Ashley

One. Two. Three. Four. I counted over the empty bottles of whiskey in front of me. Five. I counted as I slung the half empty bottle to my lips I didn't move it until it was empty. I need more. I need more whiskey I stumbled searching into the cupboard but I found vodka instead. I haven't showered in days. I haven't eaten anything. I just wanted to cut myself off this world. This alcohol is helping me not to focus too much on the situation.

I stink but I don't care. And I'm too scared to go to the doctor. Scared of what the results will be. My hands tremble as I put the bottle to my lips. I slid down on the kitchen floor and lean my head forward. I couldn't see straight. My messy hair falls into my forehead.

"Hahaha" I laughed to myself. I'm fucking crazy.

"What the fuck you looking at!" I yelled to the little girl sitting at the corner. I throw the vodka bottle at her but no one was there. I'm just seeing things. And I'm in the house for Christ sake..

I don't know what to do, I have no one to turn to right now. I don't want to call Lisa and bother her with my problems. I should be here with Matt, making him dinner and play video games with him. But instead I'm drowning in alcohol and I fucking love it. Hehehe

I might be infected. I might be a carrier for the incurable disease and I don't know what the fuck to do.

This was what Brianna was talking about when she saw me in Starbucks. When she was screaming in the snow that she saved me and I left her in the cold crying. I feel so fucked.

She saved me from a lying cheating boyfriend who probably fucked every girl here in LA. I hate him. I fucking hate him. All the happy memories that I have with his dissolves from my brain and burns- burns with fire.

Who the fuck cheats and fuck around and don't used a condom. I am not weak anymore. I haven't cried.

Crying is for the fucking weak.

I picked up my phone from beside me to call Lisa telling her that I'm a mess but instead I dial Nate.

"Ashley" he breathes his voice full of life and happiness. I choked out a tear when I heard his voice and the words I wanted to say couldn't form on my lips so I pushed the red button and placed the phone beside me.

I walked to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of Corona then I placed it to my lips. My reflection reflect in the stainless steel of the door. I just stared at my reflection with my wide eyes I looked like crap. I look fucking broken.

I have had enough.

I fucking hate you Joel.

Just go. Get the fuck out of my mind.

I can now say I regret everything we share together. I regret loving him.

Congratulations. You finally broke me Joel just like my mother told me. At least she was right that you no good for me. At least she was right about one thing.

What if I had listen to her and end the relationship before we moved in together?

What if I had ended it when I saw him kissing the next door neighbour?

What if I never gave him a chance?

Where would I be?

What live would I have.

What if I didn't​ gave him my number?

What if-

What if-

All these what ifs are  too fucking late. The damage is already down.

The hurt. The pain. Everything is taking is toll on me.

I wish I could go back in the past , punch myself in the face and warn me that he will be my destroyer.

"Ashley are you there?" I heard a knock on the door.

"Go the fuck away?" I yelled. Lifting the Corona to my lips.

"Ashley." They called my name again. I tried to walk to the door but I keep stumbling. I keep seeing double figures my vision becoming blurry. A sharp pain sore through my foot and spread within. I lift my foot as I see blood and pulled out the splinter tossing it somewhere. Fuck I forgot about the vodka bottle I throw earlier. I move away scared on my own blood but instead I slipped on the liquid and the splinters stick into my back. It fucking hurts. I looked up on the ceiling as I tried to get up but I us unable to, my limbs are too weak, so I just lay there in my own blood.

"I'm coming in" the voice yelled. I heard the door opened and closed. I tried to speak but no words escape my mouth.

"OMG Ashley." The voice shouted and they rushed over to me. My eyes flicker open at the figure standing over me. It was Heather.

"Don't touch my blood." I tried to tell her but I guess she wasn't hearing because she holds me in her arms , pull her phone from her purse and then I went into a deep sleep.

Joel has completely destroyed me.

*****

Pain sore within my body. Like I was bitten by a tiger and left to die in the desert. I tried to moved my hands but failed. I tried to move my foot but failed. I realized that I was completely tied down. I struggle shaking hard to see if I can pull but I failed. I failed at everything.

"Let me go!" I screamed.

"Ashley, your awake." I heard Heather. I turned my head and looked at her as she place down the book she was reading. Her fingers hugs a cup of coffee.

"Heather." I breathe feeling a little relieved when I see her familar face hovering over me. "Why am I tied down?"

"You were acting" she looked around "crazy" she spoke the last part so low that I could hardly hear.

"And you are drunk really drunk."

"Where am I?" I asked her.

"Your at the hospital." I then noticed the familar walls of the room. It looks identical to the room Matt was in.

"You cut yourself Ashley. And you didn't want the doctor's to touch you. You keep screaming, I'm piosous." Oh. She put the coffee to her lips and drank. I just lay looking above but this time I wasn't​ looking at my reflection I was looking at a light bulb.

"I will get the doctor." She sign touching my arms then she left. They strapped me done like I was crazy. Maybe it was for the best.

I closed my eyes and waited​ for the doctor because I was tired of looking on that light bulb, smiling so pretty above me and not doing anything to help with the ache I feel inside.

Heather return with the doctor and a new cup of coffee in her hands.

"Hello Mrs Christie." My heart leaps for Nathan  when he addresses me as Miss Christie. Heather only knows my first name and she has to provide my last name and since am married to Nathan. I'm Mrs Christie. "I'm doctor Archer."

"How are you feeling?" He asked a little while after.

"Hungry." I answered honestly. I was starving.

"Okay I will let you get something to eat soon." He tells me and I nodd. "Now I'm going to look at your eyes."

He takes a small flashlight from his pocket and shine it in my eyes. So fucking bright. I moved my eyes left and right with the light.

"Okay, visual is good." He takes the pager from his waist and press onto it.  After few minutes of him examining me two nurses appeared.

"I want to go home." I mumbled.

"You will soon. Now we are going to removed these locks so don't make any sudden move." I nodd letting him know that his message was received.

The nurses pulls the hold on me and I sit up rubbing my risk. I'm so tired.

"Here drink." Heather hands me the coffee she was holding.

The doctor test my blood pressure​. It feels wired as it tightens around my arms then when it releases it feels good.

He then testes my heart rate. He tells me that my vitals are good and my pressure is in check. I looked down on my foot and saw a bandage on it, then I moved my foot up looking at it. He notices.

"Be careful when you tries to walk and lay because​ there are some bandages on your back as well." I push my hands back at feels it.

"Good thing your friend here find you when she did because your damage could be severe." No major damage was done all I need is rest and some painkillers.

"Is she going to be alright Dr. Archer" Heather asked the doctor.

"Yes she will be fine, just needs a few weeks to be healed." He turned to Heather answering her question.

"Ashley will you be okay?" Heather asked.

"yes" I nodd putting the foam cup with coffee to my lips.

"Okay, I need to make a call I will be right back​." She told me as she pushed the door and walked out.

I wish I was Dead because death is much easier than the pain I feel inside. The doctor looks and me as he write in my file.

"Your lying to me." I said to the doctor.

"No Mrs Christie. You will be fine."

"No I will not be fine. Did you ran a blood test on me?"

"No" he shook is head giving me a smile.

"Your lying." I screamed. I jumped off the bed holding him, shaking him. "Tell me what did you see in my blood."

"We didn't run a test on you." He breathes trying to pull he off him " you had consumed too much alcohol."

"Ashley." I heard Heather screamed rushing inside. She pulled my hands off the doctor but I still hold on tight. I was fighting them off as Heather tells me so obviously  they couldn't stick a needle in me. I release my hold and Heather guide me to the bed as I sit down.

Gosh I'm paranoid.

What if I'm negative and while Brianna was saving me she was drowing herself. But if I'm positive I will have to learn to live and deal with it but there is only one way to find out. I need to take the test but I'm just too scared.

I want to know and I don't want to know.

Dedicated to hepburnettes who teach me never to let a few reads stop you from writing. Check out her words.

So Ashley is going crazy huh?

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