34 | THE SIP OF POISON

Hoseok was still passed out ten minutes later, and I was panicking. His pulse was fine, but his breaths were shallow and no amount of calling his name or trying to shake him awake succeeded. So I texted Jungkook, and he was hopping down the ladder not five minutes later.

"What happened?" he asked while rushing over to us. His voice was tight, and when he knelt beside me and found my eyes, I could see just how worried he was. "Jangmi. What. Happened."

My breath wavered as I tightened my hold around Hoseok's limp body. "He came. He was here—he... he used his power and Hoseok used his too."

Jungkook's face lost its color. "Which power?" he questioned as he started assessing Hoseok, placing a hand on his forehead.

Which? How many did he have?

"Jangmi," he snapped, "which power? How much?"

I was blinking too fast, like I couldn't keep up with my own thoughts. Crimson and gold kept flashing behind my eyelids.

"Fire," I managed to say. "Enough to protect me."

Jungkook hissed, brows drawing downward, "Shit."

"Is he going to be okay?"

He avoided my gaze, and it looked like he kept grinding his teeth. "He hasn't used his abilities in years. Not since he wiped your memory. It's like... like letting a muscle waste away to nothing but bone, then trying to lift weight heavier than you ever lifted when that muscle was strong."

My chest was about to cave in.

"How do we help him?"

He shook his head. "I don't think we can. We just have to wait."

So we waited. And even though I was sick to my stomach, Jungkook made the waiting bearable. Despite his own nerves, he talked to me about the dance project, told me about the nearing winter showcase and the masquerade. He talked about whatever came to mind, whatever might distract me. And it did help. Just not completely.

Every second that he paused, the silence allowed just enough time for those flashes to slam down on my mind again. I could still feel the suffocating heat, still smell the fire. When Jungkook struggled to continue his rambling, I would start to picture those red flames engulfing Jimin, then Hoseok.

Jungkook knew. Maybe he didn't know exactly, but he could tell that I wasn't fully there. I was grateful for how hard he kept trying to reel me back in, but I just couldn't believe that I was right back where I'd started—about to fall apart from fear. As hard as I'd worked to battle it, to stay busy and keep ahead of my tormentor, I was still just a girl who was laughably outmatched. A girl who kept seeing those she cared about get hurt.

I was jolted from my thoughts when a warm hand found my shoulder. His eyes were warm too, once I saw beyond the worry. Everything about him was comforting to me just like when we were young.

His mouth twitched in the faintest, sympathetic smile. "Things aren't okay right now. I know that. But they will be. I won't stop until I make sure that they are."

"Thank you," I whispered as my eyes welled with tears. They never fell, and he seemed to relax when he realized they wouldn't.

Without a word, Jungkook stood and walked past me and Hoseok, moving farther down the stage. I heard a light sliding sound against the floor, then he returned with Hoseok's white mask. He took a deep breath and handed it to me before sitting down again.

"So he feels as safe as possible when he wakes up."

The thought hadn't even crossed my mind. I latched to Jungkook's gaze, eyes softening at what I saw. In spite of every fight, in spite of all the tense history and unresolved conflict, he still cared about his brother more than he wanted anyone to know. He fastened his stare on me, knowing what I could see but asking me to pretend I didn't.

"Good idea," was all I said. His lips formed the ghost of a smile. A silent thank you.

With the mask in one hand, I used the other to tilt Hoseok's chin up to see more of his face. He was still leaning against my frame with his head on my shoulder, and I took a moment to note how peaceful he looked. No suffering, no pain poisoning his features—only rest. His brows weren't drawn tight, his jaw wasn't clenched, his mouth wasn't firm. Those ever-guarded eyes were given the chance to hide behind closed lids.

He was free.

I hadn't even noticed my fingers feathering over his scars until Jungkook spoke quietly.

"What I wouldn't do to get you to look at me that way."

"Jungkook..."

I didn't know how to respond. How could I reply to that? Ignoring the weight of his gaze, I carefully placed the mask over the lower half of Hoseok's face. I kept myself aware of his breathing, just in case.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it in a bad way. I just..." he paused as I finally looked up. I wasn't sure I'd ever seen him look so sad. "When we were younger, all I ever wanted was to be your person. I wanted to be who you looked at first when you were laughing. I wanted to be who you came to first when something important happened to you. And I wanted you to look at me like you look at him. Like you might never look away."

My heart constricted with a dull ache. I opened my mouth to speak, but he went on.

"I know it's not fair to you that I'm saying this. I know it's selfish, but I just needed you to hear it. I can't hold it against you—feeling something for him, I mean. You were never mine to begin with. But it doesn't mean it's easy. He... He may have done it to help you, but he still took you away from me. I don't think I can ever forgive him for that."

Jungkook's youthful face, streaked with tears and coated in anguish, entered my mind again. His thrashing and his screams sounded in my ears as he was torn apart from me all that time ago. I may have been able to understand Hoseok's side, and it seemed like Jungkook was aware of it too, but I hadn't endured countless torturous years of knowing someone I loved had forgotten me. I hadn't been forced to wait, hoping that one day they might remember what I meant to them. As difficult as it was piecing together my past, what Jungkook had gone through was worse. So how could I hold his feelings against him, either?

"I never—I've never wanted to hurt you."

I wanted to say more. I wished to explain how sorry I was, how much I hated seeing the anger and pain that weighed on him. But it didn't feel right to apologize because while I was sorry that he had to suffer, I wasn't sorry about my feelings for his brother.

He smiled bitterly. Not directed at me, but at the world. "We've all been hurt and we've all hurt each other. Just how it is."

"You've never hurt me. Not truly," I replied.

He shook his head. "I told you what Hoseok did to your memory. That hurt you both."

The two of us straightened when Hoseok stirred in my arms. His eyes fluttered a moment before he jolted upward with a sharp inhale.

"Hoseok, it's okay. We're here." I squeezed my arms around him, kissing his shoulder.

When I lifted my head back up, he found my eyes, and I felt the tension in his body relax as soon as his gaze fell to my faint smile.

"Are you okay?" he asked hoarsely.

I nodded. "Are you?"

He ignored my question, slowly shifting to sit up. My hand went to his back to help support him.

"Take your time," Jungkook advised.

But he didn't listen. Not that I was surprised.

Hoseok slowly got to his feet, and we rose with him.

"Do you really think you should be standing so soon?" I asked, holding his arm.

He looked between me and his brother, the gold of his irises hardening like forged metal. "We need to leave. Now."

I always tended to associate Hoseok with heat. A burning yellow gaze, hair the color of embers, a smoldering passion that lay hidden as it waited to reignite. But his voice at that moment was utterly, utterly cold.

* * *

Something shifted in Hoseok following that evening. I wasn't sure if it was from seeing how powerful The Hood was, or if it was from realizing how...fragile he was. Probably both. But his stony demeanor was far worse than when I'd first met him. Before, even when he had tried to keep me at an arm's length, sparks were still behind his eyes. Now they were nowhere to be seen. Only this chilled emptiness, a vacancy that spared room for just a single objective.

He had to end what he had started.

That's what he kept saying to me when I asked. And it hurt. Watching him withdraw to the shadows again after he'd finally pulled the curtains away from himself was excruciating. But even worse was hearing how much guilt gnawed at him. He took on every ounce of responsibility for what was happening to me, said he was the reason behind it all.

Jungkook and I tried to break him out of it, but he was nearly impossible to reach. Like we stood on opposite ends of an iced-over ocean, and any step forward risked shattering the whole thing.

Weeks went by. Jimin was finally discharged and returned to campus, but he was stuck in a wheelchair to keep his feet up. He told me it almost would've been easier to not come back at all. I couldn't help but hover, and he had to shoo me away more than I'd like to admit.

"I know you're worried, but he did what he wanted to do to me already. I'm not his priority, so focus on yourself, alright? You need to keep yourself safe, not me."

I'd nodded and sent him the most reassuring smile I could manage.

The more I resisted fretting over Jimin, the more I worried further for Hoseok. He'd started disappearing at night for the past few weeks, and when I asked Jungkook about it, he said he was going to the forest on the outskirts of campus 'to train'.

It sounded ridiculous at first, but I realized he thought his only way to put an end to everything was to strengthen himself enough to stand a chance against our enemy. I understood his thinking, but he was wrong.

One weekend, after the earlier half of the day involved the three of us polishing up my choreography project, I tried to text Hoseok to meet with me that night. My limit was finally reached when he read my message but didn't respond. Normally that might've been fine, but not when I knew exactly what he was doing.

Half an hour later, I walked to the front of Gisaeng Hall where Jungkook awaited me. His midnight hair would've been lost to the night if not for the dim lamppost he stood under. When he spotted me, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Are you sure you want to do this? He's not himself lately."

"That's exactly why I need to do it," I replied, holding his cautious stare.

"Just promise you'll stay behind me. I don't know how much control he has now that he's been using that side of himself again."

I nodded, assuring him that I would. He eyed me with hesitation before gesturing to follow his lead, then we were moving behind the outermost building on campus and into the neighboring woods.

Branches and twigs snapped beneath our feet, and whisper of wind rustled the leaves above us. The weather had grown colder the past few weeks, and though I wore a hoodie, I still shivered the farther we went. If not truly from the temperature, then from the eerie quiet.

"Hoseok?" Jungkook called out, but still nothing around us moved.

My heart accelerated, every passing second leaving me more fearful of what state Hoseok might've been in. I knew he went out here for a reason, but I couldn't let him go on like this. He was letting himself be consumed.

"Hoseok?" I tried my luck, but again no answer came.

"Let's go a bit farther," Jungkook suggested, taking my hand as he led the way. After a few minutes, he stopped to call out again. "Hoseok? Jangmi wants to talk to you."

Nothing.

I took a deep breath. My hope was dwindling, but then—

A snap.

My head shot to the right where I thought I'd heard the sound. Parting from Jungkook's grasp, I made it only two steps before something moved in the trees above. Another branch broke, and a blur of shadow dropped down to the ground in front of me.

A scream was caught in my throat, coming out in a strangled gasp instead. Those familiar orange eyes radiated in the darkness, locking onto my every move. A deep, low growl rumbled from his chest. I stumbled back into Jungkook.

Everything about him—his movements, his sounds, his aura—reminded me of The Hood.

Jungkook slowly stepped in front of me. I kept my eyes on—on Hoseok. Was that really him?

"Hoseok," Jungkook started as he put his hands up defensively, "just calm down, alright? It's just us. Nobody else. We just want to talk to you."

But he wasn't listening. His eyes were brightening, gleaming as they drank me in. His form was concealed within the darkness of the forest, but as he stepped forward, a ray of blue moonlight illuminated everything, and I wished it hadn't.

My chest throbbed from the drumming of my heart. My eyes were wide, fists trembling at my sides.

His hair was onyx and longer than I remembered. His skin had this...this grey hue to it, with veins of black webbing out at both sides of his jaw and the corners of his eyes. The bridge of his nose was wide and elongated—animalistic. His mouth stretched wider across his face, and as he growled again, his lips pulled back to reveal sharpened teeth.

It was just like the face I'd seen in one of my nightmares. An image I'd tried to bury away. His features were powerful, mythical, ancient...

Beastly.

"Hoseok... Hoseok, where's your mask?" Jungkook asked carefully, reaching one arm back to my waist, pulling me closer to him.

Hoseok noticed. The roar that erupted from his chest made the two of us stiffen.

This was what he'd always feared most. Giving into the dark side of himself, letting it take over. Sipping from that poison. And above all, having others witness it—seeing what he tried so hard to hide.

As his ragged breaths deepened and his eyes shined again, I realized the difference between him and the beast I'd seen in my nightmare. While the one in my dream was ready to attack, Hoseok was on the defensive.

Another growl, only this time it didn't terrify me. I could hear it for what it was—a warning, a plea for us to leave. But I wouldn't. I couldn't run from him in this state, or everything I ever told him about himself would be a lie.

The darkness didn't define him, and I wanted to prove that, even if it was foolish.

"Trust me," I whispered to Jungkook before slowly stepping around him. He reached for me but stopped the second I shook my head. Let me do this.

He swallowed but stayed in place, allowing me to move closer to Hoseok despite hating every second of it.

"Hoseok," I said as soothingly as possible, creeping forward step by step. "I see you. I see you, and it's okay." No matter how strong the instinct was to look away, I kept my eyes on him, held his gaze. Looking away would make him think that I couldn't accept him. Even as he snarled and bared his teeth, my feet continued. "You don't scare me, alright? I still trust you."

As I grew closer, it became clear how much broader his form was, like his chest and shoulders had expanded. The more our distance lessened, the more my body begged me to flee. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears and felt the adrenaline pumping through every vein.

It's still him. He's still in there, and how you act with him now might impact whatever instincts he's fighting with. Show him he's not the monster he thinks he is.

I tried to do just that. I really did.

Stopping right in front of him, still upholding the tie that linked our eyes, I lifted a hand toward him. His gaze wavered, jumping from my face to my palm, and the webs of black on his skin spiraled and curled. When he didn't move away or growl, I finally let my skin meet his, sliding my palm over his cheek. It lasted only a second—the calm before the storm.

My hand warmed and glowed white, sparking that old burn between us. Hoseok let out a monstrous yowl and shoved me off of him, sending me falling back into the nearest tree. I caught myself before I could hit the trunk too hard, but he was there before I could catch my breath.

"Jangmi!" Jungkook shouted, his voice tense as he ran toward us.

Hoseok clasped his hand around my shoulder, claws just barely scraping my skin as he pressed me into the tree. His other arm shot out to the side, casting amber flames onto the ground around us—cutting Jungkook off from reaching me.

"Hoseok, please," I begged, feeling hot tears at the corners of my eyes. 

His face was so close yet so unfamiliar. Foreign. As he leaned in, his breath released a wisp of black smoke that swirled into my face. His hand tightened on my shoulder, but still those talons didn't pierce the skin, and I had to wonder why they hadn't already. Meeting his gaze again, I searched desperately for any sign that he was still there—and I saw it.

A match striking in the dark, fighting to grow bright enough to ward off the shadows.

Hoseok's hand slid up my throat, clasping around my jaw. Angling my head up, he guided my chin down so that my mouth opened, then he hovered his face above mine. The luminous orange of his irises pulsed and turned almost crimson, and I whimpered when his mouth inched toward mine. It was only a split second, but whatever he did when he parted his lips felt like he was stealing something from me, inhaling it into himself. Something deeply rooted, something that unfurled after ages of being coiled up and tucked away. Whatever it was, he beckoned it forth and was taking it—

I fell back when Hoseok shouted and abruptly released me. He gasped out and backed away, and everything calmed all at once. The fire was snuffed out, his eyes faded back to their normal shade. But his other features lingered, and he covered his face with one hand.

Trying to calm my shaking frame, I stared after Hoseok even as Jungkook ran over and assessed me.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

Hoseok disappeared long enough for me to focus on answering.

I shook my head. "He didn't. I'm okay."

"Damn it," Jungkook whispered, brushing his fingers over the spots where Hoseok's claws had indented the skin.

"Where did he go?"

The frown on his face seemed to be made of stone. "Probably looking for his mask."

"Why does that matter now?" I was still trembling. Not so much from fear but from whatever it was brewing within me.

"It's not just to hide his scars. It's hardly even a mask, more like a muzzle. It keeps him calm. Helps restrain the other side."

"Oh," I breathed.

His frown was still there. "Let's get out of here. Come on."

As he tried to help me walk forward, my legs struggled to hold me upright. Why do I feel so dizzy?

"You can yell at me for this later, just not now," he grumbled as he bent down and hooked one arm around my waist, the other under my knees. I groaned as I was lifted and held close to his chest. He started walking as he carried me, but we both froze at the hoarse voice that sounded from behind us.

"Jangmi?"

I could feel his pain in the way he said it. A fragile plea ready to crumble under the lightest touch. He could only get out my name, but we all knew what he was asking.

Did I hurt you?

Jungkook's arms tightened around me, but he knew without meeting my eyes what I would ask him to do. Slowly, he turned to face his brother so I could see him.

Everything was back to normal. Auburn hair, tanned skin, and his mask covering the rest of his features. No claws.

"You didn't hurt me."

It was all I could say.

• • •

A/N: Welcome back! After a long break, I was able to finish up my final projects and exams, then spent another couple weeks preparing for my summer course (and working on a few things for you guys :)). Thanks for waiting while I stepped away for a bit! I'm happy to be back.

Now, please let me know what you thought of this chapter! I planned to fit more in, but somehow I hit 3500 words before I could even get close lol.

But anyway, what did you think of Hoseok's transformation? He went full beast-mode on us, so let me know how you feel about it! Although Jangmi doesn't really know what to think yet, so no worries if you're not sure either.

I know I keep saying it, but the end is near! We've got the winter showcase and then the masquerade to look forward to *wink wink*

Speaking of which, now is probably a good time to let you guys know that I've been planning not one but two new projects! In fact, I'm so excited about them that I've decided to post the introductions NOW so that you guys can check 'em out and add them to your libraries if they interest you!! Both will stay at only the introduction until this book ends, but until then, I've decided to keep them up to let y'all get excited for the future stories ;)

Go to my profile to find them if you want a sneak peek! I hope you'll find them exciting!

Thanks again for the support. Your comments and encouragements truly brighten my day and keep me motivated to write.

Your looking-forward-to-the-future-author,

Kat ❤️

May 20, 2021