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❝Love doesn't discriminate, between sinners and the Saint. ❞

CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

I THINK I'M IN A STATE of mind where nothing makes sense. Everything around me was turning red, the anger that was surging in my veins at the this instant was all I could think about as I step forward, glaring sharply at his arrogant face. He was driving me insane without knowing. He was the mere cause and the only reason behind my unhappiness. He was the prison, I designed for myself. My eyes, sting with unshed tears as, I run my hand across my face, refusing to let myself cry. I refuse to cry, I refuse to fulfil his vile desires, his own sickening misogynistic, personality dominate my life.

“His name is Choi Won. He will accompany me to my trip to Tokyo.”

He flinched hearing my words, as I chuckled clearly feeling full with the astonished look across his face. Taking a daring step forward, I raise my hand and it upon placed his face my eyes dropped down for a mere second as I drank the look of hysterics, disbelief across his face,“I think he is not that bad. I wonder how I can make him of use, dear husband. Don't you remember, how I played around before getting married to you?”

“You won't do such a thing,” He spoke, miserably sounding dejected. As I laughed arrogantly right at his face.

“What makes you think that I won't, Jungkook? I might be your wife, but you know me better than anyone else—I realized today, one thing. That no matter what you say, or do for me you're just you. I don't find it in myself to love you again. I can't be with you, not until you get your shit together—”

He didn't let me finish as he stalked towards me with large steps, a gasp left my lips as he grabbed my face and pulled me roughly against him, “What the fuck are you saying?”

“You're a selfish bastard. I refuse to watch, and stand letting you waste away my life. In the hopes, of finally finding solace that, sense of security, that has withered away, in the passing years. My name has been attached to yours, yet there is no such thing that you've done that will prove to me that, you truly, purely without any selfish means, love me.”

My eyes glistened with tears as I sighed looking away when he carelessly runs his fingers through my hair, my head was hurting whilst my heart was trembling with an incredible pain.

“Every part of me has loved you, Ivy,” He murmurs softly gazing into my eyes. Although, the hurt within his eyes made me feel more defeated.

        “Then, what part of your love has never made me feel safe. I hoped, to understand you, to live the rest of my life with you. Yet, when I needed you the most you drove me away, Jungkook——you always told me once sometimes I exhaust you, with my complains. The truth is, now I feel the same. I feel like there's no place for us.  We are two corrupted souls, driven with madness.”

He frowns, looking away in disagreement as I roughly grip his face to make him look at me again, “To let each other go, is what we deserve.”

       “No. If you're saying this, then you're just as selfish as I am, Ivy,” He says taking a hold of my hand in between his, as I let him drag me towards the couch in the corner. Pulling me down on his lap, he inhales deeply into my neck, as I close my eyes placing my hand daringly against his face, to calm him down, “You are my world, Ivy. If you leave me now, I think—I would die.”

Taking a deep breath I murmured, curtly, “No one dies without anyone. You came into this world alone. You can live without me.”

“What if I don't want to?” He asked, sounding irritated, as I sighed trying to stand back up but he holds me firm, and still within his embrace.

“Stop acting stubborn. We both need our distance in order to understand, what we mean for each other. I can't hurt you, neither can I let you hurt me any further.”

“I've made mistakes I understand. But still, I'm the only who ever truly loved you. I swear to God, you're the only one for me,”Jungkook continues to speak in a frightening tone, making chills to run down my spine as I lean back, feeling his breath travel further down my spine.

         “You don't love me. You're addicted to the idea of me being your wife—I guess in a way you do love me, but it is because you don't allow to love anything else. It's selfish, because you're trapping me into this situation, where you know I'm vulnerable, that I want to be free—hurting me isn't love, Jungkook.”

“So, who else is going to love you if it's not me?” He asks, in a weird unsettling tone as I turn sharply to look back at him, with a profound stare.

“Me. I am enough for myself.”

He narrows his eyes hearing my words, for a moment before a heart twisting laugh, laced with mocking amusement escaped his lips as he pulls me strongly against him, patting my head lightly.

What's wrong with loving myself?

I don't blink, I don't laugh nor do pass any reaction. I just continued to stare at him. Untill he stopped, staring back at me with a fierce glare he suddenly turns my face around, as his fingers curled around my neck.

“Why don't you love yourself?” I ask, in a daring tone as he snickers still gripping my neck, it wasn't that hard but it was beginning to feel uncomfortable, especially with our current sitting position. My hands were recklessly on his chest, trying to create a little distance. But he was too strong. Damn—I hated that arrogant stare.

“I have you for that,” He replies after a while in a serious tone.

“But I don't love you, Jungkook—”I replied, it was now my turn to laugh as I place my hand against his face briefly, in a teasing, just for my wicked delight. I relished as, I watched his face turning pale. His eyes widening, as he grips neck more firmly.

          “Stop saying things that you know would make me angry, love,” His eyes red, and stern as he murmurs, placing his mouth near my cheek making me close my eyes with a shiver,“Well, say whatever you want. You and I know both know what's the truth.”

Letting go of my neck, he sits up properly so that now I was between his thighs as he slides his hand down very smoothly, and familiarly underneath my shirt.

It was an old habit of his. One that always made me feel weak. Whenever he felt like I was drifting away, he would have that skin-to-skin touch, a touch of intimacy—a way to penerate my thoughts, to make me forget. It works, his touch had that power.

I curl my toes and scowl, trying resist his touch but it only managed to add more trouble to my current problem, as I moan unknowingly g when his fingers roughly played, across my skin. I felt my eyes softening, and my resistance slithering away.

     Minutes of silence lingered in the air, as the two of stayed that way. My back was leaning against his chest, feeling his heart beat, as mine risen due to the teasingly, familiar feel of his hand against my chest. My breath hitch as I grip his thigh, when he starts drawing circles around my stomach, in order to let me loosen up a little.

“What's wrong? Tell me I will listen,” he asks suddenly, as I let him unhook my bra. My eyes flicker back open, as I  turn to look him dead in the eye. What's with him?

Why is he asking this so suddenly?

Pulling out my bra from underneath my shirt he throws it faraway somewhere in the room, as I drop my gaze when he continued to stare at me with a determined stare, anticipating my answer.

“Ivy—I know there's something that's bothering you. It's eating you up, tell me so that I can fix—he started to speak in a gentle tone as he hand firmly gripped my waist from underneath shirt. That skin to skin, was making my eyes shut with an uncontrollable feeling, satisfaction.

It's almost terrifying, how easy it was for him to read my mind.

Sighing, I spoke, “I saw our wedding picture. And yesterday I visited a gynecologist, I saw too many happy couples—Jungkook I just wish that we were like that. I don't know why, I just think.”

“So you wanted to get back at me. Because I'm the reason why we lost—” I didn't let him finish as turning around, recklessly placed my fingers on his lips shushing him.

“Let me speak love, for I don't deserve your care, I know what I did. I know what I did to you, our child. I feel ashamed to be called your husband, you're right in many ways—The fact that I'm the reason behind your distress, your restless mind.  I don't even deserve an ounce of your love.”

Broken. It's what we both were, our regrets were too many.

TO BE CONTINUED

Author's Note:

Hi! I really hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. I kinda didn't get time to edit it, so excuse my mistakes, sweets.  I have exams going on and I was kinda practicing essay writing so I thought why not just write a chapter lol.

So, they are finally opening up. A little.
What do you, would it work?

Stay precious as you are to me. Remember to alway believe in yourself, love yourself. And smile. ❤️

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Thanks for reading <3

Love,
shafaq-Shapel ♥