TRIGGER WARNING FOR NON CON AND PTSD.
*********

Most days, like today, he sat at a little counter in a small convenience store on the side of a pathetic crumbling highway on the wrong side of town where one measly street lamp worked with only a flicker now and then. Mosquitos would swarm around the lights outside the glass doors that kept him from hot night air that made his clothes stick to his body, chasing customers inside with a little squeal as they flailed their arms about above their heads with their faces scrunched up. His grey eyes would carefully watch the way each person carried themselves, whether they walked with perfect posture and a sense of purpose in life or if they sagged their pants and hung their heads down low with a suspicious aura following in their shadow. Shiro would sit with his head hung low, eyes switching between the little CCTV monitors next to him and the person he was suspicious of but he hadn't had an issue in almost three months so this was mostly people watching for him; a source of entertainment.

This job was uneventful even if he were working on the bad side of town where the crime rates were through the roof. Rarely did anyone ever steal from this pathetic little store. People came inside normally to buy a pack of cigarettes, mutter a few words to him, then left as if it was an ordinary day. To them, it was. For Shiro though, it wasn't normal in the slightest. He quietly sat behind the counter, ignoring the little bell that rang when someone lazily waltzed in through the automatic doors that made a quiet shmoof noise as it slid shut behind them. Shiro didn't find the motivation in himself to even glance up from the little apple Danish he was snacking on from behind the counter. He simply shifted his gaze over to the little TV monitor next to him and watched as the man walked over to the energy drinks; look around for a moment, before grabbing a coke instead. Shiro couldn't really see the man's face on the grainy video but he could tell that he wasn't going to do anything wrong, he didn't seem like the type at least.

He finished his Danish with a little hum and dropped it into the waste basket under the monitor before he ran his hands down his uniform to get rid of the crumbs on it. He had to wear a pair of black jeans and a red t-shirt with the words 'We Serve with a Smile' on it. It was unoriginal, basically a copy and paste of Chinese take-out uniforms but he didn't really mind as long as he got his paychecks.

"Um, pardon me but may I buy a pack of Newport please?" The stranger asked from the counter.

Shiro didn't glance his way as he shuffled over to the cigarettes and began to look for the Newports. He made a quiet little quip about the man having a good taste in cigs but for some peculiar reason, Shiro felt as if he had heard this voice from somewhere before in his life. Perhaps an old customer coming back for another pack and a drink? "Menthol or no?" Shiro asked as his hand hovered over the Newports without menthol. He seemed like that type of guy.

"Hmm," The man from behind the counter thought about it for a second before he placed his coke down with a soft little thmp and answered Shiro, "Menthol, please."

Shiro raised his eyebrows slightly as he shifted his hand over to pick the menthol cigarettes from their place on the wall and began to turn around to speak to the man, "I was sure you were going to say n-" Before Shiro could finish what he was saying, the pack of cigs fell from his hands and onto the floor as his eyes widened in surprise.

So many emotions were coursing through his body and mind as his hand fell limply to his side, his grey eyes unsure of the sight in front of him. It was a man in his early twenties with ashy brown hair, brown eyes with glasses on the tip of his nose, and mocha colored skin. Normally this would just be another customer to him but this just absolutely wasn't the case. The man of the hour stood with his lips slightly parted in surprise and his eyebrows looked as if they were about to fly straight off of his forehead.

"Takashi?" He said in a hushed tone, almost afraid to say the name.

Shiro swallowed down this harsh reality he was facing and clenched his jaw as he quickly knelt down to scoop up the cigarettes. Why was he here? Shiro hadn't seen this guy in two years so why did he show up now all the sudden? It made Shiro feel as if he had millions of beetles under his skin, crawling around causing shivers to run through his body as he tried to ignore their history.

"U-um just uh," Shiro fumbled with the buttons on the register as he rang up the items trying to keep his nervousness from showing. When he finally managed to key in everything properly he dropped the cigarettes on the counter not even needing to card the man who watched his movements in concern, "Twenty-three fifty, Adam."

"Oh, right," Adam shook his head slightly as if to knock himself out of his own thoughts. He shoved his hand into his back pants pocket and felt around for his wallet before he became embarrassed and began to pat his own body down in search of it. Shiro thought the moment was almost comedic as he watched the guy struggle for a moment in pure awkwardness even though his wallet was already out on the counter. "O-Oh!" Adam exclaimed, his cheeks becoming a slightly darker shade as he scooped up the little wallet and pulled out twenty-five dollars, "Here."

Adam held the money out to Shiro and the slightly shorter boy reached out hesitantly to take the cash. When their fingertips brushed against one another's, Shiro reacted instinctively and nearly snatched the cash from his customer as his chest tightened in anxiety. He was scared that something bad would happen if he continued to stand here with Adam considering everything that had happened between them in their past. They weren't friends but they also weren't stranger; just two people separated by the ticking of time and the pain of their past.

Shiro quickly counted the change and handed it back to Adam without a single word. He wanted to just go home and forget that this day even existed but Adam wasn't going to allow that to happen. The mocha colored man simply grabbed his stuff and smiled at Shiro gently, his awkwardness still apparent, "Hey, there's no one in the store how about you sit with me on the bench outside for a cigarette?"

He wanted to say no and to clock out in that instant but he glanced over at the TV to his right and realized they had been completely alone in the store together. He rubbed the back of his neck as he furrowed his brows, debating whether or not this was a good idea. In the end, he nodded quietly and followed Adam outside, flipping the open sign to close as they sat on the bench outside the doors. Adam took in a deep breath of the night air outside and opened his new pack of cigarettes, shoving the wrapped into his pocket to throw out later. The stench of the menthol flavored cigs nearly made Shiro cough as his eyes watered slightly. He never really liked cigarettes and he still didn't even after all these years.

Adam carefully bit down on the end of a cigarette and pulled it from the box before he held it out to Shiro, "Want one?" He offered, his voice sort of muffled by the fact he was clenching the little cigarette between his teeth as he fished a lighter from his pocket.

Shiro stared at the cigarette pack briefly considering the option but ultimately turned it down. He put his hand in the air and smiled slightly as he shook his head, "I think I'll pass for now."

Adam stared at him for a moment before he slowly nodded and slid the pack into his pocket carefully, "Right, I forgot you didn't really like the smell because of your mother," His voice sounded almost as if he were being nostalgic as he put his lighter away not even lighting the cigarette between his teeth but he allowed it to hang there for the moment.

Shiro laughed uncomfortably as he twirled a piece of white hair between his fingertips silently, unsure of how to carry on the conversation with his old friend. Adam didn't seem to mind the long silence between them as he tilted his head back to look up at the stars with a look of content on his face. Shiro slowly followed his gaze and found his heart aching at the beautiful sight above them. The stars painted a scene unlike any he had seen before in the rundown neighborhood they were in. Each star shined at a different luminous glow and they showed stories of solar systems lightyears away. That little star Shiro's grey eyes were stuck on could have imploded and become a black hole by now with the way that light traveled through space. That beautiful light was crushed in a silent instant and it probably took an entire planet out with it without a single warning sign. It was sad to stare at and the little hole in Shiro's heart that seemed to have opened up upon seeing Adam again only grew even more.

"The white in your hair looks nice on you," Adam said as he slowly pulled the cigarette from his lips and held it between his fingers with a smile on his face, "almost didn't recognize that face of yours to be honest. You've changed so much from the last time I saw you. What was it, almost two years ago?"

Shiro tore his gaze off of the night sky they had been admiring together and clenched his jaw. "Yeah, two whole years."

Adam nodded solemnly before he put his cigarette away and opened the bottle of coke. It let out a loud hissing noise that made Shiro twitch slightly in response, "You still playing baseball and admiring that girl from afar like an idiot still?" He asked.

Shiro finally let a real laugh pass his lips as he turned his head to look at Adam's face finally, "I'm not admiring her from afar anymore now, we're kind of together now," He said shyly.

Adam's eyes widened and he sat up straight, "No way, congratulations Takashi!" He exclaimed as he lifted his hand up to give Shiro a heavy pat on the back but quickly changed his aim for the top of Shiro's head in order to ruffle his hair. "Does she know about it though?" he pulled his hand away and placed his bottle of coke on the pavement below them in order to give Shiro his full attention.

Shiro cocked his head to the side, no longer feeling as awkward with Adam, "The PTSD? Yeah, of course she knows. She hasn't really tried to do anything more with me than holding hands and kissing me so I think she understands the limitations on our relationship," Adam didn't need to know about the night before, how Allura had tried to give herself to him out of grief and a moment of weakness. He also didn't need to know that she was staying at his place, in his bed with him until she was able to return home. Adam had lost his privileges to knowing his personal life the moment he had disappeared from it with a simple 'goodbye'.

Adam's face became crestfallen for a second before he regained composure and began to fiddle with the ends of his purple sweatshirt he wore. "I wasn't asking about that Takashi, I was asking if she knew about us; our history."

Their history? That was a long, long story.

Shiro closed his eyes as he tried to explain to the man why he could never talk about such a thing with Allura the way she was now but instead, he fell deep in thought about those years they shared together. They were so full of pain and sadness that he hated having his memories leak into his dreams causing his subconscious to replay moments of them together through his mind. The feeling of hot breath on Shiro's neck and the sudden panic attacks that would slap him in the face when he felt hands on his bare back. It was always too much for him but he could never hate Adam; Adam had given him a reason to live.

He wasn't anyone special when he had stepped into high school for the first time, just a boy with an ugly scar on his face. He felt overwhelmed on his first day since he had just finished his last session of therapy that summer and had no friends in Stellae Academy. He was practically a no one here where rich kids were able to abuse the education system to fit their agenda while the headmaster here would greedily take away their family's cash in order to use it to better his living style. Unlike the other students at this school, he had gotten in purely through a sports scholarship for baseball. While the others had money overflowing from their pockets, he had to keep swinging his bat every day in the summer just to be sure he wouldn't blow this opportunity at a brighter future. He needed this and no one was ever going to take that from him. His uniform didn't properly fit his body, the shirt was a bit baggy and his pants were sadly a bit too big on him as well but he didn't have the money to get it custom fitted on him like everyone else there so he endured the glances his peers gave him.

There was one person that never looked down on him though. She was an inch shorter than him at the time and her blonde hair reached down to her lower back. She was stunning; she had a beauty like no other girl in the world. Her blue-green eyes reminded him of an ocean, full of life and yet it held uncertainty behind them as if she didn't feel like she belonged within the ranks of the other students here. The hues in them carried her emotions almost like the currents in the water but before he could even catch his breath, he drowned in their beauty. Her dark skin reminded him of chocolate, so elegant and alluring. She was named Allura Romero. He found this out shortly since he had a class with her. He didn't know much about her but listening to her shy voice as she introduced herself to the class made Shiro feel like he could connect to her.

He was shy, not knowing much on how to talk to such a beautiful girl so he stayed on the sidelines, admiring her from afar like a loser. It wasn't long until he met the one person who would introduce him to so many other people at school and make him feel welcomed but it was oddly in a peculiar way that they had met. His name was Matthew Holt or Matt for short. He had a lot of acne and he dressed like a total nerd but there didn't seem to be a single person who disliked him. Shiro was in the middle of reluctantly taking his shirt for gym class, hiding in the corner next to his locker so that no one would see his body when two hands firmly grabbed his biceps.

"Whoaaa! Guys, look at this freshie's arms!" A loud voice pierced Shiro's ears causing him to jump and rip his arm away from the short brunette boy who was gawking at Shiro's body with his glasses struggling to stay on his face, "You're totally ripped dude!" He exclaimed.

Shiro's heart was racing a mile a minute in his chest as he stared at the boy eyeing his body up and down making Shiro feel like some sort of animal at the zoo put on display for all the other boys to see him shirtless. A tall boy with fair skin and muscular arms slammed his hand down on the top of the boy's head with a huff of disappointment, "Matt, stop scaring the new freshmen for crying out loud. This is why the headmaster was thinking about making the gym classes not mixed anymore because juniors like you scare away our potential sports players!" His voice was calm yet it conveyed so much anger that it sent shivers down Shiro's spine as he quickly slid on his grey t-shirt.

Matt rubbed the top of his head as he pouted. Pushing his glasses up onto his face he pointed his index finger over at Shiro again, "He's already on a team Wyatt, he's that new baseball prodigy from Lakeland Middle School so screw off big boy!"

The way Matt described Shiro to Wyatt and the curious boys around them only made Shiro that much more uncomfortable. He was no prodigy, he worked day and night to get to where he was now and not once had he given up. He hadn't been blessed with a natural knack for this sport and he definitely hadn't been given an easy time as he tried to ride to the top of the ranks on the team in order to nab this scholarship but to the boys around him; he was nothing more than an enigma.

Wyatt nearly choked the goofy little guy named Matt as he reacted angrily to the statement, "Don't call me big boy again you little shit!" Matt laughed hysterically as Wyatt shook Matt's shoulders furiously. Then, when the boy calmed down and looked up at Shiro he allowed a warm smile to cross his face, "So you're the Takashi Shirogane, the one who was saved a spot on the varsity team even though you're only fourteen?"

Shiro swallowed down his nervousness as he slowly nodded his head, "Y-Yeah, why?" He asked quietly.

Wyatt nearly bulldozed Matt out of the way as he grabbed Shiro by the shoulders in excitement, "This is awesome, we can play baseball during gym class and see how good you really are, though," he slowly let go of the frightened freshman and sighed as he glanced over his shoulder at a darker colored boy who was folding his clothes neatly before placing them into his gym locker, "I don't think you'll ever be better than Adam is... no one can beat that monster."

Monster? Shiro peeked around Wyatt's big body and ignored Matt as he whipped the other boys with his tie in order to focus on the boy wearing the grey shirt and black shorts they were all changing into. He didn't seem like a scary person at all, in fact, he almost seemed down to earth. His glasses were resting on top of his button up shirt inside his locker as he quietly closed it not really looking up at any of the boys around them as he locked it up and rubbed the back of his neck walking away from everyone.

"He's a monster?" Shiro asked warily; maybe these boys had a different definition of that word than Shiro did because Adam definitely didn't match up with his.

Later on Shiro found out exactly what Wyatt had meant when they played a class game of baseball outside. The girls sat out or played catch on the sidelines while the boys were spread out across the field or rattled the fence and made stupid little 'hooya' noises as Adam walked over to the home plate and held the bat up in the air, staring at Shiro without a worry in the world. The game was underclassmen verses upperclassmen and already the underclassmen had their spirits crushed by the older kids and how mercilessly they played against them. Even though they were a good ten points behind their peers, the younger kids would still try to cheer for one another when someone went up to bat, however, it was their turn on the field and now Shiro was the pitcher. This kid that was staring Shiro down from a few feet away had such a strange aura to him. He was so relaxed and calm almost as if he could read Shiro's mind from where he was standing with the ball in his hand. There was surely no way that this nerdy looking boy was a monster, right?

Monsters were the things that haunted your dreams late at night causing you to wake up in a sweat or they were the very things you woke up to every night. To Shiro, Adam was a normal person. He drew in a deep breath into his lungs and threw the ball as hard as he could at Adam hoping that he could do this a few more times and get his team one point but he suddenly realized why this boy was called a monster as soon as he let go of the ball. The calm aura suddenly disappeared and the air around them felt almost heavy as Adam adjusted his swing in order to connect with the ball with a loud crack as it struck the wood's surface and went flying straight over Shiro's head and outside of the field causing some of the freshmen and sophomores to groan in annoyance at losing even more points. Shiro watched the ball soar through the sky in awe as Adam jogged around the field touching each plate without a care in the world as he team screamed at the top of their lungs shouting profanities now and then while the gym teacher yelled for them to be silenced. As Adam jogged by the girls, some of them squealed while two of the younger girls stared at Shiro dreamily.

He admired that tall boy who seemed to not care about a thing in the world as he was given a slap on the back from Wyatt and nearly tackled to the ground by Matt when he regrouped with his team. He had so much power on the field and Shiro found himself being envious of how little effort Adam had put into crushing his team so mercilessly. He wanted that boy to teach him how to play baseball and how to improve his skills. No, he needed Adam to help him if he wanted that future he always imagined for himself; a future where he would have a loving wife and four children that would always love their parents.

When the locker room cleared out leaving Shiro and Adam all alone inside, Shiro slowly shut his locker and quietly glanced over to Adam as he watched the boy button up his uniform silently. He had a lean body just like most of the other boys in the junior and senior classes but for some reason he was just as shy as Shiro when it came to dressing in front of the others. Maybe he had a bit of personality hidden away behind that stone cold face of his? Adam's eyebrows rose slightly as he glanced up at Shiro with concern on his face realizing that he was being watched. Shiro lowered his head and began to fumble with his tie, wanting to get out of the locker room before he was pegged as being a creep on his first day of school. However, instead of the darker boy getting creeped out by how much Shiro had been staring at him, he simply smiled softly at the Asian boy and tied his tie quickly before he walked over to Shiro.

Shiro cautiously looked up at Adam, his fingers shaking as they held onto the base of his tie. Adam wasn't a frightening person but with the fact that Shiro was never good at socializing and that he didn't know how to react in situations like this, he was scared beyond belief as he met those chocolate brown eyes. "You're doing it all wrong," Adam quipped as he gently swatted Shiro's hands away from the tie and began fixing it up himself. He bit his lip when he concentrated. "You know," Adam glanced up at the beat red Shiro and smiled kindly, "You're pretty good at baseball. I was watching you since Wyatt wouldn't shut up about how good you apparently were and I do have to say that you've got some skill."

"Are you kidding me?" Shiro blurted, "You're like absolutely amazing! I can't even begin to wonder what you do to be that great at the game!" He wanted to silently slam his face into the brick wall out of shame from his outburst in front of this cool kid.

Adam was taken back by Shiro's words, his fingers no longer twisting the tie in such odd ways. Shiro had himself convinced that this was the tragic end to perhaps an amazing opportunity due to his social skills but instead of leaving awkwardly, Adam simply covered his mouth as he began to giggle uncontrollably in front of Shiro. "They told you I was a monster, didn't they?" He pushed his glasses up onto his face as he patted his hand on Shiro's chest to signal he was finished with the tie.

Shiro looked down at the tie and felt disappointment creep up to take over the pure elation he was feeling when he noticed how crappy the knot looked. "Yeah... you suck with ties," He mumbled quietly.

Adam laughed a bit more and shrugged off Shiro's harsh words, "Hey, I can't be skilled with everything, I'm only human too you know!" He turned away and grabbed his bag from his locker before looking over his shoulder at Shiro. His smile was so calm and sweet that it made Shiro's nervousness fade away nearly instantly, "I'd like to help you practice your pitches and swings after our practices if that's okay with you? I feel like I could help you out a lot and uh, you could always teach me how to tie a better tie."

Shiro felt heat rise to his cheeks as he stared at the boy admiringly, "Y-Yeah!" He nodded in excitement and grabbed his stuff from his locker and fell into step with Adam, "I would like that very much!"

"Great!" Adam's smile seemed to only grow even more radiant.

They practiced together after every school day, driving Shiro to his breaking point on his bad days when he forgot to take his SSRI pills but on other days he could feel improvements in his game as Adam's criticisms became less and less of an occurrence. They grew closer as friends the more time they spent together too, sometimes Adam would subconsciously brush Shiro's little hair fringe out of his face when they were at lunch joking around with Matt and Wyatt and Shiro would always gush to Adam and Matt about his fat crush on Allura. Matt would tell Shiro to go shoot his shot but Adam never seemed to have an opinion on the matter so he listened intently to how Shiro described Allura to him. Sometimes while they were practicing, Adam would correct Shiro's stance by using his hands to guide the smaller boy but neither of them seemed to care about the physical contact that happened between the two of them whether it was intentional or not.

However, two months into their friendship, things changed with a simple question;

"So," Adam sat next to Shiro as they watched people walking their dogs in the park they would practice at on the weekends, "Where did you get that scar from?"

Shiro stared down at his water bottle and swished the water around inside of it. Of course he knew this question was going to come up one day but he wished that he could have postponed it for a bit longer than two months into the school year. He trusted Adam of course; he just didn't want the junior's views on him to change after hearing about it. Shiro kicked at the dirt below his tennis shoes and wiped a sweaty hand against his joggers.

"I got it from my father a long time ago," His voice was dry as he spoke, remembering the monster that haunted his dreams at night.

Adam was silently for a moment, his brown eyes studying the way Shiro was hunched over slightly. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to Takashi," He said gently and reached out his hand in order to comfort Shiro but he frowned and pulled his hand into his lap and began to pick at the ends of his shorts.

"No," Shiro forced a wry smile onto his face as he glanced over at his best friend, "I really don't want to talk about it but I know it isn't healthy to hold everything in when someone offers a helping hand."

"Yes, I agree but I don't want you to remember anything that hurts you too much..." Adam whispered, his voice strained as he bit down on his lips probably falling into a deep thought about what could've happened to his underclassman.

Shiro shrugged slightly as he leaned back into the bench and stared up at the sky, "I'll never forget what he did to me so I don't mind telling the story to someone I know I can trust."

And so he did tell Adam about it, all of it. From the ways his father would hurt him physically and emotionally to the times his father would cover Shiro's mouth in order to muffle his pitiful little cries for help. The entire time Shiro Spoke, Adam's eyes began to glisten with unshed tears, horror filling them to the brim. He cared so much about Shiro that just listening to the things that happened to him as a child was too much to bare but when Shiro told him about how his father tried to kill him, only managing to leave the ugly scar behind and the years of therapy he had gone through, Adam carefully reached for Shiro's hand and squeezed it in his as if to tell Shiro he was there for him.

"Nothing can ever change the fact you went through that," He said with a shaky voice, his brown eyes filled with warmth, "but I want to try to help you through it all if you don't mind, Takashi."

Shiro looked down at Adam's hand that was holding onto his firmly and wondered what he meant by that, "How would you help me heal? I've been through extensive therapy and it only helped my PTSD slightly..."

Adam looked nervous as he chose his next few words carefully, "It's a long shot but I've read that if a victim goes through a similar experience it can help them. I'm not insinuating that you go through those events exactly but maybe we can try to do something similar to it where you give consent and try to get over it?"

Shiro furrowed his brows at Adam, his cheeks growing hot as his eyes widened in realization. "You mean we should have sex?" He squeaked, almost ripping his hand away from Adam's. "You know I like Allura though!" he exclaimed.

Adam's face turned a darker shade as he blushed, "We don't need to be in a relationship for it Shiro, think of it as an extension to our practice since it could help with your concentration if you manage to get some of the memories under control."

Shiro stared down at Adam's hand while his heart thundered in his chest. Could something like that really work though? It sounded farfetched and absolutely ridiculous but he was desperate to forget about everything that had happened to him in his past so perhaps it was a good idea? "O-Okay but as long as we can keep it a secret from everyone... I don't want anyone to know about my past or what we're going to be doing," He looked up at Adam and squeezed his hand gently.

Adam's lips slowly tugged up into a pure little smile as he nodded in agreement, "Agreed."

It started small; they would go back to Adam's house and sit on his bed holding hands for a few minutes before Adam initiated the first kiss. It always made Shiro's chest tighten in nervousness as he felt Adam's soft lips press against his. It felt so good to him almost as if he was being embraced by a warm blanket straight from the dryer. Adam was always careful and considerate of where he would put his hands on Shiro's body, avoiding areas where he knew could trigger a PTSD episode and Shiro could help but feel as if sometimes when Adam and he would be in Adam's room with the door locked shut behind them, if Adam actually liked these moments they had together. Shiro understood that they had crossed the line of friendship and now rested in the grey-area between a relationship and friendship, the zone no one should ever cross into like they had. The first time they decided to go further than making out on Adam's bed was when Shiro was under the taller boy, holding his mocha face in his palms smiling between each kiss as they tried to tell the other how their day had gone. Adam began to trail his lips down Shiro's chin and down onto his neck making the boy even more nervous as his breathing quickened at the feeling of Adam's hot breath against his skin.

There was this new emotion rising up from inside of Shiro as he covered his mouth with the back of his hand to hide the little moan that escaped from his lips as Adam nibbled on his tender skin and slid one of his hands down onto his inner thigh in order to trail his fingers back to his waist line. "Are you okay so far?" Adam asked as he breathed into Shiro's neck causing Shiro's insides to twist up into knots.

"Y-Yeah but w-what are you about to do?" Shiro asked with uncertainty peeking down at Adam as the boy slid to his knees onto the floor and began to mess with Shiro's belt a bit.

Adam clenched his jaw and paused for a moment before his took his glasses off and placed them on the bed next to Shiro, "I'm going to take this to the next step. We had to start small and learn where you can be touched without having an episode and I think we need to take it to the next level but only if that's okay with you. If you doubt it will work even slightly and still say yes, I can't go through with it because a reluctant yes isn't consent to your body, Takashi."

Shiro stared down at a very awkward Adam as he tried to figure out if this would really work. Of course he would be uncertain but he needed to try something. He wanted to heal himself and be a normal person again and for some reason he felt the only way he could was with Adam's help through this weird therapy session they did every week. Shiro was scared. His chest felt tight and his hands would have been trembling if they weren't pressed against the mattress but Adam hadn't a clue of this fear Shiro was feeling.

Shiro swallowed down his fright and nodded his head, "I want to try whatever it takes to help me, and you know this Adam."

Adam smiled at Shiro and carefully undid the boy's belt and opened his pants before he exposed his underclassman to him, "I know, Takashi."

It felt surreal, as if the moment were part of some exhilarating dream Shiro was having. The way that Adam carefully touched him with his calloused hands sent shivers down Shiro's spine and made him bite his lip as he felt warmth overcome him as Adam carefully took all of him into his mouth. Shiro didn't know the words to describe such a sensation except for electrical. He felt as if sparks were going off inside of him like fireworks on Independence Day. The feelings rushing through him were like no other; joy, passion, pleasure, everything had its own way of knotting up Shiro's stomach as he tangled his fingers in Adam's hair and squeezed his eyes shut. Even if all of this didn't truly work, he would at least get something from it. Or so he had thought until the sickening feeling of Adam's hand touching his bare thigh, even briefly, caused all that pleasure he had felt to go out the window as his eyes snapped open and his throat tightened.

He couldn't breathe; it felt as if there were a person squeezing his throat with their bare hands, gripping it tighter and tighter each passing second. His grip on Adam's hair tightened as he began to panic, breathing quickly and unevenly. The room became nothing but a blur as his panicked state escalated, obscuring the lines of reality and memories. Adam's voice sounded like a mixture of the same soothing one he always had and that hoarse voice from Shiro's past he had come to fear so much now. The room almost seemed to morph into the workshop he would be inside of every time it occurred, the posters of famous soccer players becoming the tools that hung on the wall and the little desk with Adam's family photos and computer was nothing more that the rust old work bench.

He was just a frightened child holding his hands against the sides of his head as he shook uncontrollably while that monster hovered above him, smiling down at him and whispering the name that felt like poison in Shiro's veins.

"Takashi, everything's alright..." It sounded demonic, mixed together with hundreds of other voices. It was so chilling and horrifying to listen to that it made Shiro squeeze his eyes shut wanting nothing more than to.

He wanted to scream at it to shut up as it whispered his name over and over again coming from different angles making his mind feel as if it were about ready to explode all over the walls. "Stop," Shiro shouted as he shook his head, praying that the voices would go away with his pitiful pleas, "Stop it, please!"

"Now, now Takashi," The voices hissed as a shadowy hand from the figure reached out and grabbed his face to make the crying child look at it eye to eye. Shiro's grey eyes widened in terror as his sight struggled to focus on the man leaning over him with a wolfish look on his face, salivating at the sight of his own child struggling under his grip. "You should never tell your father to stop; you know the punishment for refusing, right?" His brown eyes gleamed with bloodthirst as he raised his other hand into the air and struck Shiro's cheek. "Stop resisting you piece of shit!"

Shiro's mind was unraveling at the seams as his pathetic little cries became nothing more than a whimper as his father squeezed his cheeks with his hand, forcing him to keep direct eye contact, "Please, don't hurt me again..." Shiro whimpered as a tear rolled down his cheek.

"Takashi, this is just an episode, none of it is real!" Adam's voice leaked through His father's lips and for a moment the man's face seemed to twist into that relaxing face Shiro had grown so used to seeing over the last few months.

Shiro sniffled as he reached out a tiny hand to the familiar face and touched their cheek, "A-Adam?" He whispered hoarsely.

His environment began to shift back to normally and he found himself on the floor with Adam leaning over his, holding his face gently in his dark hands so that his grey eyes would meet his brown ones. Shiro's brain felt like it were pressing against his skull, testing the limits of the bone as his heart began to calm down and his lungs were finally able to catch a breath.

Adam's face was beyond terrified as he began to break down in tears, his nose scrunching up and his once so bright and playful smile becoming nothing but a guilty frown upon his face. "Oh god, I'm so sorry, it's my fault Takashi, I didn't mean to do that to you I swear! I wasn't thinking and I-I accidentally brushed against your bare thigh I just... I'm so fucking sorry!" He buried his face into Shiro's chest as he began to sob, apologizing whenever he could catch his breath.

He wrapped his arms around Shiro, refusing to let the younger boy go from his grip as he continued to whisper his apologies and mumbling about how he would never do it again. Shiro would've wrapped his arms around the boy if his mind had been in the right place but at the moment, the line between reality and imagination were still fuzzy with certain things in the room fading in and out sometimes being the real thing or something from that dimly lit room.

That night, Adam drove the silent boy home and stayed with him until he fell asleep in his bed, never once letting go over Shiro's hand unless it was to get out of the car or to help Shiro get into his sleep ware. He was too afraid to allow Shiro to be by himself with the zombie state he was walking around in at the moment. Even when the boy fell asleep, Adam stayed awake at Shiro's side, holding Mr. Floofles in his arms as he whispered how sorry he was to the younger boy. Nothing could ever truly convey how much regret was eating away at the older boy's heart.

Months passed by them. Leaves from the trees fell and painted the ground in shades of yellow and orange before the winter air set in and finished off whatever was left of the plant life that had struggled so hard through the fall. Adam and Shiro had only grown closer to one another and their relationship had taken the final step forward not long ago. Neither boy acknowledged the night where Adam cried over Shiro as he had an episode due to Adam's carelessness, neither wanted to remember that. They had figured it out though, the triggers. Feeling hands on his bare skin on his back and lower body could cause him to fall into the dark memories of his life and they avoided those at all costs. Neither wanted to know what would happen if they were to trigger another episode.

It was mid-February and Valentine's Day was around the corner. Shiro would find himself getting chocolates and love notes from some of his fangirls who would watch him and the baseball team practice outside or exercise in the gym when it was too cold to be outside. He would always become sheepish and give them an awkward little thank you but he wouldn't take the gifts for he thought someone else deserved them more than he did. It crushed the girl's hearts but in the end they gave them to Wyatt who in return gave them to Matt, fueling the boy's sugar tooth. He didn't want chocolates or gifts from his peers, he wanted one from Allura but she never noticed him even when the girls in their class would nearly trample one another to be his partner for a class project. He continued to pine for her from the shadows like a terrible TV protagonist.

"Come on man," Matt hooked his arm around Shiro's neck as he whipped the boy's stomach with his tie in the locker room, "Go get that Allura girl, surely she can't resist out little Takashi, you're a total chic magnet!"

Wyatt rolled his eyes at the shirtless boy who was wearing nothing more than Doctor Who boxers and American flag socks. "Why are you pestering our little Shiro?" He asked as he threw a shoe at Matt's head causing it to bounce off and slam into a locker next to them.

Shiro sighed as he looked at Matt's face with annoyance, "You have been telling me to go get her the moment you found out I liked her and yet I haven't even made an attempt," Shiro stated bluntly, his voice monotone as he sighed and fiddled with the buckle on his uniform. "I'm obviously not going for her; she's way out of my league, Matt."

Wyatt raised a blonde eyebrow at Shiro and leaned his back into the locker behind him, "Say what now? You're not out of anyone's league as long as you put a decent amount of effort into talking to them. Never say you're not a person's type because who knows, maybe they'll fall in love with your goofy ass little grin."

Shiro's face lit up bright red as a hand shot up to cover his thin lips, "I don't have a stupid grin!" He exclaimed, nearly dropping his pants to the floor as he let go of the belt only managing to scoop them back up in time.

Adam tried to hide his little chuckle as he tied his tie expertly around his collar, "Yes you do, Takashi," He whispered quietly to himself.

Shiro frowned and pouted a little bit, did he really have a goofy looking grin? "Hold on a second," Wyatt looked between the two boys, his eyes squinted ever so slightly as he studied their body language, "When did you get to be so good at tying a tie, Adam? You used to have coach do it for you because you knotted it up so much..." He pointed out as he stared at his slightly shorter friend.

Adam's expression became chagrined as he glared at his tie in annoyance. Shiro felt his chest tighten as Wyatt eyes Adam down waiting for the boy's response to come. "Are you that thick headed Wyatt? Shiro obviously helped me; I practice with him every day for baseball so obviously he taught me how to tie a proper knot!"

Shiro let out a little sigh of relief as Wyatt took the bait and gritted his teeth with anger, "My bad, I just wonder why the both of you have been refusing gifts from all these cute girls and instead spend your time training for the next season. It's kind of lame."

Matt shrugged and let go of Shiro in order to grab his phone, "Maybe these handsome little fools need some inspiration in their love life so I shall show them the real appello sessuale!"

"What the fuck is an Apollo sensual?" Wyatt cocked his head to the side and knitted his eyebrows together.

Matt's face became bleak as he realized not everyone knew his noodle language, "Sexual appeal!" He exclaimed and hit the play button on his phone and allowed every single boy in the locker room to hear the beat of Every Time We Touch.

Shiro didn't waste time hitting record on his phone as the skinny little junior began to dance in his boxers and patriotic socks, shimmying on a rather disappointed Wyatt before dry humping a not-so-amused Adam's leg while everyone laughed and chanted 'appello sessuale' as Matt got way too into the song. Shiro giggled as he watched his friend make a fool out of himself in order to brighten everyone's mood; unbeknownst to him though while he was doing the recording, Adam quietly smiled at the chuckling boy as he cheered on his brunette friend as he pined for the freshman.

Once Matt had finished off the dance with basically serenading Wyatt and kissing the very angry boy on his lips he bowed to everyone and winked at Adam before puckering up his lips to kiss his other friend jokingly but the darker boy simply took one of Wyatt's dirty socks and stuffed it into his face with a grimace.

"Some of us have standards, Matthew," He scoffed and tossed his bag over his shoulder before slamming his locker shut and shuffled out the door without a glance in Shiro's direction.

Matt scrunched up his nose and threw Wyatt's sock at the boy before he sniffled and wiped his hand across his face, "What a douchebag, no wonder he's got no girlfriend," Matt began to get himself dressed as he carried on a casual discussion with Wyatt and Shiro. "Seriously though Shiro, why's it that Adam can tie so well now? I know you guys are best friends and all but he seems to be quite fond of you almost as if there's something you're not telling us."

There was about a million things Shiro wasn't telling their friends; how he was abused as a child, how he and Adam had sex together almost every week, how he was trying to deal with his mother's shitty drug habit by doing yard work for a low price. There were so many things that these two boys didn't know about and Shiro was going to keep it that way because sometimes having those rose tinted glasses covering one's face was better than the filter being ripped away from you just as fast.

Shiro shrugged slightly as he fixed his pants and grabbed his bag before shutting his locker, "Like you said before," Shiro forced a little smile onto his face, "We're just best friends."

Wyatt rolled his eyes as Matt stared at Shiro with doubt in his eyes but the boy made no further attempt at trying to crack the freshman. "Right, I'm just paranoid is all," He mumbled to himself.

That Valentine's Day night had been saved for Adam and him but it didn't go as planned. While Adam played with Shiro's hair as the freshman made jokes about how good Adam had gotten at tying ties, a loud bang sounded in the kitchen of Shiro's house causing both boys to jump up out of the bed. They did say a word as Shiro grabbed the bat next to his bed and held his finger up to his lips to signal Adam to remain silent. The boy nodded quietly as he reached out and opened the door to Shiro's bedroom cautiously making sure to not let it squeak on its hinges and alert the possible intruder in the home of their presence. Shiro stepped out and led the way down the dark hallway, bat raised up in the air as he took in long, steady breaths in order to calm his nerves down. The boys could hear quiet mumbling inside of the kitchen while the culprit rummaged around the kitchen, knocking over tea tins onto the floor.

Shiro paused at the corner and took a deep breath before he looked over at Adam and nodded for him to jump the intruder with him. When they rounded the corner, both boys ready to attack they stopped in the doorway when they realized it was just Shiro's mother rummaging around the kitchen, picking at her scalp as she whispered the same phrase to herself over and over again; 'Where is it? Where the hell is it?'

"Mom?" Shiro lowered the bat and handed it over to Adam whose face nearly darkened at the sight of Tani Shirogane talking to herself and picking at her scalp erratically. "Mom, what's wrong?" Shiro asked as he took a cautious step forward, guessing that this was another one of her moments where she was completely tweaked out on whatever new street drug she had bought from the neighborhood dealer.

Tani looked up at her son and caused the boy to flinch slightly from the mess she had become. Her lips were cracked and scabbed, her eyes had dark circles under them, her skin was a sickly pale color, and her grey eyes seemed to like an owl's; wide and alert as she scanned her surroundings for what she was looking for. Her hair was a matted mess and her clothes hung off her skinny figure as if they were three sizes too big on her body.

"Takashi, my sweet baby," Her hoarse voice whispered as she walked over and cupped his face in her hands and smiled sweetly at him showing off her yellow teeth, "Where's the rest of the white china?"

"White China?" Adam asked with concern.

Shiro lowered his head and tried to hide the pain he was feeling from having his friend see his mother like this, "She means heroin, Adam," He stated quietly before he turned his attention to his mother and brushed her hands from his face gently. "Mom, you used the last of it, you don't have anymore," He said calmly with a faux smile on his face in order to seem friendly to her.

She narrowed her eyes at her son, seeming to doubt his words as she began to shake her head, "No... no I didn't Takashi, I had some in the cookie jar. It was there two days ago... I swear... it was right there, I-I need it now!" She began to back away, her fingers getting tangled up in the knots in her hair as she began to shake, her grey eyes widening as she spoke frantically.

Adam stepped forward to help out but Shiro shook his head and motioned for his mother to come closer, "Mom, I wouldn't lie to you, you know this. You don't need the heroin anymore, I'm here. I'm right here in this very moment, not anyone or anything else."

For a moment, Shiro's mother seemed to almost relax until her eyes shifted over to Adam and widened, "Who is he? Does he work with them?" She exclaimed in fright as she began to back away.

"W-Work with whom now?" Adam shook his head in confusion as he stared at Shiro.

Shiro wasn't going to let his best friend see any more of his mother in this state. He was sure there was more to it than just the drugs but they were much too poor to go to the doctor's to get her checked out by a professional and he wouldn't want the police arresting her for having drugs in the home anyway. He didn't want to lose any more family than he already had.

He shrugged off Adam's question and cautiously approached his mother with a taut smile on his face as he held his hand out to her, beckoning her forward. "Mom, you're perfectly safe as long as I'm here, I promise you this. Just," He glanced behind him to see Adam uncomfortably folding his arms across his chest as he kept his gaze glued to the ground, "Trust me," Shiro turned his gaze back to the woman he grew up with at his side.

It took much longer than what Shiro would have liked it to have taken but he eventually got his mother to calm down and go to her room to sleep. He never knew what else to do for her unless she went into a violent fit. Thinking about those moments would send a shiver down his spine because she would turn into an unrecognizable monster. Now, he and Adam sat at the kitchen table with letters piled up on one another and even bills that were long overdue lay strewn about. No words had been spoken since Shiro had seated himself across from the boy he had spent most of his freshman year around. He didn't want to talk about any of this with Adam or anyone at that. His mother's drug addiction was something he never wanted another living, breathing soul to see and learn about. He blamed himself for it every time he saw that grieving woman's face. He was the reason they lived in a ghetto where vicious dogs threw themselves on chain-link fences, foaming at the mouth as they tried to keep away any intruders.

Because of him, his father committed a crime against god himself and brought shame to his mother who never had the strength or money to remove her kids from the home they were stuck in. Sometimes, when he had hid under his covers as a frightened young boy, Shiro could hear his mother's weeping from the room next door as she pleaded with her husband she thought she had loved to stop doing what he was doing. He always played dumb until she said she would take her children away. Then and only then was the monster Shiro knew to haunt his dreams at night would reveal itself outside of its dark room. It only took his mother once to learn her mistake as she was thrown into the wall causing a shock to rattle the picture frames on Shiro's white wall on the other side. He could only assume that she had been held up with his father's hand pressed against her throat as he told her to never dare try to take away Shiro or his sisters. She must've crumbled to the floor once he had made it clear that she wouldn't see the light of day if anyone were to learn of the dark secrets being kept inside of this home, apologizing to her abuser for ever bringing up the idea. All of this was because Shiro was too afraid to tell another soul about what happened when he had to stay home from school to hide bruises on his body or to simply hide from those nosy children who would pry into his life.

His mother struggled with this life because of something Shiro could have ended the moment it had started.

Adam looked down at the table as he tried to figure out what to say, his lips pursed and eyebrows knitted together as he sat there quietly. "I figured that you had a hard time at home but-" He began but before he could finish he stopped himself. The crestfallen expression on Shiro's face must have been enough for him to realize that this was no subject for him to pry into no matter how close the two boys had gotten. "I want to help you guys out if that's okay..."

Shiro glanced up and narrowed his eyes slightly. He leaned back in his chair ever so slightly but listened even so, "How can you help us out? Don't you see where we live? That academy we go to is only for the privileged, if anyone were to find out about this I would be seen as nothing but an outcast," He hated to admit this. To think it was one thing but to speak it felt dirty, as if he were going to become as corrupted as the people he sat in classrooms with. It was a sin to succeed in his life, wasn't it? "I don't want you to get wrapped up in anything like this, you have a future ahead of you that is full of greatness and you'll only drag yourself down if you were to help my mom and me out."

"So what," Adam shrugged, "You act like someone caring about you enough to help you is some sort of act against the big guy above. You doubt the strength another person can have because you don't have it in yourself. I would do anything to help the two of you, no one at school would care about where you live or who your mother was; Wyatt lives with his big brother because his mother killed herself and his father lost custody of him when he was a freshman due to neglect, Matt lost his father and has to be the man of the house for his mother and little sister who has her own difficulties in life. They both carry their own burdens like you and I. Takashi, believe in me and I promise that I won't ruin my own future because I can help you at the same time," Adam reached his hand out and held it there for Shiro to take.

Shiro lowered his gaze and made no move to take Adam's hand. "I don't want to drag you down with me Adam, you care about me too much and I don't know why or how anyone like you could."

"Why?" Adam kept his hand hovering a few inches above the old, water stained table they sat at, "Well, that's easy. It's because you're important to me, Takashi. How?" That old, sweet smile returned to Adam's face and made the hole in Shiro's chest sting, "How can I care about someone like you? It's because you're someone worth loving. Growing up with knowing only of my mother all my life, it was nice to meet another boy who would remain a constant at my side."

Love was a strong and powerful word. It could bring conflict to an end, ignite a simple spark into a blazing inferno that wouldn't go out until the end of time, but it could also break a person. Humanity was fragile after all. Not a single person was the same as the next and it take different things to make or break them. Shiro didn't know what the context of Adam's love was but he knew that whether it was meant as a friend or not; it was real and it was there to stay as long as they remained at the other's side. Slowly, Shiro stretched his hand out across the table and took Adam's hand in his own.

They didn't need words to understand the other at this point in their friendship; a simple look was good enough. Even if Shiro accepted Adam's help, the dark boy across from him couldn't fix the guilt Shiro felt deep within his soul. He hugged his friend goodbye that night and once the car's taillights had disappeared into the night, he went back to the kitchen and stood in front of a bottle of whiskey. He had never touched it before, never wanting to become what his mother transformed into but for some reason, he had no strength to resist the urge to fill that empty space inside of him with the warm liquid that burned at his throat as he swallowed it down hard.

There was one letter he refused to pick up on the table and had remained in the same spot for weeks, mocking him with the beautiful cursive lettering that said his name and address. He had refused to believe in its existence, reserving the right to deny it any relevance in his li

fe until the very second he could barely stand on two feet an hour into sipping away on the alcohol he held in his hand. It was from his youngest sister, the one who had suffered with him while they lived in the house of horrors. He had two older siblings, one was twelve years older than him and the other only five years his senior. She left him and his mother to live with their aunt when they were pulled from that home. As his mother fought furiously for custody over the two children she had loved so dearly, one turned their back against her; blaming all her pain on the woman Shiro knew loved them dearly. He never wanted to give his sister Aila the time and day she was asking for by reaching out to them out of the blue like this.

Slowly he picked the grey envelope from the table and stared at the name in the corner with tired eyes; Aila Burke. She had gotten married during these last six years without even telling her mother. She never had her only little brother go to the wedding and share a dance with her, she didn't share that precious memory with the two people who loved her even after her heart wrenching decision. Carefully, he opened the envelope and pulled out the neatly folded letter inside and watched as three photos fell out from inside out it. He hesitated on reading the letter when he plucked the photos from the table and saw what they were. One was her and her husband smiling happily at their wedding and the other two were of him and her playing outside together as children. She had long, beautiful black hair like their mother but those chocolate brown eyes of their father. Luckily, like Shiro, she resembled their mother the most, taking after her Asian features and her rounder face. In the one where both of them we wearing their school pictures outfits, Aila held Shiro's hand protectively. The top of the photo had been cut off with a pair of scissors to hide the face of the man that crouched behind them with his hands on their shoulders, smiling just like his two kids as his wife snapped the photo, oblivious to why Shiro's hand was turning white from being held so tightly. The other one was of the two of them posing by a poorly built sandcastle they had made while at the beach with their mom. Their sister sat at the bottom of the castle with her hands showing two peace signs as Aila pretended to be shoving Shiro into the castle. Emily's face had been scratched out of the photo, presumably by Aila. Shiro barely remembered what she looked like before she ran away from the home to go marry some man their parents didn't like. He only remembered that she had the features of their father.

Shiro set aside the photos and began to read the letter, trying to keep his head up so that he wouldn't pass out;

To whoever reads this,

I made mistakes in my past that created a rift between us. Every night I spent with Aunt April in Kentucky I spent praying for the both of you. I wasn't strong enough to stay with you both after being taken from that house of demons; seeing the stiches across Shiro's face reminded me of all those times I could hear him crying out for help in the other room and I remembered how weak and pathetic I was. No, I was afraid I was too weak to save the only sibling I truly cared about when I was thirteen. I regret never telling my teachers, the police, or my own mother of the trauma we went through as children. There isn't a thing I can do to change the fact that I walked out on my own family when they needed me the most like Emily had done but at the same time I can't help but wonder why Emily had been so distant those last few months she had spent with us before she ran away; maybe this thing that haunts us had been going on a lot longer than what we could remember.

I got married. Thomas is an amazing young man and I want to have a family with him. He knows everything about our family and he never once walked out on me when I would sit in bed crying after a nightmare that would bring my demons to light. He stuck through it all and I Love him dearly. Shiro, if you are the one who is reading this, I love you more than you will ever understand. These photos of us I'm giving to you are my favorites because even when the times were tough, you never forced a fake smile. You were always happy to know that I was okay and it made me feel guilty knowing I couldn't help you all those times father had hurt you. Never let that little spark inside of you simmer down and die out like mine had done. We all have a little bit of that 'I want to save the world' mentality but I never saw it shine as brightly with others as it did with you.

You have a one of a kind spirit that is sure to attract those in need to you no matter how many years divide the two of you from your last meeting. I hope you are on your way to that dream family you always told me about. I wish our children could grow up playing together, knowing their uncle as that amazing young man I knew and still love to this day.

Please forgive me for the things I've done, for the pain and torment I have put you through.

I wish that I was as strong as you are, but frankly, I won't ever be.

I'm sorry.

-Aila

What was he supposed to do with this? Frame it upon his wall and stare at it until that pain he was feeling would leave his body forever? He didn't understand any of it. How could she believe that everything was her own fault and what was that bit about Emily? Did she suffer like them too? It was all too much for Shiro in the drunken state he was in. He dropped the letter into the garbage with the envelope and left the photos on the table as he shuffled across his house in order to slump up against the wall in the living room and stare down at the floor he stood upon. What was he even doing anymore? He couldn't think, he couldn't feel, he could barely even move. He was nothing short of what his mother was in the other room. A quiet knock at the front door sounded causing the boy to flinch slightly as he tried to look up at the door. It was nothing short of a miracle when he was able to clumsily make it over to his door and fumble around with the lock in order to open it to find his favorite person standing there with annoyance on his face as the light from his phone screen lit up his dark face.

"I forgot my tie here and..." Adam's voice trailed off as he pinched his nose shut in disgust when the smell of booze hit him nearly causing him to drop his phone on the doorstep in shock. "W-What the hell Shiro! What are you doing?" He exclaimed and forced himself inside, shutting the door angrily behind him as he forcefully shoved Shiro into the living room to sit on the couch.

Shiro snickered a little bit as he threw his hands up lazily, "Being pathetic," He stated with a humorous tone in his voice. "I felt like, I dunno, everything is just crappy. I saw the alcohol just sitting there unopened and I figured 'Ay, why the hell not!' and so I drank a whole bottle of that gross stuff and read a letter my sister sent me," He smiled, his eyelids drooping a little as he struggled to stay awake.

Adam showed an instant of pure fear as he rummaged around in the kitchen to find the bottle of alcohol Shiro had consumed. When he got his hands on the glass bottle he placed his free hand against his face and groaned into it before he dropped the bottle into the garbage and went back to Shiro in order to crouch down in front of him with a gentle smile on his face. "You're going to hear it from me when you're sober but for now we need to make sure that you get plenty of liquid in you and that the alcohol doesn't mess with the SSRI pills you take for your PTSD, okay?" He asked, running one of his hands through his hair as he bit his lip in order to think about what he needed to do next.

"You're so adorable," Shiro slurred, his mad giggles echoed through the silent living room as his cat slept peacefully outside his bathroom.

Adam grimaced at the stench of Shiro's breath as he nodded unenthusiastically, "Okay you drunken bastard, whatever you say."

Adam made sure that Shiro always had a full cup of water near him as the younger boy talked on and on to Adam about the letter Aila had sent to him and the photos she had given him. Adam held the one where the two siblings had taken for picture day with both hands, his face distant and full of sorrow as he stared at the mysterious man holding his kids. The junior seemed to be visibly upset with the photo as he placed it back down onto the coffee table in front of them while Shiro placed with the pillows on the sofa. He didn't speak a word as he frowned, watching his hands for a long while before he leaned back and looked at Shiro with worry in his eyes.

"Shiro," he began voice full of pain, "Is what we've been doing really helping you or is it hurting you?"

Shiro didn't really understand the question. He was far too drunk to really understand why Adam was on the verge of tears. Had he done something to upset him or was it just something in the air? Shiro reached out and placed his face into Adam's chest and held him there for a moment. He closed his eyes and listened to the beating of the boy's heart. It sounded sad, as if it had just witnessed a child being separated from their mother. "I don't understand what you're asking me but don't be sad. You look best with a smile on your face and it makes my heart feel all sad and heavy when you don't..."

"Geez," Adam sniveled, wiping away a tear from his face before placing his hands onto the back of Shiro's head in order to avoid touching his back. "Aila was right about you, you know. You really do outshine the rest of us in the world."

"Your smile shines!"

"You're so incredibly drunk but I guess that's okay because you won't remember anything I say, will you?" Adam laughed weakly as he pulled Shiro up into his lap and held onto the giggling boy as he placed his glasses on the table near them.

Shiro buried his face into Adam's neck and smiled, "Nope!"

Adam shivered slightly at the feeling of Shiro's breath on his neck. "When I saw you in the locker room after the day we first kissed, I felt as if time had stopped. You were so excited to play soccer with your friends and you turned red when you met my eyes. I like you more than just as my friend but I'm content with knowing you'll never see me as anything more than what I am now. I enjoy spending time practicing with you or even being under you as you smile down at me after we do something my mother would probably kill me for doing but I don't know if it helps you.

"You act as if everything is fine in your world but when my hands are on your chest as you make sure I'm doing okay, I can tell that you want to cry sometimes. I don't know why your eyes tear up sometimes when you're doing your thing because I don't know what goes on in your head and I'm always too afraid to ask you in case it ruins the moment I'm sharing with you. I'm selfish, I know, but can you blame me? I get to do things with you that no one else has ever been allowed to do. I was your first and you were mine. It hurt me during the first time but I realized I wouldn't mind it in the grand scheme of all things because this little ache in my heart only grew more and more powerful the more time I spent with you. I like you a lot but if I cause you pain then I don't want to keep making you suffer."

Shiro sat there for a moment and tried to form the words he needed for the proper response, "I hold back tears because I'm happy," He smiled and shut his eyes as he let out a tiny little yawn, "I'm happy that I can trust you enough to do what we do even if it involves you doing some things you may not like doing like being a total b-"

"Yeah, I get it. I'm older so it should be the other way," Adam grumbled as he squeezed Shiro tightly. "But I know for certain that it would cause you to panic if another man was on top of you. Do you even remember the night or are you too drunk?"

Of course even in his drunken mind Shiro could remember the night he was able to give himself to another person on his terms. He remembered how it had happened like it was yesterday. Shiro and Adam had gone back to Shiro's house after a game and sat on the very couch they were on now as they watched The Office quietly eating the last of the popcorn in the house. He didn't quite remember how it had happened but after a few minutes together on the couch, Shiro was holding Adams body against his as he kissed the junior's neck gently making him squirm under his hold. Things quickly escalated from there as Adam undid Shiro's shirt and dropped it onto the floor as Shiro struggled with his pants. They kept Adam's hands from touching Shiro's back as they leaned back into the couch, Adam gently pulling the shorter guy over him as he struggled to reach for his wallet as he laughed while Shiro blew on his neck in order to tickle him. Shiro had been surprised when the older boy pulled a condom from his wallet and held it up between them with a deep red blush tinting his face.

They stared at it for a while before Shiro asked if Adam was really ready to do what he was asking from him and before they knew it, Adam was grunting from the pain of the feeling. Shiro had instantly felt guilty and tried to back out of it by apologizing but Adam refused to give up and they finally made it through. Shiro remembered how different he felt when he kissed Adam later on that night. It was as if things had suddenly shifted away from the grey area in their relationship and into the area they both knew and understood well enough; they liked each other.

Shiro now held onto Adam's hand as he kissed the boys cheek. He liked both Adam and Allura but a piece of him knew that this relationship he had with the junior wasn't something he wanted for when he was ready to get married. He knew that Adam wasn't the one and it hurt him to admit it. Adam didn't say anything else that night as he let Shiro fall asleep on his chest, checking now and then to make sure that his friend was okay now and then. But up until the moment Shiro had woken up with a massive hangover, Adam's eyes never strayed far from the photo of Ayla and Shiro holding hands.

This continued well into Shiro's sophomore year even when he had a job and less time to spend with his friend he liked. He didn't remember the night they had shared when Adam spilled his feelings for the boy and Adam never brought it up. He helped them pay bills and even helped get Shiro's mother back on her feet and into a steady job. When they saw each other at school they would give one another sheepish looks as they carried on with their life. They pined for one another but it was all in vain. A few days after Adam's high school graduation the two were sitting inside of Shiro's bedroom cleaning up after a night devoid of any emotion from either of them. Shiro refused to look at his partner on the other side of the bed as he carefully and quietly buttoned his shirt up and fixed his tie so that he could go to school.

"This was the last time wasn't it?" Adam asked as he held his face in his hands, "That's why we couldn't even look the other in the eye, wasn't it?" His voice was shaky as he tried to keep himself from breaking down behind Shiro.

Shiro clenched his jaw and paused on tying his tie in order to articulate something to tell the man behind him. If he were to be honest, yes, it was their final time sharing this moment together; a moment that used to be so full of excitement and love. On the other hand, he wanted to lie and make this parting easier on the both of them but he knew that it would only hurt more if they didn't come to terms with it now and then.

"Yeah," Shiro's voice was dry as he carefully finished up his tie and stood up to slide his pants on, "You're going to college tonight so this is our last time..."

Adam sighed and slowly lifted his head in order to pluck his black shirt from the ground, "Did any of this even matter to you in the end? Did it ever help you?" Adam asked quietly as he put his pants on next in order to get ready to leave.

Shiro finished fixing his belt before her frowned. Did any of these things ever help him? "No," He whispered, his voice cracking slightly as tears blurred his vision and threatened to spill over his cheeks. Of course it had helped him but if he were to admit it then he knew neither of them would let this bond they forged end here. He didn't want to keep this going on, pushing back the expiration date on their relationship by spending every other weekend together. "It really didn't change a thing Adam."

Adam laughed slightly; it wasn't out of amusement but rather embarrassment. "It sucks I ever mentioned it then huh? We wasted so much of our time together doing this stuff."

It didn't suck. Shiro never would have asked for a different past with his friend. "Yeah, we really wasted the last two years of our life didn't we?"

"Can I take that photo of you and Ayla?" Adam asked as he put on his glasses and tucked his shirt in casually, also trying to hide the pain he was feeling from Shiro. "I want to remember you somehow if that's alright with you."

Shiro nodded, wiped at his face and took in a deep breath before he finally turned around to face Adam with a smile on his face, "Of course."

Smiling, Adam took the photo from Shiro's nightstand and carefully tucked it away into his wallet. "Thanks Shiro. Take care, okay?" He walked over to the doorway and hesitated before he shook his head and exited Shiro's life.

Of course Shiro remembered everything they had experienced together. Sitting next to Adam now, two years later after he had left Shiro with that emotionless goodbye, that hole in his heart was reopening. Shiro remembered how he had dumped the rest of his medicine down the toilet after he cried over Adam leaving him. He didn't want to reply on anything to help him anymore. He remembered how his coach introduced the support group to him after a bad game for Shiro which brought him to this very moment.

"I'm not going to tell Allura about any of the things that we did and experienced together, it wouldn't be fair for her to hear about it right now. I'll tell her one day but the time isn't right for it," Shiro ran his hand through his hair and awkwardly shifted his position on the bench.

Adam nodded as he opened his wallet and pulled that old photo out, "I kept it here by the way, so that I never went any place without you at my side. You really did remain constant in my life and I think we met today for a reason. What do you think?"

Shiro watched as Adam put the photo away and took a sip from his drink. His grey eyes narrowed slightly as he nodded solemnly, "I'm afraid I won't ever move on from my father. I want to, believe me I would love to, but when I am around Allura I feel so happy but at the same time I'm waiting for something inside of me to snap and cause another flashback. I'm a ticking time bomb, aren't I?"

"Only you can decide that Shiro, not me," Adam took his cigarette out and lit it without hesitating, "I think you should bring Ayla and go visit him. I study psychology now since being with you made me want to learn how to help you in a different way since I'm such a failure. If you see him and speak to him, maybe it will change your cognitive perception on him? I'm clearly not an expert but for the last two years this is all I've ever wanted to tell you. See it as my last attempt at trying to help a lost soul."

"It wasn't a failure and I think even you know that," Shiro stated bluntly. His cheeks warming up as he revealed the lie he had kept hidden for so long.

Adam let the smoke from his mouth rise into the air as he smiled a bittersweet smile, "Of course I know, you were never the best liar you know."

Slowly, Adam got up, wiping ashes from his pants as he picked up his drink and began to walk away, "I hope life goes well for you Takashi."

Shiro didn't hesitate as he jumped up from the bench in order to grab the man and pull him into a hug, "Please, don't go again... I don't know if I'll ever see you again," He whimpered.

Adam's face was full of surprise as he held the cigarette away from Shiro's clothes. After a moment, his tense body relaxed and he smiled warmly while gently pushing Shiro off of him. "We met after two long years, Takashi," His eyebrows knitted together as he carefully took his watch off and placed it into the senior's hands. "Let's leave it to chance since we always seem to find each other when the other needs someone to talk to. We've withstood the test of time, what are a few more years?"

Shiro opened his fingers to look down at the watch with blurry eyes, "Okay," he whispered. The watch was expensive, surely a gift from Adam's mother since Shiro knew how rich she was. He would be sure to cherish such a special gift. "You know I liked you back then, right? He asked, looking up to see Adam getting into his car.

Adam froze. He bit his lip as he struggled to find the words to reply with but after a moment he sighed and nodded. His eyes were glistening from the tears he refused to shed in front of Shiro, "Yeah, I knew it."

Without any more words, Shiro watched as Adam left him once more. Unlike the last time though, he had closure that he needed and now as he shakily put the watch on around his wrist, he vowed to contact his older sister and close a chapter in his life that had been opened for far too long.

So this was long as hell. I apologize but this is the special chapter I've been writing for the last few days.

What are your thoughts? I know it was a bit dry at the end and that Aila was Ayla towards the end (I'll edit it one day) but it was hard to write so I hope you enjoyed it.

I considered changing shallura to shadam since I don't ship shallura anymore (and haven't for a while) but I started it as shallura/klance as the end games and it'll stay that way.

I'm tried and I don't really know what else to say tbh but I hope everyone had a good day :)

- Anri