❝I don't wanna hurt you
but you live for the pain. ❞

…

CHAPTER THIRTY THREE

UNFAMILIARLY, FAMILILAR WERE NOW my new found, amusements. Time, in precious it is something, we don't cherish much, untill it is no longer there. It is sad, and brutal to live a life, without knowing what comes next. That's a battle I must fight; for I know our time is less, already too much of it has been wasted. And, if sometimes we drift I know I have to be prepared, past and present, are connected and reality is often bitter. Hence, what he says, or does, I will not be greedy.

I won't and I can not afford to lose this to my own selfishness, if something is wrong, if it is his happiness before mine I will take the risk, I will surrender to him. And give him the chance, even if it will be the last.

“Do you think I am too forgiving?” I suddenly asked, taking a sip out of my wine, as my husband raises his head to glance at me, his eyes full of colour and, his cheeks flushed with the warmth of the fire place making him sigh in ease as he takes my calf in his hand, massaging the numbness.

“That depends on the situation,” He answered, breathing softly against my feet, my eyes flicker and my back arches, it is a torture to be this close to him, and yet be unsure, if it is simply, our lust or the evidence, of our lingering love that was holding the reins of our marriage.

“Now I most definitely know, what's the matter, Ivy is something bothering you? You've been quiet ever since we came home?

“You could tell?” Instead of answering him, I question back in a defeated tone.

Heaving a deep breath, he places both my legs over his thigh and dismisses the distance between our bodies, his arms find their way around me in an instant, as he very carefully, pushes my hair out of my face.  My heart races, as my breath shudders when he holds my face up.

“Ivy?” His voice is scared, it sounded pained. God—he probably believes that he has done something to upset me, I should end this man's torment soon. Yet, when I do look into his eyes I could feel it, the way pulled back a little but not too far to properly look at me, tells me he could feel everything.

It baffles me how can, Jungkook sense all of me. Detect all my misery, my woes.

“I am sorry today was such a wonderful evening and I don't want to ruin anything—” As I begin to speak I read the look across his face, his eyes alter their stare as he sighs, before clenching his jaw and pulling me more firmly against him.

“Is this too overwhelming? Should we stop, and give it more time?” He suggested darkly, though from the tone his voice he sound disappointed.

“No. Everything is has it should be, but today is just not the day for me.”

Jungkook, chuckles in relief as he rubs his thumb over my bare arm, whilst I sighed shutting my eyes close and breathing in to his musky scent,“Bad day huh?

I laugh nervously, “You have no idea.”

“But, it would be my greatest pleasure to provide comfort to you, do tell me how was your day, while I try to finish my bowl of panzanella.”

He said that with a subtle expression, though it was far too early for me to comprehend, what to say before making myself feel like a failure. He has been wonderfully honest, and sweet but it almost felt too calculating. I know he's trying his best to save this marriage, even when there was little of it that was left.

Bitting my lips with worry, I cast a glance at the wide and square TV screen before leaning forward to hold my bowl from the table, mean while he waits, giving me all the time I can.

      “God, I feel stupid to say this, but I had a disagreement with, Hara today,”Drawing in a breath to find him looking, his attention was so solid, and real that it made me tense, and careful, “I transfered her to another branch. I just couldn't stand it anymore, her lies were bothering me a lot.”

“What caused this sudden change of perspective, wife. For I know you don't act irrationally, nor do you seek drama?” Jungkook, spoke his voice was as pleasant as his presence, it was warm, and made feel calm to have him by my side.

“It was about us——a part of me still believes it was my fault, I should've never told her about our issues.”

There I said it, and I couldn't comprehend the look across his face. The silence was too deafening. He sighed, then looked away.

“Wait you mean to say, Hara knew about our issues. You told her everything?” His food was long abandoned, as he turns to glare at me. My eyes drop ashamed, as I internally scream. I knew this was going to happen. He wasn't going to be cool about it.

“I am sorry—because of her gossips and everything, Kim Anna got the idea—”

He didn't even let me finish, as he abruptly stood up, knocking the half empty wine glass making red stains appear on the white cashmere as we both groan, turning to blankly stare at ground, before he huffs angrily pushing back his hair as I gulp.

      “I should've known. Because I certainly don't give others, especially women the impression that my wife and, I are at odd terms,” He gritted out, spitting fire making a very known spark ignite in me, as I laughed in disbelief, stalking after him.

      “So, what should I have done? I had no one to speak with, do you even know how lonely I feel at times, ” I bawled out, as he shakes his head staring coldly back at me, while his hands cut the baked chicken and potatoes into pieces, we did eat a little of that panzanella because we were still starving but the main dish was the chicken which was in the oven until now.

“So, now it's my fault,” he murmurs to himself but I heard it, and it managed to anger me further, as without wasting a breath I stand tall in front of him with my arms crossed.

“You don't even care how I feel? You're just mad because now everyone knows what a horrible husband you are.”

I know I shouldn't have said it, especially after all the atonement he had done, but I wasn't myself and he was just being him at the moment.  A horrible sight to be honest, this is what I resented, I know nothing could be normal.

     “If I am such a horrible husband, then explain to me why you fall weak whenever you're in my arms, why does your body turn hot, and your breath fails,”He gruffly stated, as his hands skilfully swing the knife, and I looked away in shame and, alarm when our gaze lock.

“If that's not the same for you? Do you think I don't feel it when hardness is right against me, and your breath is palpable, your blood is warm and you're starved——”

It took me a minute to gather myself. He paused upon hearing my words, and then without warning he stepped forward, my breath quickens and my heart races, when he proceeds to walk towards me. He breathed and, the storm that was raging within his gaze calms down.

“This is your problem, Ivy. You know everything, and still you deny me your husband  of the pleasure—you are slowly killing me, and you want me to not do anything.”

He finally breaks the silence, his voice deviated by raspy tone.

TO BE CONTINUED

Author's Note :

Hi, here's an update as per my promise. I hope it was to your liking, and this story is to your amusement still and that you enjoy reading it. It is getting colder these days, and well Christmas passed, so did my birthday on that day, lol it was fine. But I'm more concerned about our boys, please pray for their recovery, I just want them to be safe and healthy again.

Whom do you side with Jungkook, or Ivy?

Stay precious as you are to me and remember to smile. 💜

Thanks for reading <3

Love,
shafaq-Shapel ♥