❝It's hard to fight when the fight
ain’t fair. ❞

•••

CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR

I CAN SEE HIM STANDING in front of me, his voice is as clear as any sound could be, but his breath, and my heart is steady, as he saunters towards me. His eyes have turned darker, they seem to be pool of many unsaid words, I could feel his emotions, his desperation sinking into my bones when he laid his hand against my face, his thumb warm and rough, as he takes a deep breath against my face. For a moment time siezes itself, all the clocks in the house have stopped, there's only two of us in this room, between these four walls. It is us alone, together.

“I can not fight you Ivy, nor can I resist you. It would take everything I have,  it's a curse, for I am not in intention of staying in this torment any longer ——” Jungkook, spoke his voice tragically weak and weary, as I sigh looking up into his eyes.

“Yes, you don't have to. If you could just understand me, Jungkook. ”

My heart fails against my chest as I firmly press my fists against his chest, pulling him close yet not too close, as he huffs grabbing the back of my neck. My eyes drop upon his beating heart, when I felt him all of him upon me. I am incredibly awake in his arms, all my emotions, my senses have turned against me, all in favour of his body.

“I've tried  to make you understand me, what do you think I want from you, from us, from this marriage ,” He grunted sharply, brushing his lips against mine, in an effort to calm me down to make me stay in his arms forever if he could. If only he could.

“I shouldn't have said anything to Hara, it is all my fault, but I was alone, and I needed—”

He swallowed looking away, as his harsh minty breath fanned against my agape face, when he very strongly, disdainfully removed his arms from around my body, and stepped back to scrutinize with a look so profound, and, devoid that I was afraid, what might be me awaiting me after this storm.

      “Don't you dare say it is my fault, or her fault—for that matter you've turned me into a villain, Goddammit if I want anything from you now is to admit it, that you were wrong, admit that it is your fault as well just as much as any of us,” Jungkook, spoke brusquely, as I laughed half in disbelief and, disappointment. Of course he would say that, it was almost impossible for him to understand me, without having to make me resent the very idea of him.

“You don't get to look at me in this way, not after you've just admitted what you did.”

Crossing my arms across my chest I asked hysterically, “And what have I done? That makes you so angry at me, surely not much worse than you've done.”

I intended to keep my voice calm, but it came far sharper, and louder than any tone I've ever used with him. As my words fade, it takes a minute for him to recover, as he staggers back looking far shaken than he looked before, but even that didn't last a second before, he was pacing towards me with a stoic yet not, at all composed stance.

He was driven mad to the deepest depths of anger any man such as, him could ever possess.

   “Then I admit it, I admit everything, but what am I repenting for now?
Is this all worth it, I can not—will not live another day waiting, dreading when you will finally realize that you don't want me, or this marriage anymore,” He spoke in a strained rough tone, as his fingers curl against my arm, making me wince as I stare up at him with far more rage than I could ever imagine.

“Because I don't, I've tried in so many ways to make you understand, to see that we,” I paused gesturing between us, as he exhales sharply, “This marriage is over. Nothing can ever be the same anymore.”

His jaw ticked with irritation.

“I knew you were strong, compassionate when it comes to your life, but I never believed you to be heartless, my love. I am torn, you've played a game on me, you made me believe that, there stood a chance, yet all the time you were still thinking of leaving me.”

Taking in a shallow breath, I looked up, stared at the man I've married, loved. It was breaking my heart to see him suffer, to see him in such a state.

“Jungkook—” He pulls back, moving awfully far from my reach, his name rests upon my lips as a single tear rolls down my eye, when he looked away.

“I hate to you see in this state, it tortures me, trust me I don't want to hurt you, neither can I let myself drown in this sea of sorrows, mistreatment and bad memories any longer,” Swallowing a sob, I entangled my arms around myself, feeling too weak all of a sudden, it was as if this room, these four walls were crumbling over us, just like the two us.

His eyes glowed darker than any ember, his soul was in torment, it was aching for a relief, one he would only find by putting me through the same.

      Turning swiftly, he gazed up at my face, lifting his hand up in the air he spoke through gritted teeth, “Tell me then what is this? Tell me why did you marry me?” my gaze  fell upon the golden band resting against his finger, a sob escaped my lips, when his fingers curled around my neck, pulling me with an urge to prove something, to awaken something, “What do you want from me? Speak! Why are you doing this?”

“Nothing——” My voice fails desperately, as I weakly pushed his hand away from my face, ready to move further away, but his strong hold on my elbow pulled me back like I was shackled, as I stared back helplessly at the man he chose to become, just to make me suffer.

“Let go of me,” It was a fruitless plea, just like my struggle.

        “No. Never. This marriage, we, you, I and, this house,” His eyes dropped upon my quivering lips as he spoke, “All of it means something.”

Instead of warmth, and joy churning my stomach, it was the scorching anger that rushed through my veins when I sternly raised my face, looking right back into his eyes.

“Nothing. I know this because, only I can understand it. I don't have the energy, to make you see what I feel, you ruined us, you destroyed everything, for years, and months and now that when everything is wreck, you want to fix it, you want to fix me, this house, our marriage.”

Shrugging his hand off my elbow I walked towards the foyer where a huge frame hang, it was our wedding picture taking it off the wall, I brought it where he stood, as if sensing my intention, he stepped forward but— without wasting a breath, I dropped it on the floor, the glass shattered with a horrific sound, as tears fell through my eyes, “You see this is me, I  am broken and I can't be fixed. You are my living nightmare. ”

He stood still, stunned to even let out a word as I stepped back staring at him with nothing, my eyes blur, “You don't deserve to be a father, even if I can still be a mother. I don't think I want a family with you, not anymore. Why? Because, turns out you are just like your father.”

His eyes widened, and then he plunged. His horrifying scream echoed disturbingly, as I flinched when he without a warning stepped over the broken glass shreds, shuttering a few pieces beneath his boot, my eyes grew wide when I found the darkness withering, far into his usually calm eyes. He stalked after me, and I gulped glued to my spot even though it was better to run.

“You!” His breath fanned against my face making a tremor to travel up my spine when one of his hand laced menacingly around my waist, “No one, has ever hurt like this. No one but you, Ivy. Why? Because, I didn't let anyone, be this close to me—my past but you.”

“But—now it is over. I am done playing the nice husband, from now on you're going to do everything I want. You will sleep in my bed, eat what I want. You will not meet someone unless I want you to, you carry my children, raise them. I will hold you, make love to you everyday, feed you, clothe you, and you will thank me for it, like the good wife you are. Things are going to be different. And you will learn, wife. ”

TO BE CONTINUED

Author's Note:

I hope you enjoyed reading the chapter. Let me know your thoughts.

Do you think he is doing right?

Stay precious as you are to me. And remember to smile. 💜

Thanks for reading <3

Love,
shafaq-Shapel ♥