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❝Secrets I have held in my heart.
Are harder to hide than I thought.❞

°°°

CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

DARK ARE THE THOUGHTS inside my head, there's is no return. Human brain is a queer thing, not a thing you believe in seems to make sense, most of the time. For instance, since birth you're given an identity, a name, your gender, and your religion; everything is already there, and all you're supposed to do is live. Live the life, you're bestowed.

Do you not want find everything so overwhelming sometimes? Do you not desire to live the way you'd most want to? Your life————It's like you're stuck in a bubble, you want to get out but, you can't. You see how happy  others look, with their families, kids. And their perfect jobs, you want that too, you want that something, those little things.

       Yet, you can not. You're trapped, and your suffocating. It's killing you to know that you have only one life and, even that, can not satisfy your needs, your dreams.

    Marriage. Is not just an arrangement, or a relation between two people. It's a verdict, an unrecognizable oath, you're unaware of how hard it is going to be. What funny is you don't desire marriage itself, rather you like the idea of it.

       I know—I may belong to a certain someone, I may even have a certain someone. To hold, to embrace. But what I didn't was know how long it's going be that way? Before I started to realize how hard it is, to stay focused, committed. Your affection turns bitter, your love feels cold, and your happiness starts to wither; the marriage itself is forgotten, all you know is that you're married.

I envy others. I envy, Hara. She is married to the man, she loved, she is happy. Her son, is her world. She's the same age as I am; yet we're not the same. I am behind her, while her life is pacing smoothly, mine is making me trip again and again, which is why after four years of my marriage, I find myself back at the place I started.

DECEMBER 23RD 2017

Tracing my fingers across the engraved words on the wooden photo frame, I stare blankly, my eyes flicker between tears as I press my thumb against my husband's face. It was a beautiful picture captured, Jungkook was looking at me, while I was busing struggling to pass my best smile for the camera. I still remember how hard it snowed that day, Christmas was just round the corner, there was happiness everywhere.

Although everything about that day was beautiful, but this picture was everything, it is like a reminder how much love and affection, Jungkook has shown. He entered into my life and broadened everything.

Now is not the same anymore. I am tired. I want to give up. I am not going to continue to live this way, I want to leave all this behind me.

Shutting my eyes close, I drop the photo frame on the floor letting it crash against the dark, hard marble floor as I bring my wine glass next to my lips, all the while staring wistfully at the broken picture.

What a pity, it was a beautiful. Was the last thought I pondered upon,
before stepping  over with my heels on the shredded glass pieces I walked out of my office, not bothering to lock the door behind.

As  I walked, I noticed a new employ bowing, his eyes wearily focusing on the floor. My presence startled him,  I knew it from the fact that it was late, and the poor lad was probably working over time. Placing my hand forword, I reached for his tie that was crooked.

     “Mr Choi, I drank a little I need someone to drive me home, can you spare a few minutes of your time?” I said after fixing his tie. His eyes grew wide with surprise as he gulped nervously shrugging his shoulder, I continue to scrutinize his face, whilst he struggled to gather his words.

“Ms. Ivy—I don't understand, but sure,” he expressed strangely in a timid voice as I throw my car keys in his hands, and begin to stride ahead. Our steps echoed across the quiet hallway as we both made our way towards the elevator.

°°°

It was a short drive of twenty minutes, with no words spoken in between, I sat in the front, staring out of the window all along while the car moved at a moderate pace.

By the time I arrived home my mind was strangely clear. I wasn't anymore confused, my head was empty of unnecessary thoughts, instead it was filled with nothing but blankness.

Clearing my throat I stare upwards at Mr Choi, just when he turned to look at me. His knuckles turn pale as he clenches his fingers around the staring wheel.

“How long have you been working?”

“Not more than a month,” His reply was short but formal. As I nod, pushing my hair back.

        “Mr Choi you seem like a reasonable man. A man with many qualities and ambitions, what do you think about getting a promotion within a month?”  Although my question did startle him, he managed to conceal it quite well, and kept a poker face, so I continued to speak, “I am going to Tokyo next month, you'll be coming with me.”

“But, Ms Hara is supervising the Tokyo project——” he pointed out, sounding confused, though amazed.

“Now it's you. Don't think a lot Mr Choi, I need new people around me. Take the car with you, arrive tomorrow morning, you'll also accompany me to my meeting with Mr Lee.”

He nodded earnestly as I quickly ended our conversation, when I noticed Jungkookʼs car driving in through the driveway, shutting the door close behind I sauntered towards the entrance.

    Entering in the pass code, I didn't waste anymore time before recklessly taking off my heels and my coat, I hang it on the hook, before I place my shoes neatly to a side. Just in time before the door opened from behind me, with a loud bang.

As I sigh with tiredness, ignoring the hard stare of the my so-called husband. My eyes were dropping, close and my bones were aching, with the wonderful thought to take a warm bath later. I walk towards the kitchen, to see the table set with dinner our maid prepared for us.

         “Ivy——” As I was about to heat the dish in the microwave, I flinched when I heard him call my name, he was standing at the head of the kitchen counter, with his hands holding an empty glass, as I raise my eyes studying the dark, and cold look across his usually calm face. His eyes were staring sharply up at my face. From the looks of it he was mad.

“I didn't know that when I suggested we play this game, it included you seeing other men.”

He murmured hoarsely, in a haunting tone that made chills to travel up my spine, as I shiver shifting my weight upon the other leg, when suddenly he starts approaching me. Taking bold, and dominant steps ahead, whilst I struggle to breathe, knowing perfectly how mad he is right now.

His eyes drop down to my lips, as his  hand takes the dish away from mine and places it against the counter. He stepped between my legs, pushing me against the counter, as I shrank back reflexively. My breath hitched and my heart raced, when he, pushes the pad of his thumb against my bottom lip, stabbing it a little, but not too hard,“I am so mad at you right now, that you won't even imagine what are the thoughts running through my head right now.”

He sighs, looking away for a brief moment, before he is again staring right at me. His gaze seemed to take me in, every detail as if he was testing, searching for answers.

“Who was that man, Ivy?” Jungkook asked sharply, something angry and pocessive breaking through his perfect mask. He pressed his lips together, jaw locked.

TO BE CONTINUED

Author's Note:

I hope this update was interesting, if you did read the chapter carefully, why do you think she broke the photo frame? Can you predict something?

Also, do you think they should still consider separating?

Stay precious as you are to me, and remember to smile. Don't loose hope.
Stay at home. Stay safe. 💜

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Thanks for reading <3

Love,
shafaq-Shape♥