure there are many young men who are good for you and your sister." He says. "For example, Lucas. I like him but there's no way he could ever be apart of her life once they graduate. They had two different lives that aren't meant to be mixed."

Who is he to decide that? He has the power to change that but he's too blind by his own stubbornness to see how in love one of his daughter is and how hurt the other is. Why couldn't he see it? Why couldn't he accept our feelings?

"What I'm about to say might surprise you but it's true." I say. "It's the twenty-first century. It's been years since that stupid, dumb, law was made. Time has changed and it's time for us to change with it. It's time for you to realize, you can't force two people to be together. That's beyond your control. Lily and Lucas love each other so much that I hate the day they have to separate. You should hate it too. This isn't fair that we have to give up our happiness for something fake, for something we didn't choose. We didn't ask for this life."

I look away from him as the tears fill my eyes. I make the decide to sacrifice my relationship for the protection of Lily's. She's always looking out for me and now it's my turn.

"I'll do this." I say, glancing up. "Not for you but for Lily."

When I become queen, that's the first thing I'm changing. I won't be able to be with Hayes after that because I'll already be married and I can't changed that. Only Abe can.

The courts don't believe in divorces. You marry a person once and no matter how bad the marriage is, you're stuck with them for life. I need to think of something to change Abe's mind before I say "I do" to whoever I choose.

"Thank you, Millian."

He doesn't understand what I said. He doesn't hear the other meaning behind it. For all he knows, I was just talking about Lily and Lucas. As much as I want to tell him about Hayes and I, I know it won't do much good right now. I'll have to wait but by the time, I do tell him, I hope I'm not late for that.

I shake my head. "I will never forgive you for this."

I will never forgive him for making me choose this, for making me give up the only thing that makes me truly happy, for making me walk away from the one I wanted to be with forever.

I turn around and walk out the office. I know I made the right decision for future years to have the chance at their own happiness but I don't think Hayes will agree. I hope he can forgive me for what I'm going to do. If he doesn't, I won't blame him for it.

I head for my room and walk into the bathroom. I feel sick and whatever I ate for breakfast is now inside the toilet. Even my body is disagreeing with me.

After I collect myself together, I flush the toilet and stand in front of the mirror. I brush my teeth again and splash cold on my face. Once I start to look better, I leave my room and head to Lily's.

I thought she would've seen what I did but when I walk into her room, she's drawing in one of her drawing books. She glances up at me and smile.

"Hey. How did it go?"

I flop backward on her bed with a dramatic sigh.

"That bad." She says.

Lily knows I have to choose someone today but the rest is a totally mystery to her even her power didn't see it.

"You don't know the half of it." I cover my face with my hands. "What am I going to do? Who am I going to choose?"

"I don't know. I'm so glad I'm not the oldest now. I would hate to in your shoes."

I uncover my face to look at her. "Well, who would you choose if you were me?"

"I choose the one I can be the most comfortable with. The one I don't have to pretend to like as much. The one who creates the less problem with." She shrugs. "That's the one I would pick. Do you have an idea who that person is?"

I think about my options. I can choose either the one who has something in common with me, the one who is low key crushing on my sister or the arrogant, conceited one.

I know who I'm not going to choose right away and that leaves me with two options. Marceau and William. Both of them are nice enough guys. They didn't seem like they wanted to hold all the power like Hadrian. Or maybe it's an act they're using so I will choose them. I don't know but I have to choose one of them by the end of the day.

I just hope whoever I pick is the right one.

After I leave Lily's room, I go find Hayes. I have to tell him before he finds out. When I do find him, he isn't alone. He's with two other guardians.

"Guardian Cipriano." I say and he turns his head to look at me. "I need you to come with me."

He frowns a little but doesn't say anything. He follows me away from lurking ears and eyes. I find a private area away from everyone.

"What is it?" He asks.

"There's something you need to know and I want to be the one to tell you." I start. "I'm getting engaged by the end of the day and who I pick doesn't mean anything to me." I reach out the grab his hand. "You do and I want you to tell me you believe me when I tell I love you and only you."

"Of course I believe you." He says. "I love you, too."

I decide to keep the other thing to myself. If I told him, he would've marched to Abe and revealed everything to him and ruin everything. I need him to believe in me, in us. I'll tell him when the time is right.

This road in front of me isn't going to be easy but as long as I have Hayes beside me, I can handle it.

Unexpectedly, I reach up and kiss him. He leans back, surprised. He searching my eyes with his grey ones, confused. I don't say anything instead I bring him back to me and this time he kisses me back. I need this to handle what's coming next.

I need him to make my problems go away even if it's only temporary. I need to forgot about the engagement, the law, royalty, Abe, everything. I just want him on my mind. I need him.

I focus on his touch. They're still soft and tender but there's a little more passionate behind them, igniting it. His hands rest on my hips while mine  cupping his face.

I would've stayed in the moment as long as I possibly could but I hear footsteps and I pull away, moving away from Hayes. I try to make my breaths even as possible before whoever is coming comes around the corner.

"Millie! There you are!" Lou exclaims. "I've been looking everywhere for you!" She looks at Hayes and smiles. "Hey, Hayes."

He smiles back. "Hi, Lou."

"Why are looking for me?" I ask.

"Oh, I have to start getting you ready for tonight." She explains with a sad face. "Abe requested you look at your best for this moment."

I roll my eyes. "Of course he did." I mumble.

After giving Hayes one last glance, I follow Lou to my room on the other side of the mansion. She already has what I'm wearing for tonight. It's a short black dress with lace around the middle.

My hair takes the longest to finish and when she's done two hours had passed. She puts the dress on me and starts on my make up. Another hour goes by and she paints my nails. I put on the red heels that matches my painted red lips.

I put on earrings and a simple necklace before I'm finished.

Instead of going by myself, Hayes arrives at my door as my escort. He looks me up and down.

"You look beautiful, Princess Millian." He comments.

I lift an eyebrow. Why's he addressing me by my royal title?

When I step out my room, I have my answer. He isn't the only one in the hallway. There's maids and servants lined up against both side of the hallways.

I place my arm through Hayes's and as we walk passed the ones standing against the wall, they bow. It feels so weird and I don't like it.

We descent the stairs and round the corner where my three suitors are waiting for me dressed up and wearing a bright smile. They each hold a single red rose in their hand and I know without a doubt they have a small box in their pocket.

I made eye contract with Hadrian. He can see a bruise on the side of his jaw that clearly was trying to covered on. He didn't leave. Why didn't he leave?

Abe speaks but I can't focus on his words. All I can hear is the sound of my heart beating loudly. I glance around the room and see some many people I never saw before. I see Lily and Reid, standing amongst them and they give me a small smile.

I look away when I see Hadrian take a step forward. 

"Princess Millian." He begins. "I know when we first met, you disliked me."

Try, hate.

"But after our time together, yesterday, I know that feeling faded away. I could feel it when you kissed me."

I nearly choked. I see the looks Marceau and William gives me, surprised by Hadrian's words. I try to correct him but Hadrian continues with his speech.

"If you choose me, I know without a doubt our love will continue to grew into something beautiful." He smiles and if I didn't know him, I might've thought it was sweet, corny, but still sweet. Yet I do know him and I hate him. He should know he's the last person I would ever pick.

Williams speaks next and Marceau is the last one. I listen to every word they have to say. They're all similar in some ways. They all wanted to grow our love and built a live together. They sound genuine except for Hadrian. He can go jump off a cliff for all I care along with his speech.

The time comes when I have to choose. Taking a breath to steady myself, I make my choice and he walks over to me, getting down on his knee. He slides the cool ring on my left ring finger, sealing my future.