Giant thank you to those who have been patient with me and this update. Thank you for understanding how shitty the last two months have been and for not being rude about the unintentional hiatus. I had bad writer's block for a while and when I got to being able to write this I lost a large portion of the chapter and it made me upset and I didn't touch it again for a while but here it is. I've been struggling to get this done and though it isn't my best work, please enjoy.

Thank you to supernaturalbaby and an anonymous user who helped answer questions I was confused about. Please give them love for being kind enough to help me :)

Many would kneel before a deity and offer their very being to it in hopes that it would cure them of their troubles in the world. They would cup their hands around a rosary and speak the words of a prayer before they lifted their eyes full of despair up to their savior, their god send. Then, just like that, they would stand up when they feel a presence touch their hearts, fully believing that by pure faith, all of their problems magically faded away. Our hopes and expectations in society were that of a couple leaving god's will in charge of curing their sickly child whilst doctors look on with pure failure clouding their faces for they knew there was nothing more than modern medicine that could help the child who struggled to breathe.

These expectations were beyond what we are capable of understanding or even begin to carry out on our own.

Pidge, he knew that when he stepped onto the bus for his first day back to school in the clothes Matt had bought for him the other night that those expectations were going to begin weighing down on him now. Eyes belonging to different people and the whispers of those believers in God's plan all looked down upon the lost lamb as he seated himself in a seat all alone, secluded from the others and his eyes clouded in a sense of alienation. He was born sick; you could them whispering it as they giggled.

Pidge felt himself shaking slightly as he lifted his hood up and covered his fluffy hair before lowering his head before placing his ear buds in to block out the talk of his act against humanity. Everything just sucked. He wanted to be able to have a friend to sit next to on the bus, to laugh at crappy inside jokes between the two and to simply feel relaxed and at ease when he was next to another person at school. Needless to say, he missed Acxa more than he wanted to admit. It was amazing to have another person who understood the feeling of alienation and loneliness as he did and to be fully accepted for his quirks and all. He frowned down at his phone and stared at the private Instagram page he had opened since late last night, his brown eyes debating whether or not to request to follow the young girl the page featured.

Acxa Raynott. Her hair was a dark purple and she wore makeup that could put a beauty guru to shame in her profile picture. Her bio showed Pidge that even after the time she had been away from him, she hadn't changed a bit. It was a quote basically stating that karma will always get you even if it takes a while and then directly below it sat a simple little date. It must've been when she and whoever she was with started dating, simple logic. Pidge shook his head and closed the app as he let out a deep sigh of sheer boredom before resting his head against the window before he was taken by surprise suddenly; the bus had stopped down the street from his house, a stop that wasn't there before. He quietly peered over the top of the old leather seat in front of him and watched a girl of medium height talk to the bus driver with a sheepish grin on her face as she pointed to what Pidge assumed to be her house. The girl had her long, blonde hair pulled back into waterfall braid which quite honestly surprised Pidge since many girls couldn't do such a thing.

She then turned toward the aisle and warily worked her way down it, ignoring the stares she was getting from the students her were so entrapped by the mysterious aura she gave off. Pidge's heart skipped a beat as her eyes shifted over to the spare space next to him. Her eyes, they were strikingly odd. They took Pidge straight out of his mind as he looked up at her with wide brown eyes. At first they seemed to be of a blueish color but then Pidge realized that they were in fact a deep purple color much like Keith's. They stood out like flowers against the pale moonlight of her face.

Her thin lips moved slowly as if she were trying her hardest to speak words to Pidge causing the small boy to instinctively rip his left earbud out a little too eagerly to speak to her, "What?" Pidge asked as he stared up at the girl with his cheeks feeling red hot.

The violet eyed girl furrowed her brow a little as she pointed down to the spot next to pidge that was occupied by his bag, "May I sit here? There aren't any other seats for me to go to..."

Her voice was like music to Pidge's ears as he replayed her question in his mind over and over again. It was foreign, most likely English or from some other European country but either way, Pidge was like putty under this girl and it was hard to even manage a little nod as he pulled his bag into his chest that felt so strange. His heart was slamming against his tiny rib cage as if it were trying to do a prison break and run off into the sunset. Pidge lowered his gaze as the well-dressed girl seated herself awfully close to him, nearly brushing her thighs against his as she tried to get comfortable. She wore a white blouse with blue jeans that complimented her figure and a pair of vans. Pidge clenched his jaw and gripped his bag tightly as he tried to ignore her touch.

"Why are all these people staring?" She leaned in and whispered quietly into the one ear that still had an earbud in it making pidge feel slightly annoyed as he switched his earbuds out in order to be slightly respectful towards the young girl.

Pidge peeked around and noticed some of the students sending the two of them confused glances; he then sighed and slouched slightly in his seat. "You're sitting with me so they're going to stare."

"Oh is this an American thing?" She inquired, "Is it bad for a girl to sit with a boy or are they just strange people?"

Boy. She had really called Pidge a boy. In that moment it felt as if canons of fireworks were firing off all at once painting the gloomy bus in dazzling lights. Pidge felt as if he were one of those extremely overhyped people at a ball game that shot stupid little t-shirts out from those makeshift canons and watched as the crowds of people lost their minds but instead of all that he was shooting his heart into the crowd and watched as this girl next to him caught it and held it up into the sky like some kind of weird, disgusting trophy. The fireworks going off in his mind made her seem so much more beautiful. She had called him something he fought so hard for people to recognize him as but this girl he had never even met before called him that almost right away.

"Y-Yeah!" Pidge felt the corners of his lips curl up slightly as he tried not to stare at her for too long, his gaze shifting from her face to the bag he was clutching against his chest that was aching from how much his heart was beating.

The girl shrugged slightly before she relaxed next to Pidge, holding her bag in the same manner as if mimicking the smaller sized boy. "Oh well, they're probably just following the ludicrous expectations your society has set up, right?" She sighed slightly.

Pidge tilted his head slightly, "What?" He asked curiously.

The girl's cheeks turned a soft shade of pink as she laughed awkwardly, "I mean like, the people around us probably follow certain unspoken rules without even questioning them or wondering why they were ever put into practice," She stated, her eyes full of sadness as she tightened her grip on her bag. Pidge was thinking about asking why she looked so upset when she spoke of such a thing but she forced a smile onto her face before he could even muster the words and held her hand out to him, "I am Romelle, I just moved here from England. And you?"

Pidge decided that asking this stranger why she said what she had said was out of the question as he reached out a shaky little hand and shook hers, "Pidge Holt, I just got here from four houses down."

Romelle's purple gaze that had been dark seconds before lit up in interest as she twisted her head to look behind the bus and count the houses in order to find Pidge's, "No way," She stated, her lips curling into a truly excited smile as she turned back to Pidge and squeezed his hand tightly making the boy wince, "We're practically neighbors!" She squealed, "Isn't this just wonderful?"

"Yeah," Pidge managed to take his hand away from her death grip as he smiled shyly at her, "Totally amazing, Romelle."

He wanted to test out her name. It just kind of rolled off his tongue as if it were natural to speak aloud in front of everyone around them. He liked it, no, he loved the name. It was exotic and lovely much like her and those enchanting eyes that seemed to grow on Pidge the more he spoke to her. He wanted to sit there and say her name all day, talk to her about how stupid the people were around them, and perhaps even befriend this strange young girl. He felt as if they were going to experience things together that he didn't get the chance to with Acxa. He was hoping for something like that at least.

The entire bus ride consisted of the two telling the other about themselves. Pidge sat in silence as he soaked up all there was to know about her. She had come from a small farming village in England where everyone knew everyone. She lived with her Aunt Teresa in their home and she had a German shepherd dog named Julius that she had since she was a toddler. She was sixteen turning seventeen in two months which placed her in year ten which was slightly disappointing to Pidge but at the same time he didn't mind it at all in the slightest. She loved the stars, flowers, animals, food, and art. Pidge found everything about her so fascinating like a new scientific discovery.

When the bus rolled around to the school Pidge reluctantly watched as the older girl waved him goodbye and headed off towards student services never to be seen until the end of the day most likely. He felt that thundering in his chest slowly change into a heavy weight that felt as if it were dragging him closer and closer to the floor of the school he walked upon.

A hand came crashing down on the top of Pidge's head as his hood was ripped off the top of his head with so much force behind it that it almost tugged the short boy backwards. "The butch is back and she's got a little lesbian crush, huh?" Pidge looked up at her bully in anger to see that it was the one and only Jaime but this time he sported a- still healing- black eye.

He frowned as he took a step away from the taller boy standing before him wearing a stupid Baja hoodie and a pair of sweats. Pidge squeezed the straps of his backpack making his knuckles turn ghostly white as he narrowed his eyes, "I see that your father still hasn't come back from jail to beat some sense into you," He spat. He knew it wasn't really the nicest thing to use as an attack on his bully but he saw the opportunity in front of him and he was not in a mood to play nice.

"What the fuck did you just say, Holt?" Jaime growled as he grabbed the front of Pidge's shirt and yanked the shorter kid in closer to his chest. Pidge could feel his heart racing in fear as she stared into the eyes of someone who had been tormenting her all school year. Jaime's lip was curled at the boy he held close to his face, his eyes filled with a burning hatred as he lowered his voice into a guttural tone that sent shivers down Pidge's spine causing him to shake ever so slightly, "Want to say that again? Maybe this time you'll be the one going home with a black eye, dyke."

Every fiber in Pidge's body screamed for him to keep his mouth shut but he just couldn't help it when he saw the opportunity, "Wow, you sure do know a lot of gay derogatory terms Jaime, got something to admit?" He felt the corner of his lip curl into a shaky smile as tears pricked at his eyes. He deserve whatever was about to come his way and he was fully prepared to wake up in the hospital.

"You little f-" Jaime raised his fist into the air, face redder than a beat.

"Pidge?" Romelle's voice sounded in concern from behind Jaime making the boy stop his fist centimeters from Pidge's face making the force of it cause a harsh breeze to pass by his face pushing back his bangs. "Is everything alright?" She asked as she began to step around Jaime.

He quickly dropped his fist and let go of Pidge's sweatshirt and ran his hands across the front of it to get rid of the wrinkles he had caused to show up on the dark fabric, "Oh we were just talking about how he missed yesterday's test in chemistry is all. Who might you be?" Jaime smiled sweetly at Romelle as he quickly ran a hand through his hair and flashed Pidge a death glare.

Romelle eyed the Hispanic boy with doubt in her purple eyes before she frowned and stepped around him to reach for Pidge's hand and pulled him over to her side gently before she let go, "I'm not sure where this class is on my schedule, could you show me?" She held a piece of paper out to Pidge and pointed to her first class of the day.

Pidge felt relief flood over his body as he nodded and began to show her the way to her first class. Jaime scowled as the two of them walked past the taller boy. They didn't talk about what Romelle had clearly seen as he showed her the class and bid her farewell in order to go to his own first period. He felt this space inside his chest open up as he was given a writing prompt almost right away. He wanted to just go back home instead of being forced to sit in a desk all day and get disgusted glances thrown in his direction. It sucked and he knew that with every second he spent being himself, the gap between him and the people around him grew even bigger. He stood at the top of a ravine, the other side in sight but just out of reach. People he knew; family, old friends, classmates, the support group, they all stood on the other side with their faces hazy and being hung low. They didn't know how Pidge felt, how much he suffered every day to wake up and find that the nightmare he had thought was just a dream was nothing but his everyday life. No one could ever understand the feelings of true disgust and shame in oneself he felt when he would glance into the mirror.

He stood alone, the raucous winds passing by him that tugged at his clothes and body trying to push him over the edge carried nothing but the bitterness of reality; the conjectures of society. He wanted to cry, to kneel before those who stood taller than he and admit to his sins. He wanted to worship it all like a young, misguided child in the shrine of the lies he had been told all his life. Tears pricked at his eyes as he reached his hand out to grab onto his brother's t-shirt he could just barely see in the distance but when he did, the gap widened and it became impossible to see the other side of the ravine; the one thing that kept him going was gone and out of sight. Was this struggle even worth it all? Why was he having to push through every single second of his life hoping things would get better?

"Katie," His heart felt as if a knife had been thrusted straight through his chest, nicking the organ ever so slightly to leave a scar next to the millions that had been given to him over the years of hearing that name. "Would you like to share your thoughts on the word 'sin'? We haven't seen you in a while so hearing your thoughts on the writing prompt before we begin reading The Crucible would be nice," His teacher, Mr. Butler, spoke.

Pidge knew he had no choice when it came to Mr. Butler asking him to do such a thing. He slowly raised his paper up in front of his face to hide the tears threatening to spill over his cheeks as he began to read the sloppy handwriting in a shaky and hushed voice. "The words sin is often thought of as an act against god or-"

"Speak up so that the people in the back can hear you."

Pidge winced in embarrassment, "S-Sorry..." He cleared his throat and tightened his grip on the paper. "An act against god or humanity. To sin was to become something less than human, the equivalent to a demon or a monster in some eyes. To me, the word sin means something entirely different. It means to be exactly who you are; human," Pidge swallowed down his nervousness when he heard the person in front of him whispering something to their friend. "When you act a way that doesn't fit with society, you are seen as committing a sin or an act that jeopardizes the peace of society, to be oneself means to create an imbalance in the world. They want you to think that if you're different from the rest of the herd then you're sick, you are undeserving of love, you are invalid but to me you are worthy of all those things. We were created to be individuals, not cookie cutters that act the same. To sin means that you are, at its best, human and nothing should make you be anything less than you."

It was silent for a moment, no one spoke a word. Some kids stared at the floor clearly not listening while others just gave Pidge a look of annoyance. They must've thought he was trying to justify himself for being who he was but in actuality he hated himself just as much as the next person. Mr. Butler simply clapped his hands together, thanked Pidge, and moved on with the lesson after he made two more people read their paragraphs out loud. Pidge fidgeted in his chair until the bell rang. He didn't remember second or third period but he could remember exactly how fourth period went down since it was the only class he would share with the girl he found himself getting nervous around.

It was chemistry of course, the cursed class. He sat in the back of the classroom now, everyone had new assigned seats after the fight he and Jaime had had during the period. There were only two empty desks in the room, one being next to Pidge and the other next to a quiet girl named Rose. Pidge had been sitting in his chair with his head hanging low, avoiding the gazes of his peers as they filed through the door laughing together as they talked about things they found funny. He felt jealous of them; they were able to be so happy so easily. Then, his teacher let out an excited gasp as she hurriedly shuffled over to the door and pulled a very lost looking Romelle into the classroom and introduced her to everyone.

"This is our transfer student from England, everyone meet Romelle!" Ms. Lindow stated with a bright smile before her blue eyes scanned the classroom. They brightened as soon as they settle on Pidge causing the boy's cheeks to become red hot as he dropped his head into his hands knowing what would come next, "Ah, have a seat next to...sweet little Katie there."

"Katie?" Romelle whispered as she looked at Pidge making her way over to the empty chair to Pidge's right side.

Pidge felt his brain screaming in a mixture of emotions; fear, anger, embarrassment, anxiety, every little thing was driving him insane in that moment. His teacher just told Romelle his birth name and Romelle still thought he was a boy, what if she hated him for lying to her? His only chance at having a friend, a real friend, was just flushed down the toilet along with Pidge's hopes and dreams. This day was getting worse and worse by the second and he wanted to slam his head into the wall in shame.

Romelle seated herself in the empty chair and glanced over at Pidge before she frowned and pulled out her notebook she would be using for chemistry. "I think I understand now," Romelle mumbled quietly as she scribbled something onto a piece of paper and began to quietly tear it out from her notebook, "I don't think I'll be having to remember that name, will I?" She said as she folded up the piece of paper and held it out to Pidge, "Right, Pidge?"

He took the piece of paper with his index finger and thumb before he pulled it away from her grip and opened it. Inside he found a snapchat username and a little doodle of Romelle's face with a wink. His lips curled upwards as he glanced over to Romelle to briefly meet her gaze before he looked back at the piece of paper. Suddenly, that ravine he stood on top of didn't seem so impossible to cross. Now, a bridge stood between pidge and the horizon it was connected to and in front of him stood a smiling Romelle, her eyes full of kindness and support as she stretched her hand out to him and smiled. If he were to take that hand he would begin a journey he never thought he would have been able to do before but he wasn't sure if he was ready for it just yet.

He tucked the note into his pocket but didn't stop smiling as he daydreamed the entire period about Romelle and her cute little smile. He liked everything about her to be quite honest. Her face was totally adorable with those childish features she had like her round cheeks, her eyes were dazzling and if Pidge didn't have any self-control he would've been staring into them until the end of time like an idiot. He loved her long hair, her accent, her sweet and delicate personality, everything. She had bewitched him without even trying and now he was under her spell practically drooling like a dog.

They didn't get to work together in the class but when lunch rolled around they sat together and laughed over stupid things Romelle had heard boys tell her that day. She wasn't as well educated in science as Pidge was so Pidge helped her fill in the gaps in her knowledge for chemistry so that she wouldn't be left behind with only a few weeks of class left. The rest of the day went by in a blur as he lost himself in thinking about his new friend. Even when they sat together on the bus, Romelle practically on the verge of falling asleep, he didn't speak much but instead kept thinking about her.

"I'll see you tomorrow, right?" Romelle asked as she got off the bus at Pidge's stop, her eyes full of exhaustion as she yawned. "I can come over here in the mornings and get ready for school with you?"

Pidge tried to downplay how excited he was as he slowly nodded and cleared his throat trying to talk in a deeper, manlier tone, "Of course, I will be sure to wake up on time and let you inside."

Romelle smiled slightly as she leaned down and pulled the boy into a hug allowing Pidge to catch a whiff of her perfume. She smelt like apricots and roses, probably Pidge's favorite smell now. "I'll catch you tomorrow, Pidge."

"R-Right," Pidge blushed as Romelle pulled away and began to walk away. He wanted to run after her and pull her back into his arms and hold her close, taking in that soothing smell of hers and enjoy the little moment they would share but he instead turned towards his house and walked up to his doorstep and walked reluctantly inside.

He slipped off his shoes and dropped his bag on the floor before he dragged himself into the living room and collapsed onto the couch. There was a brief moment of him staring at a television that wasn't even on until he ripped the pillow next to him from odd the sofa and pressed it into his face as he screamed in distress. Why was he so stupid? Why was he feeling so weird about Romelle? He had never felt this strange feeling before. His heart felt as if it were missing something important when she was near him. He felt empty.

"No mom," Pidge slowly lifted his face from his pillow at the sound of his mother's voice coming from the kitchen in the next room over from him. "Pidge hasn't changed his mind because it isn't something he can choose. Yes, I understand what you're saying- mom, no- mom stop it and listen to me, please..."

Pidge frowned as he gently set the pillow down on the sofa and got up from the couch in order to quietly peek around the corner that was connected to the kitchen. He saw his mom sitting at the table with her face in her hand as she shook her head, phone pressed against her ear.

"I know that the death of Samuel changed my kids but that had no impact on this, the doctor's told me that he had been suffering from it for a while, it isn't something he just randomly chose and I'm sorry but if you can't love my child like you love Matthew then I just don't want you or father around them anymore. I don't want anything to cause my baby harm and- no, you listen to me mom! I am sick of all of this," Colleen Holt slammed her palm down onto the table suddenly, her brown eyes full of anger and pain as she held back tears. Pidge flinched slightly at the loud bang as he listened, "I am sick of you acting like my child is just confused about this, he isn't. He is not Katie; he is Pidge, my son. I have two young men as my children and you need to accept that or you're never going to see your grandkids again, okay?"

Pidge turned away from the corner and pressed his back against the wall. Now even his own blood was beginning to reject him. He felt sick to his stomach, maybe he should just go back to being Katie? He slowly slid down the beige wall and onto the white carpet where he pulled his knees into his chest and buried his face into his arms. He was causing his mother pain. He couldn't forgive himself for this.

Colleen hung the phone up and slammed it onto the table making Pidge flinch once more as he sat on the floor sniffling, trying to hold back tears. His mother stood up, making the kitchen chair squeak slightly as she began to make her way over to the living room. She froze in the doorway, lowering her gaze onto her son with surprise, "Pidge? Did you... did you hear that?" she knelt down and ran her hand over the top of her child's head and gave him a sympathetic look.

Pidge raised his head, tears gently falling down his red face as he hiccupped, "Grandma hates you now doesn't she? She hates you for loving a monster like me..." He whined, wiping away a snot bubble as he sniffled. "I should just be Katie again shouldn't I?"

His mom gave him a horrified look as she pulled him into her arms and cradled him, running her hand through his hair gently, "No, Grandma still loves us. She's just," She paused for a moment, "confused about what she thinks right now but I'm positive she'll come around to us. Don't force yourself to be someone you're not in order to please others Pidge. I love you as you are now and I never want to see you unhappy."

"You don't mind me being... this?" Pidge asked.

Colleen shook her head and laughed slightly, "Are you crazy, why would I care about what gender you are? I brought you into this world and I sure as hell will not sit around and watch you waste away being something you're not and don't think that you're anything less than another person because you're wrong. I love you and will always love you, Pidge."

They stayed there for a while before they moved to the couch and watched TV dramas together with Pidge's head in her lap. He couldn't get rid of the guilt building up inside of him even when he finally fell asleep in a sniffling mess. Even with his mother telling him that he had done nothing wrong, he couldn't help but still feel as if he were nothing but a mistake. His mother was losing her parents over a choice that Pidge felt as if were only a choice between life and death. If he went back to the little dresses and bows, would it truly kill him? It was only clothing, right? How could an inanimate object hold so much power over him like it did?

How could he live with himself when he caused the people he cared about the most, so much pain?

Why was life so unfair and so full of unnecessary hatred?

He was always going to stand and the top of the cliff with tears in his eyes as he watched the people on the other side shrink into nothing but black dots in the horizon. He wished to stretch his hand out, to take his brother's hand and pull himself to the other side. His dreams were nothing but darkness; his own subconscious floating in the depths of his mind only knowing the fears that were growing into horrifying monsters made from slime, trash, and envy. They would pull at his body; his arms and legs going in opposite directions as he screamed and screamed for the help he so desperately sought for. His skin felt as if it were melting off the bone as his tears fell from his cheeks into the abyss he was trapped in with the slimy hands that scratched at his body; a body he never asked for.

Light shined onto him giving him only a small flicker of hope he so desperately needed. He managed to break his arm free, the muddy-green hand that held a firm grip on it had erupted into liquid before it started to reform. He thrusted it upwards as a pathetic and hoarse cry for help sounded from his parted lips. A hand plummeted down into the darkness and reached out for him. He struggled even harder, he didn't care about the pain he felt as the monsters of pure sin dug their nails deep into his skin and tried to drag him away, little wails coming from their disjointed jaws while their empty sockets of eyes tried to keep away from the light above as if it were to blind them if they looked for too long.

With the last bit of his energy he launched his body forward and felt his fingers brush up against soft skin before he squeezed his eyes shut and grabbed hold of it, the unbearable stench of the monsters finally hitting him as he was yanked from their grip. The heavy weight of the emotions seemed to fade away from his body suddenly as a gentle breeze brushed past him, gently kissing his wounds that still throbbed from where he had been held in place in the abyss of his own mind. His brown eyes fluttered open in caution and the light blinded him only for a moment before his eyes adjusted to the sudden change in scenery. He was standing at the cliff-side once more but now his hand rested in Romelle's as she gave him a bittersweet smile full of reassurance. He felt anxiety and fear wash over him as he suddenly ripped his hand from her grip, his breathing becoming quick and rugged as if he had run for days. He didn't know what to do, he wanted to take her hand and feel joy as he crossed the bridge that closed the distance between him and the rest of society but what would it cost him if he did take the blonde girl's hand?

He just couldn't do it, not now at least.

He awoke to find himself sitting upright and alone on the couch. A loud bump from above had brought him back to reality in a cold sweat, his hand stretched out to grab at nothing but air. He frowned as he pulled his hand back to his chest and stared at it in confusion. Had he almost slept walk? An unsettling feeling crept into his throat as he pressed the same hand that had held dream Romelle's and placed it on his temple as he shook his head and closed his eyes. Why was she in his dreams? Why was she the one who had pulled him out of that horrifying abyss? Those screams that the monsters had let out were still echoing inside of his head as if it were a never ending cave system. He slowly opened his eyes and grabbed his phone in order to check the notifications. Normally he wouldn't have seen anything out of the ordinary aside from someone using the support group chat that Lance had renamed to 'Hoes for a good time' but he saw a snapchat notification from Romelle which caused his heart to skip a beat in his chest for a moment before he locked his phone without opening the picture. He didn't know why he was feeling these strange emotions when he thought about the transfer student and he knew only one person who could help him through these peculiar things; Matt.

He carefully got off the couch and began to make his way upstairs, the sound of music and laughter grew louder the closer he came to Matt's room. He didn't go into the room right away, out of pure curiosity he twisted the knob and pushed the door ajar so that he could peek inside. His brown eyes widened when he saw three adult men in their early twenties in the room drunk off their rockers as 'It's Getting Hot in Here' blasted on the speakers in Matt's room. A tan boy with light colored hair sat on the floor in a hoodie pulled over his head and the strings pulled out tightly so the opening framed his glasses and red face. He had freckles blotting his face like a child had taken a toothbrush full of paint to his dark skin and had gone to town on the canvas. His eyes were red as he sniffled and held an empty coke bottle to his chest whispering something about pictures and baseball to himself in his blue boxers in the corner of the room. Another man stood a few feet away from the crying drunk, this one being pale and muscular this time. He was pulling off his pants as he slurred the lyrics to the song, his face sweaty from probably dancing too much. Finally, Matt was twerking on his stripping friend in nothing but a pair of anime girl boxers that had 'onii-chan' on his rear with a blushing girl on the front side.

Pidge's face fell as he realized his go-to-guy was a weeb who wore questionable underwear. How beautiful. He nearly shut the door, not wishing to walk into the hellish nightmare unfolding inside of the room but Matt glanced over his shoulder, a goofy grin plastered on his face, before he nearly screamed.

"Holy fuck!" Matt screeched as he stood up and placed his hands over his near naked friend's nipples, "Pidge, you didn't see anything unholy, right?" He asked eyes wide in fright.

The tan boy from the floor looked up and wiped snot on his jacket sleeve, "Pidge?" He inquired as he squinted his eyes at the tiny boy the stepped into the room finally with a bleak expression.

Pidge frowned as he rubbed the back of his head and pointed to the tall guy who wore very tight fitting white underwear that made Pidge feel slightly uncomfortable, "I think I saw just enough to be able to convert to a catholic in the holy name of Jesus Christ."

Matt stumbled behind Pidge and slammed the door shut before he threw his arms around the short boy, "I'm so sorry little bro," he wailed, "Wyatt didn't mean to make you uncomfortable with his lewdness."

Wyatt quickly slid his pants back onto his body and then collapsed onto the bed as he turned down the volume on the stereo in order for Pidge to hear all of them better. "Sorry lil dude, I got too into the song there," he lazily saluted Pidge as Matt grabbed a shirt and put it on his body. It wasn't an improvement since it was a Call of Duty shirt.

Pidge awkwardly shrugged as he eyed the tan boy who was staring at Pidge with confusion, "Pidge? I thought you only had a sibling named Katie?" The guy said as he moved his gaze over to Matt who was in a daze.

Pidge's chest tightened hearing his birth name. It would never stop hurting him, would it?

"Pidge is Katie, he is my brother now, Adam," Matt stated as he took a seat next to Wyatt and held his hand out to Pidge, "What's up little guy? You came in here for a reason right?" He asked in concern.

Adam's face became crestfallen as he lowered his gaze in embarrassment from his question. "S-Sorry..." He mumbled and looked down at his empty bottle once again.

Pidge stared at Matt's hand remembering the vivid dream he had about the girl down the street. He blinked slowly as he carefully reached his hand out and took his brother's hand in his own. He was guided to the spot on the floor in front of Matt and Adam slowly scooted his way in so that the four of them sat in a square.

"I'm having problems," Pidge mumbled, "Girl problems."

He was embarrassed having to admit such a thing in front of Matt's friends that Pidge had met only once years ago when his brother was in high school still. A silence fell over the group for a moment before Wyatt shrugged and pointed to Adam nonchalantly, "You see him?" He asked Pidge.

Pidge shifted his gaze over to the man sitting next to him and realized just how depressed he really looked. He thought that Adam was emotional because he was drunk but the only people who seemed to be tipsy were Matt and Wyatt, Adam seemed to be the most sober of the three men in the room. "Yeah?" Pidge furrowed his brows and glanced back up at Wyatt.

"He's having guy problems, I'm having girl problems, and Matt, well he's got his own problems. I don't really know why you seem so embarrassed, it is normal lil dude," Wyatt grumbled as he reached over to a half full beer can sitting on the floor at his feet and took a giant swig from it. He let out a burp and then shrugged slightly, "We're all here to listen."

"I'm not having boy problems," Adam grunted as he stared down at the empty Coke bottle he still held.

Matt dramatically placed the back of his hand on his forehead and began speaking in a higher pitched voice, "Shiro's so hot now, I miss him so much but he's with another person, oh why was I so stupid for giving up on that cute, tight, little ass of his!" Matt whined as he tried not to giggle.

Pidge was trying to process what was being said but before he could even speak, Wyatt shook his head and spoke, "No, it's more like," He stood up and held his empty beer can to his chest and started fake crying, "This is the last thing he gave to me, I must cherish it!"

Adams face turned bright red as he chucked the empty Coke bottle at his tall friend and shouted, "Shut the hell up, you don't know what it's like to be so helplessly in love with someone, Wyatt!"

"So," Pidge turned his attention to Adam, "You like Shiro as in-"

"Takashi Shirogane, your friend?" Adam interrupted as he looked over at Pidge and forced a taught smile onto his lips, "He briefly mentioned the support group when I saw him earlier today, sorry."

Pidge felt his cheeks become hot in embarrassment. Having people he didn't know too well know about the support group his therapist told him to try out felt weird and he almost felt ashamed to be part of it. Adam was a guy and so was Shiro so perhaps Adam would have an answer that Pidge wanted so badly.

"I don't know how to ask this in a polite way but what was your relationship with him?" Pidge asked quietly.

"Oh them?" Matt looked down at his younger sibling and smirked smugly, "They banged like rabbits all the time, almost every day."

Pidge felt like punching his older brother in the crotch for saying something so private so easily. Adam simply rolled his eyes at the comment however, and paid attention only to Pidge as Wyatt and Matt moaned Adam's name trying to imitate Shiro's voice. "We were um," Adam brought his hand to his chin and furrowed his brow as he tried to thing about an appropriate response, "Something more than friends but nothing exclusive... at least not on his end."

Pidge took a moment to roll this new information around in his head like a stupid bingo game in a retirement home. Adam and Shiro were intimate but they weren't in a relationship? How would that work? Wait, why was Pidge even worried about that? That wasn't why Pidge came up here; he wanted to ask questions that he didn't understand himself. "Um," The pint-sized boy awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck and glanced around the room, "There is this girl that makes me feel all funny when I see her or think of her but I don't think I've ever had these weird, almost icky feelings before so I'm not sure what it means?"

"How would you describe these feelings exactly?" Adam leaned in slightly to listen to Pidge's quiet voice as the two drunken men near them started to sing to Lady Gaga out of synch.

Pidge moved his hands to his chest as he pulled at the hoodie awkwardly, "It's like my heart starts beating so fast I think I'm going to die or have an anxiety attack, my stomach," His arms wrapped self-consciously around his belly as his felt his cheeks heating up again, "It feels like there are butterflies or something in it or that it's even doing these weird flippy things that make me feel a little sick but not enough to make me uncomfortable, you know?" He cleared his throat and brought his knees to his chest before he hugged them close, unsure of what to feel right now.

Adam smiled softly at Pidge as Wyatt and Matt suddenly calmed down to stare at the embarrassed boy talking to them, "You've caught a terrible illness, one that'll make you want to do anything to see a certain person no matter what and make then the happiest person on earth," Adam whispered as he reached out to grab Pidge's hands carefully.

Pidge was suddenly anxious. What was Adam talking about? Was he going to die? "W-What is it called?" He asked, surely he would've been able to guess what it was himself since he would read medical stuff for fun when he was stuck in the library at school during study hall. He hadn't a clue what this illness could be.

"You have a crush," Matt giggled and fell back on the bed as Wyatt sat next to him in order to listen to Pidge.

Pidge's eyes widened as he pulled his hands from Adam's and shook his head in denial, "No, that's not true. I can't like another girl, that's just..." His gaze shifted over to Adam as his voice trailed off. What was it? What would you even call it?

Wyatt offered help, "Blasphemy?" He inquired.

Pidge nodded and pointed to the blonde man, "Exactly, it is blasphemy! I can't like another girl because I'm-"

"Transgender?" Adam asked, his eyebrow rising slightly.

Transgender. That was exactly what Pidge was. The shame of this fact felt overwhelming as Pidge felt an icky feeling creep into his stomach. "Y-Yeah," He whispered quietly.

Matt stared down at Pidge with sadness on his face, "Pidge," He whispered.

Adam glanced at Matt and shook his head before he sighed deeply, "Listen, Pidge," He spoke quietly as he reached over and flicked a piece of hair out of Pidge's face. "It really doesn't matter what you've got in your pants. That isn't what defines you as a person, what makes you a human being are the emotions you feel and how you act on them. Animals have sexual organs just like humans, it's a similar trait we share with them," He leaned back and pulled his hood down in order to show the ruffled mess of hair he had been holding. "We feel these special feelings that make other humans more than just these meat bags we can, pardon my choice of words, screw and toss to the side in order to move onto the next person we can get a few inches into. We feel love and commitment that some animals can't feel. To many people you might be seen as this strange thing but you're normal too and those emotions you're so ashamed of proved what I said to be correct."

Wyatt made a puking noise as he mocked Adam, "Oh look at Mr. Psychology over here, thinking he knows the answers to the universe. I can get my uh, you know, more than a few inches into a girl and not feel committed to her so that's not correct."

"Normal people," Adam corrected himself and glared at Pidge, "if you're a normal person, what I said applies to you.

"I'm not normal though," Pidge grumbled as he placed his hands on his chest with annoyance, "I got parts that I can't stand seeing on my body, I got things that I can't get rid of no matter how much I want to try and because I don't identify with these things, I'm looked down on."

"Yeah, but does this girl who makes your heart all 'WHOOSH' look down on you?" Matt asked doing little hand motioned to mimic his heart beating outside on his chest.

Pidge shrugged uncomfortably and looked down at the floor, "Well no, but I mean like-"

Adam interrupted Pidge once again, "Then why can't you understand that you like her?"

"What would I be if I did? Would I be lesbian, would I be gay, what would I be?" Pidge's voice cracked as he looked down at his hands completely unsure of who was anymore at this point. "Why do I like her? Is it because she's nice? Beautiful? Or do I actually like her for her? I don't know the answers to these things and I'm scared."

"It's normal to be scared but let me ask you this," Adam adjusted his glasses slightly, "What gender do you identify as?"

"Male," Pidge stated almost without missing a beat. This, this was something he was sure of.

Adam laughed a little bit out of amusement as he looked at everyone around them, "Then I think it's safe to say you're heterosexual."

Pidge furrowed his brows once again in confusion, "But I got a uh... you know," He glanced shamefully down at his body.

Wyatt shook his head and pointed to Adam, "He's saying that if you got a dick or a p-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence," Matt snapped.

"Female sexual organ," Wyatt said slowly, "What you identify as is what you go off of for sexual orientation. It would be wrong to say that since I have a, uh, donger? Is that okay to say, your highness?" He asked Matt. Matt gave him the thumbs up and Wyatt continued, "But if I identified as a female and had sex with women, I wouldn't call myself heterosexual because I am invalidating myself as a human being but yo, whether you really like her or not is something you have to figure out on your own."

It made a bit more sense to Pidge now. The men around him were actually helpful and he felt appreciation towards each of them. "Thank you," he smiled before he looked over to Adam, "Does Shiro know how you feel?"

Adam's smile faded as his face clouded over, "I think so, but he's with that girl now so he wouldn't dare leave her side even for a moment to give me the time of day to talk about it."

"I think he would if you asked him to," Pidge stated confidently. He knew Shiro would listen to Adam.

Adam frowned a little before he shrugged, "Yeah I guess I can text him tomorrow about meeting up."

Matt rolled over in his bed and groaned loudly, "I'm so tired I think I'm going to call it a night boys," He yawned.

Wyatt slapped Matt's rear and began to turn up the stereo to the song of Stupid Hoe, "You can't sleep so early, it's karaoke night bro!"

Pidge laughed to himself as the two men got really excited about singing along poorly to the song while Adam stuck his nose into his phone and kept his gaze away from everyone. Pidge quietly left the room and closed the door behind him before he fished his phone out of his pocket and finally opened the snapchat that Romelle had sent him hours before. There she was smiling with her dog with the caption saying that she was glad that she already made a new friend at her school and that Pidge could come over any time he wanted. He smiled quietly to himself as he typed up a reply for her.

'How about after school tomorrow?'

If he wanted the answers to his questions, he had to start somewhere.

Again, sorry if it wasn't good.

I don't know Shiro's romance end game anymore so we'll see who he ends up with. Adam or Allura? I honestly don't know, what are your thoughts?

I'm not sure who will be next to write, I kind of want to do Shiro but I know I need to do Hunk's anxiety origin chapter. There's really no origin to Pidge's gender dysphoria to be honest since it isn't like anxiety or depression, so I'm sorry this wasn't really a back story like Shiro had

Please, tell me your thoughts on everything. Thank you :)

-Anri

PS
I may do an extra chapter of karaoke night with the boys.