━━━━━━━━━┈♕┈━━━━━━━━━

❝Remember me, love when
I'm reborn as a strike to your
sharp and glorious thorn.❞

•••

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

NUMB, COLD, AND ALONE. I watched blankly how the night unfolded before me. This wedding was such a torture, I can't wait till I  get out of here, away from all these people, who pretend like they care about me, him, and us. But the thing is, they don't care. All they care about is just watching, they pretend like it's nothing, but they see everything, and they know everything and that's what hurts me more, knowing no matter how I hard I try; they can see through our lie. Our perfect lie, that we've built together.

Everyone knew that we were falling apart—everyone but us.

"So, Jungkook and Ivy are you both planning for kids?" His aunt asked, catching everyone's attention at the table, as I gulped putting down my napkin.

The wedding have ended and the newly married couple have just left for their honeymoon, leaving behind the rest to enjoy the wedding feast. It was a fine event with, only family members and close friends. The bride and the groom looked too happy together, to a point that it was making me feel sick to look at them, consider me selfish, but when I see pure love, innocent love; all I want to think about is how, I miserably craved for it. I did find it but, then I lost it.

Love should be simple. But when it makes you feel woeful, then it isn't love anymore.

       "Yes, I completely agree. You both should've had two kids by now," spoke another Aunt of his, as I dropped my gaze staring down at my wine glass, but stiffened when I felt his mother holding my hand from under the table.

Her eyes focused on the food but I knew that she was listening, and she knew I was getting hurt. It just pains me that her son was just sitting beside her; while she was seated between us. He was also present, at the same table and was sure listening, but I know he wasn't going to defend me. 

And, even if he would say anything, it would be not for my but his own selfish reasons; this was how hard it was for him to understand, me. To know what I want. 

"Aunty, how can we have kids of our own? I think we're still kids ourselves," Jungkook, at last finally spoke, his words certainly managed to uplift the tension, as everyone, surely started to laugh. It was quite ridiculous what he did.

I mean he can't always be a child, I wish he would stop saying that, and for once act like an adult and defend his wife's honour.

    "Children are a blessing, and God only bless those who deserve it," I mumbled, looking up to meet his aunt's gaze as I smiled, whilst struggling to cut the steak on my plate, that have suddenly turned so tasteless.

I could feel him staring at me, so where the others. All they saw was an ignorant woman, no cares what was beneath the surface.

        "Surely, Ivy what you're saying is correct but sometimes, it is in a wife's hand to provide her husband a child. I am sure God would bless you both, with a child. Only if you want to, I can fix you an appointment at, my gynecologist," It surprised me how fast she said those words, it was nicely done. I couldn't ignore it, no matter how hard I tried. I didn't even realize when I stopped looking at the food in my plate, and lifted my gaze.

I kept my eyes wide, and started at her because I couldn't believe that how easy was it for her, to call another woman 'barren.' 

"Yes, I've heard of many cases of infertility. But you shouldn't worry, Ivy even if you're barren—" and my surprise was further extended when she continued with her speech, each word that she spoke sank deeper and, deeper into my soul slaughtering down my composure and, my tolerance.

I felt my heart getting heavy, and my eyes beginning to form tears, as I leaned back against my seat. I didn't  bother to listen to her anymore, cause suddenly it was hard for me to breathe, under the eyes of so many. I felt suffocated, and extremely vulnerable.

"Stop it, Ji-ae. I don't think it's any of yours business to know when my son and his wife would have a child. This is their personal matter," mother started to speak up, her voice artic as she stared at everyone as if daring them to speak any further. The tension around the table was palpable, no dared to even speak as, I slowly regained my composure.

A weak smile twisted my lips, as I stood up pushing back my chair, and placed my hand over her shoulder, for some reason Jungkook have also stood up, his eyes carefully glancing at me, and I could from here sense the danger within his gaze, a warning, ignoring I turned to face everyone.

      "Everyone, today present here, have shared their opinions. I don't mind, you're all my elders and I respect each one of you. But, since today was supposed to be all about goodness, and togetherness, I didn't think I would get to say this or share this with all of you. There years ago, I found out I was pregnant, I found it out very earlier. I thought my life was finally complete, I married the perfect man, was living a perfect life," drawing an air, I dazedly stared at the abandoned food on the table as everyone turned their attention towards me.

Mother was holding my hand so tightly, that I felt like it would almost crush. She was trembling, and crying now. And just looking at her I wished, I had not spoken, but I still couldn't stop myself from speaking the truth, because I was tired of lying, and pretending.

             "I believed that when my husband would know about it, he would for sure be happy. But, I was wrong when I told him, about the child he surely was everything but happy, and he made it clear to me that, I cannot under any circumstances give birth to that child. You want to know what he said? He, said that we can't have a child yet, because we were still kids ourselves. Days went on and, his decision didn't change. So, I did what an obedient wife was supposed to do, I had an abortion. After all I can't possibly give birth to a child who's father didn't want him? That was wrong, I know, I should've fought hard, I should've fought for my baby that is why, maybe now God is punishing me, because I couldn't save my own child, I deserve this all. I am barren because the man I married didn't want to grow up."

And at last my voice broke down as tears blurred my vision, but I took a deep breath and looked up and this time when I saw his mother staring at me with guilt, and shame I couldn't do anything so I just, placed my hand over her face and smiled weakly.

My touch surprised her,  as her eyes snapped back to reality as, she clears her throat pulling everyone out of their trances, no one dared to say anything to me again or even looked at me, Jungkook was now again sitting down, his face was between his hands and he was still. I know how he must be feeling right now, but it didn't mean that he didn't deserve this.

Maybe, I would've not said all of that, only if he defended me. He acted like he wasn't here, when his relatives tried insulting me, it was good whatever he does, showing his aunts he didn't really want a child from me, or wasn't forcing me, but at the same time, I wished he actually defends me, his wife, his honour. I wanted him to fight for me, for us. 

"Jungkook, take Ivy with you. I think that it's time you both should go home, because I simply can't look at you anymore," His mother spoke in a stern, cold voice leaving no place for objection.

And, as if her words was the only thing left for him to hear, he stood up, abruptly and with a curt nod at others at the table. Hstrode towards me, my eyes widening as I stared at his face. His face was as it always was, expressionless, stoic devoid of any emotion. But his eyes, oh they were cold, and in them I saw the silent storm that was brewing, waiting to be raged.

            "Mother, is correct we should get home," Jungkook murmured, his voice sounds artic, as my breath shuddered when he roughly, pulled me by my arm, his grip was too strong for me, and I didn't try to fight, and let him drag me towards the exit, afraid to cause anymore reason.

And I knew already that what this night was surely turning into.

TO BE CONTINUED

Author's Note:

Hi! I hope everyone are doing well and taking care of themselves. This chapter was kinda dark, and very overwhelming. Today, when I started writing it, I gave up because it was too hard for to write this, I just didn't know that, what others would  think about it.

And before this ends up as me being totally against men I'm saying that, this isn't Jungkook's fault alone. And in this chapter it just shows why Ivy is so wary of him, but about the abortion it was her fault as well, as much as it was Jungkook's they are both too complicated,  and aren't perfect. I hope you understand that.

Stay safe, stay at home.
And spread peace. Stay strong💜

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Thanks for reading<3

Love,
shafaq-Shapel ♥