There's things that you hate. You hate that you've lost me. You hate that you think I gave up on you. You hate that it might have been easy for me to give up on you. You hate the fact that I'm dating again. You hate the fact that I'm connecting with others. You hate the fact that I might be treating someone like I once treated you. You hate that I'm not there for you any more. You hate that I've left you alone. You hate the fact that I just couldn't handle it any more. You hate that it seems that he's won. He hasn't.

It hurts to see you in pain. It hurts that you think it may have been easy for me. It hurts that you can't see it gut wrenching and that it kills me deep inside that you can't call me and tell me about it. That it's still taboo to talk to me, even as a friend to hear you. To understand you.

I hate that I could never be open about us being together. I hate that I had to hide it. I hate that you had no support. I hate that you had to hide yourself. I hate that it was so hard for us. I hate that I came in a moment in your time where it was so hard for you. I hate that loving me meant that your kids would hate you for it because of the rantings of delusional mad man. I hate that our love was shamed. I hate that we couldn't just be together. I hate that the love we shared was turned into something bitter and twisted. I hate that I couldn't hold you in my arms for the night and feel good about it. So much hate that things weren't as easy as what they should have been.

It kills me to have so much hatred in my heart.