━━━━━━━━┈♕┈━━━━━━━━

❝I was the ocean, you wanted rivers.
I was the moon, you chased
the stars.❞

•••

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

PUT A NAME ON MY EMOTION cause I unable to do so. Give motion to my stillness, cause there's nothing I feel anymore—bring light to my life, since  it has been marked by bleakness. Sing my lies to my ears, because dancing with your truth hurts. My heart is rotten, oh—what a beautiful love I've built. Time once again feels like it's moving too fast, yet I feel like we aren't moving, the two of us are stuck in between unsaid words, and wide eyed lies. And there is no remedy for all these passed feelings of hurt, and distrust. I know this shouldn't be the way things should be. I only want the best even, in the worst days for us.

I want me back again. I want youth, I want young love. And, I want all those nights that, I wasted away crying.

Sighing, I lowered the wine glass, with the after taste still left bitter on my tongue, I met the eyes of my husband. His hand was wrapped around my waist, while my head rested against his warm cheat, as it breathed up and down, while his other hand held his own glass,

         “When do you know when enough is enough?” I asked, as his eyes narrowed tiredly undertaking my void expression. He huffed out, straightening up as I drew circles around his abdomen with my fingertips. A minute of long lasting silence went by and he did not speak, when I almost gave up did, he cleared his throat, catching my attention as his hand that, was on my waist moved to capture my wrist, holding it between our faces, he placed his lips against it, as I felt my breath abandoning my chest getting lost in the power of emotions, he brought back to life inside of me.

“Enough in what?” He whispered softly, as I slipped my hand out of his electric hold. His scent drove me mad, while his smile kept me their captive, I felt defeated. Now, I know why he wanted us to lie down like this.

“In love,”I answered back unsteadily, as he chuckled lightly, the way his chest raised while his hand once again moved to my waist, falling lower as he draws me closer. His hot breath fans against my face, making my heart beat wildly against my chest, as I swallowed trying to calm my heart, and the ache within it.

“Love alone should be enough. But I think, the person you love should  never be enough,”Jungkook spoke, in an odd restrained voice,“Your love should be a stillness during an earthquake, like a feeling of assurance when you know that everything around you is collapsing, but only your love is still the same.”

I felt betrayed. My heart wasn't listening to me anymore.

“When do you know when enough is enough?” he asked, continuing to speak as I smiled, snuggling closer to his warmth as he, hastily moved my hair away from my face.

“Love is not enough. For me, love is sand, and the memories you make are the waves, every time a bad one touches. It washes away, leaving behind the dirt it had in it.”

      “Then what about the good ones?” He asked, in a desperate tone, as rolling over to the other side of bed, I refilled our glasses, with a smile I glanced back over my shoulder, to find him still waiting for my answer. I sighed, handing him his glass as instead of going back into his arms, I stayed there leaning against the headboard, to retain the last shred of composure I still have left in me.

   “When there are a lot of bad ones, the good ones become easy to forget,” I murmured realistically, taking a small sip from my glass. I hear him sigh, but my eyes never dared to look back into his dark chocolate brown ones, not if I wanted to say something, I did not want to.

Silence fell around us.  The restless tick-tock of the clock echoed soundly through the ivory walls, large gusts of wind swept in and out of the high window, the curtains swayed along with the breeze once in awhile giving a glimpse of the pure majestic moon. Shining in its glory, pacifying our enigmatic hearts.

          “Give me your hand,” He said after awhile, my eyes snagged open; staring back into his wandering eyes, I felt struck by the vivacity of his electric soul, his flair style.

And he did not, wait upon me any longer, placing down his empty glass on the floor he rolled to my side of the bed. His knees digging deep into the mattress, as he leaned closer. A thrill of overpowering emotions ragged through my body leaving heat in it's wake as with his warm callous hand he crazed my bare, and exposed knee while, his other hand tugged my wrist, capturing them in between the cage of his perfectly, long fingers. 

My heart stopped, as his fingertips moved over my skin, creating patterns, images, he was drawing an invisible picture against the back of my hand, which I did not know. I fell back against the soft pillows, breathing restlessly as, another minute passed and, he still continues to draw.

Eyes focused on his face, I at last gave up the quest and asked,“What is it?”

He paused, and smiled looking into my eyes and murmured back in an hushed tone,“A castle.”

“A castle?” I laughed, as blood rushed to my cheeks when he pulled me up, placing my hands around his neck, and he nozzles his nose against my cheek, making my stomach churn and, my body to heat up.

         “When I was a child, merely seven years my mother used to every night before going to would draw a castle here,” he spoke in a sotto voice raising his hand,“Each time I would question what did you draw? She'd answer and say, ‘a castle.’ I never asked her why, but one day when I did, and she told me that when I grow older she wants me to built for her a castle. And then she explained the way to achive it,  is only I study harder, and work harder.”

Drawing in a long breath, he held my hand in between his, and parted his lips to continue were he left off.

“It was my dream to built her a castle, study became my friend. I never tried to think about anything, the little demands I had for chocolates, treats and toys just stopped. And I studied, hard and aced all my exams—Mother was happy, and I felt like my dream was almost becoming real,” He scoffed, raising eyes to the ceiling, in an effort to hold the tears that were daring to fall through his eyes,“One day my teacher asked me, what do I want to do when I grow up?  I answered her that I want to built a castle, everyone laughed my teacher was quiet, then after a long time she told me that, castle is just an illusion, you can buy mansions, big houses but castle are not real anymore.”

“That day I went home crying, and complained to mother, why would she let me dream of something that wasn't real? She smiled, and said to me,‘Dear, son it is better to chase an illusion than to hope for things, that I may never be able to buy for you. Your father is with God, that is why all mommy could offer you was a dream, they don't cost a lot but they carry with them lesser burdens, and deeper cause.’ After that day, I never complained for any toys, for anything because I understood everything, and it hurt when I grew up, and conquered everything I hoped for.”

“I kept drowning myself in wealth, in success—but how is it that I never realized that I was still chasing that dream I was full, yet I didn't know that what I achieved was enough? Or is there more? ”

Jungkook’s small and quiet voice broke into a sob, as I pulled him down between my arms, embracing him tenderly, I wiped the tears away from his falling eyes and spoke, teasing him a little,“It is not your fault, okay? No one told you to stop, so don't push yourself too much for everything, husband.”

        “Do you find my words pitiful??” He asked, his voice gruff and addictive as waekily I smile, placing my forehead against his, as he clutched my wrist, urging me to answer him already.

My answer was,“No, I think this is the first time. I feel as if your soul is speaking to mine.”

TO BE CONTINUED

Author's Note:

I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. I'm sorry if it took me so long. This chapter might seem pointless, but I wanted to show that, through these talks they are actually getting to understand each other better and, the fact that they can talk without blaming one another is some progress?

What was you dream when you were little? Mine was to be a fairy. 🤦😬

Stay precious as, you are to me. And stay safe, stay at home. 💜

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Thanks for reading<3

Love,
shafaq-Shapel ♥