Warning : Suicide attempt

CHAPTER 18

Masato was still making a huge effort in order to be the best guy for Haruka. No matter how ridiculous it was, his manly heart and mind were set for it.

One of the ridiculous ways was by bothering Tokiya in his room. It was a voice lesson according to him but it was weird and amusing that the others (except for Ren who was still sleeping in his room and Natsuki who went to work) ended up joining the blue heads.

"Your voice is so sweet, Tokiya. I don't understand why the president doesn't give you a chance to produce your solo album. Now, can you please say my name in your usual tone?" Masato said while sitting on the floor.

"Masato," Tokiya replied right away. His hand which was supposed to scribble small notes on his script remained static.

"What about 'Otoya'?" Masato requested, pointing at the redhead who was observing them from his bed with full of interest.

"No!" Both Otoya and Tokiya objected without a second thought.

"Why?"

"That doesn't sound right, Masato," Otoya said, trying his best not to show a sign of disgust. Tokiya and he were not always in a good term so to hear that Tokiya would address him 'romantically' was a tad disturbing.

"Yeah," Tokiya acknowledged. "My voice tends to be deeper when I scold him so that's definitely a no-no."

"Then, how about saying their female name?"

"Otomi... Syoko... Cecilia..."

"Syoko!?" Syo responded immediately, rising from Otoya's chair.

"Cecil is a unisex name, Tokiya!" Cecil retorted.

"What about Haruka?"

"Haru... wait! Why are you doing this all of sudden?" Tokiya ended up putting his script aside.

"I am analyzing your voice," Masato confessed. "Ren said that my voice sounds patriotic so..."

"Well, your voice does sound patriotic but I honestly think it's manly and charming. It made girls feel safe," Tokiya remarked, followed by the nods from others. "Plus, the patriotic part applies to your tone since you're raised in that way. I think your voice can be sweet. Just listen to Original Resonance back. You sounded so amazing in that song."

"But I prefer to talk sweetly like you."

"But this is how I talk regularly. There's nothing sweet about that," Tokiya said. He did not understand why Masato was inferior about his voice. "Seriously, what's this about? Did you get an offer for a romance movie?"

"No. He's actually trying to win Haruka's heart!" Cecil exclaimed, followed by others' giggles.

"What?"

"Wait! How do you guys know that!?" Masato quickly turned as his eyes sized up in terror.

"We saw you both by the lakeeee," Otoya and Cecil swayed childishly while singing. "By the lake, by the lake."

"Your 'I love you' is so cute even it sounded a bit strange. For some reason, the wind was also strange on that day," Syo added, cheeky chuckles escaped from his lips.

"You guys..."

"Waaaa, he's mad!"

"Masato, please don't get angry! We promise we won't do it again!"

While the room was figuratively burning due to Masato's anger and nagging, Tokiya was spaced out at his desk.

Masato is so lucky. The Saint, Haruka...

At least, Tokiya believed he would be happy if Haruka ended up with someone loving like Masato.

At least, that was what he believed.

Despite Masato's praise for Tokiya's voice which was worth a solo album, Saotome already had a shocking plan for the scion and Haruka.

"A... a solo album?" Masato repeated. His face was stiff due to shock and happiness at the same time since Haruka would compose all the songs.

As for Haruka, she was excited because more works for her and this might become a bit easy since she only had to compose for only one singer instead of seven. She smiled at Masato which was returned shyly.

"Yes, Masato. You and Haruka are going to work together for your solo album. I want you both to produce a masterpiece that will top all charts."

While Masato was glad about the opportunity, something occurred to his mind.

"Thank you, president. I... I really appreciate the offer but are you going to produce others' solo albums as well?"

"No."

"Why?"

"It's because I only want to produce yours, Masato. Is that clear?" The president said as a smile spread across his lips. Little did the partners know, he was not actually smiling. Sometimes, he hated Masato's consideration towards his teammates. Unlike Tokiya's, Saotome could not use Masato's consideration for his own benefits. "Don't worry. While you are working for your album, the others will be given chances in variety shows and what not so don't worry about that."

It was enough for Masato to breathe out a relieved sigh.

"I see. Then, I will try my best for my album. You can count on me, president."

"Of course I will count on you. Your talent should not be wasted. The theme that you're going to work on this album is love songs. Haruka, I expect you to ensure the melody so pleasant and sweet for the fans. You'll be composing songs for The Saint so your songs will establish his image more as an ideal husband."

Contrasted with Tokiya who will be the ideal stripper, Saotome thought.

Ideal... husband? That's too early for my age, Masato's mind echoed.

"Ideal husband... sweet... love songs," Haruka who was ecstatic with the new project could not help but mumbled the words. It was her way to immediately create a mental image which led her to gain ideas faster. "Okay, president."

"Good. Since both of you will work and spend time together a lot, I have a good suggestion. Why don't you guys date each other and write songs about your love story? You both certainly will make a cute couple."

"President, that's..." Pink dust spread to every inch of the couple's faces. Masato was too speechless to finish his words while Haruka stared into the floor. It would not be this awkward if she did not receive Masato's confession beforehand.

"What? I don't lift the relationship rule for nothing, you know. You both have my blessing so you can date each other if you guys want," Saotome did a great job in acting like their father who got all thrilled for his grown-up children's love life.

At least in front of the idols except for Tokiya, he had to do this much.

"That's too sudden, president. I don't think..."

"Yes, I know this is a crazy idea, Masato. Just ignore me. You can do whatever you want as long as your love songs will top the charts. I wish you good luck with your songs."

"Thank you so much, president," Masato bowed, followed by Haruka. "But if you don't mind, I want to ask you something else."

"Yes?"

"About the recent mental health check-up, has Tokiya received a good result? Perhaps, did he get diagnosed with any type of illness?"

"Wow, you're not even curious about yours, Masato. What a good twin."

"Ah, it's not like that. It's just that we're worried about him. It seems he's stressed out a lot with his works and..."

"Being stressed out is normal, young man. You can't find a job which has no stress at all. Plus, Tokiya has been in this industry since he was 13 so I think he's smart enough to manage his stress. But, just in case he can't handle it, he always can consult with our psychiatrists. They will be there to help."

Masato nodded, meeting Haruka's eyes which also conveyed the same degree of satisfaction from Saotome's answer.

I guess we're worried about nothing.

This is still awkward, Masato thought as he closed the door.

"Well, I guess I look forward to working with you," Haruka said before bowing before the man. Masato always found her voice adorable every time she bubbled over with gusto.

"Yes, me too. I look forward to working with you," Masato bowed back.

That's what I am saying but the truth is, I am more than nervous to spend time with her, he thought. His mixed but bursting feeling engrossed him so much that he did not notice that just like him, Haruka also remained her posture due to nervousness.

I wonder if this is a good chance for me to learn more about him, she thought.

"What are you guys doing?" Somebody's perplexed voice made them gasped out of shock. They straightened their bodies out, facing the voice's owner in absolute terror.

"Tokiya, you surprised me," Masato said, stroking his chest. That was when he realized that Tokiya also had his hand on his chest but looking much calmer.

"Masato, trust me. I am even more surprised to see you both in such a posture," Tokiya said flatly but still layered with sarcasm. "Did you guys just meet the president?"

"Yes. We're going to work together for my album," Masato said happily since Tokiya would be the first person who he wanted to share this good news with.

Ah...

"You're so amazing, Tokiya. You told me that my voice can be sweet and today, the president wanted Haruka to compose all love songs."

You're even more amazing, Masato. You told me I should have a solo album but instead, you're the one who will have it, Tokiya mentally replied.

"I told you," Tokiya said as they bumped their fists together. Truly, he was happy but he was also upset to think that they would spend more time together. The fact that he missed to talk with Haruka every night also got the best of him.

Why can't I just be a normal friend? I am supposed to be fully happy for him but...

Why Haruka?

"You see this guy, Haruka? He asked me to coach him in how to speak romantically to you," Tokiya teased, finally talking properly with the girl after avoiding her for so long. He could spot her shocked expression but Masato's horrified face entertained him more.

"Tokiya, you don't have to say that!" Masato exclaimed but the smirking Tokiya proceeded to knock on the door, waiting for Saotome's cue.

Masato swore, one day he would rather die than getting teased by his friends all the time. They got cheeky nowadays, especially when Haruka was around.

As soon as Tokiya found himself in front of Saotome's table, the first thing that insolently greeted him was his latest medical report, being flung to his face by the old man.

"You must be kidding me, Ichinose Tokiya," was the first set of words that Saotome blurted out, which almost made Tokiya laughed. It was indeed 'funny' but Tokiya lost his energy again to laugh or smile after using all of it to prove to his friends that he was fine.

"I was about to say the same thing to you," Tokiya mumbled without looking back at his president. Instead, he curiously took the flying medical report. His nose twitched since it still stung from being attacked by the object.

"Clinical depression and complex PTSD... Seriously, Tokiya?" Saotome mocked the two mental disorders which Tokiya was diagnosed with. "One is bothersome enough but now you have two illnesses?"

"What's wrong with that?" Tokiya asked back. His president was way overdramatic when they both knew who was the cause of his mental disorders.

"Now are you saying that since you are depressed and sad all the time, you don't want to do your job? How funny."

"I am sorry but I don't see which part of it is funny," Tokiya said, slowly putting the medical report on the table. "Just so you know, that's bound to happen when you and those animals treated me like a whore."

"Those animals who you insulted are your lifeblood in this industry. I thought someone experienced as you will eventually understand why I did this to you but I guess you're just like your suicidal seniors. You guys are a bunch of weaklings!"

"If we're a bunch of weaklings, what that makes you and the animals? The scum of the earth?" His voice was weak but it stabbed deep into Saotome's pride. "You know what, president? The more I know your true color, the more I pity you. I did hear a lot of rumors you know."

"What do you mean? What sorts of crap are you talking about, huh?"

"You ditched your ex-composer after making her pregnant and now she was nowhere to be found. At the same time, you also sold your body for a living. Your agency also practiced a similar system; choosing the so-called most valuable asset to be sexually assaulted but in your case, it's not considered as 'assaulted' since you gave your consent. I wonder how pathetic your sense of dignity..."

"Shut your mouth, Tokiya! Someone like you doesn't deserve to give a big speech about dignity here."

"I learned more about dignity thanks to my friends," Tokiya said. "So, since I am diagnosed with the disorders, I guess I can seek treatment, right?"

Now, it was the time for Saotome to take revenge.

"No. You're not allowed to seek any therapy since it will risk other idols to know your disorders including your friends."

"Then, what's the use of undergoing a medical check-up if I can't get the treatment for my illnesses? Is your Saotome Hospital really a hospital?" Tokiya remarked. He really wanted to scream on the top of his lungs but he could not find his energy.

"It's a hospital but in your case, allowing you to consult a psychiatrist will risk your secret of being a whore so it's definitely a no-no for me. Masato already asked me if there is something wrong with your mental health so I can't afford to risk anything after this. Just solve it yourself," Saotome declared. He grabbed a file from his side which indirectly ordering Tokiya to leave him alone.

If you say so, I'll just kill myself. Then only all the problems can get solved, president.

"Thank you for the dinner, Masato. It's really good," Haruka said, strolling together with the said guy. They just went back from their meeting before Masato said that he wanted to pay for her dinner. They ended up eating in an Italian restaurant and chatting more than they intended to. It certainly managed to reduce the awkwardness which lately thwarting their conversation.

"It's okay, Haruka. Your songs will help me shine so I think I should do this much," Masato replied. His muscles were a bit sore from today's schedule but no words could describe how happy he was, especially when his beloved girl smiled at him.

"I wonder if you have something that you want to eat but you still don't..."

"Takoyaki!" He exclaimed right away. The way his blue eyes brightened up without ado amazed the girl.

"Really? Do you want to eat takoyaki?"

"Yes! The last time I ate the dish was with Ren and Kurosaki-san during Let's Shining TV shooting but I still can't forget the taste. The sauce brings out the flavor of the burning hot morsel. Despite its name, it contains a little bit of octopus," Masato supplied, being oblivious of the fact that he just stark copied Ren's first comments about the dish.

How cute! I always see the mature Masato so to see him like this is... new, Haruka thought.

Yet, the adorable expression did not last long. Instead, Masato frowned at a certain sight from the lakeside.

"That's Tokiya, right?" Masato asked, pointing at the lake direction.

The composer turned which later wearing the similar expression as Masato's. The sight of Tokiya standing by the lake was not rare since all of them loved to stay there for seeking comfort or just wanted to be alone. Even it was at night, the scenery was still breathtaking and soothing.

"Yes, he's."

"You can't help but stare at the scenery, right? Especially when your workload is too much and you just want to clear your mind."

"Yes, you're right. I also love to sit alone there if I want to find inspiration," Haruka said. Deep inside, she was curious to see Tokiya's face up-close. Their distance made the guy looked vague in her sight.

"Shall we go now?" Masato suggested.

"Sure," Haruka followed. She was walking behind Masato when her head suddenly hit something hard. She looked up, feeling confused to find that her eyes met Masato's wide back.

"Masato?"

"Why is he..." Masato who stopped his pace was staring at Tokiya anxiously.

As for Haruka, her eyes widened as soon as she could see Tokiya who was already in the water completely disappeared from their sight.

What?

"What's he trying to do? Tokiya!" Masato quickly ran towards the lake, followed by Haruka.

Their heartbeat felt painful as they still could not spot Tokiya. Masato continuously screamed for his friend but to no avail. Being afraid of his own imagination, Masato quickly put off his shoes before handing his wallet and phone to Haruka.

"Can you please call the hospital? I will search for him," without waiting for Haruka's answer, Masato quickly jumped into the lake, swimming as deep as possible to find his friend.

With shaking hands, Haruka called Saotome Hospital. She stuttered all the way as she fixed the lake with a horrified gaze. She could not afford to answer the staff properly since her heart constantly prayed for Tokiya.

God, please. Please save Tokiya...

"Are you sure it's just normal stress?" Ren asked the psychiatrist suspiciously. Arms were crossed over his muscular chest. Masato and Haruka who were standing from his sides also could not help but eye the guy. "Or is there something wrong with his medical report?"

"No, he's completely fine. You see, you can't just simply label someone as depressed just because he looks sad all the time. Plus, he himself said that it's not a suicide attempt. We already conducted a thorough mental examination for each of you and all results are good. We know how to do our job," The psychiatrist with glasses literally warned them to respect his credibility.

How stuck-up! The childhood friends rolled their eyes. They decided that it was best not to ask more or else the so-called credible psychiatrist would tell on them. Together with Haruka who was still shocked, they went back into the ward.

"I dropped my watch so I went to find it," was what Tokiya said. His face was still pale but his condition was getting better. "I think that's when I got a cramp in my legs and I couldn't swim back."

"Which watch?" Otoya asked swiftly.

"A new one. You never see it, Otoya."

Tokiya knew the redhead was going to ask that so it was best for him to prepare the answer beforehand.

"Tokiya, are you sure you're really okay? Do you have something that you keep bottling up? I noticed that when I hugged you..."

"That's because your hugs are bone-crushing, Natsuki. I think everyone agreed to that."

"Yes, really! It hurts sometimes," Cecil acknowledged as he glanced at the confused Natsuki.

"For me, it always hurts," Syo supplied.

"You see. I am not saying I am disgusted or anything but sometimes, you have to hold back a little, Natsuki. We know we look cute to you but..."

"Hey, I am not cute!" Syo retorted. That was so typical of him.

"But, you're the one who gets hugged the most, Syo," Otoya said, earning a glare from the small boy.

The fight was continued but for Masato, he had so many feelings in his head. He ended up insisting everyone to leave while he would stay there for the rest of the night.

"You scared me, Tokiya," was what Masato said as soon as his teammates left them. He lost counts on how many he breathed out a sigh of relief. "For a second, I thought that I would lose my twin for real."

But, that's why I want to commit suicide, Masato. I don't want to be your twin.

"Thank you... for rescuing me."

"No need to thank me. Just keep alive and happy is enough for me. Not only me but also others."

The sadness from Masato's eyes broke Tokiya's heart. That was the first time he saw Masato looked so despondent.

I guess I was too selfish for having a suicidal thought, Tokiya thought.

"To be honest, I am not convinced when the psychiatrist said you're fine but who am I to question an expert? But I beg you, please... STARISH will never be the same without you. It has to be seven of us. I know you've got a lot in your mind given your workload is non-stop but just remember, you have us. We're always here for you, Tokiya."

They stared at each other, silently hoping that the other person's misery would be relieved.

It was three o'clock but Tokiya could not get a wink of sleep. He sadly glanced at Masato who was sleeping on the brown sofa soundly. The guy was obviously tired from his schedule and to make it worse, he had to save and deal with a suicidal friend.

He's certainly a good friend, he thought. That was when Saotome's warning when he visited him a few hours ago crossed his mind.

"Just snap out of it, Tokiya! They just 'used' you sometimes because they like you. They like your figure and your job is making them satisfied. Just deal with whatever disorder you have! I don't care! But, this will be the first and last warning from me. I don't want to say much. If your teammates know your illness, all of you are finished. I will make sure that STARISH will completely be wiped out from the showbiz forever."

That was when he realized that even after he died, he could not leave everything peacefully. His teammates would be the victims and the vicious cycle would never stop. The fact that his friend would never achieve their dreams scared him. He knew selfishness would never get him anywhere. He might escape from Saotome's wicked plan but it only victimized his friends including Haruka.

In this case, he was the most suitable person to be sacrificed. He did not have a family who would defend him nor expected him to change their future. All things he did would only affect him and he had nothing to lose.

He had to protect his friends but how could he when they especially Masato slowly could notice his mental illness and Saotome continuously warned him?

Think, Tokiya. Think. This is an urgent situation. What should you do now? You don't have anyone now. You're all alone.

He completely lost track of time. He did not know for how long stared at the ceiling blankly while his brain was busy as bees.

So far, he could not defeat Saotome because it would cost him his friends.

But maybe if he worked extremely hard, he could attack Saotome and those 'clients' back. They all had the power and that was why they could do whatever they pleased.

So now, it was his turn to obtain power so that he also could do whatever he pleased.

For the first time after the painful assaults, Tokiya smiled happily from the bottom of his heart.

For STARISH's future victory.   

I am sorry for making this story too dramatic ;)