There comes a time when one retreats into ones mind, to simply ponder life's many challenges, or to simply revisit past memories. Those quiet moments of reflection where you can get lost in the vast library of your thoughts.

I retreat into my memory palace, decorated in a manner that pleases me. Large art works frescoed on the high walls, a woven runner that seems to continue forever down the hallway. The slight roughness tickles my toes. Rooms at each side, their walls housing a library of my memories waiting for my nimble fingers to unlock them.

Today I'm here to revisit my memory of her. The one that got away. She got away because I wasn't ready for what she offered me. She got away because she arrived in my life too soon and I was selfish. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. The bittersweet tragedy is my burden to carry and it will never be hers.

I carry this burden with me. One day it will be set free, but not just yet. I'm not ready yet.

I revisit a day that we spent together. The memories come rushing back. The scent of her skin, how her hair had a rain water fragrance. How she smiled at me. How beautiful her smile was. It was one of those smiles that just lit up her whole face.

The little things always meant the most to her. An impulsive kiss, a surprise caress on the shoulder. Even a simple act of preparing a meal together. How easy it is to get lost in each other. The gentle way she'd tell me off for trying to distract her from cooking with stolen kisses.

I try not to think about her too much. More because its so difficult for me to articulate how I really feel about her.

As much as I have happy memories of her, the sad ones do creep in and overshadow them with darkness.

The time that we broke up, because I just couldn't any more. I felt like I was leading her on. She broke down that day and begged me to stay. I didn't. I walked away, my spine steely with determination, that collapsed once I was alone.

I felt her reach deep and snatch back the part of her self that she had given me. It tore a hole that felt like it took forever to heal. I fought to hold on it, but I didn't deserve to keep that part of her. It was hers to take back. She closed her self to me. Which was fair enough. I had brought that on to myself through my actions.

It was enough of the mundane for today. I put the memories, still tangled together, back onto the shelf. It was a short stroll down memory lane. I close the door to that room and retreat back down the frescoed walls.