━━━━━━━━━┈♕┈━━━━━━━━━

❝My season was always you,
my cold heart is
negative—248 degrees.
It stopped the day you erased me.❞

•••

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

A STRANGE PERILOUS feeling has sustained me, ever since we've gotten into the car. I kept thinking about what happened just few minutes ago, I don't know if I was supposed to feel better, after the four measly years of our marriage. I at last managed to get this off my chest—words could never describe how much pain I've been through, no time could heal the wounds I've suffered, no relief could offer me tranquility, no sleep could provide me rest. Except, my
purpose——my purpose for my existence.

“You must be feeling so full of yourself right now,” Jungkook said,“You’ve humiliated me in front of those relatives—why are you doing this?”

My breath abandoning my chest, as I swallowed a sob, my heart raced feverishly while he continued to stare at me, his hands clutching the steering wheel, as he breathed harshly panting fiendishly. We have now stopped at the red light, the road was almost empty though few cars spread near us across the long road.

“Jungkook, you think that I want to hurt you?” I asked, turning to face the road ahead of me, as I heard him inhale sharply. He's thinking something, he is quiet, from the corners of eyes I could tell that he was once again staring at me.

When he doesn't say anything I continued,“I love you, but I hate the pain you have put me through.”

            “No—” he murmured hoarsely, putting his face between his hands, covering his eyes as I stared at him, with confused eyes.

“What?” I asked, breathlessly.

                    “You don't love me, Ivy not any more—because if you loved me you would've not concealed the truth about your infertility from me,” He spoke burying his face deeper into his hands, as I swallowed refusing to divert my eyes, there was truth in his words, one that I didn't want to deny.

He wasn't looking at me either because, he must be hating me right now; or he was hating himself—whatever the reason might be, him and I have suffered enough of pain, dancing with the lies we've told, it was now time we dance with our truth.

A wakening sound of horn pulled us out of our reverie. He's staring ahead, possibly still avoiding my gaze. I lean back against my seat, and stare blankly at the blurry images of trees passing us in a haste, the sound of soft drizzle hitting against the wind screen, and thunder bolting against the grey sky calmed my heart to a level. The two of us abide by the silence, and the divinity of nature that, made us not to pay heed to the apoplectic, treacherous thoughts that numbed our senses, and made silence our friend in desolation.

                “I am not practically infertile—but I am diagnosed with a syndrome that might be risky if, I ever get pregnant again. I can suffer a miscarriage, or I might not survive—” I've just started to speak but stop when he raced the car’s engine, causing me to fall back against my seat and stare at him with fear, and uncertainty.

“We are not having this conversation right now, Ivy—” He grunted sharply, his eyes piercing into mine as I scoffed staring at his hardened face.

“I don't see the reason for you to be angry. In fact I think, I should be the one who is supposed to be angry, you asked me a question that why was I doing this? I now ask you, why have you never defended me in front of your relative? You talk about humility, what about the humility I've long suffered enough thanks to your relatives?”

        “Humilty? What the fuck is humility for you? You were born into a rich family raised like a princess. I was born into this unfair world, without a Father, raised by my mother, who went through so many hardships because of me. I was mocked, I was bullied, I was bruised but yet; when I married you, Ivy I provided you with everything, never once I let you get close to the life I've lived through my childhood,” He is yelling now balling his fist against the steering wheel he clenches his jaw firmly, and turns to pass me his mocking smile and I stir with unease under his gaze.

The rain is pouring hard now and he is driving the car with a heart racing speed, the fear that siezed me when I looked at him was frightening, the anger that gripped me and pulled me, was more inviting, however. So, I embraced it with open arms and graced my fists against each other and turned in my seat.

  “I never asked for this, I married you because I loved you. Not, because I wanted all this, this car, that apartment or your many sets of diamonds. I could've lived in a cottage with you and stayed happy—forever.”

He laughed hearing my words, not a good joyful laugh but a mocking, arrogant laugh. It was the laughter of the man that ridiculed my casualties and my dreams. Yes, you must be aware by now I was an ordinary woman, I don't desire anything but simpleness, fairness and love.

         “You can believe whatever you want, but you can't deny that you like this. You like having my name attached to yours, you enjoyed when other women were jealous of you, for having me as your husband,” Jungkook spoke, his voice artic as I sucked in a heavy breath trying to calm the building rage inside of me.

“Maybe, I do,” I said staring down at my hands, as he picked us the speed once again,“I like the idea of being your wife but I don't know, how  I feel about having you as my husband.”

“You my love, are an ungrateful wife,” he brusquely stated, turning to stare at me as my eyes flare, and I breathed harshly. 

“Grateful? For what to be precise, for the pain you've given, or the lack of respect you have shown me through the years, or the fact that you made me kill our child,” My voice cracks barely above a whisper, as he groaned miserably, turning the car around, the gears screeching soundly as he raced the car, exhilarating a very terrifying speed.

My breath shuddered as I stared at his profile, by now I was far from composed. The anger I felt a moment ago has vanished, as I continued to stare at the man who've taken the place of my husband, he looked like him, he was him. But this anger and this so much of furry, it was unlike of him. I know I was the reason behind it, I made Jungkook this way.

“I don't hate you, Jungkook. I can't hate you,” I hoarsely spoke, seeking for the touch of his skin, my hand reached for his hand that was on the gear, he stiffened by my touch, his eyes they wavered when I looked at him.

“You should hate me,” was his answer.

“No—don’t say things that you don't mean,” I whispered brushing my fingers against his hand, but that didn't help as he moved his hand away, avoiding my touch. My heart sank, and I dropped my gaze, he was still angry.

  “I ruined you,” He yelled, turning to glare at me angrily, the raise in his tone surprised as I flinched shrinking back when he brought his hand to my face, tears gathered at my eyes, but I restrained them.

“See, you are terrified of me, you can't have me as your husband anymore.”

I shook my head, pressing a hand against my mouth, and sighed when he turned away and focused his attention back on the road. Minutes of silence passed once again between us, he drove the car at much racing speed.  My hands reached for the belt gripping it tightly as I let out a laboured breath.

“Slow down the car,” I insisted, raising my voice as he instead increases the pressure on the speed. I looked at him, and shivered it was hard for me to look at him in this way, it was like he was in a different world he wasn't paying attention to my pleas.

“Please slow—” I was shut down by the malice tone of the man who've taken over my husband.

“You lied to me,” he spoke, staring down at my face as I gulped hardly, my eyes growing wide with fear and befuddlement.

“What are you—saying?” I asked him, my voice sounded shaken and too weak for my liking but that, didn't matter right now, the way he was looking at me right now scared me more, I was beginning to realize that I was frightened of my own husband, the thought of staying anymore in this car with him terrified me, it numbed me. 

“You lied to me about loving me—I thought about everything, I recalled every we conversation we had, I now understand it all,” He said,“You stopped loving me, the day I asked you to give up on our child.”

“Jungkook, please,” I started to speak but failed miserably as he pinned me with a furious glance, that made a chill to travel up my spine.

“Tell me the truth, Ivy do you love me anymore?” He growled animalistic, making me yelp in fear. 

Clearing my throat, I averted my gaze turning to stare at the road, and a gasped my lips when I stared at the truck approaching us, that we were about to crash into fear paralyzed my senses, and I with shaken hands I gripped my seat.

“Fuck!” taking notice of my change in composure he also turned to stare at the road, and reached for the steering wheel with both his hands this time, turning the car to the side he raced at a panic-stricken speed, my eyes stayed glued to the road as I panted roughly, filling as much air into my lungs as possible.

Driving the car to a side of the road, he hated, causing my eyes to snap open as I sighed in relief, burying my face into my arms I sobbed, unable to hold back anymore. My lungs twisted, as I sobbed, trembling. My body felt weak and my heart heavy, I was too scared and, too glad to be alive.

       What was he thinking? What could've happened if we had died today? I would've lost him? I would've lost the chance to tell him what he thinks was wrong, what would've happened if we were dead now? I don't know what to say or tell him, but deep inside my heart I know that I love him. Oh, I love him. I love him, and I love him. I will always love him, I was miserable I know, a pathetic woman, but no matter what happens, I cannot unlove this man, only he has the key to my heart.

“Ivy?” a cold hand touched my arm, pulling me out of my trance as I gulped hardly, my eyes ached when I opened them, straightening up I stared at the road ahead, taking deep breaths to calm my heart beat down, but that seemed impossible when he took my hand in his and caressed it, tenderly causing my heart wreck havoc within my chest. It hurts.

There's a faint pain in my chest, submerging from deep inside of my heart. I don't know what it is, but I do know that I have to get out of this car. I have to breathe in some air, I feel suffocated, wrenching my hand from his, I unhooked my seat belt and pushed open the door at my side, and stepped out. The air outside was chilling, sharp. Cold breeze traveled up my skin, making me grit my teeth together and it was pouring hard right now, my clothes were already drenched, swallowing large gulps of air I placed my arms around myself and started to walk.

The dress I was wearing hugged close to my body, fitting every curve as I cursed silently, for ever taking off my coat in the car. My eyes squinted to focus when I looked up and found the approaching figure of my husband. He couldn't just leave me alone for few minutes? Could he?

       “Here,” He grunted, darkly. I looked up at him, searching for his eyes but was disappointed when I realized that he was avoiding looking at me again. Sighing, I stared down to find him holding out my coat to me, without saying anything I took it from his hands and put it on, letting it hang loosely round arms. 

He moved to stand beside me, he's staring ahead at the cars that passed us, his eyes are cold and distant but from some mere reason, I feel closer to him than I did in the car. It's like the wall that was between us was no more, we were now standing here as equals.

“I am sorry,” He said after awhile, still deciding to not look at me.

“No. Your apology isn't taken, do you know how scared I was? Do you know what I thought, when that truck was God—I am still shaking, I thought that we would be dead,” I expressed back turning to stare up at him with a rage I didn't  know I possessed.

“But we aren't dead. I made sure of it,” he muttered, in an odd cold tone. My eyes flare momentarily, hearing his words as without caring I gripped his arm and turned him around, he stares at me with a bewitching glance, but I ignore it and very, hastily bring his hand up and place it against my racing heart, the warmth of his skin against my cold and soaked skin surprised me, to measures I could never fathom, but still I stood firm, staring into his dark eyes.

     “Do you know how scared I felt? How terrified I was when, I realized that, I may loose you?” I don't even remember when those words slipped out of my tongue, I just remembered the reaction I got out of him.

It all happened too fast, in a moment, he was standing in front of me, with his hand against my heart, and the next thing I knew he was roughly groping my breast, a moan of surprised escaped my lips, as I stared up to  find dark smoldering eyes staring at me, with a warning to devour me before, soft lips descended upon mine, cutting off my breath.

“God, I missed this,” he uttered in a throbbing whisper, tearing his mouth away from mine for a second, instantly making me ache for his lips again, to feel them again. His arm went around my waist, tightened sharply in delicious embrace, cutting off my breath at the same time, as his eyes drop upon my mouth and they darken, groaning he brought his  thumb and pried my mouth open.

In an instant he mouth reclaimed mine, his tongue invaded my mouth with a stroke that may have made a delirious shiver to travel up my bones. Deepening the wildly consuming kiss, he pulls me roughly against his hard body, while his hand fondled my breasts, pushing them upward, teasing the sensitive nipples untill they stood errect, and hard against his palm.

Sweet—lord I was doomed. That was the last thought that reached my head before I fell into the kiss, losing all control. Everything disappeared, the world around us stopped as I placed my arms around his neck, pushing our wet bodies together until there was nothing in between, but the few layers of our clothes, my coat was hanging loose on my waist now and would've fallen if it wasn't for him holding it. Smiling in between the kiss, I battled with my tongue against his, fighting to take charge, we fought until the need for air overcomes our senses, and we both pulled back. Pressing his head against mine, he pants roughly, holding me dangerously close to his hard built body.

When he catches me staring at his mouth waiting for it in anticipation he laughs, a throaty and contagious laugh, and his eyes suddenly seem to regard me with a bold, speculative gleam, he places his mouth near my ear and and asks,“Eager?”

“Very,” I replied, nodding vigorously, looking upwards to glance at him with a bold, and daring stare.

And that was all it took for him, before his mouth was back on mine once again, claiming every breath, every thought, every idea, untill I yielded.

TO BE CONTINUED

Author's Note:

I hope each of you, are doing well and are safe. This update was long and lengthy but I hoped you enjoyed reading it. Have you watched the MV' of Stay Gold? If you have not, then please do because I absolutely cannot stop watching it. It's literally gold lol ;)

What do you believe, can a kiss save their relationship?

Stay safe, stay at home.
And keep spreading peace,
remember you're gold.💜

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Thanks for reading<3

Love,
shafaq-Shapel ♥