Many spelling/grammar errors ahead. Beware.

Walking in this world was much like trying to balance on a tightrope in a circus act. The pressure pushes down on you, a bead of sweat drips from your brow and into your eye causing you to nearly lose balance making the crowd gasp. Instead of a net below to catch you, it was just darkness with this sense of dread deep inside of it. You couldn't see the end of it but you knew if you were to make a fatal mistake, you would never recover from it. The crowd watching you was now your family, friends, peers, strangers you pass by on the street all keeping a close eye on each step you have been taking since the beginning as you approach the end. You could feel their expectations of you being another normal person pressing down on you, constricting you, cutting off the air to your lungs making your vision go fuzzy.

Walking the wire was the same as trying to balance depression and a normal life.

Allura would always try to find the equilibrium between her darkness and the persona she had kept up for the world around her. Studying, smiling, planning, trying to blend in, trying to hide the pain. They were things that made the wire she walked unsteady. Even when she held her arms out for balance, her legs would wobble as they tried to keep her standing upright as soon as a new obstacle would come her way.

Even now, she felt as if finding that perfect balance that could keep her from teetering over the edge and into the abyss that grew by each hour was getting more and more impossible. She stood in a small field, Shiro a few feet away with a wary look on his face as he held a baseball in his left hand and a glove in his other, grey eyes reading Allura's gaze as the soles of her shoes scraped against the little dirt patch she stood upon.

Her blonde brows knitted together as she flicked a piece of her short white hair out of her face before the used the tip of her shoe to kick the bat she held in her hand to send it up into the air. She placed her other hand on the handle firmly as she took a deep breath and narrowed her eyes. Her fingers lifted before wrapping themselves back around the wooden bat she held.

"Are you ready?" Shiro asked, his scar wrinkling slightly as he gave her a worried look.

Allura felt her nose twitch slightly in anticipation as she nodded confidentiality. Then, Shiro sighed deeply, his grip tightening on the ball he held. He slowly turned to the side and assumed a pitcher's position before he reared his hand back and whipped the ball forward with grace. Allura squeezed her eyes shut as she swung the bat. The impact caused a loud crack to split the air and hurl the white ball into the air, passing over Shiro's head.

That was the feeling.

When she struck the ball the got the same feeling she did that night in her apartment. The feeling of pure energy. Of control. When that bat struck the ball and sent a shockwave through her hands and into her chest, Allura could feel the feeling of pure adrenaline she had felt when she had lifted that lamp up from the tabletop. She opened her blue eyes and watched the ball soar through the sky, a smile crossing her face as her right hand let go of the bat allowing it to hover above her head in her left hand.

Shiro smiled brightly as he held his hand up into the air to block the sun from his eyes. He turned to face Allura, grey eyes beaming in joy. "Home run!" He said as he jumped into the air and threw his fist upwards.

Allura threw her bat down and rushed over to Shiro and jumped into the air to high five him with excitement. "I've gotten better!" She said giddily.

Shiro nodded as he hugged her tightly in his arms, "Maybe taking you out every morning to help blow off steam has been paying off?" He pulled away and looked down at her, "How about getting a scholarship for softball?"

Allura glared at Shiro, "How about no," She grumbled.

This was just a hobby. Being brought out to the field where Shiro would teach her how to play baseball was nothing more than a simple escape. She was here today because she was going to go back to school, the place where she had met the demon who had brought more than emotional scarring to her. She looked down at her palms which still felt as if they were tingling from when she held the bat in her hands.

Was she even capable of doing this? Balancing on the line that kept her between two worlds; one of pure joy and warmth and the other of darkness and loneliness. How could she do it when the feeling inside of her kept growing with each swing she took with that bat?

Could she even recover from all of this and manage to pick up where she had left off. Some days she didn't even feel like trying to hide from that dark passenger she had but at other times, her weakest moments, she feels like it is the only thing keeping her afloat in the world where she felt like she would drown if she were to take breath in.

"Are you ready?" Shiro asked, his expression becoming tender and warm as he tilted Allura's chin up with his fingertip.

When you took that question and applied it to the situation she faced; what would you say? If you were standing on a cliff side, your arms held out into the air as the Sea breeze pushes against your back making you dig your feet into the ground in a desperate attempt to stay on land, how would you reply. Would you lie and tell the person you loved that you were fine as sweat dripped from your forehead and fell onto the grass below you as you tried to pretend everything was normal or would you cave into the enticing drop in front of you.

Allura felt her gut twist up as she closed her fingers into a fist, that feeling of empowerment she had gotten drunk off of now gone and had left her as an empty shell. There was no right answer to this. If she were to tell him she was ready to return to the school where she knew things would only get harder for her, she would be betraying Shiro's trust and her motivation for feeling better. On the otherhand, if she admitted to the fact that no, she was not prepared to face the cruelty in the academy that would surely plague her, she would be viewed as weak and unable to help herself.

She clenched her jaw and frowned, she hated the fact that there wasn't any logical way to go about this. "Yes."

Shiro smiled at her and said a few more words but they were nothing but muffled noises to her ears as her demon placed its hand onto her shoulder and breathed down her neck with the same eerie grin on it's face it had since the day it was born. She didn't remember much of the ride to the academy, only the music that played on the radio and how the world seemed to morph into something new before her eyes.

Before the incident, everything seemed so dark and monotonous when she looked at it. Grass was darker, the sky seemed grey and sickening, the clouds seemed to never move, and there was always this foul taste in her mouth she got when she would look at things others would deem beautiful such as flowers or even the buildings in a city. Now, everything seemed cruel. The flowers that would sprout from the ground only lived a short life until a gullible child plucked it from the earth with a smile on their face, unknowingly ending a life before it had ever begun.

The clouds would move across the sky without stopping, leaving the rest behind in a race against time. The grass would grow only to be cut down before it could reach its full potential. Every little thing had a beginning and a cruel ending.

The music on the radio helped calm the nerves in Allura's body as she fiddled with her tie. She wasn't ready. She would never be ready. The invisible scars on her body could never heal. Sitting inside of that English classroom would always remind her of him. It would remind her of the friction she had felt on her inner thighs, the pain of having her freewill being forcefully removed from her, her hair being tugged on. Everything was painful. She winced as she remembered being in that apartment, helplessly being thrown over her attacker's shoulder and being carried into her own bedroom.

A shiver ran down her spine. She wanted to be anywhere but here. She was afraid. Afraid that no matter what she did, she couldn't run from that past that controlled her mind and soul.

When she stepped out of the car, her first instinct was to pull at the ends of her skirt nervously. She never realized how short these things really were until now. They terrified her. They made her feel like everyone's eyes were glued to her every movement. She felt as if she were on display for everyone to stare at and that was exactly what happened when she walked into school.

She felt the eyes of her peers burning into her skin as she passed by them. Whispers surrounded her as she shuffled behind Shiro heading towards her first class of the day. She wasn't ready. She was shaking as she kept a firm grip on her bag. Why did she think she could possibly handle this. Her hands would adjust her clothes now and then out of fright that they weren't long enough or even appropriate for her to wear.

"Why's she hiding behind Shiro?"
"Guess the whore is back, huh?"
"Why the hell does she look so frightened?"

She hid because she was afraid of the eyes that stared her down as she went to her class, saying an empty goodbye to Shiro and letting him give her a tight hug before they departed. Everything sounded the same during the lesson. Even though her teacher said different words as she spoke, Allura couldn't listen for the life of her. She was uncomfortable. Her stomach twisted and her palms were clammy as hell. She wiped them now and then so that she could continue taking notes. She knew that the quiet girl who sat next to her knew something weird was going on with Allura. She gave the white haired girl a little frown as she glanced at her from the corners of her eyes.

'Do it,' Allura thought to herself as she gulped down saliva that was building up. 'Ask me. Ask me about it. Please, give me a reason to admit to someone I'm not ready.'

Her natural reaction to everything was that she was scared. She was scared of the girl who stared at her without mumbling a single word. She was scared of the boys around her. She felt as if anyone could snap at any moment and hurt her.

Maybe she wasn't the crazy one?
Maybe everyone else were crazy?
Surely they were the tiniest bit insane, thinking someone like her could recover so easily from such a traumatic event.

It was asinine.

When the bell rang she felt her heart leap out of her chest. Everyone bounced up from their chairs around her, eager to get out of math and to their friends in the halls but she remained still. For some reason she felt that if she didn't move from where she sat, maybe people wouldn't notice her. She would be as invisible as her smile she'd force for everyone.

"You know, I heard that they're changing the lunch today."
"Really? What could be worse than pot pie?"

That's really how it was. Things would continue on despite what she was feeling and people wouldn't even remember her after high school. Why was she even worrying about stupid things? She closed her eyes and took in a shaky breath before she wiped her palms on her skirt once more, gathered her stuff and left the classroom. The halls were crowded as usual, however, they felt even more cramped than before.

Allura kept her eyes on the floor as she walked, making sure she didn't look at anyone. She just didn't feel comfortable around people anymore.

She lifted her gaze when she hears a sniffle coming from ahead. A shorter girl with a brunette ponytail stood next to the water fountain wiping away tears from her face with balled up fists as she whimpered. Allura's feet began to drag on the tiled floor as she slowed her pace, concern seeping into her chest as she stopped to watch the girl's friends trying to comfort her.

"It just isn't fair," the girl cried, "Why did he have to die? He didn't do anything wrong."

Allura felt her thin brows slowly knit together into a tight frown before she stepped forward to say something to the girl. She was student council president despite what happened and it was her job to make sure that her peers were okay.

"Mr. Lindon is in a better place now Cindy," one of the girl's friends replied, gently rubbing her friend's back.

Lindon? She was crying over Lindon? Allura felt any sympathy she had felt for the girl fade away. How could anyone cry over such a monster? He harmed people around him verbally and physically. How could anyone mourn him? Allura's hands tightened on her bag as she gritted her teeth in frustration. Turning away from the girls she rushed into the bathroom and quickly closed to largest stall door behind her.

It was already boiling over. All the anger, sadness, guilt. Everything was finally pouring out of her and she didn't know how to redirect it. She slipped her backpack off her shoulder and threw it against the stall door letting out a frustrated groan. She clawed at her hair as her face began to burn red hot and her vision became blurry.

Why?
Why was it her that dealt with this?

She was so upset. So angry. She wanted to just punch that stupid girl in the hallway as hard as she could. What did some random girl know? She didn't know what he did to Allura that night. She didn't know what it felt like to be reduced to nothing but an object for someone to defile.
She didn't understand.
No one understood her.

It wasn't fair.
No, nothing was fair.
The moment she had taken her first breath in the world, god deemed hwe unworthy of happiness.

That demon finally squeezed the last bit of self control out of her. He had finally won her over. She slammed her fist into the stall wall and yanked her hand away to yowl in pain. She shook her injured hand and yet, even with the pain she felt in it, she felt better. The corner of her mouth twitched slightly as the bell echoed through the school.

Why did pain ease the anger and sadness inside of her?

Allura stared down at her hand which was already beginning to bruise.

Why couldn't she just have held out a little longer against the demon?

I hope this was a good chapter. I apologize for how long it has taken to put it out but I'm busy with school and work. I'm taking my finals next week and I'm graduating on the seventh so I have a busy few weeks ahead of me since I have to car shop, do an entrance exam of sorts for tech school, finish projects for classes, go to graduation parties, etc. Just a busy month for me. I may show graduation photos to you guys if you really want but it'll only be one and I may blur my face out Idk I just don't want people to see my face so I may just show myself with someone from my graduation class so you can't tell?

I tried hard on this chapter. I haven't written anything in like a month so it was a bit hard but tell me what needs to be improved and I'll look into it :)

Also, If you haven't noticed, my pseudonym is Anri Watanabe now not Anri Kita for legal reasons when I want to finally publish books.

Have a wonderful day
-Anri