Ashley

I never cried.

When the doctor pronounced him dead.

When I was reading the eulogy.

When I was standing over his coffin.

When I was looking at his lifeless body

and

when I threw dirt on his casket.

I never cried.

My father has long accept that he was going to die. He has long made death his friend and I know right now he's smiling look down at us.

All I did was wear back because I was moaning for my father, for my son and for my relationship.

I tried to numb my heart because if I let anymore pain inside it would be broken beyond repair.

I watched has they lowered him in his grave and yet I didn't cry. I shove my hands in my jacket pocket and walked away. I went and have one last look on William grave and then I went. Adian was helping Mom out so I still haven't gotten to catch up with him.

I saw my mom wiping her tears and I walk up to her "dad was going to tell me something about my son did he ever mentioned it to you?" I asked her.

She looked at me not meeting my eyes "no he rarely talk to me these days." She said wiping her tears.

"Okay." I said walking away. My thoughts pounders over what be could possibly wanted to tell me. I watched as everyone leave one by one.

"Ashley are you coming with us." Jai ask me. Lisa was standing beside him holding Matt hand. waiting for my answer.

"No. I will just get a cab." I told them.

"Are you sure?" Lisa asked me again.

"Yes I'm sure." She pulls me into a hug before they left. I was now alone after a while. I was just standing over my father grave looking at it. My knees hit the snow.

I then let go a very loud scream. I can't pretend that I wasn't hurting. I'm hurting just as much as everyone else.

I decided not to call a cab. I will just walk to clear my mind. Because I have been rattling my brain every night and day thinking about what my dad said.

My feet stopped.

I felt his presence and when I looked up a black Audi appears and I know it was him. I started walking away. He stopped the car and my feet then he opened the door and get out but I just continued walking.

"Ashley please don't walk away from me this time. I beg of you." I stopped and he walked up to me.

"I'm sorry for your lost." He said pulling me into his arms and his familar scent hits my nostrils. A scent that I have missed.

"Thank you." I know Jai must have been the one to told him. He's such a great friend to both of us.

"I miss you." He whispers against my ear. He's squeezed me so hard not wanting to let me go.

"You can let me go now." I told him.

"Oh." His lips tugs upwards "I miss you Ashley. I really do." He repeats his earlier words.

"I miss you too." I told him. I can't pretend anymore that I don't.

"Then why are we doing this to each other."

"We are not good for each other."

"Don't say that. We are not for each other."

"Look I can't do this. Not today."

"Please we have been ignoring each other for a month now. Just listen to me."

"Okay."

"Can you be My Ashley again?" He asked me, holding my cheeks while looking into my eyes. His face has a small stubble. It actually looks good on him but he never carry his self this way. Untamed hair, unshaved​ face and he was in causal clothes.

"How can I be your Ashley when I was never yours?" I lie, I was his from the moment we woke up in bed with each other. I was his when he let me wear his clothes for the first time. I was his when he hug and comforted me. I was always. I'm trying really hard to hold my tears. His touch is affecting me so much.

"Be my Genevieve and I'll be your king Authur" I just looked at him trying to hold back my tears.

"It's okay to cry." He said pulling me into his arms. "Your cold, get in the car." He said. He hold me and bring me to sit in the car then he get in.

"I was yours Ashley. You own me from the day I met you. You claim me in every way possible and you made me want to be a better person. I was yours and I know you were mine. Everytime I look at my door I hope that you were coming home. My house is just a house now. With you there it was a home." I could see tears falling from his eyes.

"I should have never told you to leave. It was very wrong of me. I was just so broken. Please come back home."

"My father his dead." I started to cry. Reality has just struck me that I was never going to see my father again.

"I know baby and I'm here for you." He pulled me into his arms, smoothing my hair and holding me as I cried.

"I love you Nathan. I love you so fucking much. Please don't ever hurt me again." I cried on his shoulder.

"I love you too. I love you more than anything in this world. I just want you to come back home. I just want you to forgive me for all the wrongs I've done." He whispers above my head.

He released his arms from around me but I hug him pulling his back towards me. "I don't want you to let me go." I muttered in the crook of his neck.

"I'm not letting you go ever again. But I need to drive."

"Right." I pulled away.

"Can you look me in the eyes?" He asked.

"Why?" I asked looking into his eyes. I was lost in them trying to depict what he was trying to tell me.

"Will you be My Ashley again?" He ask. I can't do this to myself​ anymore. I can't  because I love him. I love him so fucking much and it hurts, it hurts knowing that I was trying to hate him. Look at him the man who don't do love broken because I left him.

"I am yours. Take me home."

"Where."

"The house where you think I belong."

💮*******

"Can you call Lisa letting he know that I'm okay." I ask of him the moment I step into the house. I gave him my phone and walked into the living room then the memories of the night months ago was playing out in front of me so I made my way upstairs.

"She said if I ever hurt you again she will personally kill me." He told me as he walks into the room. A room I have call my own.

I laugh to myself​ "that's my best friend."

"Do you need anything? Are you hungry?" He asked me. I'm exausted. I take off my jacket and lay bag on the bed.

"No I'm fine."

"Okay." I feel the bed sink and open my eyes to see him smiling at me. My eyes move to the image of us in the mirror.

"I don't even have enough words to explain how happy you make me right now. Right now its me and you again,us against the world. I did the interview with Susan Chang. I ended this shit with Nora that the world believe. I never mentioned you name because of the way things were going with us." I sat up and push my hands around his neck. I was just happy that I have him back. I then lift my head and kiss him. Kiss him like my life depends on it, kiss him like we were living in the wilderness.

He kisses me back slowly and sweet, his hand move to my back pinning me to his body, his heat radiated on me and I feel his heart hammering in his chest against mine. "Make love to me." I ask after we break the kiss. I look into his eyes and pull him on me.

He rubs his course hands against my cheek "I'm sorry but not tonight." He whispers against my lips then he kisses me on my forehead. He lay beside me pulling me into the spooning position "let's just cuddle tonight baby."

I reach my hand down holding onto his hands and I fall sound a sleep with him signing a sweet song to me.

"I love you." Was the last word I heard before my eyes closed.

I cried while writing this idk why. . Maybe I'm just stupid. 

Thanks for reading.