CHAPTER 22

Thanks to the information from Himura, STARISH were split into two teams once they could schedule their free time. The first team; Cecil and Otoya would meet the psychiatrist who was Tokiya's savior, Mayama Jun. As expected, it was so hard to convince the experienced expert.

"Please, doctor. I know you have your own policy and you're close to Tokiya but it's important for us to know his illness. It's important for STARISH. We don't want him to suffer alone anymore," Otoya said, trying to sound as convincing as possible. Cecil on the other hand had nothing to say. The guilt which cruelly haunted his mind these past days had sealed his mouth even he was as curious as others. "He's our dear friend and we just realized that so many things about him that we don't know. Since it's impossible for us to ask him since he won't tell us, we thought that it's wise to ask somebody who he depends on for his mental illness."

The said doctor sighed heavily. This was not ethical but from all the consultations he had conducted with Tokiya since years ago, he could tell that STARISH could help the guy out. He could tell that STARISH could support the idol since his illnesses mainly resulted from his willingness to protect his friends.

They were the encouragement that he needed.

"Okay, then. I'll tell you this only because from our consultations, I believe that you guys can help him out. Just a gentle reminder, mental illnesses do not simply get cured because of affection or sincere feeling from one's friends or family but it can boost the patient's motivation to fight his illnesses."

"I understand, doctor," Otoya said.

"I beg you. Once you find out the truth, please be good to Tokiya. Please be there for him because even he didn't tell me all the triggers for his mental illnesses, I believe that he doesn't deserve to live this way. I know he's a good guy, knowing the way he talked especially about you guys."

"What do you mean, doctor?" The redhead asked. He could feel his heart beat so fast as he saw how despondent Dr. Mayama looked right now.

"Yeah, and why did you mention 'his mental illnesses' instead of 'illness'? Does he have..."

"Yes, Aijima-san, Ittoki-san. Tokiya was diagnosed with two illnesses; clinical depression and complex PTSD since he was 24 years old but I believe he suffered from it earlier than that."

"What?" Otoya's eyes met Cecil's, silently sharing their surprise.

That... that long? Why? Cecil thought. His green eyes sized up in horror.

"At first, he said that it happened since he was HAYATO due to his hectic lifestyle and his parents' abandonment. As he grew up and achieved his current fame, his illness got worse. He said to me that he hated to be called Stripper and fantasized by a lot of women. But you know what's the weirdest thing?"

"What is it, doctor?" Both the STARISH members asked, almost in chorus.

"For some reason, Tokiya didn't want you guys to know. He didn't say 'I don't want anyone to know'. He said 'I don't want STARISH to know'."

Cecil and Otoya could feel their hearts skip a beat.

"I believe the part that he didn't tell me will cause a big reaction from you guys had you guys know it. Given his collected and strong personality, I don't think how the fans treated him could cause him to suffer like that. I believe there're more disturbing things that we don't know. Or else, he wouldn't suffer from complex PTSD as well."

So, he moved out and refused to meet us because he kept a secret? What could it be? What'll happen if we find it? Otoya thought. Cecil from his side looked spaced out but God knew how warped he felt inside.

"And I do worry about Tokiya when he said this certain thing. Even I keep suggesting him to lead a healthy lifestyle but due to his job, he can't help it."

"What is it, doctor?" Otoya inquired.

"He kept saying that he wanted to sleep for a few years. He kept saying this especially when his illness got worse," Dr. Mayama explained. "Just so you know, when a person keeps saying something eerie like he wants to rest or sleep for a long time, that actually can lead two possibilities. The first one is he simply wants to take a break from his busy life. For this part, you guys as his friends can simply bring him to somewhere far from this city. Maybe somewhere peaceful like islands will help him to clear his mind. But... if he falls into the second possibility, he means he wants to end his life."

It managed to send the scariest feeling to the STARISH members' veins.

"For your information, Tokiya had tried to commit suicide so many times. He had tried to cut his wrist, drown himself, drink poison and many more but for some reasons, Hijirikawa-san was always the one who ended up rescuing him. He told me that because of Hijirikawa-san, he stays alive until now."

Like a flash, the downright sadness clouded their frames.

Tokiya was suffering for so long but they were too clueless about it.

The second team; Ren and Syo would interrogate Dr. Murano Suoh, the psychiatrist of Saotome Hospital who arrogantly claimed that he knew how to do his job.

So today, after more than ten years, they were here again to ensure Dr. Murano's credibility.

"Oh, it's Jinguuji Ren and Kurusu Syo from STARISH," Dr. Murano exclaimed, eyeing the two men who were already in his office.

"Yeah and we're here to ask about Ichinose Tokiya, also from STARISH," Ren said. Syo who knew what the remark meant immediately observed Dr. Murano's reaction.

As expected, he turned pallid right away.

"I know this question sounds stupid but did the famous idol's name ring a bell? Perhaps, something that took place more than ten years ago?" Ren remarked.

"What do you mean?"

"I want to ask this for the last time. When Tokiya was 21 years old, was his mental health really okay?"

"Yes. Why?" The psychiatrist said, trying hard to sound annoyed and convincing. "Seriously? Did you really come here just for asking about something that old?"

"Yes because just like back then, we doubted your credibility as a psychiatrist. Perhaps, did you ever make something sinful to Tokiya like claiming that he's normal when in fact, he's not psychologically stable? How much that whoever paid you? I can pay you more, you know."

"Excuse me, Jinguuji-san. What're you trying to say, huh? Did you just question how I did my job? You're just an artist who only knows how to sing and act so you have no right to question my credibility. If you have nothing useful to say, I suggest you leave this room like a mature adult. I have patients to consult today."

Ren never thought that it could be this easy to provoke someone conceited like Dr. Murano.

"Unfortunately, we have a lot of things to say. Plus, the longer you waste our time by not saying something useful like Tokiya's true condition, we're afraid we can't behave like a mature adult. Don't worry. Your patients don't need an unethical expert like you anyway."

"What?"

Suddenly losing his composure, Ren quickly pounced on the doctor before pushing his head to the table. His demeanor completely turned into what Syo could describe as 'The Evil Ren'.

"That's what you got for being haughty, doctor," Syo said, taking a seat next to Dr. Murano's head. "Now, speak."

"Jinguuji-san, Kurusu-san, please... Don't hurt me. Do you want other staffs to hear us? Let's talk nicely and..."

"I did. Masato and I did talk to you nicely about Tokiya's mental health but what did you say back to us? He's totally fine and you know how to do your job. You kept repeating the same lines. You know what? After our last meeting with him, we don't think you did your job right. Rather, you let him suffered for so long without our knowledge."

Dr. Murano let out a gasp. His heart beat faster, matching the increasing pressure from Ren's hands.

"Now, I want you to tell us everything about Tokiya's mental health. I repeat 'now' before you suffer worse than this. You know my family, right? If you dare to report this matter to the president, I will send my underlings to hurt you and your family. Got that? Or do you want to lose your arm first then only you can make a decision?"

"Okay, okay, Jinguuji-san. I'll tell you. Actually, Ichinose-san... Ichinose-san has suffered from clinical depression and complex PTSD."

"What?" Syo looked at Ren but the guy was too busy torturing Dr. Murano by twisting his arm more.

"Why did he suffer from that?" Ren said.

"I can't say that. That's a secret."

"I believe the reason why you refused to tell us not because you're ethical. You're clearly far from that so don't waste our time and just spill it!"

As his arm was twisted more, Dr. Murano almost let out a loud scream but Syo was faster to cover his mouth.

"This is not the right time to scream. You have to tell us the truth, doctor!" Syo remarked, also losing his patience.

For someone who's normally hot-tempered, he sure took time to be fired up, huh? Ren mentally remarked, along with low chuckles. He was glad that Syo finally had been honest with himself.

"Answer him, you bastard!"

"Sexual assault! Ichinose-san was raped since he was 21 years old..."

Ren almost released his tight grip around the doctor's arm out of shock. The truth was so far-fetched for their hearings. He looked at Syo who shared the same expression as him.

"What the hell are you talking about!? There's no way..."

"I swear I'm telling the truth, Kurusu-san! Ichinose-san was a rape victim and that's why I have to fake his health report..."

"That's so absurd! Why would you fake his health report when you know he's sexually assaulted? You're supposed to acknowledge his illnesses and treat him!" Ren said, losing his composure for the second time.

"I don't have choices! The president ordered me to do that or else, he would finish me off!"

Just like what Otoya and Cecil felt at the end of the conversation with Dr. Mayama, Syo and Ren swore that they almost forgot to breathe.

The more they learned about Tokiya, the more dark truths got unraveled.

Himura knew this phase would happen but it was still worrisome.

Since the day of Tokiya's full album meeting which was the same day when he asked Saotome to officially remove him from STARISH, Tokiya was so worrisome.

The fact that he worked too hard in order to make his mind busy was not surprising. It really sounded like him but when his mornings started with Tokiya's rambles about giant octopus's size compared to two busses, Himura knew the blue head's health was poorer and soon enough, he would pass out. His hobby which was suddenly switched to watching random animal facts videos proved the manager that his assumption was right.

Tokiya was too stressed out to be his normal self.

Even Tomochika who got paired up with him for their latest drama also could not conceal her worry. Now, when they were in the midst of their practice in Tokiya's waiting room, the woman spent more time to worry about Tokiya instead of practicing. When all Eiichi did to her was hurting her because of his extreme jealousy, Tokiya strangely made her feel warm. The idol suddenly could bring up the caring side of her which was buried by Eiichi's hostility.

"Hey, Tokiya," Tomochika picked up the script which had dropped from Tokiya's hand. Even she poked his hand, it took a while for him to fully open his eyes due to his excessive tiredness. "Here, your script."

"Oh, thanks," Tokiya said before placing the script onto the table between them.

"Are you okay? Should we take a break?" Tomochika asked, lowering her eyes so that she could match Tokiya's. Her heart ached from the thought of Tokiya would fall sick again due to his sleep deprivation.

But once her phone suddenly rang which was the tenth time for that day, it did not only manage to wake Tokiya up. It also reminded her of another man who hankered after her attention.

The call was from Eiichi. Something that she had avoided since this morning since she was jaded with him and their abusive relationship.

"Just pick up the phone, Tomo. I bet whoever called you might be worried sick about you," Tokiya mumbled, leaning against the sofa. His long fingers massaged his forehead.

"It's okay. This person should know that I am working right now," much to Tokiya's surprise, Tomochika detached the battery from her phone.

"I need to focus," Tomochika said, a wide smile plastered over her lips.

"Okay, then."

They just took a break when the door was slammed open, revealing a very tall guy with a bright smile.

"Tokiya! Tomo! Himura-san!" Natsuki greeted.

"Hi, Natsuki!" Himura and Tomochika exclaimed right away, followed by Tokiya's weak wave of his hand. Himura who sat alone way back from Tokiya's sofa quickly stood up before heading for Natsuki's direction.

Meeting anyone from STARISH was the last moment Tokiya wanted to happen but to see Natsuki tried so hard to patch up with him even after the unlucky potluck, he did not know how to react.

"You're participating in a new variety show now, right?" Tokiya asked, trying to sound distant.

"Yes, we took a short break. You must care about me a lot that you always knew my schedule!"

"No, I don't! I just heard from other people."

"Nah, I know it! You might try to sound aloof but deep down, you still love STARISH!"

"Hey, where did that come from!? I said I don't!"

'You're so stupid, Tokiya' was the line that echoed in Himura's and Tomochika's mind. Through eye contact, they both silently shared the same prayer.

Hopefully, Tokiya would not try too hard to ditch his friends especially Natsuki because the big guy would try harder to bother him.

The cheerful moment continued until they heard somebody's squeal from outside. Since Natsuki forgot to close the door, it was easy for the two members from a female idol group, Canna to get in and excited at seeing Tokiya and Tomochika together.

"Waaa, Shibuya-san and Ichinose-san are here!" One of them instantly exclaimed, eyeing the two stars with full admiration. "Are you memorizing a script for your new drama?"

Yes, why? Did you expect Aladdin and Jasmine then? Tokiya thought. Their high voices and manners were so distracting for his hearing and mood.

"Yes. Are you girls excited?" Luckily for Tokiya, Tomochika was there to entertain the girls who were never tired to chase him around and request collaboration from him.

"Yes, of course!" Another girl answered her cheerfully. "We're a big fan of you both. You guys always have good chemistry. Oh my, I really wish I can be as talented as you guys."

All Tokiya did was smiling lazily.

"Tokiya, I have to go now," Natsuki said, poking his arm before pointing at the door. "See you soon, guys."

"Okay, see you soon," Tokiya said with a fairly loud voice. He was giving the girls the last chance to be polite with Natsuki but apparently, they were still busy to praise Tomochika and him.

Himura waved at Natsuki while glancing at his artist knowingly.

I know you said 'see you soon' without meaning it but you know what, Tokiya? You'll definitely meet him and the rest of your friends very soon.

This time, Natsuki remembered to shut the door which allowed Tokiya's composure broke freely.

"Hey, girls," his attention was solely for the juniors now. His strict vibes were emitted which also caused Tomochika to freeze from her seat.

"Yes, Ichinose-san," the girls responded, slightly gasped at his stern expression.

"Do you guys know Shinomiya Natsuki?" The idol demanded. As usual, he kept his poker face but only those who were in the same place as him would know how his intimidating aura was too much to handle.

"Ye... yes, Ichinose-san."

"Then, why do you guys treat him worse than a wall? He's in the same group with me so that makes him your senior as well. You guys know that, right?"

"Yes, we know."

Tomochika eyed Himura but the manager just lifted his shoulders.

"Just let him be," Himura mouthed.

"Then, is this what your agency taught you? Just greeting the people who you like? That's sooo rude," Tokiya could not care less when Tomochika nervously poked his arm in order to soothe him. Instead, he stood before facing the girls who were way shorter than him. His arms were crossed, earning a pair of pale faces from the young idols.

"Since you guys never show that you have changed your attitude, I'll warn you now. If you ever ignore my manager or any other senior artist again, you'll see what I am able to do. Got that?"

"Sorry, Ichinose-san. We're so sorry," the first girl remarked, bowing before him which was instantly followed by the second girl.

"By the way, what are you supposed to attend today?"

"Music... The Music Princess."

"And you still have the nerve to greet us instead of showing up there early. Do you think other people don't have anything to do other than waiting for stuck-up idols like you? Go!"

Tomochika flinched when Tokiya raised his voice. The two juniors quickly bowed before leaving the room. Even with the closed door, they could hear the girls' voices clearly, possibly greeting any soul that they could come across.

"Teenagers nowadays," Tokiya mumbled angrily, still staring at the door with his arms rested on his hips.

Yet, no matter how scary he looked like, Tomochika and Himura could not help but laugh.

"What's so funny?" He asked, looking daggers at the two people. This was when he could feel his surrounding was spinning while his head turned heavy.

"No, nothing. It's just... that's admirable. You look so cool when you lost your coolness, I guess," Tomochika said. She was frowning but she still looked cheeky.

"I could see it coming, Tokiya. You bottled up everything only to explode today. You must still care about your friends, right?" Himura supplied.

"No, please don't misunderstand, Himura-san. It's not like I care about them. That Canna girls just need to learn how to be polite and I am tired and..."

Everything happened so fast. The tall body who looked temporarily cool before his juniors suddenly collapsed, earning a loud gasp from Tomochika while Himura quickly approached him.

"Tokiya!" Tomochika could feel her heart almost dropped from the sudden faint. In the midst of the panic, she held Tokiya's head. "Himura-san..."

"Hey, Tokiya! Tokiya!" Himura patted the artist's cheek but as he expected, he earned no responses. Tokiya was completely out which looked funnily tragic. "We need to call the medics."

As for Tomochika, she had encountered a sick Tokiya for a few times but for some reason, this moment was the most horrifying for her.

She absolutely did not want bad things to happen to such a precious friend.

"It was fatigue. His body already reached the limit and they will conduct more examination. Most probably, he'll stay here for more than a week," Himura informed as he and other STARISH members except Masato were sitting around a coffee table. He glanced at Tokiya who was still unconscious on the white bed before diverting his attention to the others' sad faces. "And do you guys know what did he do before he collapsed? He scolded juniors from Canna since they did not greet Natsuki. He even claimed that Natsuki is in the same group as him. I don't see why he should be that concerned if he really wants to ditch you guys."

Those eyes with different colors sized up. They were mixed with happiness, sadness, and bitterness.

"I know it. He still cares about us," Natsuki commented. Words could not describe how wonderful he felt inside.

"So, his threat towards Masato is also fake, right? He must do that so that he can continue keeping his secret," Otoya added.

"So many things turned out shocking when it comes to him. We also have things to tell you, Himura-san," Ren said. "And this is quite shocking as well."

"What's it, Ren? Did you guys already find anything?"

"Yes, Himura-san. Tokiya doesn't only suffer from clinical depression but also complex PTSD," Otoya supplied. All five of them already shared what they got from their secret investigation among them which was the reason why they looked so gloomy.

"Wait, what? Two... two illnesses?" Himura asked back. "Why PTSD though?"

"When he was 21 years old, he was sexually assaulted," Natsuki responded.

"What?"

"That assaults lasted about two years but we still did not know who did that. For sure, he endured more than one assaulter," Syo added, still feeling disturbed with the fact that his friend's suffering was far worse than they could imagine.

"And how did you guys find this? From the psychiatrists?" Himura asked. The fact was too far-fetched for his mind to register.

"From Dr. Murano Suoh, the one who works for Saotome Hospital. He was responsible to conduct our mental health check-up and he was the one who faked Tokiya's mental health condition. But you know what's the scariest thing, Himura-san?" Natsuki remarked.

"What is it, Natsuki?"

"The president was the one who ordered Dr. Murano to fake the report but we still don't know for what purpose," Cecil answered.

"Wait, wait... Are you guys sure about this?" The manager found it hard to believe. All this time, Shining Saotome was the one that he looked up to. He admired the man's talent and his humble attitude the most. "I can't imagine that the president will do something like that."

"We understand, Himura-san. We also found it hard to believe," Otoya remarked, smiling bitterly at the manager.

"So, we were just thinking, in order to find the evidence, we need to think like Tokiya," Ren stated, earning frowns from his friends. "He is a very organized and well-prepared person. He typically doesn't give up easily in order to achieve his goal unless something threatened him. Something which absolutely will cause him more harm had he refused to give in. So, maybe he did keep the evidence that he was assaulted somewhere."

"Wow, you guys are so amazing! How did you guys think..."

"No, Himura-san. It's actually Ren's idea. We just agreed with him," Cecil exclaimed, followed by others' nods.

"Yes, it's actually quite scary when he claimed that it was our idea. Normally, he's so proud of himself," Syo supplied, eyeing the long-haired scion suspiciously.

This guy should be a detective instead of an artist, Himura thought. He was amazed so many times by Ren's sharpness.

"Anyway, Himura-san," Ren who refused to take all the credits quickly continued, "We need your help again. I know as his manager, you know his password and everything but perhaps, does he have something that he doesn't allow you to access? Like... maybe his PC tablet or..."

"His laptop," Himura said, almost instantly. "That's the only thing that he won't use when I am around."

"And you stated previously that he still saved a lot of our pictures," Upon hearing Ren's remark, Cecil and Syo lifted their heads in disbelief. "You said he fell asleep while looking at our pictures, right?"

"Yes, he did. I think you're right, Ren. He must store evidence like voice recordings or something. I don't think Tokiya will let his assaulters escape that easy."

"I agree, Himura-san. I hope you can help us break into his house so that we can dig every room. This is the only chance before he gets discharged again," Otoya added.

"Plus, Masato is still confused with what happened so the sooner we can find out everything, the sooner we can stop Masato from feeling concerned," Ren commented.

"Sure, guys. Anything for my artist."

They all turned to throw a determined look at the unconscious frame on the bed. Tokiya's pale face and slow breathing broke their hearts but from now on, they would do anything to bring back his smile.

The scene where Tokiya scolded the girls was inspired by Korean Drama, My Love From The Star. I found that Jun Ji Hyun looked cool lol. As always, feel free to tell me what do you think about this chapter, okay? ^^